25
EPOV
"Victoria is not just a girl pimp or a club owner.", I was saying in the dim light of Charlie's hotel room as both he and Bella stared back at me, "She's insane. She kills."
Charlie had been prepared to hear my story and was holding a pen and his notebook, but he didn't write. He kept looking at me and I didn't look away this time. I needed him to see I was telling the truth – in my eyes.
"You saw her kill someone, Edward?", he asked, showing no reaction in his face.
"Yes.", I swallowed, knowing I was going to have to tell the story. Emmett was the only other person I had ever told. And that was after it happened…I hadn't spoken of it since then…but it was never out of my mind.
"I'm not sure exactly why she did it.", I began, "Maybe he saw something he shouldn't have seen, or he was given to her by one of her family to dispose of…I don't know that part of it. But I can tell you what I saw."
Charlie gave a nod and was writing something but I guessed that he was ready for me to proceed.
"It was shortly after I had come to belong to Victoria. After the whole blood ritual thing…", I said, trying to go back to that night in my mind so I wouldn't forget a single detail….as I told the story out loud.
I was still not trusted to be free around the club at that point. Victoria didn't fully have me in my slave mindset yet. I was mouthy, I argued with her at times, I wanted the freedom to be able to visit my daughter from time to time, and Tanya's grave, which wasn't allowed.
I never tried to get away, but I was still in training. I was sitting in the dungeon below Fire, in my cage, that was just like the vampire cage above I would someday work in.
Naked, as usual, I wasn't hurt or scarred that night, just hungry. I was waiting for Victoria, hoping she'd bring me something to eat. That day had been all about learning my positions, what commands she would speak to make me do those positions, and how to speak to her with the right tone of respect…and how to restrain myself from speaking or even shouting out in pain until I was given permission to do so.
Mentally, I was drained and I had not eaten all day. She said I had not earned it yet. I had been alone in the brightly lit room for about two hours when I heard her coming back.
Only, she wasn't alone. I heard a man's muffled, pleading voice coming before I saw either of them, but the voice was very terrified and very distressed.
Victoria dragged this teenage boy in, he could've been about 18 or 19 years old. He was handsome, golden blonde hair and tan skin, he looked like a typical California type boy. He was naked and wore a leash and collar around his neck, and his wrists were handcuffed behind him. He came in on his knees, half dragged in by Victoria, and his face was wet with tears, his body a little wet with perspiration.
He didn't look hurt or bleeding anywhere, but something had him shaking and almost sobbing as they silently eyed me in my own little prison.
For a horrible moment, I thought she was going to make me suck this boy's cock or make me fuck him…or have him fuck me, against both our wills…I hate now to think that my first thought was for myself back then, but I was not used to the pain in the beginning, I still did not have her vow that I didn't have to perform with men yet. I was not totally broken at that point. But that was soon to change.
I had almost spoken to her, but remembered my hours of training that day and didn't speak until I was allowed to do so.
"Kneel.", Victoria demanded me as I sat on my bare ass in the cage.
I wordlessly rose up and knelt, making sure I was straight and placed my hands behind my back as she taught me, holding my head up, eyes downward.
"Very good boy.", Victoria gave me a shred of praise after a long day.
The boy bound and gagged with lots of silver duct tape wrapped around his entire head, several times around, looked at me with a desperation…his breath short and panting as he tried to somehow communicate to me with his eyes. One eye was ice blue…the other eye was green.
"I want your eyes on him.", Victoria informed me and I let my eyes raise all the way up to see the entire view of the kid.
"You might have the impression that I'm weak because I'm a woman, Edward.", she said to me, a little smirk on her painted lips, "You let me pay your debt and now you want to give me a hard time. You think you have a say in your life now. And you are resisting me and my training. Not completely…but I can see the look in your eyes when I give you an order, the frowns when I lock you into your cage. It's time you learned who's boss. And see what horrible things can happen if you don't please me and obey me as you're supposed to."
I came back to the present now, looking at Bella and then at Charlie as I took a breath, not wanting to relive every little detail of that night, but knowing I had to finally do what was right. Right is always hard.
"She took hours.", I looked at Charlie, afraid what Bella's eyes would show if I looked there, "It seemed like hours, to me. She tortured the kid. I don't mean whipped tortured. She started with his fingers and a pair of meat scissors. Without saying a thing to the kid, she began chopping off his fingertips, saying she had to remove anything that could reveal his identity, if they found his body. Later, she took his teeth, too. She ate his fingertips…while he watched…and his screams were…"
I shuddered and in seconds, Bella was sitting next to me, holding her arm around me and holding my hand in hers. Charlie didn't object to this, he was taking notes, wearing a cold look on his face.
"She enjoyed it.", I informed, "That's what scared me the most, besides the god damned images I can never forget. She played with him and taunted him as she killed him. And she took her time. I kept dry heaving and gagging, if I had anything in my stomach I would've been throwing up the entire time. I begged her, screamed and cried to her to stop it…then later, when the poor kid was just chopped up everywhere and still alive, I begged her to end it. Put the kid out of his misery, at least. All she said to me was, watch and learn, Edward. Watch and learn."
"At one point, she almost made me eat one of the fingertips, when my stomach growled on the fourth finger she detached. I reacted so badly, she didn't force me to, thank God. ", I continued, "She called me weak and said I needed to see this, even if it was just once…so I'd know my place. She told me this could happen to me, my daughter, my parents…anyone I had any ties to. I couldn't say anything at that point, I was so repulsed and sick by the end of it…I just cried. I was broken then. I would agree to anything she wanted after that."
"She seemed to get off on having me watch her and the suffering we both were doing, me and the kid. She even took her clothes off near the end of it. Even after it looked like the kid died she kept carving him up. Every time I tried to look away, she'd scream at me to watch or I'd lose my eyes, too."
"She wrapped the parts in plastic and put them into a big plastic tote box." I said, cutting past all the gore and giving the details, "She unlocked my cage and forced me to stand in the bloody mess on all fours. I was shaking like a leaf and crying but she didn't care. She said she wanted to see if I learned my lesson about resisting and complaining. She painted bloody lines down my nose and on my cheeks, wrote 'slut' on my forehead…'bitch" across my back…she was laughing and playing while she decorated me with this poor kid's blood. I thought I'd nearly lose my mind, trying to hold still while she did that. She made me lick some of the blood off the floor. She said it would make me a good pet. She said it gives strength. She licked some of it, too. She's a complete psycho. I knew it that night. Later, I suspected her family uses her or her club to hide it when they want to kill people or dispose of them. People who get in their way or could maybe be a witness to something they've done. I never even knew the kids' name."
"Did you ever see her kill anyone else besides him?", Charlie asked, taking more notes.
"No.", I answered, "After that, I did anything she said to keep her away from my daughter. She never had to show me that again."
"This was years ago.", Charlie thought aloud to himself, "Did you bury the body?"
"No, she had someone else take it away.", I replied, "I don't know if they buried it…or burned it…or what."
"No body, no proof.", Charlie frowned a little.
"There is proof.", I said, hoping this wasn't a mistake. They both looked at me and I took a breath.
"Victoria made me clean the floor that night…and to use the hose to wash myself. She was very careful to collect the bloody towels. But I found a rag while she was gone and I was cleaning. I wet that rag with some of the blood. And I hid it in the dungeon."
