TWENTY THREE

Nevaeh Faith Davis-Scott…that's what I called her. It was the perfect name for her, I thought. I mean what other name would suit my angel, my little piece of heaven, than heaven spelled backwards? Well…I thought it was perfect anyway.

And not only did the name fit what she felt like to me, but she even looked like heaven to me. She was truly the most beautiful, sweet baby girl I had ever seen or held in my arms before. She was so very tiny, but I loved that about her. I loved to touch and smell her beautiful, smooth skin, and run my fingers gently over her small soft head, where she already had quite a bit of beautiful, dark hair. And her eyes…oh, her eyes!

They were so gorgeous. Fierce, sparkling, and blue, her eyes were just like her father's. When I stared into those lovely blue eyes of hers, I couldn't help but smile, or tear up a little as I saw Lucas in her. As much as it broke my heart to think about Lucas, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his daughter, from our baby girl. She was too beautiful and it felt too amazing holding her in my arms to ever let her go.

As much as I had been excited to finally get to meet and hold my baby girl, Haley had been really excited too.

"God, is she beautiful…" Haley said as she'd held Nevaeh in the hospital a few hours after she'd been born.

I smiled at her and my daughter. "I know. She's gorgeous."

"You know she looks like him," Haley said and she looked at me.

My smile faded and I said, "Yeah, I know. Every part of her looks like him ,everything but her hair. And it sucks, but….I don't even care, really, because she is just so beautiful."

I touched her tiny head and Haley smiled again. It grew quiet again between us for a minute. But as she passed Nevaeh back to me, Haley said, "So I know you said you weren't ready before, that you didn't want him to know you were pregnant, but…now that you're not anymore, now that she is here…have you decided when you're going to tell Lucas he has a daughter?"

I looked away from Haley then, pretending I was thinking about my answer. But really, I already knew what I was going to do.

"Haley…" I started. "Please don't hate me for this, but um…I don't think I am going to tell him?"

"What? But Brooke, you…"

"I know, Haley. I know that I should tell him, but I can't. I can't tell him that he has a daughter, not after I lied to him about being pregnant, and—"

"Whoa, whoa…wait a second," Haley waved a hand in the air to stop me. "I thought you didn't know you were pregnant when you got to New York?"

"I didn't, but apparently I was when I told Lucas I wasn't right after your vow renewal with Nathan. So if I told Lucas about the baby now, he's going to think I lied to him then."

"Well, you can always tell him the truth, Brooke…about that and about everything. I know he would listen to you. He loves you, Brooke…and he misses you…so much. He's not with Peyton anymore, Brooke…they broke up."

I stared at Haley then, wondering if what she was saying was really true, or if she was just telling me that so I would feel guilty or something so that I would be convinced to tell Lucas about his daughter. My heart wanted to believe her, wanted right then to pick up that phone on the table next to me and call him, just so I called hear all that from him so that I would know for sure if it were true. But my brain, for once, took charge over my heart and told me that it couldn't be true. Lucas had chose Peyton, not once, but twice, and to me, that meant that they were meant for each other.

So I shook my head and said, "Well, it doesn't even matter now, anyway."

"Why not, Brooke? You still love him, don't you?"

I didn't answer her. She knew I didn't need too. She could read the answer in my face, and I knew she could. Thankfully, though, she didn't press me too much more on the subject of my telling Lucas.

"Look…I don't think I'm ever going to understand why you don't think you can tell him, but I'm going to honor my promise to you, as much trouble as it undoubtedly will get me into one day. But I told you to be true to your heart, so I guess that's what you're doing."

She shoved me playfully then. "God, you're so damn stubborn, Brooke! I hope that little girl doesn't inherit that same stubbornness."

I laughed and looked down at my daughter again.

While my conversation about Lucas and the baby had ended for Haley and I then, it hadn't been over for good. For when Chase had returned home from his trip to California, he'd started again, a similar conversation with me.

"She's gorgeous, Brooke," Chase said with a smile, as he held Neveah in my apartment after he and Amanda had gotten home on the second, which had also happened to be the same day I got to bring Neveah home.

