Disclaimer: For the 25th time,I do not own RK. Credit goes to Nobuhiro Watsuki =)
~o~o~o~
She walked away from that room as far as she could. Eyes were blurry and heart feeling heavy, she walked past the face of strangers who looked curiously on the expression on her face. She felt their eyes were on her, but she didn't care. She did not care anymore. All that mattered was that feeling inside her chest. She was angry. Really angry at the insults thrown at her. The old patriarch never saw her for who she was. All he had was a biased assumption of what people like her were. Yes, she may be poor. But she was never raised to take advantage of others. And although he's known for his track record at belittling servants like her, Kaoru did not let Seijuro Hiko get the best of her. She was able to protect herself and disclaim whatever accusation the old man made about her. She was able to fight back.
"Don't meddle with this… This is family matter."
But this.
These were the exact words Kenshin said to her. No matter how tough she was, Kaoru was not able to dodge this statement. It was these words that had pierced deeper into her mind – and they kept repeating like a broken record. The more she tried to interpret it, the more difficult it was to accept. Something heavy was building up inside her chest. It pinched her to the point of being painful. It was not just anger. It was hurt.
But why did she feel that way? It was not like Kenshin said something surprising. In fact, he simply stated the truth. It was indeed a family matter between Kenshin and his dad about Kenji. She obviously was out of the picture. By right, she was really just another employee in the Himura family's cohort of subordinates. So why did it hurt to hear the truth from him?
Deep down, however, Kaoru knew where that hurt was coming from. It's not about Kenshin pushing her away. It was more of him making her believe in things she should not have believed in. Like believing that he sees her differently than what their situation logically dictates. And believing that she was worthy to be appreciated – even loved – despite her ruggedness.
"I remember the first time I ate this – it was on a festival. I was with my brother and my parents back then… I miss those days, when I still have a family."
"Why – you still have a family now, right? You still have your brother. You also have Kenji… And me."
She recalled the very first time she shared her story with him. Her life may not be so inspiring, but by the way Kenshin told her he's also a part of her family – she believed him.
"See daddy? Mommy Kaoru is such a good cook!"
"Of course Kenji. That's why I like her very much."
She knew she didn't have the skills to be considered as one, not even near to it, but by the way Kenshin showed her his appreciation – she believed him.
"Can you say my name again? Just my name."
"Kenshin."
She knew it was improper to call him as if they were on equal footing. But by the way Kenshin showed her that it did not matter to him – she believed him.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
It was one of those occasions they had to play the part of a true couple in front of Kenji's eyes. But at that night under the fireworks, she felt that Kenshin really meant to say those words to her. And she believed him.
Kenshin had shown her a side of him which was unexpected yet endearing. That side of him which contradicted all her initial assumptions about him. The gentle soul hiding inside a cold and lonely shell.
By doing so, he gave her something to look forward to – that in the right time, and in the right way, the line that separated her from them would disappear. That's why when he said – when he implied – that she wasn't family to him, Kaoru was taken by surprise. She was not able to fight back.
So sorry I forgot. This was the only answer she can come up with. Kaoru really felt sorry for forgetting. For forgetting where her place should be. For forgetting that this was all but a complicated job that she had overlooked the job description one too many times. Maybe for once in her colorful life as an employee, she had gone way past what was required of the job – which in normal circumstances, would have been a good thing. But in this particular case, it was not.
Her job as a babysitter was clearly stated to her: she was to accompany Kenji at all times, assist the kid in all his needs, send him to school and be responsible for his study habits. It was not stated anywhere in her contract that she was to be involved with matters not concerning the kid – like enjoying the pretense of being the wife and creating feelings for the kid's father altogether. She was not supposed to act as if she was part of their family.
Looking back at everything, Kaoru concluded that she was the one wrong. She was wrong for making assumptions. She was wrong for hanging on to false hopes.
A new realization began to surface on her mind. It was the right time to correct the wrongs. Kaoru inhaled heavily as the conclusion made its directive – that this has got to stop. For everything it was worth, this whole arrangement needed to end.
Wiping the tears that had stained her cheeks, she began pacing normally again. The early evening breeze was colder than usual, but it didn't send shivers down her spine.
~o~o~o~
"The nerve of that woman."
