A slow drag of cool liquid, ebbing and flowing, saturating his skin. A sound, foreign, yet familiar drawing his senses.
His eyes flutter open, the brightness overwhelming at first, burning his irises as he takes in his surroundings, takes in the soft tactility of the material brushing against the pads of his fingertips where he's lying, breathing in wetness and sweetness all at once.
He breathes in deeply, slowly, and manages to push himself into a sitting position.
He's on the sands of a beach. The water free of debris and perfectly crystalline, the ethereal waves rolling over the sand, mushing it into a paste that caresses like a light whisper, crashing in tides that hum across the shore.
He finds his feet, standing up, trying to understand. He looks over himself, immediately noting the lack of blood, and subsequently the lack of pain. He's barefoot, in nothing but jeans and a white undershirt, clinging to him like a second skin, slightly transparent from the touch of water that had skimmed over his body.
His first thoughts are of him.
"Kurt," he calls out.
There is no response but for the lurking ocean, beating against white sand in a rhythmic intonation.
"Kurt!"
He bounds up the pearl colored sands toward an enbankment, scrambling to climb over the sand dune, and learn what lies beyond.
It takes a while. At least it feels like long moments that leave him flushed and breathing heavily, yet there was no perspiration crawling over his skin. And as he overtakes the peak, its as if he had glided to the top; no evidence of any true struggle apparent.
"Kurt! Kurt!"
He's starting to feel desparate as he looks out at the open land, his barefeet tickled by cool green grass. As he looks out into the distance, his eyes skirt across a sight that causes him to draw in a breath.
The distance is rippling in a familiar gold, drenched in soft brush that he knows quite well. The same fields he's seen countless times behind closed eyelids.
"You won't find him here."
He whips around at the sound of that voice; the same one that he'd last heard ringing through the chasms of an enormous church before it...
"W-what - I - Santana?"
"You won't find him here," she repeats kindly.
"Why? Where is he?"
"Not here. Not for a while anyway."
He doesn't know what to say to that. But she's here - right here in front of him, alive, vibrant,and breathing; lustrous curtains of brunette hair lapping across her back, dark eyes twinkling with a dancing merriment, and a lingering smile trailing over full lips.
He reaches out and brushes her cheek, shocked that he can actually feel warm skin. She closes her eyes, and rests her own hand over his, that rare smile widening at the exchange.
"I - I'm so sorry, San," he breathes. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have let you go. I - I killed you both," he mumbles, the salty taste of his tears suddenly prevelant.
She answers with a continued smile, bringing both of their hands away, clutching his within her own as the appendages rest easily between their bodies in a light clasp.
"Oh, Seb. Always the Samurai. Even now."
He wants to look away in shame, but is too scared that she'll disappear the moment he breaks eye contact.
"C'mon. I need to show you something."
He has so many questions; so many things itching to be posed, stated, confirmed... but he simply allows himself to be led forward, still holding her hand.
As they trek across green, which begins melting into the familiar lush of gold, they stop at the sight of a large tree several yards ahead.
"Is that where we're going?"
"Something like that. Now keep up, Twinky."
He can't help but smile at the term of endearment as they continue on. As the tree grows larger in his line of sight, he realizes, a sense of absolute awe consuming him, that there's a specificity to this particular tree; it's auburn colored leaves bright against the golden backdrop.
"Is this - is this a..."
"Yeah. Just like the book."
He stares up at it. He's only ever seen images of its kind on the web, but it was just as he remembered: a sizable red fern.
"I know you're enjoying the view Twinktard, but I need you to look a little closer."
He swallows as he looks back at the Latina, noting her subtle nod at the base of the tree. He releases her hand, stealing a glance over his shoulder to make sure that she was still present, hadn't disappeared on him, and steps toward the base, eyes grazing over rough bark.
Scratched into the surface was a heart, outlining two names...
Brit + San
He blinks back tears as he runs his hand over the design.
"Where is she?"
"Here," another voice answers. He looks up and gets lost in blond hair framing a sea of greenish-blue, two pools that were almost gray in the warm sunlight.
"Brit?"
She nods and steps from behind the tree, materializing in front of him; tall frame, sun-kissed skin, and a wonderous flash of teeth stretched in a joyful grin.
He doesn't hesitate to hug her to him, to breathe in her flowerly scent, and just feel her. When he pulls away, she brushes a chaste kiss across his cheek.
"You know that we're always here. Don't you Seb?"
"Here, where?" he inquires incredulously.
She reaches out and lays the palm of her hand flat over his chest, directly over where his heart rests.
"In here. That's where we'll always be. No matter what. You just have to remember that."
"W-where is this place?"
Brittany brings her hand away, following Seb's eyes around the expanse of scenery.
"Whatever you want it to be. It's your place after all, silly."
He takes his time to look over everything: the wheat colored fields that stretched into the distance unseen, the large red fern that grew unexpectedly and tall, no others like it as it stood alone, and the bluest ocean beyond the embankment, so blue that he couldn't help but think of a certain pair of eyes...
