Part XXIV

"We heard shooting! What was that? Did you found another zombie?" Tina asked as soon as they came to their line of vision. "Puck, you are covered in blood!" she exclaimed later.

"There was an infected kid" Kurt said, knowing that Puck might be a little too shocked to answer anything. "He was too far gone"

"You killed him?" Tina asked in disbelief.

"There was no other way, it was him or us" Kurt said in a strong voice, or what he hoped was a strong voice because there was just no way he could say something like that without wavering, without feeling like he was about to fall into some kind of abyss.

Puck's hand on his shoulder was his only anchor in that moment; the only thing that kept him sane when all he could feel was the way everyone was judging him, even himself.

"Well… we picked everything we could possibly need and more. Should we load it into your car before we check the other floors?" Tina said, motioning to Hiram who was on the other side of the counter picking bags full of pills and bandages.

"Yeah, I guess so" Kurt said, going to help Hiram with the bags.

"Is there anything in those bags that I can use to clean up? Zombie blood isn't exactly fun" Puck said, always close behind, maybe his hand wasn't on his shoulder anymore, but he could feel his presence near him and that was enough.

After a little alcohol and gauze bath, and Puck complaining that is he kept like this he was going to end up burning all his clothes, they started to take the bags out of the store and into the back seat of the Navigator.

They were on their fifth trip, and barely out of the pharmacy, when they heard the sound of a motor and a honk outside, signaling that their friends were finally there. The group walked fast to the place where the building's windows should have been, the crunch of the glass under their feet not really registering over the shock they could feel when they saw the somber faces on their friends.

Kurt crossed the distance to the parking lot, stopping right in front of the driver seat. Finn was getting out, and enveloping him in a tight hug without even saying a word. It was a hug so tight that Kurt could feel tears on his eyes without even knowing what had happened.

"What did you find?" Hiram asked, mostly to Leroy, but it was Rachel who answered.

"Mercedes… she is…She was… gone, lost… crazed" she said in a chocked sob.

While Puck hugged Rachel tight against his chest and Mike got out of the car to take a sobbing Tina in his arms, Kurt felt his legs give in and knew, in the back of his mind, that he was falling to the floor. Finn was with him, hugging him, next to him on the ground. He patted his hair and whispered comforting words that he didn't really believe into his ear, and engulfed him in that warmth that only family could give… while that little castle he had tried to build around himself collapsed.

Mercedes couldn't be dead.

"It's ok… its better this way… she wasn't Mercedes anymore…" he could hear Mike say to Tina, and he imagined that maybe something like what happened with Lauren's mom could have happened to them too… And it didn't make it any better.

Somehow it had been better not knowing where Mercedes was than knowing she was dead.

How could she be dead?

Kurt just couldn't imagine what he was going to do now, without her crazy clothes and the way she was always willing to lend him an ear, with her loyalty and the way her eyes warmed up when she saw him. He could still remember the way she laughed and the way she belted a song like no one else could ever imagine doing.

How could he live the same way without her?

He didn't exactly miss her right now, not when the memory of her smile was so fresh in his mind, but it felt like someone had made a hole in his soul and he just couldn't… he didn't have the strength to get up, to cry, to look at Finn and know that he wasn't really as alone as he felt.

That abyss he had felt under his feet before… he could see himself about to fall now, and nothing was really keeping him up except for Finn arms, but he was dangling and he was scared.

There were tears on his eyes, but he wasn't really crying… he didn't feel like he was crying… it was just water that ran down his cheeks, but there wasn't any emotion behind them. Was there?

Was this incredible despair he felt inside an emotion?

He just couldn't believe it. It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real.

He could remember the first time he saw her, the time when she busted his car's window and the way she said that she had imagined his love for her. He could remember the way she fit in his arms that time she cried when she realized she was in love with Sam… God, what were they going to do with Sam?

He felt the warmth of another pair of arms pick him off the ground, and he knew that Finn must have been a bit at a loss of what to do with him when he was like that. He heard Rachel's sob and he knew, that the girl was going through her own hell right then and needed his brother with her. But this heat behind him, this was something he recognized and something he was comfortable with after that long night and morning, after that shower and the way they both could just keep each other up when they needed it.

Kurt knew it was Puck who was picking him up, so he didn't fight it, he went with it.

He let himself go.

He let Puck carry him to a bench just a few feet from where everyone was, and he let Puck cradle his head in his shoulder while he cried. Like the night before when they went to check Mercedes' house Puck just took him in, no questions asked and no words without meaning, he just supported him while he cried and let him breathe against his shoulder until he felt a bit calmer.

The hand on the back of his head was the only thing keeping him from losing his mind to grief.

"I'm sorry; I'm a mess right now" Kurt tried to say with a chuckle that fell as flat as he felt.

"It's ok. That's what partners are for, right? You had my back and I have yours" Puck said, shrugging as if it wasn't anything, but Kurt could see the worry in his eyes. He knew the boy cared for him and that was enough, for now, to keep him going.