CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE.

"Are you going to sulk or get up and be an adult?" Gina asked her daughter carefully as they sat on the couch together. Naomi had come home and immediately fallen into her mother's arms, saying nothing. She laid now with her head on her mother's lap, as silent as she had been when she'd first come in two hours ago.

"I gave her a letter," Naomi sighed. It was up to Emily. She had to decide the next course of action, for Naomi was at a fucking loss.

It was hard enough to actually admit all that fucking stuff to Cook. She knew he'd take it seriously, that he'd respect her privacy. But what of Emily? The letter contained so much of her soul, the real fucking honesty of her feelings were mapped out intimately. That power could be used to fucking demolish her beyond anything that could be repaired. That was the problem, Naomi knew it. She had handed it all over to the redhead, a woman she had only just met. That was a paralyzing action, it was totally ridiculous. Yet … yet … it was right. It had to be. It was terrifying to expose her as someone who needed love, who needed someone to see her and accept her even thought she was royally fucked up. There had to be a purpose to it all, surely.

"How about you and I go out? Let's go have a nice dinner and then I'll fix you a bath," Gina suggested, needing to break her daughter out of her depression before it sunk in further.

"Alright," Naomi actually liked the idea, she agreed to it immediately. She was learning that while she was letting Emily in, she was also beginning to see her mother in a different light too. It felt nice.

"That's my girl." Gina let Naomi get up, saying nothing else. She had offered comfort to her daughter, and she had taken it. Inside she felt pretty good, but she hated the situation. Hopefully those two sorted themselves out, she prayed.

Naomi was actually enjoying the night. Her mother was telling her about the time she first knew having her was going to be a positive thing in her life, and instead of biting back, asking if her mother was trying to guilt her into something, she really listened. Her mother sounded quite sad during the retelling. Naomi knew some of that was down to the way she had treated her, and she shouldered that without a fight. She knew she needed to be better at respecting her mother, at understanding that she wasn't judging every move she made, rather she was concerned about how she lived her life because how Naomi lives was important to her. It was a ridiculously simple notion; one a woman of Naomi's intelligence should have been able to grasp at a much younger age.

They took a walk after dinner, Naomi laughing as her mother recalled the first time she had come home from school full of concern for the two fish the teacher had put in the classroom. Gina teased her daughter, reminding her of her early activist involvement when she tried to get a petition together on behalf of the fish to set them free. When no one signed it, happy with the fish in the classroom, Naomi had 'rescued' them, only to discover that fish needed water, and flailed around if dropped into a pencil case. Thankfully the teacher got them out of Naomi's pencil case and back into the tank without either dying. For two months, it was Naomi's job to clean the tank as punishment. She soon stopped worrying about their well-being after she had to wipe the dirty tank clean.

"You're always rescuing things," Gina said, referring to much more than those two fish. She thought about Freddie, JJ and Cook and how she'd been instrumental in helping them find their own identities, and even though she struggled to accept Cook in her daughter's life, she couldn't fault her daughter's loyalty.

"Is this where I admit that Emily might be rescuing me?" Naomi joked.

"I think there is some truth to that," Gina admitted, smiling as her daughter blushed.

Naomi yawned, the day draining her more than she thought. Her mother took her cue and they set off home, Naomi happy to listen to the places Gina was considering touring when she took her trip in a few months time. It sounded very much like the idea Naomi had had, though when her mother talked about the trip, she always talked about returning. Naomi had planned to escape Bristol, believing it was holding her back from something, when in actual fact, she was too fucking scared to remain and make a life here.

"There's someone here," Gina whispered as they got to their front path, worried they were being broken into. "Give me one of your crutches," Gina grabbed one and held it in front of her, ready to take a swing.

Naomi giggled as her mother channeled her inner commando, but followed suit. She couldn't help but think if anyone saw them they'd fall over and collapse in hysterics before either of them could take a swing.

"I'm armed," Gina threatened the ghostly figure.

"It's Emily," a soft voice appeared from the darkness. She moved into the light and couldn't help but smile as she was confronted by two blonde haired women holding a crutch each.

"Oh, hi love. No lurking in the shadows okay? You gave us a hell of a fright," Gina handed the crutch back to Naomi and kissed Emily's cheek like there was nothing more than a simple little visit going on out on her front lawn. Unlocking the door, leaving it slightly ajar Gina walked inside, switching on the kettle.

She sat in the kitchen and waited.

Naomi had never felt more petrified about talking to someone as she did right now. It was hard to tell in the darkness whether or not Emily was here to resume their fight or perhaps be prepared to forgive her. In fact, Naomi wasn't even sure she wanted Emily to forgive her, because then she'd have to stand by everything she wrote in that letter. It would be much easier if Emily told her to fuck off.

