Archer III

"Explain." Rin sat against the wall of the spare bedroom with her legs dangling over the edge. She had just finished her shower, and was now ready to grill me as she promised earlier.

The look of exhaustion remained on her face, but gone were the burn marks and splotches of blood. She sat determined, hungry for answers. Rin was smarter than she looked, which said a lot about her intelligence.

I sighed, closing the door behind me. This was going to be a long night. "How much do you know?"

"You recognize Saber and Rider," she said, "and furthermore they look exactly like you, minus Rider's skin complexion."

"We are the same person." I nodded, "Heroic Spirits are removed from the timeline. Therefore it is possible for future, or in this case, alternate versions of the same person to be summoned by the Grail."

"I see." Rin donned her glasses, the bent frames hung at an odd angle. It helped her concentrate even if she never needed them. "And my dreams. The way you always fought to save people. How you never gave up on your ideals."

"I am..." I hung my head. The painful memories flooded back into my mind. No matter what I did I only ever killed. It was unending. Betrayed by my ideals.

"Emiya," she said for me. Her lips curved into a frown as her features softened. "What happened?"

"My entire life is a contradiction," I said, my arms crossed. "The dream was never really mine, and my goals were selfish. In the pursuit of my ideals I came to realize that I could never truly be a hero."

She looked down at her feet, tracing small circles into the hardwood floorboards. "Is that what you meant about your "wish" earlier."

I blinked. She remembered. It was just a joke really. We had discussed what we wanted from the Grail, and she asked me what I wanted. "World peace."

She nodded. "Was that what you wanted?"

"I suppose," I said, "but I knew it could never come true. The cost is too much."

"But, is that still your wish?"

I paused, mulling over my words. At one point in my life it might have been, but the truth is something far worse. "No." I said. "In truth, world peace is the last thing I want."

Rin stared at me silence. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed them again.

"I can only feel happiness when I help others," I said. "When Kiritsugu saved me from the fire, I was not overcome by guilt for having survived. I was jealous of the look on his face."

"There must always be conflict for a hero to exist," Rin put the pieces together. In no time at all she had figured everything out. "Without people in danger, you couldn't save them. And at some point you learned the fastest way to save people was to kill everyone involved. Excising the tumor to save the organism."

I nodded. "I became a Counter Guardian."

"And so you became nothing more than a killing machine," she said, "in the end you were betrayed by your ideals."

She hit the nail right on the head. A few choice words and a short explanation and she had everything figured out. It was silly of me to think I could have hidden anything from her.

"But," she whispered. The slow realization dawned on her face. Another question began to nag at her. "What about Saber? Or Rider?"

"Different paths, different men," I said.

Someone knocked on the door. It appears that Saber and Shirou had returned from their patrol. I opened it.

"What's up?" Saber's face peaked through the crack, bandaged over one eye and covered in blood. His smile irritated me.

I slammed the door.

"Archer," Rin said in her angry voice.

"Fine," I said. I'll play nice for now, but only because we were dependent on their (my?) hospitality. I opened the door again.

Saber held a tray with a teapot and light snacks. Tea cakes and a rich velvet brew of some kind. "I figured you'd be hungry," he said. He limped over to the bed, pretending to not wince in pain with every step, and placed the tray down on the desk. He snuck quick, barely noticeable glances at Rin while he poured the tea into the blue and white cups.

Rin took a sip. "This is good," she said. She even tried a few of the biscuits, her hunger slowly surfacing beneath her facade.

Saber smiled, "figured you'd like it."

It was almost as if... as if he was doting on her.

"How was the patrol?" She asked him like a wife asking about her husband's day at work.

Saber shrugged. "Ran into Berserker, he kind of kicked my ass."

"I'm sure you did your best."

"Got a couple of broken bones, a bruised vertebrae, and a few cracked ribs." He laughed between mouthfuls of biscuits. "I'll definitely get them next time."

"Sure you will, but first, take a shower."

I stepped besides them, snapping Saber from his game. The cup felt hot when I grabbed it. I took a sip. The flavors swirled in the back of tongue as it swept down my throat. The smell of peppermint tickled my nose. It was... it was alright. "Adequate," I said.

"Oh?" Rin smiled. "Archer, are you jealous?"

I put down the cup and crossed my arms. No, I was not going to play this game. I turned around and headed straight out of the door.

Shirou bumped into me as I walked through the living room. Covered in dirt and skid marks, blackish blotches mixed with blood on his neck and face. He tracked it across the floor and stained my cloak.

I scowled. The thought of cutting him in half crossed my mind. Prana began to run through my circuits, but I fought the urge. Rin would not be pleased. And as much as I couldn't stand him, Saber was needed if we were to win this war. "Hmph," I said as I shoved past him. His blackened face scrunched in anger, but I ignored it.

