A/N I want to thank my anon reviewer for being so nice. I'll dub the reviewer only known by his/her ellipsis as Anoni Ellipsi (very Latin). So, thank you Anoni Ellipsi, for that very nice review. (Whoa, I hope that isn't some dirty word in Latin.)
I hope you enjoy this chappy that's happy. : D And if you read please review. Thanks. Peter Frampton will wuv wu fo wit.
Now I present… (*echoing*) THE….. ALMOST…. LAST…. CHAPTER….
(*timpani*) BUM BUM - BUM BUM - BUM BUM - BUM BUM – BUM BUM – BUM BUM – BUM BUM – BUM BUM – BUM BUM - BUM
AUTHOR: Okay, okay, stop the timpani. (timpani stops playing)
*takes a deep breath*
Okay, so I have this story, Leah's Last Stop. There was so much promise for this story. I really enjoyed going from a heartfelt comedy to an all out crackfic that just got zanier and zanier (I prefer zany to crazy simply because it starts with a "z").
However, as the story progressed I was possibly biting off more than I can chew. I mean, its not like you can take a crackfic and put on the brakes and make it all serious after you've just entertained the minions – I mean, multitude – no, I mean readers (20 or so?) and when the last chapter squeaked out only two reviews and my fave anonymous reviewer, Anoni Ellipsi, I thought maybe I've truly been chewing too much with this story.
And so I have to end it. I have to end it all.
No, I'm not going to kill myself. Hehe *sweat drop* Stop cheering. I'm going to end this story… eventually. I know… I know… why am I taking so long to end it? Why am I torturing you… um, 10 - readers by writing this soliloquy of vapid discourse?
It's not like you will read this and review it - because this story has run its course. The chapters are longer than other crackfics, thereby making this excruciating for the short attention spans of crackfic readers. (I know it's why I love that awesome story, Edward the Beta, and everything the frakkin EB's write – they are awesome, btw – they kill Mike Newton.)
But yeah, the only salvation for me is to kill Mike Newton and some other people in the ending climax with explosions. So, I'm thinking some characters are going to have to die.
I'm sure I might get some sort of lawsuit from killing Mike Newton since it is something only EB's do, but I have to argue that Mike Newton is a free agent and able to be killed by anyone with deadly intent and determination. And believe you, me, I am a determined fanfic writer. :D I love to kill with abandon… or swords. I can kill with swords too.
So, here is my dilemma:
Everything I just wrote, I realize didn't make sense. The truth is - I've had writer's block when it comes to this story. And those TWO reviews and Anoni Ellipsi's (I love you now) review did not help get me past the writer's block on this story.
I still have writer's block when it comes to the funny. That and my crackfic bud has gone off the deep end and entered soap opera epic fantasies, but I won't talk (write) about that now.
(My therapist is already on retainer.)
And so I have to finish this story complete with explosions and dance numbers and crumping, cramping – wth is that called? – And such.
And so the reason I just wrote this REALLY LONG Author's note is because the section of chapter below was all I could come up with.
Basically, that's all I'm writing – this is all I could come up with.
FUCK, I'm repeating myself!
So please read it, enjoy it, love it, caress it, make out with it, but mostly review it. (Just clean the screen when you're done.)
And..., here is the painfully short chapter..., enjoy…. *cries*
Chapter 25 - Oh Happy Day with My Bro, Seth
I needed to rethink a few things after the session with Esme. Supposedly I had a problem with exhibitionism.
It cemented my first thought when I arrived: the Cullens were insane. It wasn't just a little insane – it started with the parental figures and worked its way down to the foster kids. I guess I could settle with something less mental and simply say they were incompetent. That might have been closer to Esme and Carlisle, and even Sheriff Swan's, problem.
Forks had something up with it. The water or the air, the fact there was little sun or mold growth. I thought over getting a scientific unit out to the local waterways to check for levels of mercury or some other contaminant that would render everyone in Forks to be batshit crazy or really stupid.
"LEAH!"
I looked up and saw Seth running full boar at me.
"LEAH!"
"Yeah?"
He was still running.
SHIT – HE WAS GONNA HIT!
I held my hands out in front, as if I could stop his 160 pounds barreling toward me.
Instead he leapt in the air over me and changed into a wolf and landed on the Cullen's roof.
I stood shaking. Who does that? Who runs at you and then flies over your head and changes into a wolf?
[*wink wink*]
Seth leapt back down to the ground, and then changed back into a human. I turned away quickly since I had no desire to see my little bro's dangling gunk. He slipped on his shorts, the whole time his face beaming.
"Leah!"
"Yeah?"
"Leah!"
"Yeah?"
"Leah"
"FUCK – what do you want?"
"I'm famous!"
"Really? That's wonderful." I was deadpan, and then pulled a joint from my pocket, lighting it.
"No seriously. My happy dance has over a million hits on YouTube."
"You mean that gay dance you do?"
"Hey – it's super famous now. Your nude stuff only got like a few thousand hits. Also, there were some comments about how you're an exhibitionist. Are you?"
"…. fuck."
"Yeah, Peter Frampton asked me to demonstrate my cool moves at the concert. He also said he saw these two people having wex."
"Wex?"
"Yeah, he talks like that. He said like, 'wey weth wah wah wah what woo doooo-ing?' and I laughed cause it sounded like a robot. I also met Katy Perry and she kissed me but then said, 'oops, thought you were a girl.'" He laughed. "How funny."
"Hilarious." I inhaled a deep suck of pot, swirling around my brain to ease the stupid.
"Want to go with me to the concert? Mom's got her special group – they wear matching shirts. I wish I had a special group that wore cool shirts."
"You're a wolf. Not a lot of people can change into wolves. Forget cotton – you have fur."
"Yeah, but we don't have cool shirts that say HO like Santa." He searched around me, "So like… where's… Alice? Cause she could come with us."
"You like her, don't you?" I nudged his shoulder playfully.
"She's so… cute. And she can talk to my mind like she's a wolf, but not a wolf. Why do you think she does that? Doesn't she have cute hair?"
"You do realize she's gay."
"Its okay – lots of people tell me my dance is gay… so like – we're alike. That's so cool. I wonder if she'd like me. I'm happy too."
He was so clueless. I was beginning to think Seth didn't know what "gay" meant.
It was definitely the water.
My joint was down to the nib. I wasn't high enough to make it through this day.
"Yeah, let's go to the concert. They'll probably have lots of pot there."
A/N ^___^ Okay, you all know what I wrote up there under "Author" was a joke, right? ;) It was part of this chapter.
I really have had writer's block and that's simply the only reason the ending will be in two or three parts. I figure I can just throw some shorter chapters up. I can probably handle that.
I'm sorry this is taking so long. I look forward to reviews and hope my little above joke was more humorous than pissing you off. :D Thanks a bunch, guys… and Anoni Ellipsi who types ellipses like I've never seen typed before, I love you. *wink wink*