"I read your letter," Emily caught Naomi's scared eyes and smiled softly.

"Good," Naomi felt her throat close up; she couldn't help but think Emily looked so beautiful standing at the top of the steps in a mix match outfit and baseball cap.

This was a very defining moment, Naomi could sense it. There was an assuredness about the redhead, and that scared her just about as much as it filled her with hope. Still, she waited. It was Emily's show, she was simply the audience.

"We need to talk," Emily came down the stairs, stopping when Naomi moved back. This was going to be a fucking long night if Naomi was going to hide underneath her fucking panicking and not let Emily say what she needed to say.

Emily decided to be fucking bold. Grabbing Naomi's face, smiling when she saw panic flash over the blondes face, she placed a gentle closed mouth kiss on Naomi's dry lips. She pulled away, stroking Naomi's face and sighing softly as Naomi leant into the touch even though she looked uncertain.

"I'm such a fucking idiot," Naomi whispered into Emily's hand, grasping it tightly, her crutches falling on the grass with a soft thud.

"Yes you are," Emily nodded. It wasn't an empty response, she knew a lot more now she had read Naomi's letter. She felt the words she had read rush back, but they were no longer jagged, they were soft and beautiful. They were in Naomi's eyes as they refused to lose contact as their bodies moved closer together. She felt Naomi's heartbeat and knew the words were pounding out of her chest and surrounding them as tightly as their embrace.

Emily found that now she had Naomi in her arms, surrendering to the absolution Emily was offering, she didn't have anything to say, not right now at least. Naomi knew that while Emily was considering forgiveness, it wouldn't come easy.

"Um," Naomi bit her lip. Shit. She had nothing to say.

"I've made a pot of tea girls," Gina announced from the front door.

Emily giggled into Naomi's jacket, not ready just yet to let go.

"We'd better go in, she'll bring it out here if we're not careful," Naomi teased, squeezing Emily tightly.

"Did you really send that letter to Cook?" Emily asked, moving her head so she could look at Naomi.

"Yes. I needed him to know. I needed that person, free of all the fucking drama and bullshit to know how I was feeling. I know it didn't make a lot of sense at times. Ems, I needed to finally release it all," Naomi replied honestly.

"I was ready to let you go back to your lonely life, but that letter has made me feel what it is like to be you, Naomi. I know you want someone to love, and to love you. Be brave, Naomi, want me, want me to be in there," Emily knew it had to be said, even if it caused Naomi some pain, but she softened, placing her hand over Naomi's heart, letting it rest there.

"I'm so uneasy, I don't have the answers," Naomi admitted.

"I guess we'll have to sort that out," Emily smiled, pulling Naomi back into a firm embrace.

"Yeah," Naomi knew it was a fucking lame response, but Emily didn't seem to mind.

"Let's go inside," Emily picked up Naomi's crutches and went in, not waiting for the blonde. Gina was reading a magazine when she came into the kitchen, but her hands were quickly gathering up the redhead in a hug. They both knew they were celebrating the emergence of a Naomi that looked like she was finally willing to take some chances.

"Thank you," Gina whispered in Emily's ear before moving away to pour two cups of tea. Naomi had made it into the kitchen by then, and was standing near Emily, watching the redhead and smiling. Emily helped Gina, carrying two steaming mugs over to the table, just needing to do something. Naomi continued to watch unsure how she should behave.

"Is this new?" Emily asked, touching the table runner, feeling its coarseness on her fingertips.

"No, but it's been hiding away for a while. I decided because I seem to be having guests more frequently now it'd be nice to add a splash of colour," Gina remarked, smiling at her daughter who seemed to be frozen in time.

"I like it," Emily replied.

"It reminds me a bit of your hair," Gina said, wondering if Naomi was going to speak any time soon.

"This is nice tea," Emily was starting to worry. Naomi was just staring at her. She looked happy, but given she had said nothing, Emily began to panic.

"Yeah," Gina replied, her heart not in the mundane conversation.

"Naomi?" Emily put her tea down, smiling when Naomi blinked at her and looked down at her hands.

"I'm off to bed," Gina announced, getting up loudly. "Emily, will you stay here tonight?"

"I don't know," Emily looked over for some help from Naomi, but she wasn't giving her any assistance at all.

"You can't be walking around late at night," Gina reasoned.

"I'll just let my dad know," Emily pulled her phone out, leaving the room to make the call.

"Naomi, snap out of it. You're scaring her," Gina whispered in Naomi's ear.

"I don't know what she wants me to do, or to say." Naomi admitted.

"Ask her," Gina suggested.

Naomi looked up at her mother. Could it really be that simple, she wondered?