"Oh my God.", Bella let out a breath now, "With that, she'd go to prison for murder. Edward could testify against her."
"Hold on, Bella.", Charlie shot her a look and even I knew it wouldn't be that simple. Charlie looked at me and asked, "Are you sure it's still there?"
"I can't be 100% sure.", I admitted, "I haven't been there for the last two weeks. It was there before I left, I know that. I have to clean the equipment there and I did before I came to Bella's. I checked…it was there."
"Why didn't you tell anyone this before?", Charlie asked.
"I don't know if I can trust any police in this town, with Victoria's family what they are." I said, "I didn't want to risk my daughter. I was afraid for a long time, then, later…I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them. Not even Emmett knows I have that. At the time I did it, I hoped, maybe one day, I'd have the guts to show it to someone. I didn't want the kid to have died like that and not have there be anything to prove he'd been there. All the pain he went through…"
They didn't say anything.
"I trust you, Charlie.", I stated, looking right into his eyes, "I'll give it to you. The only thing is…I have to get it first."
Charlie looked into my face and knew what I was saying…and thinking.
"You're willing to do that, Edward?", Charlie asked gravely.
"Yes.", I said, determined, "I am."
"Wait. What?!", Bella interjected now, clearly upset by what she figured out we were talking about.
I looked at her and said, "I have to go back. For awhile. After a few days, I'll be able to walk around freely again. Victoria goes home, leaves the club for hours all the time, leaving me there alone. As soon as I get that one shot at getting that rag, I can get out of there. Emmett and I are the only other two who she lets have the key to get in the dungeon. I can go back on Monday, and if I act very nice, maybe by the weekend I can get her to release me."
"No!", Bella shouted at me, tears shining in her eyes as Charlie watched on with sadness, "NO! Dad, tell him he can't do that! Edward, you're not going back there!"
"Bella, listen to me.", I took both her hands, looking her squarely in the eyes, "Victoria trusts me. I can get in there without raising any suspicion. I live there. This is perfect. She'd never guess what I'm trying to do. She thinks I'm scared of her, still. I can act afraid of her. I'm a good actor at this shit."
"No, it's too dangerous.", she argued, "Dad, you can go to the police and have them get a search warrant or something!"
Charlie sighed and shook his head.
"NYPD won't issue a search warrant without other proof that there was a murder there.", Charlie said, "They won't care about Edward's story, because he's a who---"
Bella and I both looked at Charlie as he stopped himself and looked at us apologetically.
"Sorry.", he said and finished his sentence, "Police won't listen to Edward's story because he's a prostitute. They'll think he's just trying to hurt his pimp for some personal reason. Besides, like Edward said, we don't know the good cops from the bad cops in this city. He's right. She'll never trust an undercover cop going in there and it could take months for them to earn her trust. If we have a shot at this, Edward will have to kind of go in, gain her trust enough to get the evidence…and then run like Hell once he finds it. If we do it any other way, we risk his daughter getting hurt, not to mention ourselves."
"When does she expect you back?", Charlie asked me, taking notes again.
"Dawn, Monday morning.", I answered and heard Bella's breathing quicken, her hands clutching at her hair and then around her eyes.
I tried to comfort her, whispering, shhhh, and holding her to me, kissing her fingers as Charlie's eyes concentrated on his notebook.
"I hate this.", she yelled, "I fucking hate this."
"It'll only be a few days.", I said to her, assuring her, "I know her, I know her habits, her routines. I'm the best person to do this. No one else can get into the dungeon of that club except me. Hell, for the first couple days, I'll be in the dungeon 24/7!"
"She's going to hurt you, Edward.", Bella shouted at me.
"A little.", I admitted, "But with Victoria, it's mostly humiliation for me. She wants me to heal and look pretty body-wise so I can start working again. Believe it or not, the clients do most of the hurting on me. She is pretty soft on me. I guess because I don't usually give her any trouble. And if I come back acting super sweet to her, she might forget about the night you attacked her and forgive me faster. I know she'd demented, but, in her own twisted way, she acts like she loves me…I'm her lapdog. She only gets cruel when she thinks I'm disobeying her in some way."
"I can't hide a bug on you.", Charlie said, "I assume you're naked there most of the time."
I gave a little nod at Charlie, embarrassed to admit that to him of all people.
"You can sneak a bug in under your tongue. Once you're in the dungeon, and not being watched, you can place it somewhere so we can hear what's going on. And I can inject you with a locator chip.", Charlie thought aloud, "That way we know where you are at all times."
"Alright.", I agreed.
I hated the idea of them listening to everything I would have to say to Victoria and endure when I got back there. Would Bella be hearing this, too? I just pictured Charlie and Bella together in his car, listening to me being punished and I wanted to die. I can't let her hear that. I didn't even like just Charlie hearing it, either.
"We have a little time that I can get those things and iron out some other plans for Monday.", Charlie was writing furiously, "I won't need the NYPD, I can do this myself."
Bella was just listening, shaking and trying to be tough like her Dad. I knew we'd be having a long talk later back at her place.
"First I want to ask you some questions, though, Edward.", Charlie turned a page and gave me a stern look.
"Okay.", I waited.
"Did you participate in this murder or any other, even if you were ordered or forced to do so?", he asked, totally a cop right now.
"No.", I said right away, hoping he didn't suspect me.
"Have you helped lure or kidnap anyone into Victoria's place?", he asked further.
Bella looked up at me and her father, a shocked glare in her eyes as I responded.
"No, never.", I shook my head a couple times.
"Have you ever disposed of or helped hide any body at all?"
"No, Charlie.", I said, "I just cleaned the blood off the floor with that one kid, I swear."
After a long, hard stare at me, Charlie said, "I believe you, Edward. I'm glad. I'd hate to send you to prison, too, after all this is over. Bella would never let me hear the end of it."
Was he joking or serious? I couldn't tell. Charlie's face is very hard to read. Just like his daughter's sometimes.
"I'm just her slave – a sexual thing to her. Like a pet…a dog.", I informed, "She wouldn't have me do anything like that. There are others who do those things for her. Men I never get to see."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?", Bella's voice raised a little at me, "All the therapy we had…you never said she killed anyone. You said she was a friend!"
"I cared about you, Bella. I liked you.", I said, "But I didn't really know you that well. You were a client in the beginning. I didn't trust you completely. I didn't know what you'd do. If you called the police, you'd get us all killed. I didn't want to watch YOU get chopped up!"
She looked at Charlie and he frowned at both of us.
"When Victoria pulled that knife on you in the club, I nearly had a heart attack.", I confessed, "I told Victoria that if she tried to hurt you, I'd have to stop her. That's why she wants to punish me when I go back. I defied her. She sees I care for you. She wouldn't kill you, though, in a roomful of witnesses. And she really doesn't want to kill the daughter of a police chief. But she can kill in other ways. She can make it all look like an accident. One that's not even remotely related to her."
Bella let out a sob now and was clearly crying as she grabbed my shirt and looked up at me.
"What if she finds out what you're doing?", she wept, "What if she catches you? She'll kill you like that boy!"
Charlie muttered right away that he would never let that happen, and at the same time, I was speaking to her, too.
"I won't let her catch me.", I promised, "Bella, I want to do this. I don't want to be a coward anymore. I want my daughter. I want you. This is the only way I can think of to finally get away from her."
