AN: We still exist! So, here we are, beginning of July, and updating way later than we had wanted to or anticipated. We really don't have a good reason as to why this took us so long other than life and work and cleaning and moving. We finally managed to set up our new house properly, and honestly I think that really helped us pull our shit together.

Also, we're aware of all the crack downs that are going on here, what with stories being removed and authors being banned for inappropriate content. Honestly, we understand that there are regulations for everything and that websites need to have some sort of guidelines in order to keep everything running smoothly. That being said, I do not consider this story explicit or graphic. When there are depictions of sex, they tend toward the vague, and they are written not as gratuitous sex scenes for the sake of having a sex scene, but are actually involved in the plot and the way that the characters are growing and interacting. I refuse to change the content of this story because I think it is necessary and nothing close to explicit. (And even if it was, PWP is awesome LMAO) /END RANT

That being said, if we are taken down/asked to remove this story or content from our page, I would like to invite you all to follow us on two other sites that we've been setting up just in case anything were to go down (not to mention it's always a good idea to back things up on multiple sites). Might even has exclusive stuff there, too.

Take out the spaces and dots, lovelies.

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We're still in the process of setting everything up/putting everything up on the sites, so bear with us for now.

Thanks for sticking with us (as always), and Leather would like to add "Here, let me help you hold all the feels you're about to have. I apologize in advance" in regard to this chapter.

Cheers!

Leather and Stripes

.:Chapter 24:.

"Rumor Has It"

xxx

It had all happened in such a blur that Matt had lost track of time. Half an hour slipped away since he had confidently busted through the front door. He had it all planned out; he'd confront the blond and demand the truth. But his plan backfired. Mello hadn't been home when Matt arrived, leaving him too much time to himself to think. He had been teetering on the edge of something for a long time and Mello had been the final straw.

Now surrounded by empty beer bottles, Matt sat alone on the bed they had shared, his entire world shattered. He was a dead man walking, his heart feeling as raw as his throat, the excess of alcohol and nicotine taking its toll on his already beaten and bruised body.

Matt jolted as he heard the front door creak open followed by the familiar clunk of Mello's helmet landing on the table near the door. There was quiet for a few moments before Mello's voice drifted into the bedroom from the living room. "Matt? You home?" The footsteps echoed down the short hallway before the blond appeared in the doorway, rifling through a plastic bag in his hand. "I figured you were going to be late, so I thought I'd pick up some dinner."

Blue eyes glanced up from the takeout carton he'd fished out of the bag, widening at Matt's haggard appearance. "Matt...what...?" Something metal in the other's hand caught his attention. "What happened?"

Matt looked up from his perch, a flash of silver cradled between his hands, he absently wondered when it was he picked up the gun, but it didn't matter now. His eyes felt heavy. He had tunnel vision, everything feeling very surreal.

He felt himself smile. It was an ugly, forced thing, a look that did not fit on his features. The lift of his lips never reached his eyes, his expression emotionally drained. He felt as empty as the bottles at his feet; he was numb to everything in that moment.

"Mel, could you sit down. We need to have a talk."

He took a step forward, trying to meet Matt's eyes as he did. "Sure. Sure, we can talk just...Matt, what's going on?" There had to be at least seven bottles at the redhead's feet, and the longer Mello watched, inching forward with careful steps, the more he saw bloodshot green eyes, flushed cheeks, and a now dry trickle of blood coming from a rather formidable bruise at his forehead. "Matt, you're scaring me..."

"That's not something I'd expect you to say." Matt muttered, his hand rising from the gun to gesture for Mello to sit down at his desk, "Have a seat." Taking a breath to try and clear the web of thoughts currently spinning in his mind, he started, "I haven't been honest with you, about myself." His eyes met the blond's, his eyebrows furrowed, "And to be fair, neither have you."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," Mello's hand reached back, grasping at the chair and pulling it away from his desk, sitting down awkwardly in front of Matt. He was careful to keep his distance even though everything about Matt was screaming for comfort. But...something was wrong. Something was really wrong.

