Chapter Twenty-Five

Clove's POV

Even though my muscles were stiff I knew there was only one place I wanted to be. And I wanted to be alone. Having spent the past month trapped in a small space there was nothing I wanted to do more than run and just act like I could get away from all of this. But running from Shadows isn't an easy task.

I sighed and positioned myself on the outer most lane of the track, I knew it meant I'd run further but that was something that didn't seem unappealing at the moment. Running was never my strong point; I was far more skilled with weapons than I was with my own body but for some reason I felt like this would bring me more of a release.

I felt my feet pounding on the ground, focused on keeping my breathing as deep as I could so as not to end up as a panting mess on the ground when I decided to stop. I kept my knees quite low as I jogged round, trying to get as much of a push off the ground as I could without expelling too much energy. So long as I focused on this, I wouldn't try and find him.

I began counting the laps I completed but I lost count at about ten and then slowly my mind became less focused on running and decided to wander over more delicate topics. Like if re-watching the Games had brought my Cato back for good or simply brought back the memories that had pushed him away in the first place. The night before the recaps had been so magical, I could happily relive that night over and over and never get fed up of it. Just me and Cato, looking out for each other the way it had always been. But then something always interrupted us, whether it was training or the Games or just emotional blocks we could never really connect the way I'd seen other couples connect. It made me wonder if the feelings I had were just something to keep my mind going and occupied as training exercises grew repetitive and my mind grew bored.

Maybe that was how he'd developed the same feelings. After all we were similar in every other way mentally, why could we have just developed feelings to distract ourselves? Just for something to do. I don't even know when I started having the feelings, they just sort of appeared one day and that was that. Nothing I could do about it.

Thing is though, I don't think I'd want to do anything about it. Sure he was messed up and a little bit broken but he was Cato, and that made everything worth fighting for. I didn't know why though, and that's probably what bugged me the most about this situation. How even in his broken state he was still the person I cared about most. I didn't worry about my family who'd just lost a daughter or a sister, or my friends, well training partners, or anyone else. I just cared about him and making sure he was surviving.

"Clove?" his voice broke my thought process as I slowed to a halt just in front of him. How hadn't I seen him coming onto the track?

"Cato. You hate running," I replied. It probably wasn't the best reply but it was the only thought I had that didn't involve a potentially embarrassing situation.

"I figured it would be worth getting better," he explained, although it didn't really explain anything.

"But you can run."

"I thought I could," he murmured, confusing me slightly. I met his eyes; the flickers of pain and torment that had started disappearing had resurfaced again. After the month we'd spent rebuilding him I had no clue what reliving the Games would have done to him. Actually that was a lie, I had spent half my time watching the Games just wondering what he was thinking, what emotions were dancing across his deep blue iris'. I didn't know if I could accept that we may have made so much progress just to end up right back here again.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked, sort of already planning out his answer in my head. It was a bad habit I developed, it left me either bored of knowing his answers or disappointed with his response.

"Clove I ran to get you. I've never run so fast in all my life and I didn't make it. If I had made it we wouldn't be here. I mean sure the Capitol went back on their word but we would've thought of some way to get out of there, I couldn't kill you, you can't even begin to imagine what your death did to me because I don't even know myself. It was like every time I stopped running or fighting everything inside me opened up and the only thing that could fill it was pain. I couldn't feel happy or relieved or proud because all those emotions felt worthless without you. I can't be any of the things I'm meant to be without you because they don't mean anything. I don't know why they don't; I wish I did because then maybe I'd know why I feel this way," he breathed heavily at the end of his confession. I knew it was because he wanted me to say something, to acknowledge what he'd just said but I didn't think I could. He answered all my unasked questions, everything I wanted to know and things I hadn't even thought to ask.

