Hooray for vacations from school-they allow for timely updates! =] Thank you to everyone that favorited, followed and reviewed. Also, I've created a Facebook page and Tumblr under my penname if anyone wants to talk or has suggestions for this or future stories.
This chapter is dedicated to ElektraMackenzie, who has not only been a faithful reader of this fic for quite a while, but also understands the power of Pan's ears. XD
He turned as carefully as he could, trying not to wake her. She seemed to be barely asleep, however, as she blinked at him blearily. "Hmm?"
He just grunted reassuringly and pulled her to his chest, resting his chin atop her head. She sighed, snuggling closer.
Though it was amazing that she was there and sleepy, he had to ask. "Why?"
It took her a moment to answer, and relief rushed out of him as he realized that she wouldn't leave because he'd asked. "I love you. You know that. Just because you've got conflicted feelings doesn't mean I do. I can leave if this makes you uncomfortable." she sounded like she'd rather do anything else.
His arms tightened automatically. "No. You're not leaving again." he wasn't sure if the words were a command or a plea.
"Cato, I didn't leave in the first place. You did." her words were true, but they distressed him. He didn't feel as if he should have been allowed to do something like that.
"How come you let me?"
"You hurt me. Very badly. And if I don't mean anything to you there's no point in me staying. You'd be happier without me. That's what I want...to see you happy."
He seemed to process this. "Don't assume about what I want."
"You don't usually tell me. How else am I supposed to know? I assumed you wanted one last meeting, judging by the incident in the hall...but I can leave."
"Don't worry about what I want. And don't you dare."
She laughed. "Sorry. Don't have a choice."
He sighed frustratedly. "What do you want, then? Assuming you're not going to just take off right now." Her words reawakened in him the fear that she would disappear, but he tried to block it out.
She answered honestly. "To feel safe again."
His arms flexed around her. "Why don't you feel safe?"
"I don't know." this was a lie and they both knew it, but he let it pass.
His lips brushed against her cheek. "I want to change that."
A slight smile spread across her face for a moment before falling. "I wish you could."
He kissed her again, this time on the other cheek. It took her a moment to realize that he would only kiss her on the lips if she left herself open to it. She turned her head, tipping it up to look at him. He leaned down, carefully capturing her mouth with his as he slowly moved to hover over her. The sweet contact went on for a few moments before he pulled back, burying his face in her neck. "I want to make you feel safe. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I just got scared. I know it's no excuse, but this whole 'caring more about one person than anyone else' thing is kind of terrifying." The fact that he couldn't see her face seemed to help him get the words out, but it was tough going.
She opened her mouth to reply, understanding how hard that admission had been, but he continued after a moment. "It probably seems ridiculous to you that I should be so apprehensive. But I've never known any different. Peeta has. He's good at loving Katniss, even though she doesn't love him back. And when I told you I couldn't love you, I got scared that you'd run to him because he can give you what I can't."
"What can't you give me, Cato?"
He didn't answer.
She sighed, leaning forward. He remained still, probably trying to see what he would do. She kissed his jawline, back near his ear. He tensed in surprise, holding in a groan until she had traveled down onto his throat. There she placed several affectionate nips, which apparently excited him quickly. She could feel his hardness against her knee. "Ev..."
"Hm?" the sound was mockingly innocent.
He growled in response, snatching her wrists in his grip. Warm breath tickled her ear. "It's not nice to tease."
"I'm not teasing," she replied, but there was a hint of sadness in her voice. It took him a moment to place. Fuck...she must be thinking about that nurse...the way I used her. Dammit, Evania. I've never truly used you. And I never will.
He nipped her back to even the score, then folded her into his arms protectively, ignoring the insistent hormones demanding that he get laid once again. "I love you, Evania. Please be here when I wake up. Please don't let this be another dream."
She eyed him incredulously, something like hope surging within her. "You dream about this?"
"Of course. I'm just good at hiding it," he snorted.
"Why do you hide it?"
"I'm a Career. Why wouldn't?" he countered, only a hint of annoyance in his tone.
"The Games are over. You don't have to be a Career anymore."
"That's part of why they saved me...they need sadistic killers to help take down the Capitol. Since mom allied herself with the resistance, they resurrected me."
Shock downed"I thought District 2 was for the Capitol?"
His separation from his District was quick and final. "I was. Until they allowed harm to come to people I cared about. I almost lost you. Clove is gone now. For that, the Capitol will burn."
She woke the next morning to someone pounding heavily against Cato's door. "Cato. Cato! CATO!" she hissed, smacking him.
He woke up with a start, eyes darting back and forth before settling on her. "Hm?"
"Door!"
He rolled his eyes, turning and hopping out of bed. She smiled at his disheveled hair and unapologetic build. There was no peep hole, so he opened the door prepared for a fight.
He certainly got one. Peeta stood there, face red, fists balled up and mouth open in outrage. "Alright, Cato. What did you do to her?!"
The Career's brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
"I know that Evania loves you and that it would have blinded her to reason where you're concerned. Did you hurt her? Where is she?"
"Calm the fuck down, Lover Boy. She's right here." he stood aside, surprising both of the men by letting Peeta in. He strode forward, eying Evania with concern.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded, chuckling. "I'm fine, Peeta. Better than I've been in awhile, actually."
