Prague, early 11th century

Feliks and Erzsébet might have known how to lead an army, but they had absolutely no idea how to raise a child. Baby Eva quickly noticed they were nowhere near her authoritative brother and her life became one big party. She only ate what she liked (sweets), slept when she wanted, played with everything she saw and refused to take a bath or have her nails cut. Soon, she turned into a tiny smelly monster neither of them dared approach. And, one day, the day she used all of Poland's makeup to give Hungary's horse a makeover, they decided they had had enough. She would go back to her brother's where she belonged. Let him do all the dirty work.

(And they can always try living together again once she had turned into an acceptable human being. With acceptable hygiene rituals.)

The Pole escorted her all the way; his friend decided to stay behind to "enjoy the local landscape". She wasn't quite ready yet for another meeting with the Czech.

"Everything alright?" she asked when Feliks joined her again.

"Sure." He stretched out on the grass, hands behind his head. "I've walked her all the way to the inn."

"Inn?!" the Hungarian scoffed. "Don't they live in a castle?"

Feliks shrugged and blew a raspberry.

"He's always been a bit of a yokel, it doesn't really surprise me."

But, for some reason, the brunette just couldn't drop it.

"This is weird. Let's go and check."

"I can't believe it!" Erzsébet moaned. She'd mustered her courage and entered the territory that wasn't hers nor Feliks's and found out what was going on. It was worse than she had thought.

"I know! Their clothes are, like, totally last century!"

"No!" she hissed. "He's making her live like a human!"

The Slav blinked.

"And...? That's the life they both lead and she seems happy. We've all gone through this, haven't we? You know it never lasts. Something always happens."

"Feliks." Erzi was starting to have a headache again. "The problem is that, while we wait for this something to happen, she lives with him. Here. At his place. She's growing as a girl, but not as a country! He's smothering her, holding her back! One day, he'll swallow her up! And if he doesn't, so many others might!"

She sensed Poland didn't like hearing all those things, but it couldn't be helped.

"So what are you going to do about it? Fight him?" he retorted.

Even though the idea sent a chill down her spine, admitting fear was totally against Erzi's philosophy.

"I… I don't think so. I wouldn't want to fight your brother," she improvised.

"I don't really see him as a brother anymore," Feliks confessed. "More like a cousin. But that's still family."

Sheltered by the trees, they lied there for a while, thinking.

"I'll do it, Feliks." The Hungarian suddenly sat up. "I'll do it. I'll watch over her."

The blond sat up as well, blinked, then threw his head back laughing.

"Sure. Like you would ever accept any kind of responsibility."

"I mean it. I'll watch over her. And her place," she added.

Pol snorted, although he already knew it was no joke.

"Let's face the facts - I'm no longer the fighter I used to be. Same goes for bounty hunting. And no more raiding, either. Recently I've learnt how unpleasant it is when someone takes my stuff. I don't want to steal anymore."

"Erzi, but… how? I mean… how will you live?" he gasped after a moment of awed silence.

"Like you, guys. I'll grow crops and everything, even accept Christianity if necessary. It will make me happy," she had to admit. "And sometimes, you just want to be happy, no matter what others say."

Moscow, 1975

A kilometer or so from the lodge, there was a village. And, after the village, a lone-standing house of ill repute. With Gil, we quickly agreed that reputation was an overrated concept anyway.

Toris wasn't the kind of person to join us - too righteous and shit. Nevertheless, when we found out that it was soon to be his birthday, we decided he deserved a treat. So we paid him the prettiest, most requested and most skilled of the girls.

Yet somehow, he didn't share our excitement.

"What for?!" He blinked.

"You know. So you can… have a good time," Gilbert said, waggling his white eyebrows.

"Get lucky," I clarified.

"Go all the way," the German added.

"Make some friction," I couldn't help putting in.

"Dance in the sheets."

"Hanky panky."

"Hippidi dippidi."

"I get it!" Litva cut us off, a tad sullen. "I went to school, you know! It's just that I don't see the point. That is something I only want to do with Natashenka."

"Then close your eyes and imagine it's her." Gilbert shrugged.

"Wouldn't the girl mind?"

The two of us laughed.

"Litva, they don't care. They are paid to do anything," I explained. The gleam in his eyes suddenly switched from a confused one to one of interest.

"Anything?"

I exchanged looks with Gil.

"Well, they might charge extra, but basically, yes."

"Ah. I didn't know that. I'll give it a go, then."

"Wish me luck, guys!" Litva smiled sheepishly as the promiscuous beauty grabbed his hand and guided him away. "Oh, I almost forgot the essential." He ran back to me and retrieved his suitcase I had volunteered to hold for him.

"What do you think he's got in there?" Gilbert asked once the door behind Toris had closed.

"The less we know, the happier we'll be."

Ladies seemed disappointed that the two of us weren't seduced by any of them. We were just too eager to see Litva's face as he emerged from the room.

At last, the door opened. He held it for the girl who walked out of there, pouting. I instantly felt bad. I knew that a prostitute pouting can only mean one thing (not that it ever happened to me, of course!).

But Litva followed more cheerful than ever. He patted her shoulder.

"Don't worry! Compared to me, you're just a beginner. It'll be better next time!"

"Thanks," she muttered. For a second or two she hesitated, then, she smiled, pecked his cheek and left. Litva joined us again.

"Guys! Thank you so much! I can't wait to do this again!"

Me and Gil just stood there, trying to figure out what the hell.

And Litva really got back there. Actually, before too long, he was seeing a girl every Friday.

"How can you possibly pay for that?!" Gilbert yelled. My question exactly. With the wage we were getting, we could barely afford two trips a month.

"Girls told me they were having such a nice time that they wouldn't charge me." He shrugged.

My jaw almost dropped and one look at Gil confirmed he was feeling the same way. Since we were both too proud to ask him what exactly he did with the ladies, we went to talk to them instead.

The moment I pronounced his name, all the girls gathered round and, in a disturbingly cordial way, they asked us whether he was coming soon.

"I suppose, yes. Just, if you don't mind us asking, what is it you like about him so much?"

Ladies looked at one another for a while, then started to giggle. Once again, we stood there, clueless.

"It's just that he's such a player!" one of them finally managed. A fresh batch of giggles followed.

"He knows all the right moves!" another girl said. They were laughing and blushing so hard we decided to drop it, doomed to eternal ignorance.

Years later, I found out the truth. And, to this day, I'm still amazed.

-END OF CHAPTER 25-