The cool air on the porch provided some comfort to the burn marks on my skin. Funny that I did not notice them until now. I sat down by the support beam, staring at the midnight sky. A smattering of stars shone through the light pollution radiating from Fuyuki City.

I closed my eyes, trying to remember the night Kiritsugu died. What was it that he said? He sat in his kimono, at peace. We were discussing the past, and I asked him about his dream.

"I wanted to be a superhero," he said.

And in my naivety I told him I would do the same. I would carry on his ideal. I would become what he always wanted to be.

But it was never my dream. It was never my ideal.

"This seat taken?" Saber appeared at my side. He didn't wait for a response and sat down immediately.

"You may sit where you please," I said, "I am a guest here."

He laughed. "A guest in your own home."

"This is no more my home than it is yours," I scoffed. "We may share the same origin, but we are not the same people anymore."

"I disagree," he said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He held the opened end towards me.

I raised my eyebrow and leaned back against the support beam.

"Probably for the best," he laughed as he pulled out one for himself. A blackened lighter found its way into his hand. The cigarette crisped as it burned.

"How are we the same?" I asked, "you seem far too carefree about the situation."

Saber sighed. Smoke drifted across porch as he exhaled. "No matter what happens, the fundamental nature of the broken being that is Emiya Shirou never changes." He looked down at his hands. A sad smile settled on his face. The wrinkles underneath his face still as he stared at them. It was like he was remembering something.

"And look where that's gotten us."

He shook his head. "Broken men with stolen ideals," he put his cigarette down for a second. "But, have you ever saved a person that gave you hope?"

"What do you mean?" I tried to remember my past. The memories were literally a lifetime ago. The faces all blurred together, I couldn't think of a single person.

"The reality never lived up to the ideal," Saber took an extra long drag. He held his breath, and exhaled slowly. A small ring of smoke floated above him. "But I never regretted it."

I snorted. "I thought the same. But human desire never changes. In the end, all I do is clean up after their messes. Counter Guardians do not save people." The cycle will repeat itself over and over. I am cursed.

Saber remained silent, trying to think. His eyes drooped and his smile weakened. He could try to deny it, but I could see that he agreed with me.

"And why do you care?" I asked, "do you mean to save me too?"

He leaned back, cigarette dangling from his lips. They curled as he stared at me from the corner of his eyes. A light chuckle came out from underneath his breath. "Of course. Why shouldn't I try to save everybody?"

My heart stopped for a brief moment. Something inside me stirred. The sheer naivety of the statement reminded me too much of myself. A long time ago I would have cheered alongside that conviction. "You are foolish for trying. Humans are not sacred. They are not things worth saving."

Saber shook his head, his expression turned serious. "You are angry at yourself," he said.

"That may be true, but that does not make my statement false. Everything I saw was meaningless. Meaningless happiness. Meaningless sacrifice. Meaningless suffering. In the end it never mattered."

A part of me desperately wanted to believe Saber. But the memories were too intense. I could not see the big picture through the pile of corpses.

"I pity you, Archer."

"And I pity you, Emiya."

"I thought that maybe you would have remembered me."

I crossed my arms, feeling confused.

"When I said killing Shirou won't work, I meant it."

My eyes widened. What does he mean by that?

Saber took one last drag from his cigarette. It burned all the way to the butt before he crushed it against the porch. "You tried to kill me before, but I guess the original Counter Guardian hasn't accessed those memories yet."

The moment of clarity dawned on me. Saber had come from a timeline where I tried to carry out my plan. And yet he still lived.

"Don't even think of killing me right now," Saber lit up another cigarette. "We may be copies of the original, but don't forget. The lives of Rin and Shirou, of everyone in this city, are still very much real. Alternate realities or not, your decisions affect people."

Prana drained from my body. "And why did 'I' let you live?"

"To be honest, I don't remember anymore," Saber laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

"Perhaps I did something to remind you. All I know is that I never gave up. I knew I was right. I believed in the beautiful ideal."

The beautiful ideal? I wondered. It mattered not. In the end there was nothing left for me.

"Don't worry," Saber said as he stood up. "I know for a fact that I'll be able to convince you otherwise."

He left me sitting on the porch alone. The kindling cigarette snuffed itself out on the wood flooring. I tried to process what Saber said. His words rang hollow inside me. I understood them, but felt nothing. I simply could not understand anymore. Maybe I had forgotten. An unceasing cycle of torment rotted my mind.

I tried to imagine something that could convince me of it. Anything that could help me. But I came up with nothing. All I could see was the mess left behind. Left behind me for me to clean up.

Only one course of action existed. Saber convinced me of one thing, I could not kill my younger self. That Emiya Shirou is not the same as me, there would be no paradox. But maybe, at the least I could steer him from suffering the same fate as myself.

It was all I could do really. Given the sheer branches of the multiverse, and the different paths we all took, it was a longshot. But with luck, I could take solace in the idea that one of us could be saved after all.