*Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy.*

Find You

Four years earlier…

It had been the toughest weeks yet, since he was freed from that tiny room that he had endured the beatings and torments of the men Billy had saved him from. Though his body still ached and the wounds had healed he was still reliving his torture within his mind.

A silent battle raged beneath his quiet exterior and the agent sitting across him knew it. Every loud noise that the gunny heard made him flinch, every creaking of the floorboards reminded him of the stairs that lead to that room he was trying desperately to forget. Even now he could still see their faces, hear how they tormented him swearing that today they would kill him.

Watching the marine who never said a word since rescuing him Billy took in a breath before telling the gunny something no one else had known about him, in hopes that it would make him talk.

"Joseph, was my partner a few years ago." Billy said quietly but the gunny said nothing.

"We were on a mission in Paris when I was captured by this bastard we were there to take out." He said but still Gibbs didn't speak. "Joseph was undercover working for the guy we were there for. I was his senior agent and he was my probie, I pushed him you know? I wanted him to be better than me, so I pushed him hard." Billy chuckled. "He wanted to apply for a special task force and I was asked for my opinion about him. I was honest and I told them he wasn't ready, that he was quick to anger and always wanted to fight but still I saw potential in him." He explained.

Sitting across the table Gibbs was remembering how pushed Tony, McGee, Kate and even Ziva.

"He didn't get it and he was pissed but I thought he was over it but when I was captured he knew how to repay what I had done to him and for what I had taken away from him." Taking a deep breath he continued. "There was this girl I met on an elevator when I was a probie and she worked in our IT department." Billy smiled at the thought. "She was funny, smart and beautiful… a dangerous combination and I wanted her."

Drawing in a slow shallow breath Gibbs tried hard to fight back the memories he had with a girl that sounded so much like that.

"I kept asking her out and she kept saying no until she finally got tired of me. " Billy chuckled. "You know when your happy time flies? Well, I guess my time with her must have been pretty wonderful because I remember being 28 asking her out, then I was 30 on my knees putting a ring on her finger…" Billy trailed off.

Shutting his eyes Gibbs saw a flash of a ring on a pillow and those familiar green eyes looking back at him.

'…do anything just don't say… no.' he remembered telling her.

"She was waiting for me in a house we bought in Paris, while I was on my last mission, I was leaving the agency for her and she was wanting to start a family with me. I was brought so close to death when I was captured and before they killed me Joseph showed up, he saved my life." Billy shook his head. "I hugged him, I was happy to see him but little did I know he had saved my life so that I could feel the most terrible pain, the kind of pain that doesn't bleed."

Gibbs slightly turned his head toward the agent that was talking.

"I made it to Paris, I came home and that moment I went into our room, who I was died along with the woman that I would never get to marry. That day hatred and vengeance became my life, it was my purpose and everything good in me was gone. I have never felt such anger before or since but that anger I learned to control. The killer left two knives behind and since that day I've carried them with me."

The marine looked at the man who was talking.

"For over a decade I have taken many lives and each time I told myself that it was them who had taken her from me. The day I found out that it was Joseph I didn't know what to do. He was paid for doing what he did but I'm sure the money meant nothing to him, he wanted to hurt me and he did." Billy looked at the man who was quietly listening to him. "I created a code that I lived by ever since, made deals and became this dark person. No one has ever saved me, no one has ever protected me but you did… that night at the bar."

Dropping his gaze Gibbs still didn't say a word.

"I keep telling myself that I saved you because of that night you saved me but in all honesty that's not what I did it for." The Kid told the gunny. "I saved you because I wish someone saved her, I took you out of that place because I wish someone had taken her away from that room and I am trying to get you out of that dark place that you're in because I wish someone had saved me from mine."

Tears filling his eyes Gibbs looked away. "I begged them to end it… I wish they did." He whispered.

Billy silently looked at him.

Gibbs shut his eyes as the tears fell. "I remember taking that grenade, pulling the pin and telling her I loved her even though she couldn't hear me. I thought about her every day, every single day I thought was going to be my last, I thought about her." He managed to say. "He knew things about her, about us and I couldn't let him live. I was ready to die but deep down I just wanted to go home to her. Go back and just live…"

"You can still go back to her, not now but when the time is right you can be with her again." Billy told him.

"How?" The marine asked. "How can I go back and pretend that I'm okay? How can I go back and be that person I was… that marine, that agent, that man she loved is gone."

Looking across the table Billy shook his head. "You're here Gibbs." He assured him.

"No, I'm just what's left of the person who I was." He said looking at Billy with tears in his eyes. "Something's wrong and I know it, I can't sleep, I'm scared and I can't find a way out of this."

"Remember that girl back home gunny, think about the life you wanted with her and hang onto that." The Kid replied.

"How can I go back when you let the man who did this to me go?" Billy dropped his gaze. "You told me that he could have recruited more men to work for him. You also said that you're contact back in the states told you that someone has been following her. How can I think about going home, when you put her life in danger."

