It's Always Been Him Chapter 25, a twilight fanfic

A/N - What's this? Another chapter so soon? I must really love you guys!

This chapter is dedicated to my 'Avid Reader' Sandym. Don't you trust me, hun? Hopefully by the time you get to the end of this, your faith will be fully restored!

Chapter Twenty Five

EPOV

Black. That's all I could see. I was surrounded by blackness. The only constant thing was an annoying beep, beep, beep, coming from my left. It took me a long while to realise that the only reason I could see black was because my eyes were closed. I slowly pried my eyelids open and found myself staring up at a white tiled ceiling. Hospital. I was in a hospital. The sterile atmosphere confirmed my suspicion. I turned my head and saw my mother sleeping in a chair beside my bed. My father and brother were also asleep on a sofa in the corner, leaning against one another.

I was confused. Why was I here? Why was I lying in a hospital bed on my back?

As soon as that thought left my mind memories crashed through me. In my minds eye I saw the full action replay of the shooting. Picture after picture flew through my mind until finally the reel settled on the last image I had of Bella. Of her lying beneath me, soaked in blood and a bullet hole to her neck. I gasped and sat up.

"Bella!" I cried as I felt a burning pain in my shoulder causing black spots to float in front of my vision again.

"Edward! You're awake. You're ok!" I heard my mom say from beside me.

Her voice sounded as if it was off in the distance and coming through a tunnel. I fought the darkness threatening to envelope me again.

"Bella. Where's Bella?" I slurred.

I didn't hear my mother's answer as I slumped back onto the bed and lost consciousness again.

The second time I awoke I felt a lot calmer and it didn't take me as long to recall the event of the previous days. That's not to say that I didn't ask questions though. I did. It was just that no one gave me any concrete answers. None of the nurses would tell me where my Bella was or even how she was; telling me instead to just rest and wait for the doctor. I was frustrated. I was worried and I was in pain. My shoulder throbbed dully, reminding me of what had happened, so again, I would question where Bella was and how she was and again the nurses would tell me to wait for the doctor. It was a vicious circle and I hoped that it would end soon.

I had been lying, staring up at the ceiling when the door swung open and Charlie walked in. I gently lifted myself up into a sitting position and looked at him. He looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot red, his hair and clothes were in disarray and he looked as if he hadn't slept in days.

"Charlie, where's Bella? How is she?" I demanded as soon as he stopped at my bedside.

Charlie dropped his head and refused to meet my eyes. Dread filled my abdomen.

"Charlie?" I whispered fearfully.

He finally looked up and I was shocked to see unshed tears swimming in his eyes.

"She's in the room next door." He said quietly.

I breathed a sigh of relief. She was ok. I think. One look at Charlie's face told me that that was not all.

"What is it, Charlie? What aren't you telling me?" I asked.

Charlie took a deep breath, steeling himself.

"She's in a coma. She lost a lot of blood and they managed to stabilise her, but she slipped into a coma during surgery. They don't know if she'll wake up." He choked out.

My heart stopped as did my breathing.

"No." I whispered.

Charlie nodded, "They're saying that if she doesn't wake up within the next five days, I have to…to…I have to decide." He said as tears overflowed and fell down his cheeks.

I understood with perfect clarity what he was saying and what he wasn't saying. The doctors were telling him that he would have to decide to pull the plug or not. They were asking him to end his own daughter's life; to take away the chance of her ever waking up. To take away the flame of hope forever.

"No." I said again but more clearly.

He nodded again as tears continued to pour from his eyes. My eyes in the meantime were dry as a desert. Denial was raging through my veins as thickly as my blood was. It was not possible. They wouldn't say that. Bella would be fine. She would wake up. They had it wrong. They had to be wrong.

I don't recall when Charlie left my room and I sure as hell don't recall when my family turned up with dinner for me and themselves. I was in a daze; the only thing in mind was Bella and the words that Charlie had spoken. I could not lose her like that; I would not survive it if I did. I didn't notice the looks of sympathy and worry flashing across my family's faces as they sat around me, trying to talk to me. The only words to leave my mouth were:

"I want to see her. Now."