He remarked with disgust. Hiko could not believe that someone as insignificant as Kaoru could challenge his authority and answer back at him.
"Who does she think she is?", he continued in a mocking tone. "Love Kenji more than I do? She's stupid if she thinks I am buying any of that bullshit!" He exhaled and forced a sarcastic smile.
The other man in the room only responded with silence, though his eyes were starting to show some glints of amber – a signal of his impending fury.
"The only thing she did well was to ruin Kenji's life. That pathetic excuse of a nanny…"
At this, Kenshin finally snapped out of all the control he so desperately held. "Dad – will you stop it already?!"
The old man got astounded at hearing another hit of an answer – this time, from his son.
"Did you really have to insult her?" Kenshin asked, obviously irritated. He almost got deaf of all the lambasting he just heard. None of those were necessary, especially when they were all directed towards Kaoru.
"Yes, she may have lied about being my son's mother – but other than that… everything that she showed to Kenji – to me – all those were real. So leave her out of this and just put all the blame on me. Just like you always do!"
Slam! The sound of the door meeting the wooden casing on the wall echoed through the cold space as Kenshin forced it to close. He walked out of the room having said a piece of his mind. He did not really intend to make such a scene, nor did he intend to be rude at his father. It's just that everything his father said about Kaoru really irked him to the bone. He could take all the insults directed to himself, but not towards Kaoru. She did not deserve it. As he walked farther away from that room, he exhaled and felt some kind of release. For the many years he had lived under his father's shadow, under his constant scrutiny and under constant fear of being rejected, Kenshin has for once felt – liberated.
He said that everything Kaoru showed to them was real. And it was true. Kenshin had witnessed it many times before, and he felt a pinch on his heart just thinking about them.
"Hold it! You did this to my son? I'm the mother and I don't even lay a finger on him. And now you're telling me you pinched him just because he wouldn't stop eating the fruits?!"
He remembered the very first time he saw an angry version of her. Kaoru has always been protective of his son, and she didn't want anyone to ever hurt Kenji. He initially thought that he could have done something more productive than joining them at the grocery store. Instead, he found himself enjoying the time they spent together.
"Yes, you are most of the time strict and bossy… not to mention snobbish and inconsiderate at times – but all in all, you are really nice, Sir. And that's not sugarcoating."
Not only was she steadfast, she was also daringly honest. He would normally be offended by such words. Instead, he found himself amused by her sincerity.
"Do you know what else your wife told me? Madam Tomoe told me that she forgives you. And she wants you to be happy because you deserve it."
The way he got nervous waiting for her reaction, and then how his heart fluttered when she said these things to him. He just told her about his dark past. But instead of being judged, Kaoru found a way to give him some closure.
"See? Everyone here is cheering for you. Who else do you want to hear?"
And that time when he was almost drowning in anxiousness. Kaoru always has her way of making things simpler and lighter – and just about everything better.
"To be honest, I'm not really comfortable having all those eyes looking at me."
That night on the dance floor, she was radiating. He was totally unworthy. But instead, Kaoru gave him a new reason to be happy again.
Kenshin then recalled the happenings a few moments ago – especially the very moment tears began falling down Kaoru's face. He had never seen those tears. And in an instant, he felt something only she could make him feel – guilt. He should have defended her against his father. But instead, he pushed her away.
So sorry I forgot. The way Kaoru said this to him, it was like she wanted to be proven wrong. It was like she was asking for confirmation – who was she in his life? Kenshin knew the answer all along. The feelings she had made him feel – even the feeling he was having at that very moment – all those point to only one conclusion. How could he not have realized it soon enough?
Wanting to correct the wrong he has done, Kenshin began looking for her. The hospital may be crowded, but he was not going to give up. He fervently hoped he wasn't too late.
~o~o~o~
It was already late when she reached the mansion. She supposed everyone was already fast asleep. It was a good thing then. It would be easier to leave that way.
Kaoru unlocked the main door and went straight to her quarters. She tried to just focus on the task at hand, and not be distracted by thoughts that she was supposed to be over with already. She told herself that she's already done with the crying. She already made her decision. It was the best for everyone. It was the best for herself.
She opened the cabinet and began gathering her things – her clothes, her toiletries, some notes and paper works. She quickly grabbed her travelling bag and put all those articles inside. She looked around some more and collected her shoes and slippers as well. She struggled to close the bag, but somehow managed to fit everything in.
