Thank you for your comments. They were insightful and appreciated. *Lynn
xTBBTx
Leonard waited until Sheldon disappeared around the corner before leaning over to address the table.
"Sheldon's really pissed about last night," he said quietly. "He thinks we scared Penny."
"Well no duh," replied Howard. "She'd have to be an idiot not to see the similarities between Spencer Reid and Sheldon—particularly when some people have to provide all the gory details." At this Leonard blushed.
"I didn't think," he mumbled. "I mean I've lived with Sheldon for nearly eight years and I'm used to his idiosyncrasies. Once I figured out the Asperger angle it made it a whole lot easier to understand Sheldon. I guess since we all put up with him I figured we were on the same page. Besides, it's not like we were talking about Sheldon specifically."
"Speak for yourself, Leonard. The smirk on Leslie's face as she talked about AS people not understanding sarcasm etcetera told me three dollars to a dozen that she was playing up the parallels between Reid and Sheldon," Howard said. Leonard put his arm on the table so he could lean his head in his hand.
"Terrific." He'd have to talk to Leslie about this; usually whatever verbal sparring she and Sheldon did was their own business. Because AS was tossed around as a casual topic of interest she just jumped on her usual 'deride Sheldon bandwagon' and— Leonard sighed. No one was thinking last night. Well maybe except for Penny and God knew what was going on in her head. He could kick himself for not realizing she wasn't in the loop about Sheldon. It was a hell of a way to find out her boyfriend may be even more different than she thought.
"Amy didn't have a problem with Sheldon's quirkiness and Penny has dealt with him for five years," offered Raj as he toyed with his drink coaster.
"There's a big difference between eccentricity and genetic disorder," replied Howard. He looked at Leonard. "He does have Asperger's, right?" The physicist shrugged.
"It's conjecture. Sheldon's never mentioned a diagnosis and neither has his mother. She had his sanity checked—which is still miraculous he passed—and whatever tests he needed to get him into university at age eleven." He picked at his wrapped utensils.
"Look how defensive he gets when we bring up obsessive-compulsive disorder," said Raj. "We're such asses."
All three men made to look at their menus as Sheldon came back to the table. He, too, picked up his menu and began to read. After a moment Howard looked at Raj and Leonard before clearing his throat.
"So, ah, Sheldon, Raj tells me NASA's Fermi Gamma-Ray Space Telescope didn't pick up gamma rays in the range WIMPs were expected to annihilate."
"Not all WIMP annihilation channels are excluded as of yet," Sheldon replied. "I don't count my chickens until they're laid, incubated and raised."
"And beheaded and plucked and cut up and put on a grill and into a bun. Sorry, thought I'd throw a little Mitch Hedberg in there," Leonard quipped.
Sheldon pursed his lips. "Not everything's a joke, Leonard." He returned to his menu.
Howard gave Leonard a 'way to go, blockhead' look as Penny came to the table with their drinks.
"Hi guys," she said, attempting to sound casual as she set out the drinks.
"Hey Penny," said Leonard while Howard nodded and Raj smiled.
"Hello Penny," Sheldon said, hazarding a glance at her face. Before Penny could say anything further he peered at the menu. "I'll have the barbecue bacon cheeseburger—barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side."
"O-k," she drawled as she looked to Leonard with a concerned expression. "The same all 'round?"
Raj bumped Leonard's arm and pointed out an item on the menu.
"Raj'll have the fish and chips," interpreted Leonard. Penny finished up writing on her pad.
"Ok then, I'll be right back." She mustered up a big grin and left the table. The walk back to the food ordering kiosk was awkward as Penny could feel Sheldon's eyes on her the entire time. It was obvious they had to talk. The only thing was she didn't know what to say. She sighed. When it came to Sheldon Cooper things were always complicated so why should she be surprised they'd hit another snag? Only this one couldn't be compromised or apologized away. This was real.
Penny grabbed three glasses of water and went to serve a new table.
XxX
Once again Sheldon found himself outside Penny's door contemplating whether to knock. She had sounded ok when she'd taken their orders at the restaurant but her glances at him were sidelong and fleeting as if she were unwilling to engage him more than necessary.
At least it was better than last night. Penny sat facing forward as the conversation devolved into a quick lesson on Asperger syndrome, only turning to face Amy when she asked if flags could be an obscure topic of interest for an AS person. Sheldon's stomach dropped as he realized Penny was connecting the similarities between that cursed doctor from television and himself.