Charlie was giving me the look now, after I said I wanted Bella. A look that said 'don't even think about it.' He may be helping me with Victoria, but that didn't mean we had his blessing as a couple.
"What about her family?", she asked, "You said they have your blood in case you try to run away. They could still do something to hurt you after she's in jail."
"Maybe I can find it while I'm there, too. But I doubt they care about me.", I tried to convince her of this, "I'm just her pet. If she goes away for murder, they'll probably get mad at her for being so sloppy and letting herself get caught. They won't want anything to do with her. They'll just be glad their own games are still going. They'll turn their back on her and let her rot. At least, that's the way it worked in Goodfellas."
Bella looked at me in shock, wondering if I was really going to entrust my life and future to a movie.
"She might give her family up to lessen her own sentence.", Charlie agreed, "They'd probably put her in a witness relocation program after her sentence was served. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll hit her while she's in jail."
Charlie sounded so serious. Hoping that someone would kill Victoria…
"Maybe Emmett can keep an eye on you for us, too.", Bella said, "If anything goes wrong, he can call me. Or I can call him."
"I hate to involve him in this, Bella.", I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and finger, "Aren't enough of us in danger if something goes wrong? Besides, we have the bug."
Wow, this is just like Burn Notice. I've never felt so alive. I like the way it feels, plotting Victoria's downfall, with me as the quarterback.
Charlie asked me a bunch of other questions, like the layout of the club, doors and exits, locked doors and open doors. I could tell he was doing everything in his power to ensure my safety, in case something did go horribly wrong. It's possible. I promised to do my best and to be very careful.
Then, Charlie had me describe the boy's face to him…and to my amazement, Charlie was sketching the face as I tried to give more detail. Even Bella was amazed, not aware he could do this and draw so well. Charlie gave a little smile, unable to hide the fact that he was proud of himself for impressing us further with his skills.
In awhile, I was looking at a great drawing of the kid's face I had seen that night.
Charlie said he could fax the sketch to Forks and have his men do a search on it for missing people in the New York area and see if anything came up.
I again warned Charlie about going to the club and poking around there, but he just smirked at me and said this wasn't his first day on the job. He could get information without going near the club or the police departments here. He never said how he was going to do it, only for me to do my part and let him do his job.
On the way home, Bella just kept giving me the look. She almost tried to talk me out of this plan, but I kindly told her that my mind was already made up. Charlie had given me a different look as we left his hotel earlier. I may have imagined it, but I could've sworn I saw respect in his eyes. I couldn't and wouldn't change my mind. On Monday, I'd have to go back to her anyway. At least this way, I had a plan of escape and backup. Even Charlie agreed this was the best way to go. Dangerous, yes…but what isn't dangerous in my world at this point?
I tried to change the subject.
"My parents will be coming over tomorrow.", I reminded, my arms around her, "I don't know what they're going to say, but I have to be ready for anything. I want to shut my feelings off…but I don't know if I can do that anymore. I don't want to care, but I do. I can't let them see they're hurting me. I have to be like stone."
"That's not the answer, Edward.", Bella said, looking up at me, softening a bit now that we weren't talking about Victoria, "It's okay to show that you hurt…and care. But you can't let it take you over. You can't let it break you. Don't make the mistake now, because you've found your strength, that you have to be made of steel all the time now. Be strong. And tender. You can be both. Don't lose your vulnerable side, your heart. I love your heart so much, it's so full and sweet. Balance, Edward. Everything right in life is balanced. Don't become cruel just because you can now."
I had to smile at her. How does she always know the exact right thing to say?
"Yes, Bella.", I used my good pet reply, knowing that would drive her crazy.
"Shut up with that.", she tapped my arm, "You're no toy anymore."
"Not even an educational toy?", I smiled more, trying to lean in and get her lips.
"No.", she pouted a little.
"How about an action figure?", I kept playing, making another unsuccessful try at her mouth as she yanked away.
"That remains to be seen.", she turned her back to me, crossing her arms.
I pouted and snuck my face down until my lips were right behind her ear, "I'd be happy to be your favorite doll…laying on your bed…waiting for you to come and hold me…a big stupid smile sewn across my face."
She spun around and held me tight, breathing her hot breath into my neck, tickling it a little as I inhaled strawberry in her hair, unable to suppress my big, goofy smile just being allowed to have contact with her again after a long while.
Later, back at her apartment, I held my favorite and only nightshirt and smiled, remembering the first night Bella put it on me as I felt so confused, wondering if she was tired of having sex with me already. I really didn't know what she was up to that night. Now I do. She turned me into a man, when once I was a shadow. How do you thank someone for such a miracle?
"Bella?", I smiled over at her as she came into the bedroom, wearing her pajamas, a t-shirt and cotton shorts.
"Did you forget how to dress yourself again?", she smiled.
"I didn't forget.", I half-frowned, "I was just remembering when you gave me this."
She smiled more and kissed my lips softly, making the hair on my arms stand up on end.
I held it up to her and asked, "Can you put it on me again?"
"I'm glad cute Edward is still around.", she took the shirt and put the collar of it over my head, repeating her past words, not exactly the same, but enough.
"I know I made up rule number one.", she said softly, "But I hope you know…you're more than just perfect pecks and washboard abs to me."
Then, she broke out of that speech to add more, as she helped the sleeves over my arms.
"I love you Edward.", her voice nearly cracked as she looked at my face, "I know I should be brave, but I am so scared. If anything happens to you, I don't know if I can…."
She let a little sob erupt from her mouth and I cupped her little face in both my hands, making her look up at me.
"Nothing is going to happen.", I vowed, wishing my intense stare would make her believe it, "Except Victoria going to prison. And when every thing's over, I'll be back for you. Nothing will stop me from coming back to you. I won't let it. I won't rest until you're safe again. One last time, I'll have to pretend to be her slave. I do it for you…and Katie. Finally, I'll be doing it for a good reason. Bella, you are my strength now. You are my life now. You once told me to do what I wanted and not ask permission, not to ask if it's alright all the time. I have to do that now. I hate that I have to go against YOU the very first time I try this, but you taught me that. Please…just believe in me. Trust me. I will be back. God, I sound like Arnold Schwarzzeneger."
She laughed and kissed me and I felt my eyes close, loving her touch so badly. Every time she kissed me or touched me, it felt better than the last time.
"I believe in you, Edward.", she whispered as she held me, "And I trust you. I will be here, waiting for you when you come back."
"I love you, Bella.", I covered her mouth with kisses now as I spoke to her, "God damn it, I love you."
"Shut up and do me already.", she commanded, biting into my neck and sucking my skin hard into her mouth.
I almost laughed, thinking maybe we had learned a little too much from each other. I was the lovesick little girl now and she was the hungry, seductive tigress.
"Yes, Bella.", I joked, feeling her pull me down onto the bed.
(* This is for all the girls at ff and who requested this scene. Love ya!*)
"I would like to introduce you to my favorite number.", Bella breathed, "Sixty-nine."
Oh my God, the Bride of Frankencock has arisen again! And…there he goes…Dr. Frankencock is up now, too.
"You've done this before?", I smiled, surprised at my innocent little Bella. Oh, who are we kidding? She's not that innocent anymore. But that's okay. I love sexy, horny Bella.
"Ugh, stop asking me that all the time and get to work.", she was untying the knot in my pants, and shoving them down, exposing my ass to the incoming, cool May breezes from the window.