It took my father an hour of persuasion before the nurse finally relented and brought me a wheelchair to escort me into the next room. I didn't understand the need for it. I was only walking fifteen steps, but I went along with it because my need to see Bella was far greater than my need to fight with the nurse. She wheeled me into the room next to mine and as soon as I lay eyes on my Kitten I broke.

My beautiful girlfriend was lying prone in the bed hooked up to a million tubes and wires. The machine closest to her bed measured out her breaths and heartbeats, filling the room with a soft whoosh each time the black pump like apparatus decompressed.

The nurse wheeled me closer to the bed and clicked on my brakes. She quietly left the room, knowing that I wanted to be alone with my girl and my tears. I gently lifted the hand closest to me and brought it to my face. My tears fell unchecked as I gazed at her beautiful face, still so perfect and unmarred. She looked as if she were simply sleeping. Her expression was peaceful and calm. If I hadn't known that she was in fact in a coma, I would have thought that she was sleeping.

I stayed in that position for a long time. How much time, I don't know, but eventually I found my voice and started speaking to her.

"Kitten, it's me, Tiger. Wake up please. Wake up, baby. Don't leave me here all alone, I won't survive it if you left me. I would follow you. As soon as I could I would follow you. I need you, baby, so, so much. Please. Come back to me. I love you, baby, please come back to me." I whispered to her as I clutched her hand tightly in my own.

I waited for a beat to see if there was any change before I started speaking again. There wasn't.

"Baby, please? For me? Come on back. If you don't, the doc's are telling Charlie that they will have to turn off the life support. You know what that means don't you? You won't be here anymore and if you're not here then what is the use of me being here? I need you to live, Kitten. I can't breath right without you. If you go, I go; it's as simple as that." I said firmly.

There were several loud gasps from behind me. I twisted in the chair and found my entire family and Bella's standing there with their hands over their mouths and their eyes wide in fright. I scanned each face before turning back to Bella. I didn't care what they had heard. I didn't care what they thought about what I had said. It was the truth. Without Bella, there was no Edward.

CPOV (Charlie)

Beside me Sue, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice, Rose, Renee and Phil all gasped in horror too. Horror for the words that Edward was saying. He was giving up. He was accepting death in the event of Bella's. He was choosing not to live without her. To be truthful, I don't think there ever was a choice. He had lived without her once and look at where he ended up, but to lose her now and so permanently would be the end of him. I somewhat thought that the only reason he had survived those eight years was because he knew that she was out there somewhere and somehow they would end up meeting again. But if we lost her now, it would be a more permanent situation and there would no hope of bumping into her again ever.

As much as it would kill me inside to make the decision to turn off the life support if that time came, it would kill Edward outright. My pulling the plug would end the life of not one, but two people. Was I strong enough to shoulder that for the rest of my days?

BPOV

I was surrounded by darkness and silence until I heard the one voice I never thought I would hear again. I strained my ears to hear what he was saying but only caught snippets.

"Kitten, it's me, Tiger. Wake up please. Wake up, baby. Don't leave me here all alone, I won't survive it if you left me…"

The voice faded out again and I huffed in frustration. The voice was a comfort to me and I wanted to hear it more.

"Baby, please? For me? Come on back…You won't be here anymore and if you're not here then what is the use of me being here?...If you go, I go; it's as simple as that."

He sounded so sad and in so much pain. I wanted to reach out and touch him; to comfort him. My hand itched to reach for him but my entire body felt heavy and unresponsive. His words were tearing at my heart. He was telling me that his survival depended on mine. For him to live, I had to live.

The problem was; I had no idea how to get back.

EPOV

I spent the next four days in Bella's room. I refused to leave. The nurses and the doctors all came in and tried to make me go back to my room, but I stood; or rather sat, firm. Until she woke up, I would not be leaving her side. They left me alone with her eventually, only coming in at intervals to make sure I was ok and not in need of any pain meds. I waved them away each time. The pain in my shoulder was in no way on par with the pain in my heart. I would gladly suffer my shoulder pain in order to stay be her side.

Day five dawned bright and clear; a mockery on my black mood. Today was the day. Day five. The last chance I had to get Bella to wake up or lose her forever. I had spent the last few days talking and pleading with her but had had no response whatsoever. The doctors all said that it was because she was not here anymore; that only her body was here, being kept alive by the life support machine. I refused to believe it. If that were the case and she wasn't here anymore, why did I still feel the pulse of electricity? How was it that my heart could still feel her here?