"I'm sure," was all he offered in response, his mind working in overdrive. "The truth is always harder than the lies we tell ourselves, isn't it?" The gun felt heavy in his hand as his lips moved again, words flowing out in a jumbled mess.

"I was three when my parents died in a car accident." He paused as he allowed Mello time to process, "I lived in an orphanage in England, I was adopted when I was six. My mother was radiant; she was everything beautiful and graceful about the world. She was perfection in human form, and I loved her more than I've ever been able to love another woman." Matt frowned, his eyes feeling more and more heavy.

"My father was…he was okay, I mean, when mom was around everything was better. But when I was twelve my mom…she got chondrosarcoma at the base of her skull. It slowly killed her, and we watched as every day my mom slipped farther and farther away from us." Matt's teeth clenched for a moment before he started again.

"Once she passed, my dad, he drove himself further into his work. He pushed me away. I was a painful reminder of who we once were, what he lost. So he threw money at me to keep me pacified as he climbed the political ladder." A cold laugh filled the dark room, "I never told you my parent's names, did I? My father's name is Carl Jeevas," The redhead frowned, pushing bangs out of his eyes as he glanced away from the shocked blond. "Yeah, I know that look. Everyone knows who the Secretary of Defense is." He rolled his eyes, it wasn't like he was impressed with who his father was, but everyone else in the world seemed to have a different opinion.

Mello pressed against the hard back of the chair, what little color in his cheeks draining as the words sunk in. "I had no idea. I...I didn't realize and...your father...just..."

"That's normally the reaction I get, not that I've told many people." Matt's finger traced the side of the gun, his eyes burning a hole in the carpet. "Something you need to know about me, something I've kept under lock and key, is very important to the rest of this story. And honestly, there is no easy way to say this, you know, without sounding full of myself." The redhead cocked his head to the side and tapped his temple with the barrel of the gun. "I'm a certified genius, got the paperwork and everything to prove it. I'm a technophile, a computer prodigy; I believe the term most commonly used is hacker elite."

The corner of the blond's lips quirked slightly, despite himself. "I knew you weren't just some cubical jockey..."

"That's the other half of the story, the more recent one." There was a slight second where an emotion flickered in Matt's eyes, but it was stamped out almost as quickly as it had come. It was gratifying to know Mello saw more in him, past his persona, but it meant nothing now. Nothing mattered but getting the rest of his story out.

"At the tender age of seventeen, I hacked the pentagon's computer system to fuck with my father. I graduated from MIT a little after that and decided to travel the globe. It was all one big cry for attention to my dad of course, but in his true Jeevas style, he threw money at the problem and covered it up." The gamer's eyes closed for half a second before continuing, "I needed something bigger, something more destructive, something I could control."

Looking right through Mello, his voice hollow, he smiled the iciest smile ever to grace his lips. "So I let myself hit the radar of one of the companies I knew my father hated. I joined the Yotsuba Corporation, and for the last couple of years I've been their one and only protection. I've been their hacker, and by God I've been doing a great bloody job if you ask me."

Mello's fingers flexed against his thigh. "Yotsuba," he murmured, eyes darting around the room briefly before settling on Matt, voice dropping an octave. "You work for Yotsuba?"

"Yes, I do." Green eyes met blue, his voice serious and calm. "I not only work for them, but I'm the sole reason they're number one in the game."

"Okay," the blond watched the way Matt's eyes remained steady despite the alcohol in his system. How foreign the gun looked in his hands, built for meticulous computer work, not violence. Not like...

"That's impressive. You're impressive. And drunk, so we should get you some food and go to bed. It's getting late..."

"I'm not done. Actually, I've not even started." Matt laughed, the hollow sound flooding the room and sending a chill down the blond's spine. "I wanted the truth out there, let it be known. Let the record state I told it all."

Pushing off the bed he did a sweep with the gun, waving it over the bottles around him. "It's funny you know? The way my mind works, impressive isn't even touching it. Everyone in the world thinks in slow motion, and my mind never shuts off. I dream of code, I figure out complex algorithms for fun, I play video games to shut myself out of the real world. Do you know why? Because people are stupid, dull, and boring. Oh, not to mention they always, alwayslet you down. People are predictable and painful to care about, because honestly, they're all just cattle walking to slaughter."