"Get to work?", I feigned aggression and shoved her down, roughly yanking her clothes off her as she gave off little whimpers. I kicked my pants off and turned her around, picking her up in my arms, upside down, my hands locked securely together around the base of her spine as she dangled upside down, her hair hiding her face as I stood, taking two steps back from the bed. She let out a little scream and her bent legs were on both sides of my head, and before she could say another word, my tongue was circling furiously inside her.
If she wants 69, I'll give her 69. But it won't be all easy and fun for her. Try sucking my cock dangling upside down, Dr. Bella.
"Get to work.", I ordered her, taking a firm bite inside her as she screeched out, her hands holding my back for support, quickly traveling downward and digging her fingers into my ass.
She tried to locate my cock and I almost laughed as she tried to deal with her current position.
"Now, Bella, or I might just drop you.", I vocally pushed her to take me into her mouth, smiling to myself at how evil I could be when properly inspired.
With a little throaty breath, she found me at last and I felt a hot, wet, tight mouth enclose around me.
"Let me introduce you to MY favorite number.", I corrected and plunged my tongue deep into her throbbing little pussy lips, hearing her give a muffled cry as she worked her head back and forth over my penis, quickly getting the swing of it now…a fast learner.
I'll bet she never did 69 this way before. I was devouring her…tasting her juices and wanting more and more…it wasn't long before I was ravaging every inch of the tender flesh before me. At the same time, I was growling and trying to keep in control while Bella delivered perhaps the best blow job I had ever experienced. I guess being upside down works for her. It definitely works for me.
Her tongue kept wrapping around my head and tensing around my shaft and then she'd release me just when I couldn't take it anymore and lap up the sides and move her tight mouth up and down over me completely, the wetness sloppy and thick…and un-fucking-believeable!! Her sucking sounds pushed me even closer to the edge as I threw myself completely into giving her the best licking of her life in return.
I even walked us into the living room so I could maybe hold out a little longer before I came…but that didn't help so I walked us back into the bedroom again. This seemed to thrill and scare Bella at the same time and her screams of desire just increased more when I moved around a little.
My dirty little girl…my upside down love whore. Is there nothing she wouldn't let me do to her? Would I never hear the words lo mein from Bella's lips? God, I love her.
She was coming now…screaming and tensing around my tongue. I gave it an extra little wiggle at the tip of it and that made her howl out like a coyote. I couldn't hold my orgasm much longer and almost instantly with her, I announced to Bella I was going to cum…and then I exploded…hoping she was alright with swallowing me upside down.
I laid her down on her back then, on her bed, in case she was having difficulty swallowing me. She seemed alright. No choking or coughing going on. I wouldn't say it, but I was so proud of her. This is not the little girl who wouldn't even look at my penis that first night. What a beautiful goddess. I was glad that I had a part in waking this one for the first time.
I knew I wanted Bella all for myself…and that I would fight for her so she could be in my life after I freed myself from Victoria…but a small, little piece of me wondered …thought that there might be other men enjoying her someday…experiencing all the beautiful and unspoken things that were Bella Swan. And I was jealous of them. I didn't want to share her.
I was staring down at her face, that was laying on the bed right below my sated, soft cock.
"Oh my God.", Bella sighed, looking up at me with a big smile on her face.
"Thought we'd be laying on the bed, did we, Miss Get to Work?", I chuckled, slowly moving my finger from the tip of her cute little nose…up towards her forehead.
"I didn't even think of doing it that way.", she marveled at me like I was David Copperfield, "That was…oh my God!"
"I agree.", I got down on my knees closer to her, kissing her lips upside down, tasting her tongue…my fingers playing in her long raven tresses.
We kissed and made out for a long time. My hands couldn't get enough of her perky, full breasts and I enjoyed pinching her nipples and hearing her react to the delightful little pains she experienced as she licked my nipples and kissed and bit anything she could reach on my chest.
"Again.", I finally growled, crawling on top of her body, kissing my lips down her torso, moving towards my delicious destination.
I held my body off hers with my hands against the mattress as she moaned, finding my very hard cock again and licking it good this time before taking him into her lips.
I gave a hard groan, feeling how extra sensitive Frankencock was right now as I began to take small, little licks of the musky folds of flesh below me, teasing her as she teased me simultaneously. I blew cool air onto her wet little pink clit, hearing her give a low scream of pleasured torment.
I couldn't help but smile like a fiend at that. I put my top lip to her clit and breathed out hot air…and closed my lips together after heating the quivering little bud. She forgot my cock altogether for a second or two, bellowing out her cries from under my body.
We were both going to cum fast this round…and I think we both knew it.
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BPOV
Today is Saturday, Day 13
I didn't want to wake up this early, but Edward had ordered his parents to make sure to get here as soon as they could. I asked him why and he said it would do them some good, waking up early, setting their alarm clock, having to bend to his schedule for a change.
We had a quick, small breakfast of toast and milk and I wondered if I should make his parents something to eat and he scoffed and forbid me to fix them anything.
"They never cooked a meal for me.", he said, his cold, stern mask in place as he got dressed.
I couldn't blame him for feeling this way, and I'd rather have him strong and cool than weeping and weak when they came to see him…but I didn't like seeing him act cruel. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure how to express it to him.
My inner Dr. Bella told me it was right for him to show his anger. I had taught him to unbottle it…and he was now. I should just let him react any way he wanted to and be there to help him through it all.
"In my dream, when my parents came to see me," Edward said as we got dressed, "I got all dolled up, kept changing clothes, and when they came in, I was paralyzed with fear, frozen, up against the wall, staring out the window."
He scowled at the memory of himself and shook his head, putting on his regular jeans and a comfortable gray t-shirt that hugged his curves very nicely.
"I'm not doing that this time.", he muttered, almost to himself, "I'm running this meeting."
"Alright, Edward." I was almost afraid of him suddenly, "I won't interfere."
"No, Bella, I'm not talking about YOU.", his smile was back suddenly and his hard exterior vanished. I felt so relieved. He came to me and took my hands and kissed my knuckles, "Without you, I'd have never had the guts to see them at all. Remember when we met, I said I'd rather be stuck with needles than talk to them?"
"Yes.", I peeked up at him from under my lashes.
"Well, I still feel the same way.", he admitted, "But I won't let them push me around. I will finally say the things…I've never been able to say before."
"I'm so proud of you, Edward.", I beamed back at him, "Look at you now."
"It's still a little hard for me…acting this way…", he said, his vulnerable eyes shining back into mine, "But I like it. It feels right. And I love the way you look at me when I'm…like this. I feel like a man. I haven't felt that way…in a very long time."
I held him close and felt his lips on my temple when a knock tapped on the door.
Edward tensed a bit and I looked up into his face, silently saying goodbye to his soft green eyes…watching stern, calm, darker green eyes emerge in their place.
"It's time.", he breathed, taking a deeper breath. His hand squeezed mine and he kissed it again, letting go and moving on his own to the door…a lion's walk.
He snatched the door open quickly and startled the handsome couple on the other side of the threshold. I couldn't see his expression very well but his voice spoke volumes…he only said, "Inside."
He pushed the door open and allowed them to come in. Already they looked flustered and uncomfortable, although right out of the pages of GQ and Vogue. Stylish clothes, perfect faces, perfect hair, perfect makeup…I felt underdressed when they came in and gave me a nervous grin.
