Noticeably Distracted
Sometimes becoming distracted was inevitable, sometimes it was needed and welcomed, and other times it could turn disastrous especially in their careers. Kelly had seen and felt how distracted Sylvie was, and how that distraction had spanned over days, not minutes or hours but she hadn't let him in despite how desperately he wanted to be let in but he know understood what she went through every time that he failed to let her in although he knew she wasn't shutting him out intentionally. He had spent a few extra hours at the firehouse after the end of their shift to catch up on all of the paperwork that he was behind on whilst Sylvie had headed to his apartment wanting nothing more than to stay out of the bitter cold weather that Chicago was experiencing as Fall changed into Winter which had announced its arrival loudly.
"Sylvie?!" He called as he walked into his warm apartment seeing the fire on and feeling the warmth of it but not seeing or hearing her moving around as he usually would when he got home on the days that they left shift separately; usually he would find her humming away as she cooked something or he would find her curled up on the couch with whatever book that she was reading. He walked over to the table and put his bag down before he took off his quilted Squad jacket then looked around the apartment as he kicked his shoes off as well knowing that he wouldn't be leaving the apartment for the rest of the day especially as it had started to snow heavily while he was on his way home.
"By the fire." She called back softly letting him know where she was in the apartment. She knew he was worried, had seen it present on his face every single time he looked at her even if it was just the quickest of glances, and she hated that he was worried about her. She knew that she had been somewhat distant and that was the last thing she ever wanted to be with him.
Kelly smiled as he walked towards the fire, finding her laid down on her side on the rug in front of the fire watching the soft flicker of the flames with a light blue knitted blanket folded in half and draped across her bare legs whilst her head was rested on one of the pillows from the bedroom. He also noticed that she was wearing one of his old CFD shirts that was not fit to wear to work anymore as it was faded and thread bare in places but it was fine for wearing around the house and he definitely loved when she wore it. She rolled over onto her back and looked up at him with wide eyes that were filled with a sea of emotions that he couldn't separate or read clearly. He eased himself down next to her and laid down beside her as she rolled over onto her side so that she was facing him. He reached his arm out and wrapped it around her as his hand spanned across her lower back whilst his other hand snaked underneath her neck and his hand found its way to the nape of her neck as she curled into him letting them find a comfortable way to be entwined.
"Do you want to tell me what's rattling around endlessly in that gorgeous mind of yours?" He asked softly as her hands grasped the fabric of the front of his shirt loosely as she blew out a soft breath. She tilted her head back and looked towards the ceiling as she shifted her legs to entangle them with his, the contrast of her bare skin and the soft denim of his jeans was noticeable, as the soft blanket slipped off in part and slid to the floor leaving her exposed.
"As I get older it feels like I want answers more and more to the questions that I have never been able to ask… A few shifts ago when we were called to the group home… it just stirred up a lot of things and I was not expecting it to have. I have thought about it before at times over the years but I just cannot seem to get it out of my head now." Her answer was abstruse, but at least she was finally providing him an insight to what was plaguing her. He raised his hand up from her lower back to the side of her face with his palm caressing her cheek as his thumb brushed over her bottom lip as he delicately turned her head towards him so that they were face to face again as he felt that she had more to say so he remained silent to allow her to gather her thoughts and not to push her. "I could have ended up in one of those homes, I could have ended up in the foster system being shuffled from family to family, house to house but I didn't, I was one of the lucky ones… And despite being one of those lucky kids that got to have a great life with a wonderful family, I still can't help but feel like I'm missing this huge chunk of information that would help fill in some of those unanswered questions that I have… I always figured that it would be enough, that I didn't need to know, but I feel like I do, like I do need to know, to fill in that piece of the puzzle about myself." She didn't know if she was making sense but it was just some of the thoughts that were going around and around in her head, that had been plaguing her for the last few days constantly but she did know that it felt relieving to voice them, to let the words fall out of her mouth without any concern for what he would say.
"Sylvie, honey, it is alright to want to know the answers to the questions that you have and if you want to then I am here beside you every step of the way. And if need be, I understand if you want to do this alone as well but please know that you are not alone in this or anything else ever." His unconditional support was what he needed to give to her and he would but he also understood that if she needed to go on this journey alone then he would still be the silent support there beside her as she found the answers to the questions that had obviously lingered for a long time but the call at the group home had bought them to the forefront of her mind. He could understand her need to learn about where she came from, and what her birth parents were like as well as why they gave her up for adoption.
"It's scary, and that's just it, I don't even know if I want to find my birth parents. I mean they have never once reached out in all of these years… I feel so divided." She let out a huff as she rushed out the words but she also loved the way he cared, and the way he was supporting her unconditionally. She was terrified of finding the answers, and of not finding the answers, and she was terrified that what the answers would bring if she did go searching for them. Would the answers bring her pain or happiness or contentment or any other mixed variety of emotions depending on the answers that she was given if she could even track them down.
"You're allowed to be terrified, and anything else you want to feel… The only advice I can offer if you decide to is maybe that it is best to do it in small steps even miniscule steps. Go at your own pace, and if you decide you don't want to do it, or you start and do not want to continue, then that it is okay either way. You do not owe anyone anything. The only thing person you do owe is yourself; you have to be honest with yourself." He couldn't even begin to imagine the difficulty she was having or would have. There were so many questions that were unasked and unanswered. He also knew it would be a highly emotionally process that could hurt her or strengthen her, and he didn't want to see her hurt.
"You're amazing, I don't ever want you to forget that." She was so touched by his words, by the way he was telling her that he was with her, and while she still did not know what she was going to do, she did know that he would be there by her side every step she took being the pillar of strength that he could be not because he felt that he had too but because he wanted too. She watched as he smiled at her before he kissed the tip of her nose then rested his head back down on the pillow and looked into her eyes. "I love you." She murmured softly needing him to know.
"I love you too and I am here, whatever you decide." He reiterated that for her, to her, so that she knew she did not have to go through any of it alone.
"I know." She murmured again before she kissed him as the two let the comforting silence settle over them as they basked in the warm glow of the flame from the fireplace and the comfort of being in each other's arms as the snow began to settle outside.