She cut her gaze towards Cato, who was standing with his arms crossed. His impassive expression was anything but friendly. "Cato...he kept me safe last night."
Peeta smiled. "Told you."
She frowned at him playfully. "Yeah? Well I'm telling you that Katniss will come back to you."
"She never wanted to leave." Cato surprised everyone yet again, this time with his contribution to the conversation.
"What do you mean?" Peeta could not hide the hope in his eyes.
"She loves you. A lot. She's just a fighter like me...we're so used to just surviving and taking care of ourselves that we don't know what to do when someone else enters the picture. It's terrifying."
"What makes it worth it to change?" Peeta asked softly, knowing that Cato's answer could either make or break Evania in that moment.
"The knowledge that you can't live without them is what will force it. She'll try—and try hard—to keep filling the void that it leaves being away from you. She'll use blood. Pain. Other people. But it will never be enough. I just hope you can hold on until she realizes that she's got no better options because none could possibly exist. I got lucky...if Evania hadn't been as sure of her love as she was, I doubt we'd have reunited. I don't think I'd have survived this rebellion if that had happened."
She turned to him, flabbergasted. The words were so pretty, but she had to be sure of their accuracy. "Okay, so this is you telling the truth, right?"
He nodded.
"What made you realize you couldn't live without her?"
"Thinking she was dead. Realizing that I might never get another chance to see her smile, laugh, breathe. Knowing that she was all I needed to get through this as intact as possible."
"I wouldn't recommend that," she told Peeta with a grimace. "It's really not worth it."
Cato frowned."Would you rather have stayed apart?"
Horror consumed her expression. "No! I just think that we would've gotten back together eventually, and attempts like that don't come without a price..."
The boy from District 2's expression darkened. "Satisfied, Lover Boy? She's alive."
Peeta nodded, sensing the tension that had swamped the air. "I'm glad you're alright, Evania. If you ever need to talk I'm here. That goes for you too, Cato."
Cato nodded also, albeit rather curtly.
The door shut with a foreboding click.
"What do you mean, 'Attempts like that don't come without a price'?"
"Cato, I—" this was a conversation she'd hoped to avoid.
His eyes were dangerous, dancing with blue fire. "What kind of price?"
"I can't keep my own medicine anymore. I have nightmares about the moment. I get dizzy sometimes...the doctor says it's because that wonder-potion they gave me put a lot of stress on my body. It'll heal eventually, but for now I'm kind of in a fragile state of health." her eyes flicked closed in shame.
She sat there for a few moments, waiting for his reply. She opened her eyes to see him glaring at something behind her, knuckles white with tension.
"Cato?" she asked softly, fearing that she'd ruined their time.
He looked down at her, obviously fighting to control his rage, "What?"
"Say something."
He ignored her request for a moment, then broke and pulled her against him. "I'm sorry."
She kissed his chest, just above his heart. "Why?"
"Because if I wasn't such a dumbass you'd be fine."
She struggled back away from him just far enough to look him in the eyes. "Cato, this wasn't your fault. Not entirely. And I don't care if you think you are a dumbass. I wouldn't love you if you weren't exactly as you are."
He chuckled. "You're far too good at making me feel special, District 10."
"And you're far too good at making me lose my train of thought, District 2," she retaliated as he bent down to kiss her.
His kiss was sweet and playful, but it was a playful that quickly gave way to seriousness. At first, their lips danced lazily, meeting and parting repeatedly. After a moment, Cato decided that he'd had enough of playful. Then his tongue flicked out to taste her, and she accommodated him without question.
Since she allowed that, he pulled his mouth down to her throat, seeking out a sensitive spot he'd picked up on during the Games. Latching on, his teeth worried at it gently, stirring a whine of pleasure from her.
"Cato," she whispered, sounding slightly breathless.
"Hm?" he didn't pause in his work, still working southward.
"You know how you love me?"
Now he froze. "Yes."
"Were you...umm...careful...when you loved those other girls?"
He pulled back. "Yes, Evania. I've never had unprotected sex."
She nodded to herself, seeming to accept that.
He sighed, wanting to go back to torturing her but knowing that some things needed addressed. "It's okay if that bothers you. I understand. I—"
Her laugh cut him off. "As long as I don't get in trouble for what I did while we were apart, you won't be either."
Did she actually...? What if she...? Oh shit...what if I fucked up so badly I wrecked my shot at being her first? "I can't blame for anything you did," he said stiffly. "But what did you...?"
She'd never seen him quite so lost for words before. "Well, I..." she said hesitantly. "I...may or may not have woken up one night, and I..."
He leaned forward in morbid interest. "You what?"
"I was so fired up I couldn't go back to sleep until I...took care of it." she grinned impishly at him.
Though it was sounding more and more like she'd only masturbated, he had to be sure. "How did you 'take care of it'?"
She put her lips to his ear and whispered, "I thought back to that day in the cave. And I let my hands do what I wanted yours to be doing...what you would have done if I hadn't stopped you."
He groaned at the mental image that was produced, wishing deeply that he could help her live out that fantasy. But he wouldn't push her. Never would he make her do something she didn't want to do.
Since she didn't seem to think being kissed on the throat was going too far, he went back to that. His hands came up to grip her hips, pulling them hard against his. "Be careful how much you tease, Ev. My self-control isn't perfect."
"That's what I'm banking on."
HA! Cliffhanger. ;] Review for an update.