I smiled as I sat next to him on my sofa. "Thank you."

"She looks just like you," Amanda said, as she sat on the other side of Chase and stared at my sleeping baby girl.

"Funny," I said as I pulled my feet up to sit Indian style on the couch. "Cause all I see in her is her father."

Chase smiled up at me again. He looked back at Neveah and said, "I think maybe this little girl wants to check out her new nursery."

"Oh, can I take her?" Amanda asked, looking at me. "I can change her and put her down for you, Brooke."

"Oh, you don't have to, Mandy, I can do it."

"Oh, please let me. I want to. I used to take care of my niece for my sister back home, and I like to reminisce now and then."

I laughed. "Okay."

She took Neveah from Chase and walked down the hall.

"Good," Chase said. "Now we can talk."

"Yeah," I said. "Tell me about California."

"I will," he said. "Later. First, we need to talk about Lucas."

I sighed then. "Come on, Chase. You're not going to do this to me too, are you? I already had this conversation with Haley."

"But you haven't had it with me, so you're going to again. When are you going to tell him about her?"

"I'm not," I said bluntly and I stood up quickly and made my way over to the kitchen.

"What?" Chase said as he followed me over. "Brooke, you have to tell him."

"No, I don't." I pulled a bottled water from the fridge.

"Brooke, you can't keep this from him. You can't keep Lucas' daughter from him."

"Yes…I can. He didn't even know I was pregnant and I haven't talked to him since I left, so it'll be really easy."

"Brooke…" He looked at me like he'd never really looked at me before, so…disappointed. "How can you do that to him?"

"Funny…" I said, trying to show how guilty and wrong I was feeling inside with my decision. "I asked him the same question when he cheated on me and broke my heart…twice."

I turned away from Chase then and walked back to the living room. Again, Chase followed and sat next to me on the couch again.

"Okay," he started again. "I know that Lucas broke your heart. And I know that you are still trying to get over that, but…you're a mom now, Brooke. Don't you think you should start thinking about what's right for your daughter?"

"Yes, of course I do. And that's exactly what I'm doing by not telling him about her."

"Brooke…Nevaeh deserves to have a father in her life. She deserves to know who her father is. Don't tell Lucas about her for him or for you, Brooke, do it for your daughter."

"I can't, Chase! I can't tell him. Do you have any idea how not right for her it would be if I told Lucas?"

"No, actually, I don't. I'm really confused as to your logic, Brooke."

I sighed again and tried to explain what I was thinking, what had brought me to the decision to not tell Lucas. "Look…I know that Vaeh has every right to know her father and grow up with a father, and I want that for her more than anything. But she deserves to have a father who will be there for her for her whole life. She deserves a father who won't ever hurt her or leave her because he suddenly realizes he's in love with someone else who isn't her mother. I don't want her to get hurt like I did, Chase. I want her to have a father who will always be there and take care of her no matter what. And if I told Lucas, I know that he would be there for her, but…I would never know for how long. Whenever he's been with me…he's always left. And I can't take that risk again, not with my daughter to think about now. I'm not just protecting my own heart anymore…I'm protecting Nevaeh's."

I guess Chase had finally begun to understand why I had been so against calling Lucas to tell him. He gave me a hug after my big speech and told me he was sorry he'd been pressuring me so much to tell Lucas. He didn't understand before. I told him it was okay, and then I tried to bring our visit to a happier note by telling him I wanted him to be Nevaeh's godfather. He got all excited and we hugged again. And finally, I thought, I was done being pressured to tell Lucas. And hopefully…I would never have to face that again.

Okay…there it is. This chapter was really hard for me to write. I had a tough time thinking of what to write, but I finally got it together. Please tell me what you think now. The next chapter will be Lucas again, and I think it might have Nathan and Haley coming home and talking to him. But after that, There's going to be a definite time jump. Not sure how much, yet…but I'm really anxious to get to the brucas stuff, as I'm sure you all are too! So go ahead and review and I will update as soon as I can. Thanks!