"I didn't mean to put her in danger." Billy said quietly.

"…but you did." Gibbs replied. "You should have killed him."

Billy shook his head. "I couldn't-"

"Then you should have let me die." The marine responded. "My friends, my family already think I'm dead anyway."

"Gunny, you can still go home. I know that letting him go has prevented you to see her but that doesn't mean you'll never see her again. I promise, I'll get you back to her, back to your friends." Billy assured him.

"Why should I keep going?" The gunny whispered.

"I don't know you tell me Gibbs, why did you keep going when all they wanted was to break you? Why the hell didn't you just give up then?" Billy asked.

The marine said nothing even as his tears fell.

"You said you thought about her every day, it's not easy to find something that's worth fighting for but you have that something and she's waiting for you to come home!" Billy pointed out.

"You said she thinks I'm dead." Gibbs replied quietly.

Billy sighed. "You're here, you're alive, breathing and-"

"I'm not alive." The marine whispered.

"You wanna die is that it?!" Billy shouted and he pulled his gun and violently slid it to the shattered man sitting across him. "Here, do it!"

Gibbs did nothing.

"Pick it up and throw everything away, give up like the coward you are and end this now!" He screamed.

Still the marine did nothing.

Getting up Billy walked over to the man he saved. "Don't tell me that you forgot who you are. You're the infamous Leroy Jethro Gibbs, the marine who never backed down from a fight and the man who never gave up… not even when most men would have."

"You don't know me." Gibbs replied quietly.

"No, I don't know you but I've heard about you. The men who took you, they heard about you, they knew who they wanted not because he was an easy target… they went after you because of who and what you are." Billy pointed out. "It's an amazing thing when even your enemies know who you are and what you're capable of. You are one of the best agents that NCIS has ever had, one of the best marine snipers the USMC has had. Gunny you're enemies see more in you than you do in yourself." Billy smiled.

Gibbs didn't reply.

"So don't you dare tell me that those four idiots will be known for breaking and destroying everything that L.J. Gibbs is?" Billy said quietly as he re-holstered his gun.

For a while the room was quiet as the gunny sat with emotions burning, while The Kid knelt down in front of him.

"Do you still want to die?" Billy asked. "Forget everything you fought for, forget about her and just let it all go?" The Kid smiled. "Who would have guessed that four cowards would be the ones to destroy Leroy Jethro Gibbs." Billy chuckled. "You're probably right that I don't know you because all I see before me is a broken, pathetic, coward shell of a man." He said hoping to stir some sort emotion in the gunny, which he knew he did because it didn't take long for the marine to try and strike him.

His body still sore and his wounds still healing Gibbs had violently swung his clinched fist to the man who he was starting to hate but The Kid had simply moved back causing him to miss him completely. Falling to the floor he felt the surge of pain course though his entire body. Letting out a cry of agony he lay on the floor at the feet of the man who had saved him.

Smiling Billy leaned over to the man on the floor groaning in pain.

"Let me ask you a question… was that the man who wanted to die or was that the infamous Leroy Jethro Gibbs trying to get out?" Billy chuckled.

"Fuck you" Gibbs seethed.

Amused Billy rose to his feet. "It's gonna hurt like hell to get up with your ribs still broken but I'm not going to help you. Get up." He replied.

The man on the floor did nothing.

"I said get up!" Billy yelled.

Cringing Gibbs tried to lift his body off the floor but the pain prevented him.

"You want to kick my ass you're gonna have to get up to do that." Billy mocked.

Trying to gather his strength the gunny tried but painfully failed.

"I can't believe that you're a marine, I always thought you devil dogs could go through anything and still come back with more. You, you're not a marine you're nothing." Billy continued to mock.

"Shut up." Gibbs whispered.

"So you're just going to lay down and die? Then go ahead and stay down there and be forgotten. Stay down there if that's how you want your child to remember you, the father who never came home." He told the gunny.

Gibbs looked up at him through the tears in his eyes.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that you're going to be a father?" Billy replied.

The marine couldn't speak.

"If she's not enough to drag you out of this darkness, then maybe your unborn child is." The Kid said to Gibbs who was still processing what he had just heard.

"You're lying." Gibbs whispered.

"Why would I lie to you about that?" Billy asked.

The gunny didn't reply.

"Of course, no one knows it's your child but your closest friends because could you imagine if all those people you pissed off over the years found out that you had family to hurt." He told Gibbs who was grimacing at the pain that still pulsing though his body. "You have two choices gunny. One you get up off the fucking floor and marine up or two you stay down there and fade away into nothing."

"I'm not, nothing." Gibbs whispered.

"You're trying pretty damn hard to be nothing. You were someone people like Joseph feared but now you're nothing." The Kid pointed out.

"I'm… Special Agent… Gibbs…" Billy heard the man on the floor whisper.