He found himself unable to breathe when she asked about the inheritability of AS—not that he had it of course. Up until this point Sheldon considered himself Homo Novus. 'New Man'. Never did it dawn on him that there could possibly be something about him that was 'imperfect'. He resented this feeling of inadequacy. It made no sense. He was Dr. Sheldon Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., PH.D, Sc.D. IQ of one hundred and eighty seven. Eidetic memory. Resolver of the Black Hole Information Paradox.
And yet for the life of him he was anxious.
"Suck it up, Cooper," he said under his breath. He straightened his shoulders.
He wouldn't go down without a fight.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
After the shift she'd had all Penny wanted to do after her shower was crawl into bed. Sheldon had barely given her a glance when she took his order; she knew he was upset with her but was at a loss as to how to proceed. They had to talk, that was a given, but in the quiet of her apartment she hadn't managed to get much father than 'I'm sorry' before words failed her. She needed time to figure out what she wanted to say. As she had only managed a couple of hour's sleep she wanted to approach Sheldon when her brain wasn't so fuzzy.
The instant she heard the knock and opened the door to Sheldon's sober look she knew she was out of time.
"Hey," she said softly.
"I was hoping we could talk," he said as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Penny stood back and he entered the apartment.
"Do you want some tea?" she asked as he sat down on the couch.
"I believe a hot beverage is appropriate. Do you have chamomile?"
"Coming up." Penny took out a box and two mugs, putting a bag of tea in each before she filled up the kettle and put it on to heat. "So how was your day?" she asked while she waited.
"Tedious," he replied. "I found myself unable to concentrate—no doubt because I didn't achieve a proper sleep cycle last night." Sheldon was up well past midnight as he jotted down the night's fiasco in his Conversation Log so he could study the implications of what was said in hopes of deciphering the look on Penny's face before she left. He acknowledged the irony in trying to defend himself against the uncanny similarities between his idiosyncrasies and Asperger syndrome and his being unable to discern Penny's emotional state. Needless to say he wasn't exactly his best witness.
"Ah." Penny swept a strand of hair behind her ear as she came around the counter to sit on the couch. "I know the feeling."
Sheldon looked to the floor to gather himself before he addressed his girlfriend. "Much as I'd rather not I think we have to revisit what happened last night. As the evening concluded you seemed to leave the apartment in haste. I'm assuming the previous discussion regarding Dr. Spencer Reid and Asperger syndrome had in some way upset you. Discuss."
"I didn't mean for the conversation to go where it did," she replied. "I was just curious about his character because it seemed…familiar." She got off the couch and went to the kitchen. "I thought he was quirky because of the high IQ and the memory thing." She pulled the plug on the kettle and poured the hot water into the mugs. "It never dawned on me there was something genetic." She grabbed two spoons from the drawer and carried the mugs to the table.
"I see," said Sheldon. "And did this make you reconsider your opinion of him?"
"Kinda," Penny said. Sheldon's posture stiffened at the response although his hand was steady as he squished the teabag with his spoon. "I mean I feel like such a bitch for laughing and making fun of him when he didn't get a sarcastic comment." Penny was mortified as she processed the information about Asperger syndrome; she grabbed Amy and Raj and got the hell out of apartment 4A before she opened her stupid mouth and said something insensitive. For a good chunk of the night Penny sat on her bed as she thought over her behavior when it came to Sheldon: how often she teased him and the joy she took in his looks of bewilderment or that patented Cooper scowl.
"I'm sure he knows you're not invective when you say the things you do," he replied. "I imagine he's heard more than enough comments from others to discern what's meant to be hurtful even if other nuances of language continue to elude him."
Penny sighed as she took up her mug. "It's just that he's so smart and sometimes he holds that over my head and acts like a complete jackass. Sarcasm is the only way I know how to fight back and now I find out I'm razzing an autistic person and I don't know what else to do." She took a sip of tea.
Sheldon frowned. "I'm not asking you to change, Penny. Besides I'd like to point out two things: one, Asperger syndrome is not autism proper and two, I've never been diagnosed with it so the whole conversation's moot."
Penny was incredulous. "I looked it up last night. It describes you to a 'T': you hate changes to your routines—"
"I'm adjusting."
"—you don't get jokes or sarcasm—"
"I'm learning."
"—you don't pick up on social clues and you use twenty dollar words and you go on and on about things and sometimes you don't get what people are feeling."
The room went silent.
"I see you've reached a conclusion," he said quietly. "Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?"