"I know that smile. Come look," Brit directs. She indicates the other side of the tree. He follows, squinting across the bark until his heart stutters at the sight of another heart, strategically etched into the surface of the tree.
Seb + Kurt
He's already caressing the lines, feeling every indentation, every thin cut.
"Where's Kurt? Why's he not here?"
Both girls exchange a look, a tender glance carrying an unspoken understanding that was beyond Sebastian's grasp.
"What? Why isn't he here?"
"I told you. He's not supposed to be. Not now," Santana explains patiently.
"Do I have to wait for him to come?" he asks, eyes returning to graze over his hand perusing the heart design harboring his and Kurt's names.
"That's up to you. But before you decide, I think there's someone you should meet," she continues.
He turns to face them again, wild eyed and full of confusion.
"Who?"
"Him," Brit exclaims, smiling at a figure who suddenly emerged from around the tree.
Sebastian had to observe for several seconds before it became clear; before he could dispell the disbelief enough to finally comprehend.
"But that's..."
"You got it, meerkat," San quips. "I think he may be a little lost."
Sebastian exhales slowly, takes a step toward the smaller figure, and then kneels down in front of him.
"Hi," he tries in an uncommonly soft voice.
The child looks up, and he can't help but feel startled by the small doppleganger staring back up at him, his same eyes reflecting back, a shade of green that he recalls seeing regularly in mirrors.
He was looking at himself. The child version of himself, no more than maybe eight or nine years old.
"Hi," child Sebastian breathes back. He looks scared, hunched in on himself as he hugs his knees to his small chest.
"You don't have to be scared."
"Why not? Everybody either hurts me, or leaves me."
Sebastian can feel his heart breaking.
"But not me. I'll always be here for you."
"But it's always my fault. I can't keep them because I'm not good."
He reaches out a tentative hand, gently laying it on child Seb's shoulder.
"Listen to me. You had the bad luck of being led into the arms of somebody who told you that you weren't good. But that person was wrong. They didn't know how strong, and smart, or good you are. And that you have people in your life who see that in you too."
"Like who?"
Seb pauses. He looks back at Brit and San, who both flash encouraging smiles. He turns back to child Seb.
"Like me, for one."
Child Seb is staring unabashedly at him now; daring to believe what the strange adult figure with twin eyes was sharing.
When Sebastian looks up, for some reason, he isn't totally shocked at the sight that greets him.
It's her... the woman he'd always seen over the years, dormant in his dreams. She seemed taller, especially standing next to the tiny frame undearneath a crop of brunette locks, that was gripping her hand.
"Do you see them?"
Child Seb looks over and eyes the pair standing in the distance.
"Yeah?"
"Them too. They believe in the good in you too."
Sebastian huffs, dusting off his jeans as he stands up, and holds out his hand for himself to take.
"C'mon. They're waiting for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I think - I think they've always been waiting."
Child Seb blinks up at Sebastian, but then finally settles his smaller hand in the larger one, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. They traipse forward purposefully, the pair awaiting them becoming more distinct as they close the distance.
He halts when they're mere yards away, close enough for those blue eyes to beam and writhe as they stared lovingly at them, focusing intently on child Seb.
Child Kurt lets the woman's hand go, meandering forward with a happy smile plastered across the pale face.
"Hi," the little version of Kurt greets smoothly.
"H-hi," Child Seb replies in a timid manner.
"C'mon. It's time to go," Child Kurt relates, his small hand outstretched for his smaller self to take. Child Seb hesitates, looking up at Sebastian.
"But - but what about you?"
For some reason the answer came easily. As if he'd always known from whatever beginning, from some other life.
"I'll be fine. Now so will you."
Sebastian then addresses child Kurt. "You'll take care of him?"
The brunette readily nods.
"We'll take care of each other," he assures wisely, and then child Seb slips his hand into Kurt's.
Several times he sees himself, his child self, look back over his shoulder. But eventually the small figure reaches the elusive blond woman, who watches both boys with sweeping adoration, and the trio march together and disappear amongst the golden hue of forever; both boys laughter and joy echoing beautifully across the plain.
"It's beautiful here," she breathes from just behind his shoulder. He doesn't turn to address her; simply keeps his gaze trained on the hill of gold that the small group had huddled over, vanishing.
"But you won't find him here," she concludes, her voice earnest, and softer than he remembers it being before it was stolen by death. Santana steps back, grabbing Brittany's hand as they continue to observe Sebastian carefully.
His eyes wander over to the tree, a beacon of brightness splashed across this gorgeous canvass of picturesque wilderness. He thinks of Kurt's name, cinched so closely to his, deeply marked into that perfect tree.
"We'll be waiting for you. Till then, be happy with him, Twink."
He turns to face the pair, eyes stinging with warmth.
"You're asking me to leave you - to leave you behind again. Aren't you?"
"We're already gone, Seb. And we're okay. Trust me. You never left us behind, and you never will. 'Cause we'll always be right there," and she nods toward the tree, gesturing at the carved heart corraling both her and Brit's name.
"We're always with you, Seb," Brittany adds candidly.
He swallows, in hopes to relieve the sob that's struggling to free itself from his throat.