The door slammed behind them and the woman, his mother, gasped and her head spun behind her towards her son.
"Before you sit down," his voice was ice, and so were his eyes as he looked at them, "We have some business to take care of first. You brought your checkbook and account information I hope."
"Yes.", Carlisle looked confusedly at his son as Edward crossed his arms, like a mighty King looking at a peasant.
"Write a check to Bella Swan for forty thousand dollars.", Edward demanded with no emotion.
I felt my mouth fall open but Edward gave me a look that meant – 'don't say a word'. And even more shocking, his father was DOING it! Without even asking why or what it was for. It must be nice to be rich. Although, it didn't look like it made any of the Cullens very happy.
Carlisle tore the check out of his book and handed it to Edward, not saying a thing. Edward handed it to me and smiled a bit, saying to his parents, "That was for two weeks of excellent therapy, which you caused me to need in the first place. You got off cheap. She's worth so much more. Sit."
Without thinking about it, I began to hurry over and sit down before Edward got angry with me…when I saw his eyes I felt better. He smirked at me, silently assuring me I was not the one he was barking orders to.
Before I could focus, Carlisle and Esme Cullen were sitting next to me on the sofa and Edward took his seat in the chair across them, the picture of confidance, dark green eyes…anger. But controlled and chilly in his demeanor.
"Don't put your checkbook away just yet, Carlisle.", Edward said to his father, "Now a little test for you. Write a check to your granddaughter. A check for all the surgeries she's going to need in the next ten years of her life. You're a doctor, surely you know the prices. I want to see how much you really do care. I want to see if your heart is really as huge as your bank account. Write."
This Edward is brilliant…but also very scary. I'm glad he's on my side.
Carlisle sighed and began to write.
"If you sigh again…", Edward's cold eyes pierced into his father, "I'll break your jaw. If you feel I'm bothering you or causing you a little discomfort, then imagine how your granddaughter has felt all these years, let alone me. You have no idea what pain we've all been through. You don't have the fucking right or privilege to DARE sigh. Write the check."
Esme shot Carlisle a look of stern reproach as Carlisle silently went back to writing the check. I didn't dare try to peek but then Carlisle tore it out and handed it to his son. I almost couldn't breathe as Edward looked at it, not showing any reaction in his expression.
"That will take care of hospital bills, surgeries, medicine….and college, too.", Carlisle spoke very softly, "And also…for anything else she may need – clothes, a car…"
"You pass.", Edward gave it a single fold in half and tucked it into his t-shirt pocket, "You came here to say something to me. Say it."
Oh my Lord, Edward was impressing the Hell out of me. He was even making eye contact with his father now. I know I should've felt glad about getting my money back plus twenty thousand more, and Katie's needs were going to be met, finally, by the Cullens. I wanted to get up and dance…but all that faded into the background of Edward's new strength and courage. I want to kiss him so badly.
"You may still break my jaw after we talk, but, I'm prepared for that.", Carlisle put his checkbook on the coffee table.
"First of all, you should know…", Carlisle began, looking at his folded hands, "I'm not your biological father."
At this, we all looked at Esme Cullen.
She straightened a bit and cleared her throat.
"Edward…", she could hardly make eye contact with her son now, "When your father and I got married, we wanted a lot of children. We were very much in love and your father was already a doctor, working in the ER. For years, we tried to have a baby but it wasn't working. Your father did a test of both himself and me…and we found out that I was fine…but Carlisle…could not have children. He claims he never knew this before we married."
That last sentence had a lot of tension in it and it did not go unnoticed by Carlisle.
"I didn't know, Esme, for the millionth time!", Carlisle sneered, then tried to soften his tone and glare.
"Anyway…", Esme continued, "Carlisle suggested other options. But I didn't want some other man's baby, I wanted his. After a long time, I figured I just had to accept it. That we wouldn't have our own natural children together. I began to think about adoption…but that depressed me too. I don't know why. I was young and stupid…selfish, wanting everything perfect and my way. I see now how senseless my attitude was. I should've just…been more flexible…more open to the other possibilities."
She cleared her throat and looked at Edward. But his eyes were looking back at her with a fierce gaze that even spooked me, sitting beside her. Esme took a deep breath and went on.
We were having a party one night, at our house. Some retirement thing for a doctor Carlisle worked with. I was so depressed that whole day. I had been working with the children at the hospital that afternoon, I volunteered there from time to time. I loved it. Somehow, it made me feel better, being around them, taking care of them. I wasn't a nurse but I could get them a pillow, help them eat their food, play board games with them, read them stories. I was not in the mood that night for a big party, playing hostess to over 100 people. But I played the part of the dutiful doctor's wife, pretending to be happy and refined, charming every one of them."
This reminds me of Edward's acting while he is servicing the women at Fire. Hmm. Interesting.
"I was more drunk than I care to admit.", Esme looked at her fingernails, sighing, "I had been drinking a lot since I found out there'd be no children for us. I was already an alcoholic. But I was never drunk around the children. That much I made sure of."
"I went to one of the bedrooms upstairs to lay down.", Esme said, "It was dark and I was so dizzy and tired. I don't know how much time had passed, but…there was a man in the room with me all of a sudden…he was on the bed with me…he was kissing me and…started to take off my clothes."
Edward looked at her, his face unchanged. Carlisle was staring at his wedding ring, then his shoes, this obviously bothered him a great deal but he didn't want to show it.
Then it seemed to me that Edward's cold stare was exactly like Carlisle's. Is he imitating his father now?
"At first,", Esme bravely spoke again, "I didn't stop him. I didn't know if it was a dream or reality. The room was dark but I could see parts of his face now and then, somehow. I could see he was very handsome…and he smelled so good. And…his kiss was wonderful. I was letting him touch me and I was nearly naked when Carlisle's face came to my mind. And just like that, I knew it was no dream. It was real. And he was unzipping his pants."
"I started to try to get up then," Esme said, her fists clenched as she remembered, "I said 'NO' and I tried to push him off me. I fought back, I did! But he was so strong…and rough then. He put his hand over my mouth and…he…took me."
"I told Carlisle what happened.", Esme glanced over to her husband with a deadly eye, "But he cared more about accusing any of his precious doctor associates than getting the man who raped me."
Carlisle's carefully folded hands clenched now and he jerked his head up at Esme.
"That's NOT what I was thinking ABOUT!", Carlisle tried to keep his voice civil through his gritted, white teeth, "You were BOMBED!! You couldn't even tell me what the man LOOKED like! Only that he was handsome and a great kisser!! I couldn't call the police! I'd have been a laughingstock and God knows what would've happened to my career, my reputation, if I went around accusing anyone with only the tale of my depressed, drunk wife as proof! Our lawyer told you, we didn't have a leg to stand on! And you said yourself, you let him undress and kiss you…there was no way to send someone to jail for rape! You let him have you. You didn't fight him off. Why can't you just admit the truth? You cheated on me."
"I DID NOT!!', she screamed, tears in her eyes. Carlisle didn't speak again.
Edward looked at Carlisle and I thought I saw a pang of disgust there for a minute. But Edward still said nothing and just watched them.
"Shut up, Carlisle.", Esme sniffed, "This is my story, not yours."