Penny was stunned. "Oh God Sheldon, I don't want to dump you. I just don't know how to deal with you."
In response Sheldon took her mug from her hands and set it on the table.
"Don't change," he said sternly as they locked eyes. "You can't. I won't tolerate it." Here a wry smile came to his face. "I don't plan to stop being a horse-donkey hybrid any day soon so why should you be left defenseless? Hardly seems fair."
"So you'll know when I'm sarcastic that I'm reacting to what you say and do, not you," Penny clarified.
He nodded. "You're expanding my language base. For instance, I never knew 'junior rodeo' could be a verb." Penny gave him a light slap on the thigh.
"So are we good?" she asked hesitantly.
"'We good'," Sheldon replied with a little smile.
Relieved, Penny snuggled against her boyfriend; his arms wrapped tightly around her.
"I'm sorry, Sheldon. If I've ever hurt you I'm sorry."
"There, there." He kissed the top of her head and held on.
xTBBTx
Penny could hear voices as she mounted the stairs.
"I'm telling you Sheldon it's to the right."
"Are you questioning my memory, Leonard?"
"Guys can we get back to the task at hand? Raj can't hold the pause button forever."
Now at the top of the stairs Penny debated whether to satisfy her curiosity or not. It was Halo night so obviously this had to be about the game.
"Not worth it," she said to herself and made to turn away.
"Open your shirt. We can't see enough of your chest."
"What the frak?" When the hell did Sheldon ever want to see her chest much less someone else's—and a guy's for that matter. She opened the door to 4A and stopped dead as she took in Sheldon, Raj, Leonard and Howard in their paintball gear standing in front of the television with game controllers in hand. Leonard's jacket was open to reveal his underlying t-shirt.
"Ok now take it from the top," Sheldon ordered.
Leonard licked his lips. "'Son of a bitch's dug in like an Alabama tick.'" He made a spitting sound. "'Jack us around all day'."
"'Hell, dude, we don't have all day,'" Raj responded before he aggressively clicked the buttons on his controller.
"'Shit! Pancho!'" Leonard cried. Raj and he made eye contact.
"'What's your problem, dude?'"
In response a gigantic explosion was heard from the television. All four guys whooped it up in excitement at which time Leonard spotted Penny.
"Hey Penny," he called out as he stepped away from the controller to go stand by his neighbor. "Guess you're wondering why we're dressed in our camo gear playing Halo," he said sheepishly.
"I've given up questioning. Helps me sleep better at night," she replied.
"The explanation is quite simple," said Sheldon as he stood over Howard as the engineer sat to work away on the laptop. "We're reenacting scenes from 'Predator' on the Halo 3 engine and the attire helps us get into character as it were."
The waitress did her best to suppress a smile. "So who's supposed to be Schwarzenegger?"
"'Give me your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle'," Howard said in his best Ah-nold voice.
"So much for sleep," Penny quipped.
"Howard, why are you quoting 'Terminator'? Focus, man," admonished Sheldon.
"There's always time for classic Schwarzenegger lines," Howard replied as he clicked away on the keys.
"'Hasta la vista, baby'," Raj said with a grin.
"And on that note," said Penny as she repositioned her purse on her shoulder.
"Penny do you by chance have any Noxzema?" Sheldon asked as he looked over at his girlfriend.
"Should I even ask?"
"We've yet to reenact the scene where Dutch Shaefer aka Howard Wolowitz fools the predator's thermal vision by coating himself in mud," he explained. "As most mud masks have a gritty texture used in the exfoliating process I thought the Noxzema would have a better consistency."
"Why not?" Penny said as she shook her head.
"Excellent." Sheldon stepped to the kitchen counter and took up a tube of gel and opened the cap. "I'll make the predator blood."
"The glowy stuff? How're you doing that?" asked Penny.
"The contents of a yellow glow stick mixed with KY jelly," replied Leonard with a grin. "It looks really cool when the lights are out."
Penny laughed. "I better leave before I get any more jealous."
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Of what?"
"I haven't gotten Sheldon to play dress-up and fool around with glowy KY Jelly in the dark with me."
"'Get to de choppa!'" Howard said to Penny in a raised voice.
"I'm going I'm going," she giggled as she exited the apartment. "Give me a few to settle in and 'I'll be back' with the Noxzema."
Howard began chuckling to himself.
"What?" asked Raj before taking a sip of his beer.
"Never in a million years would I ever think to be in a position where I get more action than Penny," said the engineer. "Congratulations Sheldon you've managed to warp reality."