"…gunnery Sgt. Leroy Jethro Gibbs…" The Kid smiled as he listened to man on the floor.

"I'm a US marine, one of the best fucking snipers who can shoot your damn knife from your hand from hundreds of yards away. I'm the one that can take guys like you out." He seethed.

Smiling Billy looked down. "Prove it." He whispered.

Shutting his eyes and gathering what strength he had left Gibbs lifted himself off the floor and though the pain was excruciating he fought through it. Getting up he gripped the side of the table as the pain coursed through his body like glass.

Picking up one of his knives Billy stabbed the table through one of the opening between the gunny's fingers and startled him.

With a smirk on his face Billy nodded at him. "Fear, doubt, hatred… use it, don't let it use you." He said as he walked away.

Taking a painful breath the gunny looked at the knife that was millimeters from piercing his hand.

"Maybe someday you can shoot that out of my hand." The Kid said as he exited the room.

The memory of the day he had found something worth fighting for faded away from Gibbs thoughts as he looked at his hands that were resting on the dusty table in the basement. Finding out that he was going to be a father, that Abby was carrying his purpose of living and that together they would keep him fighting just a little harder was still vivid in his mind. Tears filling his eyes he thought about his son who had given him a reason to fight, oblivious that Abby was saved by Jacky as well.

Shutting his eyes he thought about the nights he laid awake in the dark with her just talking and laughing about jokes that they only knew the punchlines to. In his memories there were glimpses of a man who was happy, a marine who had no battles to fight and an agent who couldn't wait to come home to her, but the painful truth was… that man was gone.

No matter how many times Billy told him that he was far from the broken man he once was, today in this moment he wasn't sure. Opening his eyes again he looked at the room that he was trying desperately to not flee from because of what it had reminded him of. This was once his sanctuary but now it was eerily familiar to the room that was his hell for so many days. Taking a deep breath he knew he couldn't stand in this room that was just as he left it years ago. His breath shuddering he turned away and was wanting to leave this room as quickly as possible but he stopped as he saw her standing at the foot of the stairs with tears in her eyes.

Sniffing back his tears he looked away from her, feeling ashamed that he was falling apart in front of her.

"Gibbs…" Her voice cracked.

Shutting his eyes he could no longer hold back the tears. The pain in her voice shot through his heart like a bullet, shattering all the strength that he was trying to hold onto. For so many years he was her rock, her safety and her strength but now he wasn't anything close that. Today he had come home but today he was also facing the last battle that he wished he didn't have to endure at home.

Slowly she made her way toward him, careful to not scare him and make this more difficult than it already was. Seeing the tears stream down his face she sniffed back her own as she reached out and gently wiped away his tears.

"I'm… here." She whispered.

Opening his eyes he looked at her.

"I'm here Gibbs, I'll always be here." She assured him.

"I know." He whispered.

Cupping his face she looked at him through the tears that filled her eyes. "You're home… your safe."

In silence he just watched her tears fall because even though he wanted to believe her he knew that being home wasn't enough. This fight that was on the horizon would test just how strong their love was.

"You're not alone, Gibbs." She said softly as she wiped away his tears. "Not anymore."

Taking a deep breath he took her hands from his face. "How did you do it?" He asked.

"What?" Her voice cracked.

"How did you live without me?" His voice shook.

Gripping his hands she sniffed back her tears. "I didn't… without you I was dead, but Jack brought me back to life. He gave me something to live for." She told him.

"Me too." He admitted.

Smiling through her tears she looked at him.

"Abbs?" He breathed.

"Yeah"

"Don't…" He took a deep breath as his tears continued to fall. "…don't give up on me."

Shaking her head she pulled him into her arms. "I never have." She whispered.

Shutting his eyes he held her tight knowing that she was now the strength he once was for her. She was the one he would have given his life for and even live for and in short she was everything he could ever need.

"I'm not me, Abbs." He said quietly.

Shutting her eyes she held him a little tighter hearing just how vulnerable he was.

"I'm not Gibbs anymore." He told her softly.

Pulling back from him, her green eyes met his blue ones. "Even when I thought I would never see you again I never stop loving you." She whispered. "Even when you took forever to finally admit to me that you loved me, not even then did I give up on you." She smiled. "You and I, we've been through so much and we always come out together. We weren't just made for each other Gibbs… you and me, we're made to keep sailing even when the world is sinking around us."

Smiling she wiped way his tears.

"I feel like I'm – lost." He whispered to her.

Leaning up she kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I was made to love you Gibbs and trust me if you're lost somewhere behind those beautiful blue eyes that I missed so much… you can be sure that it will be me to find you."

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Next Chapter: 'With the Grain'

"I'm happy that you're all still following this story. Next we'll learn how to build a proper boat/ship.
First lesson is sanding and remember, with the grain."

(winks)

-The Gabby Effect-