Chapter 25

"He raped me." Those were not the words Angel was expecting to come out of Buffy's mouth. He honestly didn't know what Buffy had to tell him that had to deal with Angelus and her but not that.

He couldn't move. He didn't know what to say. He was silent.

"Angel? Say something!" Buffy pleaded.

Still, Angel was frozen. He was trying to process that information. In all honesty, it didn't surprise him that Angelus would rape a woman. He was that kind of sick son of a bitch. But the fact that Angelus had raped *his* woman, made his temper boil.

"When?" Was all Angel said. His tone was as cold as ice. It really was a moot point, but it was all that raced through Angel's mind. How long had Angelus lied to him? How long had Buffy kept it from him when they were together?

"Does it matter Angel? I just confessed the most horrific thing that has ever happened to me and you want to know *when* it happened?" Buffy was baffled.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I just…I just need to know when it happened." Angel tried to plead his course of thinking.

"Two months before I left." She admitted.

"Is he why you left?" Angel choked out.

Tearfully she wanted to blame the whole thing on Angelus but with everything that happened in their relationship, she would have left either way.

"Angel!" She yelled at him. How could he be so blind to what he himself had done to her in their relationship? Maybe it was time for a reminder. "You slept with Faith! I would have left anyway! The way you treated me? The drunkenness? The few times you actually *hit* me? I'm surprised looking back it took me as long as it did to leave." Buffy paused to let the information sink it for Angel.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy finally felt it all go within her. She'd been holding it in for so long. She'd dreaded the day Angel would ever come back in her life, but now that he was, she could finally face him and all the things that he'd put her through. It was exhilarating being able to actually scream at him.

'Back on track Buffy,' she thought. "However, Angelus was the final straw. He threatened to do it again if I told you,"

"So…you left," Angel concluded.

"I figured it would be easier if I just took off. No one knew where I went or how to find me. Plus, I knew if I tried to tell you why I was leaving I might not have the strength to do it. You had this pull over me Angel. No matter how badly you hurt me I always came back. It needed to be a clean break. For me." She confessed to him.

Taking a moment to find the right words, "Buffy, I am so sorry for what he did to you. Mostly, I'm sorry I wasn't the kind of man you could turn to, to lean on and trust." He placed his hand on top of hers. His eyes were wide with sympathy and yearning to have her back in his life.

"Angel? That's not all I have to tell you." She meekly admitted to him. She could barely bring herself to look into his large soulful brown eyes for this next humdinger she was going to throw at him.

He was visibly confused when she said that his brother raping her wasn't the whole story. What else was there?

The tears started flowing from her eyes before she began. She had only ever told Ford what she was about to tell him. She had been keeping this a secret for so long, it was almost like she didn't know how to tell him.

Trying to process in her brain the right way to tell him, her lips blurted out, "I had an abortion" before she even knew what happened. Her mouth made an "o" and her eyes grew, she knew it herself without someone having to tell her. She couldn't believe she just said that! This incredible weight had just been lifted off of her shoulders.

"I'm sorry? You what?" Angel asked still confused.

"I am so sorry Angel. I should have told you. I-" he cut her off.

"I understand. I mean, what Angelus did was monstrous even for him. I understand you not wanting to raise his child." He consoled her as putting a hand on her shoulder.

Buffy swallowed hard.

"I don't know if it was his."