The morning after her sonogram Serela woke early. She rolled over and looked at the cot Phasma had chosen to sleep on last night as opposed to going back to her own room. Even after seeing how Serela had repelled Hux, Phasma didn't want to risk him coming back when she wasn't there and another stormtrooper would just let him in unsupervised.
Dim underlighting in the room had helped to comfort Serela, who panicked the first time the lights had gone off in here, throwing her into a darkness so deep she could not see her own hand in front of her face. What she wouldn't give for a window in this room...
Phasma stirred, and Serela rolled over to face the wall, not wanting her friend to know she was awake yet. Kylo had said he would come see her today, and she wanted more time to be able to ponder her thoughts on the matter before she had to begin another day as a prisoner aboard this ship.
She didn't have long however, before she heard the static of a call box next to the door and the sound of Phasma climbing off her cot to answer.
A robotic, male voice that did not belong to Kylo addressed Phasma through the radio, "Lord Ren wishes for you to bring the prisoner to him in his chambers within one hour. Have her rise and dress now so she will be ready to meet with him."
Serela's heart leaped in her chest and the baby woke up; it felt like he was bouncing in every corner of her womb, as if he too sensed and hoped that today his father would be more of the Kylo she had known during his conception, and not whatever monster he'd been made into.
"Serela," Phasma was addressing her softly, her mask still on the floor where it had remained since last night. There didn't seem to be a need to hide anymore in here. Serela popped her head up and smiled at her so she would know she had heard, then rolled herself over and began to clamber out of bed. A shower seemed to be in order, and so she ambled towards the bathroom with Phasma still seated on the cot, watching her slow pace with sleepy amusement.
The hot water soothed her bare skin and helped to wake her from her sleep, the steam enveloping her like a warm fog even after she'd shut off the water and stepped out in search of her drab, black garments. Catching her reflection in the mirror over the sink as she was pulling on her shirt, Serela turned from one side to the other, looking at the bump protruding out, the subtle curve of her stomach a testament to the life that grew inside of her. A life they had created. Together. She could only hope that somehow she would be able to get through to him when they spoke today, but the strange tone of his voice in the hall yesterday did not seem to suggest it likely.
Her hand rubbed the bump, making swirls with her fingers tracing delicate circles and patterns around her belly button, We're going to see Daddy soon, she tried to communicate to the fetus, but received no response other than a lazy kick. He seemed to be falling back to sleep.
Phasma led the way when they left, and Serela followed close behind, her hands crossed over her stomach protectively and her baggy sleeves clutched in her hands to ward off the chill of these hallways.
It was not nearly as far to Kylo's chambers as she had thought. The medical bay seemed to be on the other side of the ship, and it had taken them almost 20 minutes to walk there, 25 with Serela's progressively slower pregnancy pace, yet Kylo's rooms were only a 10 minute walk, but in the opposite direction.
Once they arrived they stood outside the door for a moment, and Serela experienced something she had never felt before. She could feel him in there. It was like she could hear his heartbeat through the inches of hardened steel that made up the doors; she could see his spirit through the layers of metal surrounding him. His presence seemed to call out to her, making itself known so strongly that she would have felt it was him even if she had not known to whom the room belonged.
"Are you afraid?" asked Phasma's robotic voice, by now sensing her insecurity. They had known each other too long for Serela to fool her.
"Yes," she breathed, "But my mother used to tell me that when you must do something that scares you, it cannot be allowed to control you. She said when those moments came to let the fear sink in, let it paralyze you if it must, but to only let it do this for 5 seconds. You must count them, she told me, and after 5, you must push forward with whatever it is you must do. Feel the fear, and do it anyway."
Serela looked to her friend for comfort but could not decipher any from the mask she wore, yet she knew Phasma was there, and that offered some reassurance in and of itself. Turning her face to the door, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 1... the fear was very real, but not overpowering. She felt anxious about seeing Kylo again. Would he be wearing his mask? Would he explain more to her? 2... The baby was squirming inside her anxiously too. Could he sense something that his mother could not? It wasn't good for babies if their mother's felt continuously anxious while carrying them, right? 3... Fear had her heart gripped in its cold hands, squeezing a little tighter with each passing moment, but there was something else too, the powerful presence of the Light which resided in her heart like a burning flame seemed to be growing brighter and larger in spite of her fear. 4... This was it. It was almost time for her to knock and go in. Almost time for her to see him and speak with him for the first time since he'd told her about his lies and deception. Was she ready for it? Was he? The Light burned brighter, filling her heart, brimming with energy and buoying her spirit until she felt she was ready for the next number.