Walking closer to the blond, he frowned, obviously pained. "I thought you were different. You held my interest, you stood on my level, you kept me sane." He stopped a foot away from him, his hand shaking, "You wouldn't hurt me. Not like them. You wouldn't lie to me." Kneeling down, he sneered, "but then, I was lying to myself, wasn't I Mel?"

"I wouldn't hurt you, Matt. I'd never hurt you, you know that," Mello's hand gripped the seat of his chair, knuckles turning white. "I know how you feel..."

"Do you?" A flash of anger was all the warning Mello got before Matt's voice boomed almost in his face. "BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE FORGETTING TO TELL ME SOMETHING!"

Blue eyes widened, Mello's voice dropping, trying to regain some of the calm the room suddenly lost. "Matt, what's going on?"

"Playing stupid? Still don't get it?" The redhead shot one look of disgust at Mello before pushing off the ground, arms thrown in the air. "Jesus CHRIST!" His voice boomed again before he turned sharply on his heel, storming back toward the blond, gun waving at him. "I KNOW, Mello. I bloody well KNOW!"

"Tell me. Tell me exactly what you think you know," Mello's gaze was steady.

"That I've been cozying up with a murderer. A gun for hire, a sodding mafia lapdog." Matt shook his head, "I thought I had issues, at least the blood ain't on my hands. But you? You take the cake, Mel, you take it outside and shoot it full of lead."

His mouth opened slightly before shutting with a sharp snap of teeth on teeth. After a moment, Mello's shoulders eased, eyes slipping shut with a deep sigh. "Matt..."

"Not denying it? No grand excuse to explain yourself?" The gamer's lip curled in a sneer, "Too late for that, mate. I've seen the video of you offing the bloke I beat up on your birthday. Now, I've always aligned myself more toward the good side of chaotic good, but this time, the ends do not justify the means." His finger twitched against the safety for a moment, daring Mello to do anything out of line. "I want it now. The truth I deserve."

Blue eyes were cold as they opened, teeth clamped behind a sneer. "Who told you?"

"Does that bloody well matter?" The rage in his voice drew the tone up an octave.

"Yes. It does," Mello eased out of his chair, face visibly flushing.

"I believe what matters most here is the bullet you put between his eyes, and your chosen profession." The redhead leveled his eyes with the blond, lip curled harder.

"Who said it was chosen?" he hissed, taking a step forward. "What on Earth gives you any right to judge me when you've been covering up your company's dirty work for years? Who's to say you don't have more blood on your hands than I do?"

"Me?" The laughter that followed was dark and humorless, "Excuse me, but I don't think you have much room to judge me. You, sir, are a fucking hired hitman. I don't pull the trigger, I have no blood on my hands. You, you bathe in it!" He matched Mello's step forward, snarling in his personal space. "I'm not the monster that killed my parents."

The color instantly drained from the blond's face, hands forming into shaky fists at his sides. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he whispered, advancing on Matt. "You have no fucking idea."

"I'm not classified as the best for no barking reason, Mello!" Matt refused to back down, now mere inches from the other. Anger radiated off of the two of them, thick enough to permeate the air.

"After my little trip into the twilight zone with Agent River, I took it a step further. I went home and I used every trick in the book I know and I found something seriously disturbing about you. You see, you don't have a paper trail in America, but damn do you have a past in Russia." He almost spat out the words that followed, his eyes burning with a deep painful sense of dread.

"I know you killed your father in cold blood, that your mother's death was still in question. No one knows what happened to her, but you, you were a wanted criminal. What kind of person kills the people who brought them into the world? What type of heartless killing machine can do that?"

Mello lunged forward, throwing Matt back against the wall, forearm pressed against his throat. His breath came in heavy pants, his other hand reaching down for the gun gripped in Matt's hand. "How dare you talk about her, about what you don't understand," he growled, eyes narrowing as he pressed the redhead harder into the wall. "I don't give a shit what you found or what that fucking little cotton swab told you."