Sheldon pursed his lips. "'Remember when I said I'd kill you last?'" He scooped out a gob of glowing yellow goo and hurled it at Howard, hitting the engineer on the shoulder.
"He lied," Leonard smirked as he went to the cupboard to grab the roll of paper towels.
xTBBTx
"Leonard," came Sheldon's voice from the living room. "You're sure you copied the formula correctly?"
"Yes for the third time," Leonard muttered to himself as he pulled two t-shirts from the drawer and put them in the suitcase. A few moments later he heard footsteps in the hallway.
"Leonard?"
"Yes Sheldon yes," sighed Leonard. "I've got the formula in my book and on my hard drive and my flash drive and my ftp site and I've emailed it to Dr. Franklin. Ditto your supporting notes and the background material from our previous experiment."
Standing in the doorway with his hands clasped behind his back the lanky physicist nodded in approval. "Nice to see you being so thorough. Now if you could only maintain this level of professionalism during the experiment you're bound to gather relevant data."
"Gee thanks," snapped Leonard, closing his sock drawer a little harder than he'd intended.
"I see you're packing for your trip. You've certainly managed to fill your suitcase despite only leaving for sixty hours." Sheldon stopped short at his friend's glare. Instead he watched in silence as Leonard continued to pack. As the shorter man tucked in his socks, veritably smushing his slacks in the process, Sheldon's eye began to twitch. "If you'd like I can loan you my RFID tags and wand to better organize your possessions."
"I'm fine Sheldon, thanks."
"I just want you looking respectable. Remember Leonard you're not just representing the university you're also representing me. Lacking my authority, stature and penchant for command you're already hard-pressed to present my theory with any amount of credibility."
Leonard shook his head as he closed his suitcase. "I'll try not to bring shame to the family. I've packed my seppuku sword in case things don't work out."
"I appreciate your level of commitment," said Sheldon. "Of course under 'The Roommate Agreement' I cannot be privy to or assist in any form of suicide, ritual or otherwise."
"Unless I'm being turned into a zombie or have been impregnated by an Alien face-hugger, yes I know." Leonard picked up his suitcase and set it on the floor before pulling out the handle. "I'll be spending the night at Leslie's so I'll see you on Sunday."
"But Leonard what about me?" sputtered Sheldon as his roommate moved past him and into the living room to grab the laptop. "How will I get to work tomorrow?"
"Ask Raj to pick you up or take the bus. I'm not coming back for you so you can forget that idea." Leonard got his keys from the bowl and opened the door. "See you Sunday," he said as he left his friend to pout.
XxX
Penny made a loud creaking sound as she opened the door to 4A.
"You rang?" she said in an imitation of Lurch.
"Ah, Penny. Thank you for coming over on such short notice," Sheldon said brightly.
Immediately Penny's instincts kicked into gear. "I'm just across the hall, sweetie," she said in a guarded tone. "What's up?"
"As you know I've contributed money towards the purchase of your vehicle. It was agreed that in exchange you were to make said vehicle available should I have use of it. Such a need has occurred."
"What we doing? Rolling a liquor store? High speed shoot out?" she asked with a grin. Sheldon pursed his lips.
"As Leonard's spending the night at Leslie's he's unavailable to take me to work tomorrow."
Penny gave him a salute. "Consider yourself delivered—so long's you pay the fee." She sashayed over in her pajama pants and yellow tank top. "By the way we never discussed the price for 'Penny's Taxi'."
Sheldon thought about this for a moment. "Considering the average price of taking a cab to and from the comic book store, barber shop and work I'd be comfortable paying ten dollars a ride."
"That's one hundred rides," Penny calculated. "Fair enough." She stepped into her boyfriend and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Of course we're a flexible company and can take more than one form of payment."
"I'll make note," Sheldon breathed as he took in the mischievous look in her eyes. "Although I'm not sure if I'm comfortable attaching a price tag to a kiss."
Penny gave him a peck on the lips. "Look at them as securing your driving comfort."
"Oh?"
"Say you want me to drive at the speed limit—drop me a kiss and we're at the limit. Want me to leave my coffee cup in the holder until we arrive? Smooch and thy will be done." She smiled sweetly as Sheldon's mouth twitched.
"I should think safety is in your best interest as well," he reminded her.
"I've every confidence in my ability," Penny shrugged. "It's you who's a nervous wreck."
"When you've read the US Census Bureau's report on car accidents you'll see that my fears are warranted and not the work of a 'nervous Nelly'."