No, she was here. She was just…lost.

I would find a way to bring her back. No matter what it took. I just had to persuade the doctors to give us more time.

I was still speaking to my love when Charlie walked in with the doctor. I glanced up and looked from one to the other. The solemn looks on their faces confirmed what I had thought. They were here to switch off the life support. They were going to take her away from me. I jumped up from my seat and placed my body in between them and the machine and Bella and dropped to a defensive stance.

"No!" I snarled.

"Edward…" Charlie started.

"No!" I roared again, "You will not do this! How can you do this, Charlie? She's your daughter!"

Charlie shook his head sadly.

"She is and she always will be, but that's not her anymore, son. She's not here anymore. The least I can do is let her go, as much as I don't want to." He said softly.

"She is here! I can still feel her here! She hasn't gone anywhere, Charlie, she's still here." I replied, my voice dropping to a whisper at the end.

My eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over. Charlie crossed the room and came to stand beside me, his hand on my good shoulder. I tensed further and shifted my body so that I was still blocking her from them.

"Edward, we have to let her go. She would not want this life; breathing through a tube and not even being able to go to the bathroom on her own steam. Please, it's the right thing to do." He pleaded with me.

I stared at him for several long moments; his eyes pleading with me to understand his reasons and mine begging him not to do this – to not kill the only thing that kept my tied to the earth. I finally sighed and slumped my shoulders when I realised that no matter what I said, he would not relent. He gently squeezed my shoulder and dropped his hand.

"I'll let you say goodbye. We'll wait outside the door." He murmured before turning and exiting the room, motioning for the doctor to follow him.

I stayed staring at the closed door for a moment before I slowly turned and looked down at my only love, wondering how I could find the words to let her go and say goodbye. I really, really didn't want to say goodbye. I wanted her to wake up and stay with me; grow old with me, marry me, have my children.

The alternative was to lose her now and follow her as soon as I could. Suicide was never a good idea and after my last attempt, I had given up on that, realising that I would be hurting my family, but the thought of there being no Bella in my life made my life look like hell. A hell that I wanted no part of. It was a different matter when I knew she was alive and living but this was different. This time, she would not be alive; there would be no hope of seeing her beautiful face again one day. This time, I would lose her for good and that reality tore at my heart, slowly killing me.

I sank down onto the chair I had jumped out of and took her lifeless hand in mine once again, allowing the tears to run down my face unchecked again.

"Bella, baby, please, if you can hear me, please come back. The doctor's here to turn off the life support machine and unless you wake up, I'll lose you. Please, Kitten, please, I'm begging you; don't let this be the end of us. I love you, Kitten, I need you. Please, baby, wake up. I can't say goodbye, I can't…I don't…" I started to sob as the reality of the situation crashed through me.

I bent my head over our clasped hands and sobbed, my body shaking with the force of them.

"Please, Bella…" I whispered brokenly.

I don't know how long I sat there, crying and begging her to stay until the door opened again and my father and brother came in and gently lifted me from the seat and helped me out of the room. It wasn't until they had cleared through the doorway did I come back to reality and started fighting them.

"No, let me go! She needs me! I have to stay with her! She needs me! Please, let me go! Bella! Let me go! Bella! Please, baby!"

EmPOV

I tried to keep my arms locked tightly around my brother as he kicked and screamed for Bella; his tortured cries were ripping me apart inside. Each syllable rising in volume and each cry for Bella becoming more desperate. I had never seen him like this and it frightened me more than the sight of him high and drunk had. I had no idea how to help him.

We finally managed to tackle him into his room next door and the doctor stuck him with a sedative. It wasn't long after that when his eyes closed and he slipped into unconsciousness. The pain on his face did not recede with his grip on reality and I feared that it never would. His words from five days ago came back to haunt me.

"...If you go, I go; it's as simple as that."

He wouldn't, would he? His previous attempt to take his own life came back in the normal rush of images and I sucked in a deep painful breath. I knew the answer to my own question.

Without a doubt; he would.