5... The doors SWOOSHED open before she could finish and she lifted her eyelids, coming face to face with Kylo Ren standing in the doorway, his masked face pointed right at her.
"Welcome to my chambers," he greeted her, and gestured with his arm that she was welcome to enter at her leisure.
Serela looked back at Phasma with a nervous smile, and then took a few tentative steps past Kylo until she was in middle of the room, looking around at his sparse furnishings. When Phasma made to walk inside as well Kylo stepped into her path, blocking her.
"Captain Phasma your presence will not be needed at this meeting," he informed her brusquely, and Serela turned to see her friend pause in the doorway, as if unsure whether or not she trusted that she would be safe anywhere that was out of her sight.
"It's fine, Phasma," Serela assured her, "Kylo would never hurt me or the baby."
Kylo did not even regard Phasma for a moment after rejecting her from the room, his whole body was turned towards Serela, watching her every action. Phasma stayed in the doorway, unmoved.
"Phasma, don't worry about what happened yesterday. I will be fine," Serela gave her a smile this time to make sure Phasma would be more heartened, and it seemed to work, for she took two steps backward.
Immediately after she cleared the door frame Kylo's hand twitched and the doors shut, closing her off from Phasma abruptly and leaving her completely alone with Kylo Ren for the first time in months. For the first time since he had told her if she did not join the Dark side she would be separated from her son at birth and murdered. Her stomach was doing flips now, and she didn't think these ones had anything to do with the baby.
"Hi," she offered weakly, unsure of who should start the conversation.
He didn't answer, he just looked at her from across the room, pausing momentarily before striding toward her; an ominous black presence approaching languidly, as if he were the predator and she the prey. Hadn't her mother tried to tell her something to that effect? His wide steps closed the distance between them in no time, and he looked down at her from his tall height, cocking his head to the side and studying her face. There had not been much time for him to look at her yesterday, and now he took his time. He appreciated how extraordinarily beautiful she still was, perhaps even more so now that she was carrying his child. She seemed to have filled out some and he could see that beneath her hands lay a stomach beginning to bulge with the signs of his growing baby inside her. Long, brown locks adorned her shoulders and back like a shawl, but her clothing was something that he had noticed yesterday which surprised him greatly.
"What are these things you've been wearing? Is this what you like?" he asked, looking skeptically at her haphazard, ill-fitting black ensemble.
Surprised that this was how he began their conversation, she nonetheless responded, "I wasn't really given a choice on what to where, my dress was burned and I couldn't very well walk around the ship naked, could I?"
His mind went fuzzy and warm at the image and memory of seeing her naked, recalling the many times he had done so, but then his vision went red with the thought of anyone else seeing her naked, anyone. That was a privilege for him and him alone. He had claimed her the night his seed took root inside her womb, and now whatever she said, she belonged to him.
"I'll see to it that you're supplied with some more appropriate garments as befits your position on this ship," he stated simply.
"And what position would that be exactly?"
"The position of my companion, the mother of my child and the future mother of the most powerful Sith Lord in the galaxy. You have been treated as a prisoner for far too long and it is time you were regarded more highly."
"I'm your companion? Kylo, I've barely seen you since the day I was brought to this ship, now you're speaking as if I've been here everyday in close communication with you. I have not changed my mind about turning to the Dark side, so I would rather keep what ugly clothes I have as they don't seem to come with the condition that I convert or die."
His shoulders stiffened, but instead of losing his temper she heard the mechanical voice reply, "Suit yourself. I will still have different clothing delivered to your room. I would prefer that you wear it, but I will not force you."
Serela glanced around inspecting the few items in the room, a double bed with silvery sheets and a black duvet folded neatly down and tucked perfectly under the mattress, a metal nightstand with a lamp, a door she assumed led to the lavatory and a chest of drawers built into the metal wall which housed his collection of black robes. Everything here was so completely opposite the life she had led on Takodana, and the life they had led together during his visits. It pained her to realise that this was where he had come back to when he had left her for those prolonged periods. This was where he had plotted and planned and slept when he was away from her bed and her arms.
"See something you like?" His question startled her and she stopped her perusal of the room to respond.
"Please take off that mask," she asked him, "You know I don't like it."
As they were in private and he thought seeing his face again might aid him in convincing her to turn towards the Dark, he reached back to press the release button, waiting for the hiss that told him the helmet was loose enough to be removed.
