Chapter 25: I'm Sorry
The reception hall was connected to a hotel so I rented a room. I needed an easy out. I didn't know how long I was going to be able to be social. Hearing everyone talk about love and how committed to each other Esme and Carlisle are, wasn't on my top ten list of things I wanted to do tonight. I did want to see Leah I was curious what she was going to say. The funny thing was that she hadn't even let herself think about whatever it was since the moment past.
Another reason I didn't want to stay is the way Alice dressed Leah. Again, she picked a dress that was way too tight fitting and showed way too much skin. However, the dress wasn't vulgar she looked classy I just wasn't mature enough to look past all of the things I wanted to do to her in the dress. It was hunter green and meshed well with her skin tone, there was nothing not to like about it. Except the reason why she bought it, again Alice was trying to play matchmaker. Jacob and the pack were invited to this little event. Not to mention Leah's mother, Charlie, Billy Black, and Emily. I was sure I wouldn't get two words in with Leah.
"Don't look so sick in the face," Bella said making her presence known. "They are her family she should talk to them."
"You don't know what I'm thinking." I said bluntly.
"I've dated you Edward; I think I can tell when you're unhappy. Leah is . . . I can't believe I'm going to say this . . . Leah is a nice person. If I didn't want you so badly I would encourage you to go for it." She smirked.
"Is there a point to this?" I huffed. I'd sat down at one of the tables and started twirling a fork in the center on the plate in front of me.
"No point, I was just keeping you company. If she can act normal with everybody you should be able to." Bella followed suit and sat beside me.
"Why should I hide the fact that I'm pissed off? I have to hide so many other aspects of myself the least I should be able to do is be pissed when I'm pissed." I issued her a look of distain.
"I guess you have point there." An awkward silence hit us. I was about to tell her to go visit with someone else when Alice took the microphone and starting talking about Carlisle and Esme.
"Sometimes love is something you have to work at and other times you can just look at a person and know that they are perfect for you. You can look at them and know that this person is the person that you were meant to love, regardless of any flaws or drama. You'd walk to the end of the earth to ensure their peace and happiness. This is how Carlisle and Esme feel about each other. I think it's just the ease of how they move together, and the way they talk to each other as if they are in their own world. I know I'm truly lucky because of them able to witness love in its purest form. So tonight is about Carlisle and Esme! Thank you for finding each other! Thank you for showing us all how love is supposed to look!" Everyone applauded Alice's speech then Carlisle and Esme's song came on and they danced. Alice was right even the way they moved together was special. It made me think if I'd ever find someone to move that way with me. I looked over to Bella, every time we'd attempted to dance at one point or another she would stumble over her own feet. Then there was Leah, who moved so beautifully alone . . . and the brief moment that I held her and rocked her I felt so complete . . . but I was sure she'd never let me do that again.
After Carlisle and Esme exited the dance floor Carlisle came over to where Bella and I were sitting. He smiled politely at Bella and extended his hand for her to take. I appreciated what he did; Bella was annoying me even though she didn't mean to be. I was content to sit alone. All the others made their way to the dance floor holding their loved ones in their arms. I could handle that. It's not like hadn't gone for a century of watching other dance and standing on the wall, what was one more night. Two tables down Leah watched the couples too. Her mind found the sight beautiful but she was still saddened by it. I decided to bite the bullet and go over and talk to her. I didn't know how receptive she was going to be since she was sitting with her mother and Billy. "Good evening are you all enjoying the festivities?" I said and they all nodded.
"This place is extremely beautiful." Sue smiled at me. "I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen my daughter look so grown up!" She squeezed Leah's hand and she smiled a little.
"Alice is really good at these type of things it's too bad she can't do them more frequently." I took a seat on the other side of Leah and starting talking about the other parties Alice had thrown. Sue seemed really interested Billy didn't. I took a second to glance at what he was looking at. Jacob had switched places with Carlisle and now was dancing with Bella. "They make a beautiful couple." Billy looked at me. She should be with someone that she doesn't have to . . . change for." Billy smiled and nodded.
"I agree. She won't have him though. I don't want my son to have to walk this life alone on the hopes that one day the woman he's in love with will return those feelings." The table became silent for a moment.
"Just because Bella may not want him doesn't mean he will be alone. Jacob is very attractive and all around a great guy. He will find someone else that loves him like he deserves." Leah murmured. I started to say something but then decided against it. "What?" She frowned at me and I laughed a little. "Don't do that you know I hate it when you do that!"
"What's he doing?" Seth said obviously confused.