CPOV (Carlisle)

I kept my gaze on my youngest son as he slept with the aid of a sedative and I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes and ran down my face. The memory of him just moments before was by far the worst of my life. It surpassed the memory of seeing him high and drunk by miles. I would never forget the look of absolute devastation and pain on his face. I had failed as a parent. I had failed to keep my child from hurting.

The question now was; could I keep him from doing something drastic.

CPOV (Charlie)

"I love you, baby girl. I'm sorry that I have had to make this choice but I know that if you could talk you would be telling me that death would be better than this half life. I'll take care of Edward, Bells; I promise he'll be ok. I'll make sure of it. Look for me in heaven; I'll see you there in a few years."

I smiled down at my child through my tears. This was by far the hardest thing I had ever had to do; saying goodbye to my daughter long before it should be her time. I had seen the effect this whole situation had had on Edward and I had seen his full on break down in the hallway earlier and I wondered if I could keep my promise and ensure that Edward was safe and without harm. Thinking back onto his words from days ago, I somehow doubted it, but I would try nonetheless.

BPOV

"No, let me go! She needs me! I have to stay with her! She needs me! Please, let me go! Bella! Let me go! Bella! Please, baby!"

Edward's voice broke through the darkness in the most spectacular way. The pain and devastation in his voice pulled me to the surface but kept me just under, floating. I could hear everything yet I still couldn't open my eyes. I heard the sounds of a struggle as they pulled my Edward from my room, screaming and crying for me. I heard his sobs and his pleas and they ripped through me; pulling me back to reality – to him.

I heard first Esme, Alice, Rose, and Jasper and then finally Phil and Renee all come in say various forms of goodbye before it fell silent again. Their words of farewell confused me; why were they saying goodbye to and why were they all crying?

It wasn't long after it had gone silent when I heard my dad's voice.

Heaven? Who was going to heaven and why would my father be asking me to look for him there? Was he dying? Was I?

I heard the tears in my dad's voice and they pulled me even further to the surface until finally I found the strength to move. My hand. It wasn't much, but I could tell by my father's gasp that he had either felt it or seen it.

"Bella? Sweetheart? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me?" Dad whispered in my ear.

I flexed my fingers and felt them tighten around his. I heard him gasp again.

"Bella? Bells, can you open your eyes for me sweetie?" he whispered with retrained excitement in his voice.

My eyelids fluttered until I finally managed to pry them open just enough to see the blurry image of my father hovering over me with a huge grin on his face.

"Oh, thank you God! You're awake. You're awake!" he exclaimed.

I tried to move my mouth to ask about Edward but couldn't. I felt the plastic tube in my mouth and frowned.

"Don't try to talk, honey. I'll get the doctor. Hang on for me." Dad said as he reached over and pressed the red button on the wall beside my bed.

I fought against the tiredness as dad talked excitedly to me, telling me to stay with him, to not give up. I saw the doctor come into the room and over to the bed. He gently lifted my eyelids and shone a light through them making me blink and shrink away at the brightness. He checked the monitors that were around me and smiled.

"Welcome back, Miss Swan. You gave us quite a scare. How do you feel?" he asked softly.

I lifted my trembling hand and gave him a small thumbs up and then a sideways thumb to which he chuckled.

"Well, it's good to know that you have a sense of humour. You can sleep now. We'll remove the machines. Your responses are all up to scratch so it looks like you don't need this to breath for you anymore." He said.

I nodded and then looked over to my dad. I placed a hand on my heart and then signed the letter 'E' in the air above me to ask about Edward. Dad chuckled softly, yet sadly.

"He's ok. He's under sedation right now in the next room. I'll let him know that you're awake and ok when he wakes up." Dad answered my silent question.

I frowned at him and asked 'why' with my eyes. Dad sighed and dropped his eyes from me.

"It's a long story, Bells and you need rest. I promise to tell you later, but just sleep for now." He finally said quietly.

I nodded in acceptance and gave in to the call of sleep.

A/N – Well, she's awake…Finally! You didn't really think I would kill her, did you? Shame on if you did, O Ye of little faith!

This isn't the HEA you're waiting for…don't forget we have some unfinished business to attend to first!

As always - R&R people!