She held her breath until she saw his face. Still the same but also much changed. The light scar over his right eye had faded to a dull line, but his eyes held the same probing look they always had, as if trying to learn everything about her just by looking.
He gazed down at her expectantly, an almost superior look on his face as he asked her, "Better?"
Serela pursed her lips before answering, "Yes."
"Good," his hands came up to cup her face, stroking her cheekbones with his thumbs. Her mind immediately swam with memories he was projecting onto her, but they were happy and so she accepted it. There was that day in the woods he had kissed her the first time, the feel of his soft lips on hers so warm and inviting, the feeling of expectation the night of the festival and the way his hand had felt in hers as they'd left for the cottage together.
It was so tempting to give in and enjoy this familiar moment, so reminiscent of others. If only she could abandon herself to the memories and forget all that had transpired since she had told him of her pregnancy. If her mother could have survived that day on Takodana...
She pulled her face away from his hands. None of those things were possible, and she had to deal with the situation before her in the here and now. Her son was in grave danger from his father and everyone around them. That was her reality right now. That was the trial she must face head on.
Kylo huffed in frustration when she pulled away but he was not deterred, even in the midst of the impenetrable darkness inside himself now, he could still remember how happy she had made him, and remember well the pleasure he'd given her with murmurings of love underneath the covers . Those were not things one forgot easily, and he had seen in her mind that she kept those memories close to her, but there was a new space occupied inside of her that he had not seen before. A space for their son which seemed to almost overshadow all others.
Serela wanted him to touch her, hold her, kiss her, make love to her again. But she knew if that happened it would set a dangerous precedent, and only serve to confuse her feelings more. She knew that she wanted him, somehow in spite of everything, she wanted to be with him and for them to be a family, but not here... there was no such thing as a family here.
He reached out his arm and touched his finger to her temple. Knowing he was reading her mind, but being conscious that she could control some of what he saw, she chose to show him images of Takodana, trying to convey her longing for her home; the wild trees and brush, the long green grass that tickled your feet and moss that covered every rock, with waterfalls and mountains and lakes as far as the eye could see in some places. She showed him an image she kept close to her heart, of the two of them at her cottage, smoke rising from the chimney and him outside, chasing their toddler son through the yard as she watched them from the window. She felt it when the meaning clicked for him, and she knew he understood what she was trying to tell him, I want to go home.
"Takodona is closed to you," Kylo sneered at her, "No one on the entire planet will touch you or help you knowing that you've been held by the First Order."
He sidled up closer to her and she could feel herself shaking at his proximity, this was not the man she had known and loved for that brief time before everything had fallen apart, this was something else: a perverse creature corrupted by the First Order into a shadow of that man.
"You know I can take whatever I want," he whispered in her ear, his hand snaking around her waist, and her traitorous body went weak at the first intimate contact she'd had from him in months. "You remember how I used to do this to you?" he asked softer, bending lower to lightly lick her neck and nibble on her ear lobe.
Serela moaned before she could even think, and she felt Kylo's smile against her neck, "You still like that don't you baby?"
Her eyes had glazed over in that familiar way they always had when he was about to take her to bed and her head began to gradually forget everything that had happened as her body responded to Kylo's siren call on her. His hands found their way into her hair and wound themselves in the strands, pulling her close to him roughly before he descended on her mouth with urgency.
This kiss was unlike any of their others. There was no gentleness first, no letting her get accustomed to the feel of his tongue in her mouth and his lips on hers. It was raw, hot and forceful. A battle between their mouths which she had no chance to win.
He bit her lip and she tried to pull away, but he held her to him so tight it hurt everywhere as she struggled against him.
When Kylo broke away to resume his attention to her neck she gasped in gulps of air and tried to push him away, "No Kylo, stop it."
"But you don't want me to stop do you my love? You know I know all the ways to please you. I still remember every. little. detail."
The urge to give in was so strong, and she knew he was probably inside her head, trying to force her mind to succumb while he worked to do the same to her body. Images of their former liaisons surfaced, leaving her body yearning for his in a desire so strong she wasn't sure she could resist him. Please, she thought, Please stop this. She didn't think there was much more she could take.
"I want to make you moan again Serela. I want to make you writhe in pleasure for hours as you scream my name again and again, just like it was before." His hands moved to her lower back, trailing lower and squeezing her flesh, recalling all the things that had left her helpless to his touch before. "It can be just like it was before, Serela," he promised.