"I hate when people, mainly this nut over here, starts to say something and then takes it back!" Her frown grew deeper. "Now spill!" The last bit was directed to me.
"I . . . have nothing to say." I picked at her.
"Lying sack of somebody," she grumbled annoyed under her breath and I laughed again. There was nothing better than getting under her skin.
"I'm not lying I don't have anything to say. Not anymore anyway." Seth laughed at least one of them thought it was funny.
"Whatever," she murmured and then began picking apart another dinner roll.
"Be careful all of that bread will go straight to your hips!" Sam said jokingly as he and his fiancé joined the table. Leah immediately wanted to leave.
"I'd like to see that!" She laughed darkly. She glanced over to me and then back down to her plate.
"I was wondering if the little ballerina at the table would like to dance." Sam asked apparently he had asked Emily and she had said it was okay.
"No thanks," Leah said dryly, "I may not remember all of what we were, but I do know enough to know . . . that I never want physical contact with you again." I was proud of her response her tone stayed even and she meant no disrespect she was wrong she handled her temper expertly.
"Leah, before you left we were working how to be friends. Do you remember that?" Sam pleaded and she thought about it.
"I probably was weak because I still was in love with you. I wanted to be connected but I'm not anymore. I don't blame you for what happened. I blame Emily, but I want nothing to do with either of you. I think that's a big part of why I . . . I really don't want to come back home." I was shocked by her confession. Her mom seemed a little hurt by the statement but then nodded her head in understanding.
"So what? You think that the leeches are going to take care of you forever?" Sam said and she glanced over towards me once more and then frowned. "What do you think they'll keep you as a pet or something?"
"I don't think it's about my daughter wanting to be a pet, it's more about who she feel comfortable with, and as of right now she doesn't feel comfortable at home . . . because of you Mr. Uley." Sue Clearwater gave Sam a look that made him plant his ass in the seat next to his wife.
"He didn't mean to break Leah's heart," Emily begged on her fiancé's behalf.
"I know," Leah said, "like I said I don't blame him I blame you . . . but none of that matters. I feel nothing for either of you. I don't want to be around you . . . I don't want to remember." This time she had shocked herself. As much energy she had put into trying to force certain memories to come back to her. This one she wanted no part of. She got up from the table hugged her mother and excused herself. She was going to find Rosalie, the one in the house that she now confided everything to. Alice stopped her wrapping her arm around her.
"Okay Leah, your turn to say something about the lovely couple." Alice handed Leah the microphone. I was shocked that she handed it off to Leah next I guess it was because Leah was passing right in front of their table.
"Until I entered the house with you . . . I couldn't remember anything. Your love for each other made me remember my father's love for my mother. They were perfect together. Since seeing you two and witnessing my parents I now know exactly what I want in a relationship. I want the mixture of both unions. I want someone who just accepts me and doesn't want me to fit a particular mold. Someone who laughs at my jokes, and understands that I'm joking," her thoughts wondered off to me. Her silence had scared everyone; they thought she had gone off into a trance. "Tonight isn't about me it's about the celebrating the wonder couple that you are . . . congratulations!" She gave the microphone back and saw me headed in her direction. I wanted to pick her up and kiss her and tell her our relationship could everything she wanted it to be if she just trusted me. I couldn't say anything I just paused. "What's wrong Eddie?" I forced myself to snap out of it.
"Nothing . . . will you dance with me?" Her initial instinct was to take my hand. She had reached out and then pulled her hand placing it behind her back. That was the last straw. Was I so vile in her mind that she didn't even want to touch me? I knew that wasn't the case but that's how she acted and that was bad enough. "Fine!" That was the end of the party for me there was no way I was staying here to celebrate something like love . . . the emotion had done me favors and had been a complete waste of my time.
Getting the hotel room served to be the best decision I'd made all the. As I made my way to the room I heard the annoying nickname I'd been given being called repeatedly. I ignored the urge to turn around and oblige the caller. I opened the hotel room door and entered. The room was beautiful, as a man I didn't know if I was supposed to take that sort of thing in but I did. Everything in the room made the room seem peaceful and inviting. I needed some peace right now. I sat down on the bed and then lay out on my back.
"Eddie," I heard her banging on my door. "Eddie please open the door!"
"Go away!" I whispered. I really didn't want her to leave part of me wanted her to suffer like I was.
"Eddie! Eddie! I know you're in there!" She banged some more, of course she knew I was in here I made no secret of it.
"EDDIE!" She stopped banging but she had slid down against the door. "Eddie, I'm sorry." She whispered. I opened the door and she fell back into the room. I grabbed her wrist pulling her up.