"I've got something for your nerves." She pulled him close and captured his mouth with her own. Lips smacked as her arms slid up Sheldon's back; in return he gingerly embraced her, his hands immersed in her hair. Even though he'd later have to scrub like mad this moment of whimsy was worth it.
Penny leaned her head into his hands as she bathed in the blue of his eyes. Her smile took his breath.
"Well?" she sighed contentedly.
"You drive the speed limit tomorrow," he said with a smirk.
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Sheldon gave a big sigh before he opened the door to the conference room. The annual meeting of the entire physics department was at hand and as much as he would've liked to avoid it the hand-written reminder left by Dr. Gablehauser on his door left him no excuse. Even worse, he'd have to suffer through this without Leonard, who was merrily on his way to MIT for his meeting with Dr. Franklin.
"No doubt this was planned," Sheldon grumbled to himself as he did his best to spot Raj in the crowd. Fortunately he knew to scan the walls and sure enough found Raj doing his best to hide himself between the radiator and back wall.
The astrophysicist's eyes lit up in relief as he saw Sheldon approach. He extricated himself and gave a short wave.
"Let's go by the door so our emergency exit won't be blocked," said Sheldon as they made their way through the tables.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if we could take our seats," boomed Gablehauser from the front.
Caught in the middle of the floor in a physics game of 'musical chairs' Sheldon and Raj had no choice but to take whatever seats were available. As they neared a table Professor Goldfarb abruptly stood up and walked to the next available table. After listening to Dr. Cooper's idiotic idea for a 'new Jerusalem' in the Mexican Sonoran desert he wanted nothing to do with him. It was obvious Cooper was cracking up like his predecessor Professor Rothman and the last thing Goldfarb wanted was another physicist peeing in the theoretical physics lab.
"Lovely," sighed Sheldon as he sat next to Kripke and diagonal to Leslie.
"Yeah we're peachy keen to have you too, sunshine," Leslie replied. "I see Jay brought Silent Bob with him," indicating Raj. The astrophysicist dropped his eyes to look at the cover of his notebook.
The chair between Kripke and Leslie slid back and in sat Dave Underhill. Immediately Raj rolled his eyes. It was like Batman and Robin sitting at the table with Catwoman and the Penguin and having the Joker take a seat. He glanced at his friend and wondered if Sheldon knew what was about to happen.
Gablehauser cleared his throat. "Now as you're all aware the university is cutting its funding to several programs. Fortunately physics isn't one of them"—there was applause and several exclamations of relief—"however there won't be any increases to the budget either. With that in mind we have to be selective in what we purchase this year so the first thing I'd like to hammer out is what the department wants and see if it's feasible." Immediately there were shouts from all over the room. He put up his hands. "People, let's do this in an orderly fashion. Come up with your top two choices at each table and we'll correlate from there."
"It's obvious the university should provide funding for a linear accelerator," said Sheldon.
"Except there's no place to put it and it costs an arm and a leg," replied Leslie with a smirk. "Let's try something that won't take the entire university budget and get an ultrafast laser."
"I'd go fow that," grinned Kripke. "It's fowte is spwitting Coopah paiws."
"Like we need a laser to fracture his brain," Leslie snorted, garnering a glare from Sheldon.
"Yes, well, your glasses can only do so much for your myopia," he sputtered. Kripke shook his head.
"Ooo the blood, the blood!" Leslie chortled as she held a hand to her arm.
Raj slid his notebook over to Sheldon and pointed out a sentence. The lanky man read it over and gave an exasperated sigh.
"I'm not even going to waste my breath proposing that, Rajesh." With a frown Raj took back the notebook and doodled 'Shelly Cooper is a smelly pooper' in Hindi.
Leslie turned to the silent member of the table. "What about you, Dave? Got a particular toy in mind?"
"Some kind of oscillating field accelerator would be nice," he said without looking up from his phone.
"That's two votes for an accelerator although for brevity's sake we'll just file both under 'linear accelerator'." The task at hand completed, Sheldon pulled out his phone to text Leonard a rather fresh remark about leaving him in this situation.
"Nice try, dumbass. Since I've got a specific—and realistic—device in mind the ultrafast laser is top priority," Leslie said as she folded her arms across her chest.
"Your delusion is appalling yet not unexpected given your adherence to loop quantum gravity," Sheldon retorted.
Raj saw the fire in Leslie's eyes and tried his best to warn his friend off with a subtle shake of the head.