This is good. She was all set for her departure. Only one thing was left to do – and that was to make it formal. After all, an employee like her should formally file her resignation in accordance to her employment contract.
She took a piece of writing paper and sat on the desk. Grabbing a pen, she wondered how she was supposed to construct the letter.
"Dear Mr. Himura,
Please treat this letter as notification that I am resigning from my position effective immediately. Thank you for the opportunity given to me and I wish for the best.
Sincerely,
Kaoru Kamiya"
There – she finally completed the last task. She did not know she could do it so swiftly. Kaoru was quite proud of herself.
As she was folding the paper to put inside an envelope, she heard someone calling her name: "Kaoru-chan, is that you?"
Tae was standing by the room's door, wearing a confused look on her face as she saw the large travelling bag sitting on the floor. "I thought you're in the hospital with Sir Kenshin?", she continued the inquiry. "Why – did something happen?"
Confusion turned into worry as Tae saw the letter Kaoru was holding in her hands. "What is this all about?" Now that she was inside the room, Tae saw the empty cabinets, with all of the nanny's things gone.
"I am resigning, Ms. Tae." Kaoru tried to look unaffected as she informed the main helper of her decision.
"Resign? But why? What happened?"
"My job is already done here, Ms. Tae. I don't have any business to stay in this mansion anymore."
Her voice trembled as Kaoru said those to Tae. Then the words she heard from Kenshin came back to her again – and she could not stop the tears from falling down her face. "I'm sorry.. I'm being too emotional..", she said as she wiped the tears with her palm.
Tae consoled her by giving her a hug, just exactly what Kaoru needed at that moment. As Kaoru sank her head against the main helper's shoulder, she could not help but cry some more. Damn this feeling! I hate this feeling!
"Sshhh – it's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Tae did not need to know the specific details. She understood where those tears were coming from.
As soon as her emotions subsided, Kaoru cleared her face and exhaled a sigh of relief. "Thank you for everything, Ms. Tae. I've learned a lot from you during my time here." Now, she was wearing a bittersweet smile.
"Please send my regards to Tsubame and Katsuhiro – ", she continued. Tae looked at her affectionately. She knew Kaoru's struggle to compose herself.
"I have to go. It's already getting late." Kaoru informed before another surge of emotions overwhelm her. "If you could give this to Sir Kenshin – ", she paused. Was it really the last time she's ever going to mention his name? Before her mind could take her to places that'd only bring more hurt, Kaoru quickly handed the envelope to Tae.
".. please."
Even though Tae did not want to see her go, she could only watch the nanny as she proceeded to collect her things and leave the room.
It was with a heavy heart that Kaoru had to leave the place she considered as home. All the memories came back to her in an instant, and she found herself overwhelmed again. If she stayed there any longer, she would find it more difficult to leave. Kaoru had to take the step forward.
Sure, it wasn't the first time she decided to leave a job. She had done it a couple of times before. But this time, it was different. Unlike her other resignations where she would feel relieved to finally be out – this time though, it felt painful. She felt her heart getting pinched little by little, as Kaoru walked farther away.
She soon reached the perimeters of the subdivision and it did not take long before Kaoru was able to hail a cab. She occupied the back seat and the car began moving forward.
As the city lights brushed Kaoru's face as they passed by establishments, the driver could not help but notice the apparent sadness in his passenger's eyes. Looking at the rear view mirror, the driver tried to initiate a conversation. "Going home, Ma'am?"
To which Kaoru answered honestly: "No – leaving home."
~o~o~o~
Konnichiwa everyone! I am finally back to updating this story. First off, my sincerest apologies for the long delay of this update. I had the ideas about the continuation of this story, but I just could not put it into writing. I had to revisit all the chapters, that's why there's a bit of a flashback in here.
So Kaoru finally decides to resign. What's going to happen next? This is not the way Kenshin and Kaoru are supposed to end. We all love happy endings, right? Right? =)
Once again, thanks to you, dear readers, for your support. Thank you for giving this story a chance to entertain you. And thank you for your patience in this author.
I hope to see you in the next chapters (which should be uploaded in the coming days). If you have any feedback/suggestions, please do let me know.
Thanks once again and I hope you all have a great day =)