"Cato-"

"Clove I still don't know how I feel about this. About you still being here when I was so sure you were dead. When I suffered so much and went through so much just to find out it was all just one big lie. But I know I don't want to feel that again, don't want to lose you again," even though he was whispering his words were echoing inside my head growing louder and louder and making it impossible for me to think straight. I knew he'd been trying to say that for a while; it wasn't something he would just blurt out. I didn't have anything to say. The only thing I knew now was that there was no way I created my feelings for him as a distraction. They ran too deep for that. The way I couldn't pin one emotion to this moment, to those words made that clearer than anything. The joy that he was still there, he still had those feelings that I so feared he'd lost, and the harshness in my chest that arose when he still didn't believe it was me. I didn't want to point out that it was really me because it wouldn't make a difference, he'd clearly told himself a thousand times that it was me and still he was doubting it. What difference would saying it one more time make?

Instead I did something I hadn't done in a while with him. I took control. I stepped towards him, not breaking eye contact with him so he knew what I was doing, knew he could trust me. When there was only a thin layer of air separating us his arms wrapped themselves around me, creating the safest place I'd ever been.

I don't think I breathed; I was too tense. Everything suddenly stopped as I became more and more aware of his hands. More aware of them than of anything else that was happening right now; than of the pounding of my heart, the way my body just wanted to close the gap between us and melt against him, to shut out this place we called home and just be with him like I hadn't in so long.

They made a light path over my back, tracing circles and figures of eight where he knew the scars tainted my skin, where he knew they hurt me. But his touch didn't hurt me like they had, it was delicate and scared and almost vulnerable. Like if I reacted wrong he would stop.

They made their way up my spine, pressing down a little harder as they ran over each vertebra. I kept my eyes locked into his, trying to read what he was thinking but for once I couldn't make it out, I was vulnerable and unsure but safe. And that was how I'd always been with him. They traced along my shoulder blades, the skin thinner and more sensitive to his touch sending sparks under my skin and he seemed almost confused but carried on this process anyway. Just making sure I was physically there with him. That I was really me.

His hands glided back around towards my neck and down over my collarbones, I felt my airway tighten as they met between the two, at the base of my neck. The delicate skin their heated under his touch and I felt the heat move through me, reminding me how he felt against me and how much I wanted that now. But he wasn't ready for my touch yet and I had to respect that, to allow him to be in control and for him to feel safe. He deserved it. He deserved more than that actually but he wasn't ready for it and so we would wait.

Then his right hand fell away from me, leaving my skin feeling cold and worthless behind it as his left hand traced a pattern up my neck. It followed the exact line of the carotid artery that ran so purposefully below his touch and yet it would feel so meaningless without him to feel it. He paused where the pulse was strongest, where the skin was thinnest, where we were trained to aim for. I gulped slightly, and the action made his fingers feel stronger against me. He waited and I became more and more aware of my pulse rate rising.

"Don't let this stop," he whispered eventually, keeping my gaze. Not that either one of us could break it, it was too strong, too meaningful. And suddenly I saw the double meaning in his words. My pulse and his. Mines would only keep going if his did, and his so long as mine. One was meaningless without the other. Not necessarily broken but worthless, and I'd rather be broken than worthless. Rather be dead than without him.

"I won't if you won't," I whispered, taking a moment to enjoy the brief moment of happiness that flitted through his eyes. It was the first time I'd seen it since that moment in the Games and now more than ever I believed I could bring him back. Now that I'd really seen what I was fighting for I wanted it more than ever.

And so we stood, with the shadows closing in around us and the full meaning of us hanging in the air.

Author's Note: So bad moment to stop? Cause you know the next chapter is the Rue scene! Don't worry though guys we will have plenty of Clato to come but I figured there had to be a nice sweet moment to soften you all up a bit :) Also next chapter is Rue's! You will finally have some answers people :) However in all my excitement I hadn't noticed this story has over 50 reviews! The hell guys could you rock any more?! However don't take my encouragement as reason to stop… please review it makes me the happiest person on the planet… seriously my flatmate has had them shoved in his face A LOT recently cause they make me so happy… even though I'm 90% sure he has no idea what's going on. Anyway once again thanks for the awesome support and next update shall hopefully be soon! :D

-R