The reminder of how it had been, but no longer was seemed to bring her back to reality, and she was once again conscious of the bump between them, reminding her that she could not give in, even if she wanted to. She had to do what was the best for her son.
When he leaned in to kiss her again, she put her hands against his lips and instead of being thwarted he kissed a line from her cheek back to her ear, making her knees weaken as she tried again to deny him again.
"Stop Kylo, this isn't right."
"Of course it is, you for me is the only thing that's ever been right in my life. I know you want me, you want to feel good like I used to. Give in Serela."
He was holding her face in his hands now and looking at her so sincerely she could almost believe this was the same man, just for the briefest of seconds, who had played with her students and helped her and her mother cook food in the kitchen and bounced children on his knee at the festival, the man she had loved for a short time, the man who fathered her child.
He leaned in and kissed her forehead like he used to, "You want us to be together. To be a family. I can see it in your mind, it's practically shouting at me. You feel the call to give in, and stay here with me, forever, and our son. Don't be afraid... I feel it too."
"No Kylo, no you don't. You have no idea what I feel."
His face hardened and suddenly his hands on her face were gripping her hard, his eyes widening in concentration as she felt a terrible pain in her head. They had read each other's minds before, but always playfully and never without consent. This was different, it was rough and invasive, as she felt him combing through her brain for memories and thoughts and feelings, looking for something he could use to persuade her. She fought him as he did, which made it more painful; it was like a razor blade scraping the lobes of her brain and leaving small cuts behind in its wake that ached and bled.
She was screaming by the time he finally relented and let go, pushing her away from himself. The last memory she had seen him find was the day she had told him about the baby, how happy he had been at the prospect of being a father. Raw, genuine happiness that could not have been faked in a thousand years. The echo of her words then followed, "I think we should name him Han, for your father."
There was a shift in his eyes when he pushed her away, and he seemed to look around warily, as if not sure where he was or how he had gotten there. Serela sensed in him a small bubble, filled with the Light and resting in the middle of a black abyss. It looked so clear and pure, and her heart fluttered as she saw a glimpse of hope for him, that there was still something in there, golden and pure, trying to work its way out.
Almost as soon as she sensed the bubble, seeing it clearly in her mind, she watched as the abyss crushed in around it, and it popped.
Back came the hard face and she knew that, just for a second, she had found him, the real him, with equal parts Light and Dark inside him, but with the return of his malicious scowl she knew he was now lost to her again.
"DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU?" he screamed at her, and she startled backward, beginning to fall until she felt him use his power to catch her, draw her back upright and pull her towards him, the toes of her slippers dragging on the floor.
There she was, in front of him again, and his handed rested ominously against her throat, caressing the skin he had been licking minutes before.
"Give in to me," Kylo said forcefully, his voice taking on an almost potent tone as he rubbed her neck with his thumb, and she knew he was trying to use the Force on her without her knowing. "Let us be a family. You, me, our son. Together we could rule the galaxy, raise him and ensure his future together."
She scoffed at him, no longer so naive about Snoke's purposes for the thanks to the information Phasma gave her, "Our son has no future if he is raised by the Dark side, he will only be used as a puppet until he had outlived his usefulness. Just like you and I would be."
Serela felt his hand tighten around her neck, "Be careful, Serela," he warned her in a mockingly pleasant tone, "Remember the fact that you have your very life at this moment is thanks to the good graces of the Dark side."
Her stomach gave a lurch every time she looked at him and saw that sinister expression on his face. His reconditioning had been more than effective, if the intended effect was to horrify and revolt her.
"Actually, it's been made abundantly clear that the only reason I am still alive right now is because I'm needed for the health of our baby. If he were already born when I was captured I would have been left for dead on Takodana or thrown in the trash compactor here months ago."
He started to say something, his face looking dangerous, and she continued, emboldened with the knowledge that while pregnant, she was safe from harm from him or anyone, no matter how high their anger rose.
"I will never succumb to the Dark side Kylo, not on your life or mine or our child's. The Light will be the winning side in the end."
Serela watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose, waiting several seconds before responding.
"You've grown up listening to too many fairytales," he reproached her, "The Light loses, the Darkness wins. Sorry."
"That's not true Kylo and you know it. The Light prevailed 30 years ago on the battle of Endor and the Death Star when your uncle and your parents helped to defeat the emperor."
"Han Solo and Leia Organa were traitors to the Empire, using their positions as war heroes to form the New Republic which we have already effectively crushed! It's only a matter of time before we discover the new location of the Resistance base and wipe them all out. As for Luke Skywalker, he will be found too, and brought here to answer for his crimes."