"If anyone's delusional it's Penny for dating you," she spat. At this Kripke's jaw dropped as he gawked at Sheldon.
"You'we seeing Woxanne?"
"Penny," Sheldon corrected. "Yes I am." At this Dave looked up from his phone and smiled.
"No kidding?" he said. He took a moment to process the news. "This is your neighbor across the hall, Penny."
"Yes that Penny," agreed Sheldon. "Now on to the task at hand."
"Woxanne is hot. Mowe than doable," said Kripke.
Dave smirked. "That she is." He looked at Kripke and wiggled his eyebrows.
"You dog," grinned the plasma physicist.
"Obviously we should get the linear accelerator first as it has the most applications," said Sheldon with a frown, choosing to ignore Kripke's comment.
"You know that makes you the thiwd physicist to bed her? Weww that is if Coopah's gotten awound to that yet," Kripke amended.
"Third?" inquired Dave.
"Hofstadtew."
Now Dave laughed. "Seriously?"
"Careful now," growled Leslie.
"Wow this really is quite the incestuous little group." Dave looked at Raj. "Feeling left out of the mix are we?" Raj turned bright red and let his gaze drop. Dave burst out laughing as he clapped his hands. "I think you're behind the times Barry. Someone else's been on the 'Woxanne Woundabout'."
"Enough," Sheldon said icily. He tried to speak further but found himself at a loss to express his indignation.
"The way you secure rides at the carnival it's a wonder your wife hasn't clipped your ticket," Leslie said smoothly to Dave.
At this a wave of annoyance crossed his face. "So says the one who's had sex with nearly every one in the science wing." Leslie shrugged.
"I was single—as was Penny. Who we chose to have sex with was entirely our decision and didn't impact anyone else—unlike some who still like to swing with a safety net." Here Leslie's eyes sparkled. "I guess keeping your wife shows you really must be a 'Genius' with the quantum numbers since you must have worked out you'd only have a fraction of a chance to find someone else gullible, dumb or indifferent enough to put up with you."
"Go to hell." Jaw fixed, Dave left the table and exited the room. Seeing this Gablehauser quickly made his way to the table.
"Is there anything wrong?" asked the department head.
"I think it was something he ate," Leslie said pokerfaced.
Gablehauser nodded. "I see. Have you come up with something?"
"Ultrafast laser," Sheldon said although his eyes were still on Leslie.
"Excellent. That's the second vote for it." At this Gablehauser wandered to the next table.
"So, let's 'wock and woll'" Leslie said. "Unless you've got something to say, Kripke?" The plasma physicist shook his head.
"My wips awe seawed."
"Leslie—" Sheldon began.
"Let's not and say we did," she replied quickly.
He nodded. "We're in agreement that the linear accelerator's our second choice?"
xTBBTx
Her lips were swollen and red and Sheldon imagined his own couldn't look much different. Penny sat back on her folded leg and smiled as he didn't cringe when she ran a hand down his arm.
"Relativity," she said.
"Relativity," he agreed.
Penny stood up from her couch and extended her hands. Not sure where this was going Sheldon nevertheless took them and stood. There's a whimsical look to Penny as she all but dragged him into her bedroom. Immediately Sheldon was in flux.
"Penny I—" She put a finger to his lips and shushed him. Penny crossed over to her dresser and tossed him a container of disposable alcohol sanitizing wipes. He stared at them in his hands, dumbfounded.
"I'll be back," she said as she stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. He heard the sounds of the shower.
He sat on the bed, wipes in hand and contemplated his situation. While he was no expert on the subject by any means he saw her actions as a precursor to coitus. He shuttered at the thought although he couldn't tell if it was in revulsion or anxiety. Maybe he should leave? The only thing was he wanted to stay.
At the crux of it all he simply wanted.
The shower stopped and he swallowed heavily as the curtain was pulled aside. Through the opaque glass of the door he saw her naked body standing on a bath mat. Her movements were sure as the towel wove its way over her flesh and between her limbs.
There was a slight pause at the door before it opened and Penny stepped out wrapped in a towel.
"Kiss those pesky germs goodbye," she said with a crooked smile.
Sheldon couldn't speak as his eyes took in every inch of exposed skin in the glow of the bathroom light. Her thighs. The tops of her breasts. He chastised himself. It wasn't like he hadn't seen them before. She always wore shorts or skirts that rode to mid thigh at least. Her Wonder Woman outfit played up her upper ventral region.
This time it was different. She was there for him and him alone.
