Ummm so this is short, and it's weird, and it's not exactly what the prompt was asking for, but... it happened? So, here it is. For suluvmanga who requested: "What about a family vacation? Maybe visiting Uncle Gabriel? I'd love to hear about that!" To which I say... I tried... kinda.
Enjoy!
It was from the depths of an Arizona sewer that Gabe realized how little he knew about child-care.
Perhaps this realization would have been better timed at a point when he wasn't, literally, knee deep in it, but, hey, nothing's perfect.
Gabriel had, had a high number of odd jobs in his life, but being a sewer-inspector was certainly not his least favorite of them. The job itself was as much a goldmine for jokes as it was a shitstorm for, well... shit.
He rolled back his jacket to check the slim bit of wrist between his uniform and his gloves. It was 4:03. Dean and Cas were supposed to his house three minutes ago.
Perfect. He had just enough time to pick up a Barbie.
"Gotta go, Bill!" He called out to George, across the sewer.
"Okay," George said, his face the literal definition of resignation.
He ran as fast as he could (which, admittedly, wasn't particularly speedy) to the ladder and quickly proceeded to climb it.
The assaulting brightness of the sun was combatted only by the smell of something that didn't make him want to add to something of his own to the underground filth. Gabe thought it was called something like "oxygen".
He quickly stripped out of his ever-soiled uniform and tossed it on the burning pavement. Oh well, this neighborhood was rich enough to hire someone to clean it up a thousand times over.
It was half-way into his ride to Toys R Us that he realized the staff may not be too welcoming to a middle-aged, half-naked, man smelling of feces. Welp, he thought, better stop at Kohl's first.
So, there he was, with nothing but blue-striped boxers and a wife-beater covering his shame, perusing the graphic tees. He had $20 on him, so he grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt that he didn't see before it was too late.
Gray, and, presumably unassuming on the back, on the front was a large, inescapable picture of Hello Kitty.
What grown-ass man would want a Hello Kitty shirt?
The same grown-ass man who almost walked partially nude into a toy store.
It was only partially nude.
That is still far too much nude given the location.
At least the pants didn't say "PINK" on the back.
Well, it was too late to go back, now, anyways.
He quickly rang up his clothes at the counter, shoved the Kohl's Cash the cashier offered him into her register, and sprinted out the door. He darted to his car and put his new clothes on as he went. The pants were at least two sizes too small, but the shirt fit perfectly.
Finally, he was done. Now it was time for the main, event: Toys R Us: Where Kids Are Made.
On second thought, that probably wasn't their slogan.
The pants felt like boa constrictors around his legs; like denim-feeling, ass-wrapping, boa constrictors. He found it difficult to walk the length from the parking lot to the super-store. He found it so difficult, in fact, that he did not look both ways. And, as many of the toys in Toys R Us would tell you, you should always look both ways. Because, otherwise, you may get hit by a car.
But in Gabriel's case, it was really more of a love-tap. It was enough of a tap, however, to leave him sitting down, cross-legged, on the ground.
In any case, he heard the sound of a car door opening, and a young girl's small sneakers hitting the pavement.
"Uncle Gabe!"
Gabriel looked up to see his niece. Confused, but, at this point, fairly unsurprised, he arose from his uncomfortable seating.
"Hiya, little girl!" Gabe said, picking her up. Macy giggled.
"Why did you run into the car?" She asked.
"Why did the car run into me?" Gabe countered.
She stared at him in wonder. After a moment, she seemed to give up all hope of comprehending their exchange and called out, "Daddy! Papa!"
But Cas was already out of the car, checking on them both.
"Gabe! Gabe, what are- are you okay?!"
"Yeah, bro, I'm good," Gabe offered.
"What just happened?" Cas asked.
"Before or after you hit me with your car?"
"Whichever would be more convenient for you," Cas answered, still somewhat frenzied.
"Where's your man-candy?" Gabe wondered aloud, seemingly completely ignoring Cas' inquiry.
That's when Gabe looked over into the passenger's seat of their newest-model Prius to see Dean doubled over laughing, but, at this point, he looked a bit closer to puking than anything else.
Gabe walked to Dean's side of the car and knocked on the window, leaving Cas and Macy alone. "Can I help you with something?" He asked through the closed window.
Dean kept laughing.
Gabe knocked harder.
"Can I help you?" He practically yelled. Finally, Dean rolled down his window.
"We just hit you with our fucking car!" He laughed, "it's a goddamn Prius, and you just got hit by it!" He managed, through uncontrollable laughs.
"At least I'm not the one who owns said 'goddamn Prius'."
"No," Dean said, getting control over his breathing, and leaning against the inside of the door, "you just get hit by them."
Gabriel opened the door, then, nearly causing Dean to fall onto the pavement as he had. 'Almost' being the operative word.
Dean got out of the car, then, a bit red in the face, and joined Cas, who had just stopped covering Macy's ears from whatever conversation Dean and Gabe were surely having.
"Why are you here?" Gabe asked at the same time that Dean asked, "Why are you wearing a Hello Kitty shirt?!"
"Why I wear what I wear is none of your concern," Gabe explained, and Macy seemed content with his answer if her wide grin was anything to go by. "Now why are you here?"
"Well we didn't exactly expect for you to show up on time, Gabriel," Cas explained. "Not to mention that it was a long plane ride, and we promised May a toy once we arrived."
"Dean hates flying. Shouldn't he get something too?" Gabe wondered.
Cas covered Macy's ears for the inevitable: "I'm getting mine tonight." that came out of his husband's mouth.
"TMI, bro-in-law, TMI."
"But why are you here, Gabe?" Cas asked him, referring to the toy store.
"Figured I'd make my house a bit more 'kid-friendly' before you guys showed up."
"And instead you got hit by a car," Cas interrupted.
"Our car, Cas, he got hit by our car," Dean laughed again.
"Are we gonna buy this little twerp some toys, or what?" Gabe asked, annoyed.
"Yeah we are!" Macy called.
Macy ran up to her Uncle Gabe as they walked through the aisles of the enormous store, and Dean and Cas held hands without worry, seeing as Arizona's overwhelmingly asshole-ish and ridiculous laws regarding homosexuality had been terminated years ago. Laws that promoted the spread of shit so terrible it was worse than that of any sewer system, and Gabe would know.
And if Dean or Cas noticed the enormous rip in the back of Gabe's pants from when he fell on the pavement, they said nothing.
Hooray for Miriam getting in some social commentary even though this is supposed to take place in the future. How far in the future? Meh, I don't feel like doing math. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go watch Breaking Bad. Have a great day, y'all! And feel free to request any one-shots you'd like!