"What crimes Kylo? For escaping your rampage when you murdered every single one of his progeny?"
He released her throat and raised his hand up as if he was about to strike her, but instead of cowering away like she normally would have, she stood tall and resolute, staring at him with the air of someone who has no doubts that they are right.
"You're not Kylo Ren," she whispered when he dropped his hand, "The man I loved would have never raised his hand to me in anger or anything else. Whatever else they have done to you, they have taken you away from me and our son."
This time there was no anger on his part, he just stared at her listlessly, trying to figure out how to respond. "You're right," he finally admitted, "I'm not the man you loved. That man was a remnant of a boy long gone. The man before you now is Kylo Ren as he should have always been. Dark and fearless, more powerful than almost anyone."
She grabbed his arm and he almost pulled it away from her but she held fast, "But Kylo, that isn't what I want. Not for you or me or our son. We could leave here together, start over somewhere that no one knows who we are. We could be a family, if you would only renounce the Dark side and come with me."
The smile he gave her was one of purest evil, and she felt herself shaking almost as badly as when she was in the same room with Hux. There was no shadow of mercy or pity in his face, only cold, unfeeling determination to take what he wanted at whatever cost.
"I underestimated you," he observed drily, and he relinquished his hold on her, pushing himself away to put distance between them, "I thought you loved me and our child. I thought you would make the choice that would let our son have his mother, something I thought you of all people would consider vital to his development."
She regarded him warily, thinking she knew what he was trying to imply, but waiting for him to say it.
"After all," he continued, "You only ever had your mother. You spent your whole childhood longing for two parents, a mother and a father to both love you and care for you. I don't understand how you could not want the same for our son."
This wasn't fair, he was taking everything he knew about her, all the information he had gathered over months and months and using it against her, trying to manipulate her towards his side.
Serela stepped closer to him, and he stepped back again. She had rejected his physical advances, and now he wanted her to remember what it felt like to yearn for his touch like oxygen, depriving her of even a close proximity to him in order to starve her out metaphorically.
"I want..." she began, hesitating as she tried to phrase it the right way, "I want what all mothers want. For my child to have the things I didn't. I want him to grow up safe, and happy, and free, as I did. I want him to have the choice of what he wants to do with his life when he comes of age, not spending every moment from his birth until death being trained in the Dark side until he doesn't even realise there is another side to be found. Yes, I do want him to have a mother and father who love him, but more than anything I want him to be safe. I grew up with only one parent, and I'd like to think I still turned out well. I can only trust the Light that in the same circumstances my son will too."
"Even if you are dead and it is I who am doing the raising?"
She swallowed, "Yes, I trust that the Light side will protect me from dying and give me and our son a future. But if it doesn't I still trust that he will be alright in the end, whatever the case may be."
He gave a half-sigh, looking down at the floor and rubbing his forehead as if staving off a headache. "So we stand here at an impasse. I will never leave the Dark side for you and you will never leave the Light for me. It seems we are right back where we started from when you were brought on board this ship months ago."
"It seems so." She wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to hold him to her and let him feel the baby kicking beneath her skin, she wanted him to feel the baby's thoughts as she did sometimes, when he was sleepy and happy and the way his small body quivered and flipped when his father touched her face affectionately. But this was not a time or place for that. Their conversation was ending, and with neither getting the resolution they were hoping for.
"Then we have nothing more to say at the moment Serela."
"No...no, we do not."
Sooooo you probably noticed I used a few of Kylo's lines from his interrogation scene with Rey just because they were SO HOT and I thought it fit perfectly with the scene. Lemme know what you think about their characterization and dialogue. I'm always self conscious that I'm repeating words too often or the dialogue gets confusing, so any feedback on that would be very much appreciated. I'm still blown away by the number of views on here. Somehow, because the world is a crazy place, I am over 10,000 views in less than two weeks! WUT? You people must REALLY like Kylo Ren as much as I do. (also, sorry if you were hoping for more smut, I can't promise if or when that will/won't come again, but if it does, you will see it coming ;)
I love writing this though and I'm hopeful that more of you will give me your honest opinions on how the story is progressing. I probably sound like a broken record, I just never really share my writing in person with people because I'm so insecure about it and secretly I think everything I write is probably crap and I tear it apart in my mind after posting it, so your comments legitimately mean the world to me because it's the only feedback I get.