Carlisle stopped talking and Esme said, "You see the support I got from my loving husband. So I tried to forget it ever happened. But I kept drinking. Carlisle was gone all the time, working nights in the ER. I was so afraid, sleeping alone every night after what had happened. I kept dreaming he'd come back. I was losing my mind. I sunk deeper and deeper into alcohol."
"A couple months later, I found out I was pregnant. Carlisle said that no one knew he couldn't have children. We would just say it was our child. That it would be alright. I had wanted so badly to have a child. Edward…I'm sorry, but at the time…I didn't want to have you. I didn't want that man's child. I was afraid of him…I hated him. He attacked me. I didn't want to have the baby. But Carlisle said I couldn't have an abortion. He wouldn't allow it. He said it was murder."
"It would've killed you inside to do that, Esme.", Carlisle closed his eyes and sneered the words, "You wanted a baby so much…and you got your wish. You wouldn't have been able to live with yourself if you killed Edward. I took you to therapy. I tried to get you some help. Don't make me out to be the villain here."
"Therapy, out of town.", Esme scoffed, "Not with any decent doctors that might have known him or any of his fellow doctor friends. Social workers you took me to. Rehab. Mental institutions."
"You drank all the TIME!", Carlisle shouted, "It's a miracle Edward was born healthy with the crap you kept pouring down your throat."
"Maybe you should've helped me instead of shipping me out from place to place, like a prisoner, until I was a good, clean little girl ready to come home and play house for you!", Esme defended.
"Can you please calm down?", Carlisle asked her, "You're talking to your son and his friend. Have a little dignity, please."
"Shut up.", Edward said suddenly, still calm and bold as a mountain, glaring at Carlisle.
"What?", Carlisle looked stunned.
"I said shut up.", Edward frowned at his father, "Let her say whatever she has to say. Stop telling her what to do all the time. You've always ordered her around. It's not going to happen to her here. She can say what she likes and any way she wants to say it. And when I let you, you'll have your say. But for now, shut up."
"Fine.", Carlisle looked frustrated and angry but he closed his mouth then.
"Thank you.", Esme said to Edward.
"Don't thank me," Edward shot her the same icy look, "You still have a lot to explain. Keep going."
"None of the places Carlisle sent me to really helped.", Esme said, "Nothing erased that night out of my mind. See, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone that I was attacked, so how could they help me? I almost told people. But I was afraid that if I did, I would be alone with a baby, and no way to support it. I had no other family to take care of me, I only had Carlisle. I hated it…but I needed him financially…and even after all that happened, I felt I still loved him and maybe things would work when the baby was born."
"It didn't.", Esme said after a little pause, "You were a beautiful baby, Edward, and so happy, healthy, too. I was in a very dark place then, Edward. A horrible part of me, almost wished all my drinking had hurt you…maybe I'd fall and have a miscarriage or…there'd be some complication during the delivery. Once I even stood at the top of a staircase, willing myself to fall down it so you'd never be born. It was nothing against you, Edward. It was the man who had me that night. That's what made me feel that way. I know that now, but then…I blamed you. I hated you for not being Carlisle's son. I hated that you were the son of the stranger that attacked me. I couldn't bond with you like I should have. I didn't want to hold you or see you."
I looked at Edward and his eyes looked down a bit, but he was being so brave and strong, even in the face of this terrible story – and his own mother saying these things to him. I wanted to hit her myself just hearing her say the words. But then I tried to put myself in her place…could I love the baby of someone who raped me? It's a very difficult question to face.
"Katherine…", Esme said, tears in her eyes, "Was a lovely woman in her thirties who worked for us. I liked her a lot. She was warm and down to earth…and she had a baby boy once…long ago. But he died when he was a year old, he had a seizure in his sleep. I asked her if she would take full charge of you. She agreed, of course. Sometimes, I'd hear her singing to you, rocking you to sleep. I once peeked in your nursery and you both looked so happy with each other. I saw that she loved you…and you loved her. So I let it be that way. I avoided you all the time. I was still drinking…and had started to graduate to drugs. I would steal Carlisle's prescription pad and write scripts for myself, getting anything I wanted. It was easy."
"Carlisle was never around, either.", Esme said, "I hoped he would at least try to be your father if I couldn't be your mother, but he was always working. He'd do a shift all night then find other things to do all day out of the house. For years, we didn't speak to each other, and we let the staff raise you without us."
"I have feelings, too, Esme.", Carlisle frowned, "I tried to bond with you, too, Edward. But every time I saw you, it killed me that you weren't mine. That I couldn't have children of my own. And I'd wonder if Esme was really attacked, or if she just cheated on me. You didn't look like me and you had green eyes. No one on my side or Esme's has green eyes. It was just a reminder…I had fallen out of love with Esme and she didn't love me anymore, either. I felt nothing but guilt, anger and sadness whenever I tried to spend time with you, Edward. I'm sorry. I know none of this is your fault. We both know that now."
A little late for that, I thought to myself. If only this family had gotten some therapy together, the right way, by a good doctor, I thought, maybe they'd be alright now. And none of this needed to happen.
"We stayed together as you grew up.", Carlisle stated, "I'm not even sure why we didn't get divorced."
"Because the whole story would come out and Carlisle didn't want everyone talking, that's why.", Esme said.
"No, that's not the whole reason.", Carlisle said, "I thought if Esme and I got divorced, she'd blow all her half of the money on drugs and kill herself one day. Overdose. I kept trying to start over with her, get her help. Try this or that rehab clinic. I began taking her on these trips, all over the world, to places I thought could help her. Places where the story, if she told it, wouldn't get back to our town. Maybe I was stupid for that, but it was a nice little community we lived in. I wanted to keep our name good and respectable. I worked too hard to be looked at like some…"
He stopped and took a breath.
"Trash?", Esme finished his sentence, "He's always looked down on me because I wasn't rich when he married me. All the money was his. He'd always remind me I had nothing. And if I left, I'd have nothing again…I'd be nothing. Those threats kept me Mrs. Cullen. Any love we had for each other was dead, I thought. But he kept trying to help me. He didn't divorce me so I stayed with him. I wasn't happy, but…I was secure…and safe. I still feared that man who raped me that night. He never went away, even after years and years went by. Once in awhile, I did try to see you, Edward, and play with you. On holidays, Christmases and your birthdays, I was there. And I did try to hold you and kiss you. But I could never feel your love…or make you feel mine. And, I also saw…that you loved Katherine like she was your mother. She was, really. I didn't think it was fair of me to pretend to be your mother when she was the one really doing the job, loving you like you were her son. You really were hers, Edward. Love made you mother and son. I was glad you had it with her. I knew I couldn't give that to you."
"Tell me about the night I brought Tanya over.", was all Edward said in response to all this.
"I will let Carlisle tell that story.", Esme shot Carlisle a look, "Tell it, Carlisle."
"As you got older and went away to high school, things looked like they might be getting…a little better.", Carlisle informed, "Your mother found a doctor she liked and she had stopped doing drugs. She hardly drank at all. She was not cured, but…she was looking and feeling better. She had been away for months at a time, she was getting treatment in California. I was alone all the time. I hadn't been with a woman…for years. Esme and I were married in name only at that time."
"I met a woman at the hospital.", Carlisle cleared his throat, "I thought she was in college. She was volunteering with the little sick children, teaching them to paint. She looked so much like Esme when she was younger. And she was so good with the children. She reminded me of her. Only she was very happy and laughed all the time. She glowed. I tried to stay away from her but I always found myself in the area when she was there."