Penny could see the tension in Sheldon's face. "Let's play a game," she said lightly as she stepped in front of him and dropped the towel to the floor. She heard him suck in a breath and his eyes almost lost their blue completely as he took her in. "Where are the wipes?" Subdued, Sheldon held out the container. She popped the plastic cork and drew out a tissue. With slow deliberate strokes she cleared a spot on her belly before dropping the cloth to the floor.
Sheldon's eye twitched as Penny took up his right hand and compelled his fingers to touch where she had cleaned. Her skin felt soft and warm from the shower. His knuckles moved in a circular motion as they lightly massaged themselves on her flesh.
"Your turn," Penny said encouragingly. Immediately she began to wonder if this wasn't a mistake because Sheldon wasn't saying or doing anything.
His breathing was steady but fast; there's a definite sensation in his genital region as his pants had a constrictive quality. Reaching for a wipe he slowly drew one out only to stop. His head began to shake from side to side.
"I can't do this," he said quietly.
"It's ok Moonpie," Penny said, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice as Sheldon stood.
Stepping around the bed he picked up the little yellow trash can next to her nightstand with the disinfecting wipe and carried it back to where he was sitting. A giant grin came to Penny's face as she processed what she was seeing: Sheldon picking up the wipe she dropped and putting it in the garbage; folding her towel and placing it on the nightstand; drawing out another wipe to do his hands.
Shaking her head but still with a smile on her face Penny stepped around him and crawled her way onto the bed and lay on her stomach. She gathered her hair and piled it high on her head so it didn't obstruct her neck. She waited—only to giggle as she felt the cool wipe against her skin.
"God that feels cold," she said.
"Actually the alcohol's at the same temperature as your skin. What you're experiencing is an endothermic reaction as the alcohol takes energy from your body in the form of heat and evaporates into the air."
Starting at her neck Sheldon made a line down her spine before he took a sharp turn at her shoulder blade. He followed the defined curve although it wasn't as stark as he'd observed on most Californian women of thin stature; the added muscle from Penny's workout routine made for powerful shoulders reminiscent of an Alex Ross Wonder Woman.
Once he reached the top of her shoulder his fingers lifted only so they could trace the other side. Penny squirmed at the touch of coolness as he made his way along her blade before returning to her spine and continuing his descent until he reached her buttocks.
"You know the sense of 'touch' is a bit of a misnomer as it entails more than a tactile sensation," he said softly as he transferred the wipe to his off hand before applying his fingers to the back of Penny's neck. He could feel the downy wisps of her hair brush against his thumb as he marveled in the softness of her skin. How warm and pliant it was as it seemingly ebbed and flowed between his fingers.
"The somatosensory system is comprised of several receptors and processing centers that produce the sensory modalities such as touch, temperature, proprioception and nociception. Body position and pain as it were."
He felt the bump bump as he traced her vertebrae.
"While most people equate the somatic senses with the skin the sensory receptors actually go beyond to cover skeletal muscles, bones, joints, internal organs and the cardiovascular system."
"Uh huh," Penny managed to say—her mind preoccupied by Sheldon's hand making its way down her body.
"Information from the receptors uses sensory nerves to travel through tracts in the spinal cord and into the brain where it's mainly processed in the primary somatosensory area in the parietal lobe of the cerebral cortex."
She bit down on a growl for him to continue as his hand left her flesh. She heard another wipe leave the container and did her best to brace herself for the cool touch.
"Simply put, when a stimulus triggers a sensory neuron—in this case the wipe on your left thigh—a signal is sent to an area in the brain uniquely attributed to that area on the body so you feel my fingers where they actually are."
"No gravitational lensing here." There's a pause before she heard a gaspy laugh.
"Playing off the idea of a distortion effect. Quite the bazinga."
Penny smirked. "What can I say? I had a good teacher."
Sheldon smiled to himself as he continued to cleanse and caress: behind her knee and along her calf; the bottom of her foot and each digit; his fingers kneaded themselves in her buttocks—his thumb tracing her crack until it had no where to go but between her legs.
Penny lost herself in the rhythm: the sound of a drawn wipe and a cool touch followed by inquisitive fingers. That's what surprised her—the fingers weren't hesitant. They knew where they were going as if traveling the route were a daily occurrence.