"Dad says it is a good idea, Gina. He loved that soup," Emily came back in, pulling a chair over to where Naomi was sitting. Grabbing Naomi's hand, Emily continued talking to Gina, "I have to apologise for leaving like I did that night. I don't handle my family too well and my father hit a nerve."

"No need to say sorry, love," Gina assured her, smiling as Naomi pulled Emily's hand into her lap. "Night, both of you."

Giving them both a quick kiss on the head, Gina went off to bed. She was exhausted, so she could only imagine how those two were feeling.

"I know you had the shits with that dinner," Emily remarked sarcastically.

"I did," Naomi kept her answer short.

"I could tell when you didn't send me a message before bed. I like those," Emily bashfully admitted.

"I was pissed, but more at your family than you," Naomi replied, keeping a firm grip on Emily's hand.

"I'm not sure what to do about Andy," Emily said, wanting it out there before anything else. "You told me you wouldn't look elsewhere, do you remember that?"

"I kissed him more as a joke to him and his pathetic attempts to get me into his bed than anything else. But as soon as I kissed him, I knew it was all wrong. He didn't have your lips, your smell, and your passion."

"Would you have told me about it? Honestly," Emily asked. She could handle it either way, she thought.

"I tried to tell myself that we weren't together and I tried to tell myself that one little kiss didn't mean much even if we were together," Naomi shook her head. How could she have been so fucking stupid?

"But I always came back to feeling ashamed it happened, and I knew it meant I had to tell you, even if it meant you'd never want to be with me," Naomi answered honestly, and she hoped the sincerity was visible enough for Emily to trust her.

"I want us to try, but we just can't seem to commit to anything other than this .. Whatever the fuck this is, Naomi? I ... but I think I want to try. I want you to try," Emily admitted, blushing as she stumbled over her words.

"Okay," Naomi grinned, leaning over to kiss Emily's cheek. Try, she could try.

"Okay? Is that all?"

"I don't find anyone else as beautiful, as smart, and as kind as you, Emily Fitch," Naomi got down on her knees, pleading with Emily to take her seriously. "I see myself with you and I feel less like a fucking lonely bastard. You make me happy, even though I don't really know how to be with someone."

"Have you been reading romance novels?" Emily teased playfully.

"I'm giving you honesty, the feelings in here," Naomi tapped her chest, biting her lip nervously. Was she doing it all wrong?

"So will you take me out and you know, let people see us together?" Emily was pressing Naomi, but she decided she had to right to push. She needed Naomi to understand what it would mean to be with her, what it would cost the blonde. If Naomi couldn't even try, she had to leave her.

"It might be difficult at first. I'm sure I'll lose my temper with people, but I'm not going to find reasons to be a fucking prick," Naomi tried to promise Emily and herself, but she knew it was probably going to be harder than that. She looked up and Emily and noticed the redhead thought the same.

"Don't promise anything, I don't really think I can afford to believe that right now." Emily shook her head, wanting to believe more than anything.

"Then tell me what to do," Naomi pleaded.

"Right now I just want to sleep, can I stay with you?" Emily asked shyly as Naomi stood up.

Naomi pulled Emily up, kissing her softly.

"Tomorrow we start again, okay? I want to do it right, but I have no idea how to do that," Naomi admitted.

"Just be brave," Emily shrugged, allowing Naomi to take her hand and slowly lead her into the bedroom.

"That easy, hey?" Naomi teased.

"It isn't easy, but we can try, right?" Emily asked seriously.

"Of course," Naomi wanted to make light, but she knew Emily needed assurances right now, not lame jokes. This was a very precarious moment for them both. Naomi had fucked up, but Emily had put herself out there and taken a chance. Naomi couldn't promise Emily anything and that was a big issue that needed to be resolved over conversation and actions. It wasn't something automatic, Naomi understood that.

"I can barely keep my eyes open," Emily admitted, sitting on the bed while Naomi found something for her to wear.

"Come on, arms up," Naomi helped Emily out of her top, leaving the tank on, and putting a loose-fitting t-shirt on over it. She pulled the covers out, helping Emily in, leaving her track pants on her.

Emily wasn't exaggerating when she said she could barely keep her eyes open. One quick kiss on her cheek and Emily was out. Quickly stripping out off all her clothes, Naomi put on a t-shirt and a clean pair of boxer briefs and hoped into bed. She fought her impulse to pull Emily's body to her, rolling on her back and shutting her eyes. Setting her alarm for work, she stared into the darkness, wondering just how much she was losing by being open to accepting Emily into her life. She realised just as sleep claimed her that she was actually gaining things and the losses where things that had rotted a long time ago and were in need of discarding.