"I used to 'bump' into her 'accidentally' after she'd finish with the kids. She always grabbed dinner at the hospital cafeteria. I pretended I was there, having dinner too, alone. We started to have dinners together three times a week. We were friends, nothing more. But, soon…we were very attracted to each other. We flirted, we started to hold hands at the table…I finally asked her for a date. I never told her I was married. And I told her my name was Carlisle Bonham. She was young and never questioned that. We both knew it wasn't a normal date we were going on. I booked a very beautiful suite at a fine hotel and she met me there one night. We made love. Afterwards, she told me she wasn't a college student. She was a senior in high school. She told me I was her first. And she told me she was in love with me."
"I panicked.", Carlisle said, "I cared about her. I loved her, too. But I couldn't marry her or have everyone know I was dating a high school girl. I was hoping that Esme would be better soon and we could work on our marriage once she was totally sober and clean. And what if this girl was thinking of blackmailing me or something? What if she got pregnant? I didn't want to lose everything. I left in the night after she fell asleep. I moved my shift to nights again and never tried to see that girl again. I thought I'd forget her…in time. A long time passed."
"I thought of her all the time, but never expected to see her again.", Carlisle looked up at Edward, "But I did. When you brought her over that night for dinner."
Edward's eyes turned lethal now but he stayed in his chair and I noticed his body tense. His fists clenched.
"I don't think she realized that you were my son until she saw me when you came in.", Carlisle was staring at his shoes as he spoke, "She looked surprised to me but I think my reaction to her was the one everyone noticed. I couldn't hide my panic and shock as well as she did."
"I couldn't look at her, Edward.", Carlisle admitted, "I knew that night as I was looking at her and hearing her voice, that I still loved her. And your mother was there at the table…and you looked so in love with her, too. I had to leave the table. And I was jealous of you, Edward. So jealous and angry I couldn't see straight. So I threatened you, not really knowing you very well, with taking the money away from you if you kept seeing her. I was a bastard. I kept your mother by using that threat. I thought it would work on you, too."
"But Katherine and Joseph raised you well.", Carlisle said, "You didn't listen to me and you chose Tanya. Before I knew what I was doing, I was calling your school and canceling everything I'd given you. I was filled with hate and wanted to hurt you. I thought, I treated you like my son and gave you the best of everything…even though you weren't mine. Even though you were the son of a man who probably had an affair with Esme. It wasn't logical and I know that…but I struck out at you hard for having Tanya. I still wanted her. And I didn't want to see her with you, or even know that she was with you."
"Esme fought with me and was screaming at me, asking why I was doing this to you. She said she wouldn't let me. She said we owed you a chance to have a good life. I was half drunk at the time, and I accused her again of loving your real father, saying she never loved me…after all I'd done for you both. I told her she made the whole rape thing up, she had an affair. I called you a bastard and your mother lunged at me. I spun around and hit her. I told her she didn't love you, either. And this was the way it was going to be. I told her you were gone – you weren't coming back and she should be glad I cut you out. Seeing you was too painful for her anyway. I told her for your own good, to leave you alone. That we should both leave you alone from now on. Let you live your life without us. We were never your parents, really. Esme never mentioned you or that night again. She went back to California and I saw her once in awhile. We just passed each other now and then in the house, not saying much to each other. We tried to forget you…and each other, hoping that would ease the pain."
"I tried to keep tabs on you, to make sure you and Tanya were alright.", Carlisle said, "I lost track of you for awhile after you left, but then I heard you and Tanya were married. I went nuts all over again. I still wasn't over her, I'd hoped maybe you would break up, or that she would call me or write me, trying to explain. But she didn't. Until after you were married."
Edward's eyes glinted with wickedness at his father now.
"She wrote to you?", his voice seethed.
Carlise nodded. "She said that she was in love with you. She wanted you and not me. She told me off for canceling your college and putting you through years of Hell. She said she hated me now and didn't want me near any of you again. She told me she was pregnant with your child and she was happy about it. She said she would make you happy, she would send you back to college someday and make things right. She did love you, Edward. I could see that just from the passion of her letter. But I was still in love with her. I was so angry at her but I still wanted her."
"Thinking of you married to her and a baby on the way killed me.", Carlisle confessed, "I kept thinking of ways to win her back and then I felt sick for even thinking that way. I don't know why I couldn't just forget her. Time didn't lessen what I felt for her. It was like she had some kind of hold on me that never went away. I began to slip into using drugs. I'd take it from the hospital and no one ever found out. I didn't care about medicine anymore…I never heard from your mother anymore that much. I began to even question my reason for living. I wanted to die."
"When the baby was born, I found out about it, and found out you named her Kaitlyn. I noticed that was very close to Katherine, the name. Anyway, I spent more years battling the drug addiction. I hardly practiced medicine at all during those years. I didn't even care what anyone thought anymore. And then I heard about Tanya's death. I heard about what happened to Kaitlyn. I was still on drugs at the time. I was broken hearted, knowing Tanya died hating me, that she loved you. And now I'd never get a chance to see her again. I was filled with rage at you. I blamed you. I was jealous of you."
"Later on, when you came to the house with Kaitlyn, I was high. Esme was at the house that night, also very drunk. I had told her what happened to you and that killed any progress she had been making. She went downhill fast as all the guilt and fear came flooding back to her. We were both very screwed up. When you came, knocking and begging for our help with your daughter, I wasn't myself. I was still raging and hating you. I still wanted Tanya. I wouldn't let Esme help you, I forbid her from doing anything for you or your child. I told her to get rid of you or she would be cut off too. Esme was an addict. Her drugs and alcohol meant more to her than any person at the time. She chose them over you and your daughter. She told you we couldn't help you and closed the door in your face."
Esme was quietly crying, not denying Carlisle's words, she couldn't look Edward in the face now.
There was a long silence and I doubted Edward could handle all this. But his face was still stone as he looked at them both.
I almost said something but didn't.
Edward leapt up to his feet and turned his back to us, leaning his hands on the kitchen counter and taking deep breaths, trying to deal with all they'd just said. I feared at one point he was crying but I didn't interfere yet. If he needed me, I would be there. I had to let him handle this, his way.
Finally, Edward spoke in a very low, almost unhearable voice.
"You never loved me.", he said, not in a callous way, but almost, sadly…as if he had the answer to a question he'd always had in his head, he said it almost…to himself.
His parents didn't say anything. They looked at each other without words.
"No.", Esme told the truth, crying, "We didn't. And for that, I am truly sorry. We did everything wrong. And even though it hurt you, I'm glad we weren't a big part of your life, Edward. You were raised with love. You're a good man. You're better off without us. We didn't want to tell you these horrible things. Another reason we never reached out to you. But we did want to explain things, as hard as the truth is. We owe you at least that. Be glad we didn't love you. We would've screwed you up, too."
"Your mother and I…are still married but we're not really a couple anymore.", Carlisle said, "We have been in therapy together and separately for years now. After the last time we saw you and your daughter, after we realized how we turned you away when you needed us the most, we decided to do whatever we had to, to get better. To be better, for you. We know you don't want us or need us in your life now, Edward. It's too late and too much has happened between us in the past. You may never forgive us. And we're not asking you to."
"But we will always provide anything you need, for Kaitlyn.", Esme added, "If you don't want us around her, we'll understand that, too."