Rage roared through Matt, a burst of adrenaline flowing through his veins as he focused his weight against the blond. His knee found purchase against Mello's stomach before his fist connected with his jaw.

"I don't give a flying fuck what he said, Mello. I saw it with my own eyes! A man who has no qualms with killing his family, that's the person I'm with. That's the person who's been lying to me all along. The man who's been sent to kill me!" He charged, hitting Mello around the midsection, the two of them hitting the ground hard, a mass tangle of limbs and ferocity.

"He told me I was the only thing between Yotsuba and a total take down of their company. They called a hit on my head. And you! You've known all along, so stop fucking lying to me! This was all a joke to you." Matt's eyes narrowed as he fought with the blond, the gun between the two of them.

"I saw her! I saw her in your picture in the closet, your family, I can't believe I fell for it all. I always fall for it, but this…Jesus Christ!"

"What?" Mello managed to get out, dodging a second punch to his chin. "What am I supposed to do?"

"KILL ME!" Matt growled as he crawled away, the gun back in his hand as he pushed himself away from the blond. A sharp painful sob ripped its way out of Matt's body, his eyes wild. "Don't you dare act like you don't know! At least give me the dignity of the truth!"

"You want the truth?" he spat back, scrambling back to his feet, staggering slightly, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth, spearing blood from a split lip. "My father was a horrible drunk, worked too long and too fucking hard and used my mother as an outlet for his anger. I loved her and I watched the light drain from her every day! Do you know what that does to someone? When you're small and helpless and you can't even protect your mother?"

The blond took a step back turning to the wall and resting an arm against the cool surface for balance. "And it was too much one day. And...and she was...I..." his breath came faster, louder. "I found a pan in the kitchen, and I threw it. And he...he went down. He didn't get back up. She didn't get back up, either and..."

Mello's shoulders shook, the blond collapsing in on himself before he turned on the redhead, eyes red.

Matt's eyes searched for a moment. For one clear, blessed moment, he forgot everything that had happened that day, all of the new information blank. All he could see was how much Mello was in pain, and how much he wanted to stop it. He knew exactly how that felt. They had both slowly and painfully lost the one woman in both of their lives that mattered the most.

But this wasn't a movie and the moment passed quickly. A fresh, hot surge of pain bubbled to the surface, manifesting itself into twisted, awful laughter. Matt was broken; nothing was going to fix the pain he felt. The betrayal was too fresh, the hopelessness was burning and ever present. His tipping point had been found, he fell over the edge and couldn't escape the darkness he found at the bottom.

Standing up, he wobbled on his feet, his smile becoming destructive. "It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore. I don't want to live in this world anymore, I see that now. I'm already a dead man walking, you were the last good thing in my life, and even you were a lie."

"I'm not lying!" Mello yelled, tackling Matt back onto his bed, pinning his legs with his knees. "I'm not going to kill you! I don't know where you got that idea, but I would NEVER hurt you!"

The gamer snorted right in Mello's face, his eyes staring emotionlessly at the ceiling. "Just kill me, it's okay. I was going to do it before you got home anyway, but I chickened out."

Mello's eyes softened, shutting tightly as his head dropped. "Matt don't you dare..." His eyes opened, lashes wet and eyes bloodshot, "Don't you fucking dare talk like that."

"I'm so tired, Mel." His eyes filled with tears before they streaked down the sides of his face, "Did you know Halle was an agent sent to spy on me? Just one more kick in the nuts to send me over the edge, I suppose. My sanity was pretty frayed as it was, I was living on borrowed time anyway." He closed his eyes as he laughed, a few fresh tears drifting down his cheeks.

"I don't want this anymore. I'm just…I'm so tired. I'm tired of everyone being so God damn stupid, I'm tired of being so alone. I wanted so bad for us to work, the one person in the world who made sense." A sharp sob racked his body, "Oh God, just do it already. I can't do it anymore, not this time. I've had enough."