Deciding to vary the terrain she turned onto her back. Sheldon's hand went to his knee as he waited for her to settle. Penny smiled lazily as she stretched. She knew he saw everything. Knew he'd soon know her more intimately. Reaching over she pulled a wipe from the container. She grasped his hand and took her time running the wipe across his palm and along the length of each finger. After cleaning his wrist she brought it to her mouth and pressed her lips. Sheldon's breathing stopped as he felt her warm breath mix with the coolness of the alcohol's evaporative touch on his skin. His fingers caressed the side of her face.
Sheldon took the wipe from Penny's hand and dropped it in the garbage. Slowly he drew another from the package. There was a hesitation as their eyes briefly met. She didn't dare move as he made a tentative wipe on the inner side of her left breast. A second trail started and his eyes followed his fingers' slow orbit. With each pass he moved ever closer to the apex. He was intrigued at the various tactile sensations: how her breast was soft and smooth yet firm.
As the wipe continued its circle Penny gave an involuntary arch to her back. She heard him exhale through his nose and swallow loudly but his fingers maintained their steady pace. Her eyes flickered to his face and there was an expression of utter fascination. She felt like his whiteboard; oddly the idea didn't seem derogatory as he pitted every ounce of his beautiful mind against the mysteries of the universe represented in dry-erase marker. There was no less attention on her. His fingers read every bump on her puckered areola. His eyes noted the red flush to her skin. How her mouth opened to release a rush of air as his thumb rolled over her nipple.
Penny's eyes became slits as she watched his head lower to her breast, his lips ready to taste her secrets.
xTBBTx
Leonard was on cloud nine as he mounted the steps towards his apartment. Everything had gone without incident and Dr. Franklin accepted his proposal on the first pass. Now all they had to do was coordinate their times in order to book a date to do the experiment and everything was gold.
He unlocked the door and opened it to find Sheldon reclining on the couch watching television.
"Hey Sheldon."
"Leonard."
The curly haired physicist put his keys in the bowl and wheeled his suitcase to the hall.
"So how was your weekend?" he asked, hoping Sheldon would get the hint and ask him about how things went at MIT.
"Satisfactory," Sheldon said evenly without looking up from the television.
"Uh huh," Leonard said and waited but Sheldon offered nothing further. "Well my weekend went spectacularly thank you very much," he said as he took his suitcase into his bedroom. "Your 'Cooper constant' fit like a glove and they're going to do the experiment as designed. If this works out Sheldon this'll have been a milestone weekend."
"It most certainly was," Sheldon said quietly, the corners of his mouth upturned.
XxX
"And let it simmer for about twenty minutes and you're finished," Amy said before taking a sip of her wine.
"Doesn't seem too complicated," Penny replied as she looked at the recipe on her phone. "Thanks for giving me the step-by-step. I really want to surprise Sheldon. I didn't realize he was such a good cook."
"Oh yes. He makes an excellent sour-dough bread and zucchini loaf." Amy rinsed a bowl and some utensils in the sink before putting in the stopper and running dish water so they could soak. "He also made mention of a Mississippi Mud cheesecake but it never came to fruition."
"I'll be sure to ask," Penny said as she took their wine glasses to the table for a refill. Amy followed and sat on the couch, adjusting the hem of her skirt while her best friend poured the drinks.
"Now that we have dinner on the go I can't delay the topic of Saturday night any longer." Amy took the glass and set it on her knee. "How was 'Operation Clean Sweep'?" Penny grinned as she reclined against the couch.
"For a moment I thought he was going to walk out on me but once he got into the swing of things he was great." Penny took a sip of wine and smiled at the neurobiologist. "Thanks for the tub of wipes. I swear we must have gone through a third of them last night."
"So long as you cover the monetary cost I can purchase them in bulk 'for the lab'," Amy said using air quotes with one hand.
"I really want to thank you for helping me out," Penny began slowly. "I know this can't be easy for you."
Amy smiled at her friend. "Bestie it's easier than you think. Sheldon and I still spend adequate time together following our pursuits so it's not like we aren't involved in each other's lives. Besides, I think this is good for him. He needs to extend beyond himself and engage the physical world." Amy held up her glass. "I couldn't envision a better guide than you."
Two glasses came together in a toast.
xTBBTx
A/N: Wikipedia: Somatosensory system
Asperger Syndrom: Webmd
Fermi Gamma-Ray Space Telescope: Universe Today
'Son of a bitch's dug in like an Alabama tick.' Et al: from 'Predator'
'Hasta la vista, baby': 'Terminator 2'
'Remember when I said I'd kill you last?': 'Commando'
Gravitational Lensing joke: Penny remembers the astronomy lesson from their meteor watch in chapter 4.
Thanks for reading!