"No you're not. If you were sorry you'd but a stop to all this foolishness." I released her wrists I knew I was hurting her even if she would admit it.
"Eddie, do you really think I do and say these to hurt you? Are you really that self centered? I had to choose between my heritage and the man I was in love with . . . to me that's a big deal! It's fucking huge!" I sat down on the bed.
"I don't care how big you decision was Leah, you still didn't have to treat me like a second class citizen." I glared at her. She paced back and forth in front of me in that stupid green dress.
"There's no in between Eddie, I can't just be your friend. Either I love you or I hate you." She looked down. "I've tried to be nice to you but that's why I didn't want to be around you."
"I think it's stupid." I commented.
"I know you do." She sighed. "Sometimes I did too. Then I talked to Emmett and I knew I had to make a decision." She stopped moving and now stood in front of me.
"So . . . what was your decision?" I looked up at her and for the first time noticed the tears running down her face. "Are you going to hate me?"
"I can't hate you . . . and I don't want to. I love you Eddie, that's what I was going to say earlier. I love you. I don't know if it matters to you now." Leah was uneasy, she was nervous about what I was going to say to her. It was the first time I didn't have to read her mind to know this the emotion completely covered her face.
"Are you asking me?" I stood in front of her.
"Yeah duh," she laughed a little and then another tear fell across her cheek and she wiped the tear away.
"Yeah it matters." I took her face in my hands and her breath caught. "Anything you feel . . . anything you think matters to me." She leaned in but I didn't. "I believe you . . . right now you may feel these things but it's the morning that I worry about Leah. You're feelings change so rapidly." I let go of her face and tried to pull away from her but she grabbed my hand and placed it against her chest.
"Eddie, my love for you has never changed. If it has it's only grown stronger. My heart has felt like . . . there have been no words to describe how horrible I've felt since not being able to be with you." I'd never seen Leah so soft and vulnerable. I tried to think logically and not give so easily but I wanted Leah. I wanted her full lips against mine. I wanted our bodies pressed together. I grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her roughly. She groaned and gripped my shoulder blades pulling me closer. I pushed her into the wall wrapping her legs around her waist. She immediately began to grind against me.
"Leah," I breathed in her ear, "I need something from you."
"I can tell." She breathed heavily against my neck. "Anything you want Eddie, it's yours." She moaned her motions became quicker.
"Promise, you'll still be the same in the morning and that you won't change your mind." I laid her down on the bed.
"Yes, I promise." I kissed her cheeks several times then moved my attentions to lower areas. I pulled off her lacy panties and the smell of her desire seemed to multiply. I kissed her inner thighs and then targeted the area that caused me such frustration. "OH, Eddie." She lifted her elbows and watched me as I dined on her delicate area. "I . . .I've never . . . feels so good." She flopped back down surrendering to me pleasing her. Her moans of pleasure caused a desire in me so strong. I couldn't possibly stop even if the building was on fire I wouldn't. I kissed her lips once more, as our tongues intertwined, her hands worked to undo my zipper.
"You'll never leave," I said as I entered her and we both released a sigh of relief at our union.
"Never!" She shook her head repeatedly. I relieved our frustration with long slow strokes I kept my hand on her forehead and our eyes locked on each other. Even when we kissed our eyes never lost contact. I never felt so connected to someone, even with my ability to read minds. It was like her body was feeding a part of me that I never knew existed. Only she could fill this part of me. I ran my fingers over the green fabric she was still wearing. "Do you want me to take it off?" She said in between breaths. I shook my head and smiled at her.
"Maybe next time." I whispered as I connected my forehead to hers. "God, you're so beautiful. Do you know how beautiful you are?"
"You're not bad either . . . oh God!" Her movements became faster and I quickened my pace to match hers. "No I don't want it to end!" She moaned.
"Don't worry I plan to be inside you for most of the night. It's okay if you finish first this time." I thrust against her harder making her climax inevitable. She clawed at my back until her body went limp. I placed several small kisses on her lips and her body shook.
"Sorry," she whispered, "for everything."
"Trust me I can think of several ways you can make it up to me." I had a feeling that I had unintentionally stumbled into the best night of my existence.
Author's Note: Question: would you like to hear more about this night or would you like me to move on? I could go either way. Sometimes I feel that I stick in certain places for too long and it makes the story longer than it has to be. Let me know what you want to see. I'm not going reveal my feelings about this chapter, I will say there are things I like and others I don't so much but I can't wait to hear you thoughts. As always please read and review . . . flames make me queasy.