His breath was shaky, watching the broken man crumbling under him. His voice caught in his throat, and he finally managed to get out a sound that wasn't a desperate whimper. "Matt, I-I swear to God I would never..." he tried to meet the redhead's eyes, but Matt wouldn't let him. Mello felt himself slipping, grasping for the other who did nothing but pull away and lock himself in a prison of his own making.

"What would make you feel safe? What would make you believe me?" he whispered, eyes wide and frantic. "I'd do anything to keep you safe, Matt." Mello's eyes caught sight of the gun clutched feebly in Matt's hand, and he reached out, wrapping his hand over the other's.

"I'd keep you safe, even if it's from me," Mello brought the hand up with his own, pressing the barrel of the gun under his chin, eyes watery.

That snapped the redhead back to reality, his eyes narrowing. "What..?"

Mello gingerly eased Matt's finger over the trigger. "I wouldn't blame you," his hand tensed against the sheets. "I don't know how else to make you believe me."

His eyes clouded over with a mixture of emotions as a war began to rage inside of him, an internal conflict brewing. A fight between rationality and emotions choked him, his throat clenching, breath hitching. Why would someone who had killed so many people, whose job was to take the lives of others, throw down his life for him?

It hurt, it felt like a fresh, new wound being opened across his chest. This was all too much for him, and he was wallowing in his own self doubt. Caught between giving up and letting the weight and gravity of the situation pull him down further into himself, or giving in to the small spark of hope that was starting to surface from Mello's actions.

Could he allow himself to believe what Mello said was true? The fact was that Mello had lied, but it could be argued that Matt had done the same.

His mind worked in overdrive, the world slowing down to a painful crawl as he worked this out. Why would the contract killer who was hired to kill him, offer to kill himself in order for Matt to believe him? The only logical reasoning had to be that he did love him, and he…

"You had no idea." He said out loud, finishing his own thought where Mello could hear. "They haven't told you yet, you didn't know about killing me."

"S-stop saying that! I told you I had no idea what you're talking about..."

A second passed before Matt's eyes cleared, his expression melting to that of painful hope. "Would you do it?"

Mello gripped Matt's hand tightly, pressing the gun harder to his flesh. "Do you really think that low of me?"

"I don't know what to think. I don't want to, but I'm not sure anymore. Not after all of this, not after that wanker showed me the video." Matt bit his bottom lip, the gun pressed firmly against Mello. He could feel his resolve melting away as each second ticked by. Matt wanted so desperately, so wholly, to believe Mello was still that unshakeable anchor of sanity for him. He knew things would never be the same, not now. But maybe…

"I love you." Matt bit out, another sob attempting to choke him, "I love you so much it hurts. That if…if I lost you, I can't do it. Not anymore, not after everything. I know how this sounds, I know who you are now, but I still want you."

"You've got me," Mello murmured, blue eyes meeting green. The gun pressed against his wind pipe made his breaths ragged, the cool metal turning warm against his skin. His hand shook over Matt's, keeping the weapon in place, determined to gain the other's trust. "I swear I don't know anything. And even if I did, I'd never let anyone hurt you."

The redhead lowered both of their hands, thumb pressing the safety before putting the gun down on the bed. "I believe you."

The blond's hand hesitantly brushed behind Matt's ear, weaving into ginger locks. "They've taken everything from me, I won't let anyone take you away..."

A fresh wave of tears trailed down his cheeks, confusion and pain written all over his features. "I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost all control, Mello.." His tired eyes slipped shut allowing himself to lean into the touch. He wanted so bad, so sobad, to just stay like that. He could deal with the truth later; he felt heavy right now. The burden of today's events hit him hard as he tried to open his eyes again, failing under the weight of the exhaustion.

"Please don't leave without me, Mel." His voice sounded ragged, "I don't want to die, but if I have to, don't make me go alone." It sounded ridiculous, he wasn't even sure what he was saying anymore, sleep trying hard to take him.

Mello's forehead pressed to Matt's, soft breaths washing over his face. "We're in this together," he raised his head, lips brushing the redhead's temple.

"Promise me, promise me Mihael."

His eyes shut with a heavy sigh, a shiver running up his spine. "I promise, Mail."

xxx