Edward was silent and his eyes looked very aged and tired suddenly as he looked at me. I was so afraid he was holding it all inside and not letting it out. Then I was afraid he'd let it all out and I wouldn't be able to save his parent's lives.
"All my life I wondered what I did…what I said…that made you both hate me so much you were never around.", he said in a low voice, "But now…that I know your whole story…you know it doesn't even matter. The person I was a couple weeks ago, would've been destroyed to find out his father was his wife's first time and that he loved her but not me. I would've been devastated to hear my mother say the words, 'no, we never loved you.' It would have killed me and I would've let it shove me deeper down into my own Hell. But I've cried too long over things that I have no control over. I can't cry any more tears for you. I can't even hate you. And hearing you say you never loved me doesn't really hurt me because…I never loved you. I never knew you. You were shadows in my life. I was dreaming of having you, my perfect parents…and I didn't even realize that I already had the perfect parents. Katherine, Joseph…I know you somehow kept them from contacting me. That ends now. I will call them in a couple weeks and I will see them, whenever I choose. I don't want to see either of you there while I'm visiting them."
Edward paused and said, "I'm not banishing you from my life. You were never in it to begin with. I have my own life to correct and my own daughter to raise now. I can't carry the weight of you two anymore. It's broken my back all my life. So I'm letting you go. I hope you find your way. But I can't let my hate destroy me inside. Katie needs me and I'm not about to make the same mistakes you did. "
"I'm going to be there. Everyday. I'm going to give her all the love I can and then some. I have to make her see that her Daddy loves her. I have to make her happy. And I can't do that if I'm hating you every minute. So, even though I would love to kick your ass, Carlisle, for what you did to your wife…and mine…I won't. Even though I would love to hate you, Esme, for never being my mother, and for loving money and drugs more than you ever loved me, I won't."
"You're not worth it. And it just makes me see that Tanya did truly love me. I was being as cruel to her as you were being to Esme…I was following your pattern, even if my blood isn't your blood. You were still poison in my veins. My hate for both of you was killing Tanya before the fire even happened. And it would've destroyed my daughter, too, eventually. I'm not letting you kill us anymore. So, you're not dead to me…you're just…nothing to me now."
They both stared at Edward, not knowing what to say. I didn't really know what to say either, except that Edward was amazingly intelligent and utterly forgiving, as always.
He didn't say it right out, but in his heart, he was forgiving them for all of it. He wasn't going to hug or kiss them, or even have them as part of his life, but he didn't need to. In his heart, he let them go and all the pain they brought with them. He was right, too about Katie. He could never be a good father for her while carrying all this crap around inside him. He dropped it all in one big thud at his parent's feet. And he was going to walk away, free, to find his way back to Katie now.
Part of me thought maybe he should scream and yell and punch Carlisle…but what good would that do anyone, even him? I think he knew they didn't love him all his life, he just didn't know the reasons why.
Edward waited for a minute or two and his parents didn't move or speak, either. Finally, Edward opened my notebook and tore a blank page out, writing something.
He folded it once and took a deep breath, walking over and extending the paper to Carlisle.
"This is Ben's address and phone number.", he said, still full of hurt but calm and controlled, "This is where your granddaughter lives. If you want to make anything up to me, do it by loving her. Even if it's only a phone call or a birthday card, a visit once a year. This is where you can start to show Tanya how much you really care, and me. You can go now."
"But, Edward…", Carlisle took the paper.
"GO now!", Edward's voice raged out loud now, full of fire and losing control fast, "Before I do something. GET OUT!"
Edward turned his back to us again, staring down at the counter, waiting for them to leave. He was trying hard to restrain himself and be strong. I knew his shouting at his parents to leave was only because he didn't trust himself to hold out this tough exterior much longer.
"Alright, Edward.", Carlisle helped Esme to her feet and they quickly made their way to the door, opening it and slowly going out.
Esme said one brief thing before they left.
"Thank you, for seeing us, Edward.", she wiped her eyes, ruining her eye makeup, sniffing, "You're very brave. Sorry."
The door closed and they were gone. God, I hated them. Sorry. I wanted to chase Esme out in the hall and punch her nose.
Edward let out a strangled groan and was panting, his forehead on the counter, his fists in his eyes.
I went to him right away, putting my arms around him and stroking his hair, not wanting to lecture him right now or try to be Dr. Bella. I just loved him, hoping it was enough.
He let out this lion roar, his fist punching the counter several times, as if he were hitting them.
What could I say to make this better? Maybe I needed James now. This was a lot to deal with. I think I'm in way over my head here.
"Edward…", I said once he had quieted a bit, "I know all this is the most terrible thing you've ever been through. Worse than Raven, even. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. I don't think I'm good enough to help you now. Maybe we should call my professor to help you."
"No, Bella, YOU.", his voice was cracking a bit, and it sounded like he was crying.
He stood up, not afraid to show me the tears on his face as he clung to me, almost painfully, saying, "I just want you. Please. I need YOU. You're my doctor. I don't want anyone else. Please, Bella? Don't…"
"Alright, Edward, alright.", I assured him. I hated hearing him nearly beg me to keep being his doctor, as if I would abandon him now, "I'm here for you always. I'll be your doctor. It's alright."
He let out a very relieved breath and I heard him give off a couple of low sobs, burying his face in my hair.
"For what it's worth…", I stroked his back, "You were completely perfect in the way you handled them. I've never been so impressed by anyone before. I don't know how you handled that as well as you did…but I'm so fucking proud of you."
"You did this to me, Bella.", his voice sounded a little calmer now, his hot breath on my jugular vein, "You taught me how to face them. You're one amazing woman…and doctor."
I think he was giving me way too much credit. I might have helped him over these last couple weeks, but the truth is, Edward is the one who took control and who battled the fear and hurt to have some closure on this horrible chapter of his life. He would not just be okay now…it would take a very long time to accept all his parents had to say, let alone deal with it. But I believed that Edward would be able to do it now. He wasn't weak at all anymore. He has a reason to fight…and he's finally woken up to it. He's ready to live again.
"When I first met you, I took you to the Awaken room.", Edward stroked my face and looked down into my eyes, "I thought you were naïve and sweet and that was the room for you. Little did I know…it was you who'd wake me up."
"Sweetheart…", I heard myself whisper, wiping his tears with my fingers, "I'm glad you're crying. It's good. Let it out."
"I feel so tired.", Edward breathed, letting another tear fall down his right cheek, "In my bones, I feel exhausted."
"Come on.", I moved backwards, taking his hands and brining him with me, "Let's lay down. I'll hold you and we can talk. How's that sound?"
He gave me a weak smile, liking this idea, and there was nothing sexual in his eyes, either. I truly wanted to just hold him and talk things out. To be Dr. Bella, only cradling him and stroking him while he healed and shared his pain with me.
"Wonderful.", he said back with a fragile voice, then added, "Love is the best medicine for a broken heart."
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See next chapter soon!
Love
WinndSinger
So, how was that? Better than the vampire twist? Like what could be worse, right?
Carlisle and Esme are so screwed up in this story. Sorry about that. I do love them in the books and movies.
How do you think Edward handled them? What do you think of Edward going back to Victoria to destroy her? Let me know!!
PS – The boy who died at Victoria's hands…you'll see later who he was. He was important to one of the characters. Hint, hint.
See you soon!