"And if you dare mutter some sappy shit about loving us, and how much you'll miss us, I will take a note from Baby Oprah's book, and make you a specially handcrafted pair of ballrings. Got it?" Santana warns.
The laughter bubbles forth, mingling with the tears that trail over warm skin.
"Got it."
"See ya, Seb," Brit smiles.
"Yeah. See ya."
And before he can convince himself to stay, he takes off, speeding toward the abyss that took form of the ocean. He runs as fast as his legs can carry him, launching himself over the dune and breezing over pearly sands toward pure water.
"KUUURrrrrt!"
He dives head first into the water, and lets it carry him as he beats through the waves with sure strokes; his heart beating rapidly, ramming against his ribcage in a cacophonous rhythm...
...
beep, beep, beep, beep
...
"K-Krrr."
beep, beep, beep, beep
...
"K-Kurt."
The beeping is blaring, heavy in the quiet atmosphere. He tries to open his eyes, the sensation of the lids being glued shut, hindering his efforts.
There's something warm in his hand, a weight shifting as he feels himself taking in air.
"Oh my God," a voice whispers. Then louder, "Oh, God... Dad! Dad! Doctor Barnes! Somebody - he's, he's waking up. Sebastian? Seb? Honey - can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me?"
He does, squeezing as much as he can manage which is likely weak, but apparently enough for the man who's voice he could recognize even in the depths of sleep.
Princess gasps, his voice overwrought with emotion. Sebastian would give anything to be able to see his face.
He tries again to unfasten his eyelids, putting all conscious effort into the task. Eventually they flutter open, squinting against the harsh glare that assaults his vision upon meeting the reality beyond darkness.
And then he sees him.
He sees blue, burning with moisture, slightly reddened. Limp strands of brunette hair, messy and untamed. Pouty lips, crimping into an exhausted smile. And he feels it: the pressure of the pale hand gripping his own fiercely.
"H-hey - Princess," he mutters, straining to get the words out; his breath clouding up the oxygen mask covering his mouth and nose.
"Hey you," Kurt retorts, beads of water forming steadily in his eyes, and escaping over heated cheeks.
It hurts. Physically. Suddenly everything hurts, and he can feel himself gasping, fidgeting under the strain of the abrupt sensation.
"Seb - Oh God, please don't - Dr. Barnes! Dr. Barnes!"
Several people rush into the room, checking screens, calling out numbers. It was a flurry of movement that seemed to swallow him up, and all he cared about was reaching out to Kurt; keeping him there with him.
"What's happening? Is he gonna be okay?!"
"You'll have to leave Kurt. But I assure you, he'll be okay. He's just in pain. That's all. He's just feeling the after effects."
He witnesses what looks to be a nurse hanging up a plastic bag, a line running from the bag into his arm, taped into place.
Sebastian finds himself trying to bring his hand up, to pull Kurt back to him, but he's ultimately too weak, and he's finding it increasingly hard to keep his eyes open. The pain that had been intensifying inexplicably is now receding, flushing out of his system.
"Alright, the morphine dose looks like it's kicking in. Kurt, please, I know you want to be here with him, but there's nothing more you can do right now. Let the medicine do it's work so he can rest. His vitals are looking really good, okay? But he's going to need to keep resting in order to get better."
He blearily makes out Kurt's figure, standing near another figure adorning a white coat that looked to be a woman judging by the tone of voice, who's gently ushering him out the door.
Seb's starting to drift off, but he just manages to impart a smile, robustly happy that he was able to see Princess' face again. That he was able to truly observe his love once more, when he had been so close to having to wait in probable isolation by an enormous red fern, for an unspecified bout of time. He knows he could've done it, that he would've done it... but it felt more endurable having accomplished seeing his Kurt in the flesh. That he could go back to that place wholly satisfied; but estatic that he wouldn't be. At least not for a while.
A/N: I hope that this chap wasn't too confusing. It was kind of on some weird, acid trippyness, I know. I also realized after I finished it that it reminded me a bit of Harry Potter. Especially Brit's line about the place being what Seb wanted it to be... but meh? What can you do? This is how I saw this playing out so I went for it. I'm not completely surprised that I was probably subconsciously inspired by a masterpiece such as the Potter. Basically, just to disrupt any potential confusion, I'll do my best to briefly recap. Sebastian was trapped in limbo (life and death) and this is what he envisioned. During the vision, he got a chance to forgive himself (his encounter with the girls) and let his past go (helping his child self). In his version of 'heaven' so to speak, he saw things that were meaningful to him (the ocean which was blue like Kurt's eyes), the tree (from his favorite book), and the gold hills that he always sees in his dreams. Child Seb going with Child Kurt (and the mystery woman) was a symbol of Sebastian submitting himself to the other man, finally giving himself faithfully and with utmost trust, to love. Also, no, he's not dead. He won't be dying. Our boy has officially made it out of the woods and is in the hospital (hence the beeping... and no there's no bomb under his bed - promise). Hope this answers any lingering questions (but you can always hit me up if you have other things you want to ask or comment on) and as always, please review with sugar on top!