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Chapter 26 BPV. We had gotten home that day to see Rosalie shooting pissed off looks at Emmett. Obviously they didn't go light on him. "So what happened?" Edward and I asked together. "He lost his license for 6 months and because he acted up in court he now has a $1,000 fine…you are such a retard Em!" Rosalie growled the last part to Emmett. She then pulled me to the side. "So what happened last night…other than what Alice did?" Rosalie asked. "Well we went to the restaurant…Edward finally said "I love you" for the first time that I wasn't near death, and then we went to the hotel where Alice stalked us out." I answered.
"Wow…not going to lie but that really sucks that Alice did that to you guys last night, though at least Edward did admit that…I've been stuck with idiot who hasn't even said that to me and we've been dating for like ever." Rosalie said.
"So Alice lied in that text message?" Rosalie asked incredulous.
"We were talking about her…and the first message, we weren't fighting." I answered.
"Wow that's tapped." Rosalie stated
"So how did Emmett act up at the hearing?" I asked.
Flashback
RPV I was sitting behind Emmett at the hearing. He was sitting and doodling at the defendants chair. They could clearly see that he was mentally incompetent which may help our case. I couldn't believe that I was here today. All I could do was thank god that the cops didn't charge me as well…for that I was extremely lucky. In fact one of them gave me his number. "Emmett Cullen you do understand the charges before you…and the fact that you waived the right for legal representation?" The judge asked. Idiot…my father knew people who could of probably gotten those charges reduced but Emmett thinking that there would be some big trial wanted to represent himself. Now he was facing the full extent of the law…my boyfriend truly doesn't think some times. It was then that our phones went off. I switched mine to silent and subtly looked at the messages. It was all shots of Bella and Edward making out ,and possibly more, and looking pissed off in bed…naked. I felt really bad that Alice did that. Just as Esme and Carlisle left the court room to go to the bathroom Emmett picked up his phone. He actually fell to the floor laughing. "Mr. Cullen…care to share with the court what you think is so funny?" The judge asked really annoyed. Emmett held his phone up to the judge and laughed some more. The judge was looking at the same shots I was. If I felt bad for them before that was nothing compared to now. "…I HAVE HALF A MIND TO CHARGE YOU WITH CONTAINING PORNOGRAPHY IN A PUBLIC PLACE…IF YOU GET ONE MORE PHOTO LIKE THAT ON YOUR PHONE YOU WILL BE ARRESTED AGAIN AND CHARGED…DO YOU UNDERSTAND…STOP LAUGHING!" Emmett only stopped laughing when they set his fine at $1,000. Carlisle and Esme didn't understand why…and for Bella and Edward's sake we kept it that way. I practically broke Emmett's foot trying to keep him from talking. I hoped they ripped Alice a new one. End of flashback
BPV
My face was beet red. A judge saw those pictures? As if things could not get any worse! The expression on Edward's face told me that Emmett told him. He looked as embarrassed as I felt. We were going to have to find a way to get her back for this.
The next week or so went by with periodic updates from "Gossiping Allie". We had asked Alice how the waitress had known her to which she responded "Gossiping Allie knows all!" and ran away. It was getting really annoying to always be looking over your shoulder looking for a camera. One day Rose, Emmett, Edward, and I were sitting watching Emmett play "Call of Duty: Modern warfare" when all of our phones went off. We groaned and picked up.
"Now we all know how I love a good piece of gossip. This is for all of you that are secretly just like me. Someone from Forks was spotted buying a pregnancy test. Looks like somebody may be in deep trouble. The next nine months may be very interesting...stay tuned…remember I'm always watching…XoXo G.A 3"
"Somebody from our school's pregnant? " Emmett asked shocked. His eyes wandered over in my direction.
"We all saw those images Bella…is there something you want to say…Am I going to be Uncle Emmett?" Emmett asked oddly excited. Edward looked like he wanted to hit him.
"We used protection…you saw the picture you idiot!" Edward said taking out his phone and going to that message with the psych out pictures. The fourth picture was of Edward's box of Trojans in his suit case. Why Alice took that picture after placing them in there I have no clue. "Protection can fail!" Emmett said. "I'm also on the pill." I said taking out my pill pack. Till this point only three people besides myself knew that. Now I'm sure that it'll be on "Gossiping Allie." I had gone on it because I already had two near death experiences this year…I didn't need to get pregnant. I honestly thought Edward would take it really badly…but he took it rather well. He actually volunteered to give me the shot if that was my choice. "Okay so it's not you…so that means…Esme?" Emmett chocked out the last part. "You idiot…Esme's infertile…we told you the story millions of times!" Edward spat. Flashback. EPV I was sitting doctors office. There was a weird picture behind the doctor labeled "Uterus". Carlisle joyfully handed me a book called "Where do babies come from". Even then he was trying to nurture my interest in medicine. " A mommy has a uterus to hold the baby…a daddy produces sperm from his…" "OH SO THAT'S WHAT THAT'S FOR!" I shouted out loud. Carlisle slapped his hand over my mouth embarrassed. "So go on doctor…how far along is she…can you tell us what it is?" Carlisle asked excited. My parents had been wanting to give me a sibling since my adoption was final a few months ago. "I'm so sorry Mr. and Mrs. Cullen…but rather than being pregnant it seems as if Esme's entering early menopause." The doctor said. My parents looked shocked. What was menopause…was my mother turning into a man? (I was very much like Emmett at this point in my life…minus the gym obsession…but I grew out of it eventually unlike him.) My father sensing my confusion flipped the book to the end. "Unlike a man who can produce sperm till the end of his life a woman enters what is known as menopause. Menopause is the slowing down of egg production which causes the woman not to become a mommy anymore." Oh so that's what that was…my mom wasn't turning into a man. "Alice Brandon…mes parents were crushed over ze sign over zhere…sure best out of trois wins…I mean three!" Alice said shaking my hand. I was shocked. When my parents died I didn't know how to function for an entire month e and I was a year older than her! I could see my parents pointing at us. Alice joined our family soon after…no wait a minute Alice joined our family that night. We went right from the mall to DCYF and filed to be Alice's foster family. Esme finally got the daughter she always wanted. I had never seen her go so ape shit in a children's store…between the two of them they must of spent thousands in there. . End of flashback "Alright so its not Esme…and its not Bella…Rosalie?" Emmett asked so scared that his mouth twitched " So what do you want to do dear…do you want to go home?" Carlisle asked supportively. "No I want to go to the mall…I have a feeling that we need to go…I want to see the new Gucci purses…that might help me get over this." Esme said. A few minutes later we were in the mall. In front of Gucci was a twenty foot sign that had five pocket books on it half on the ground half just under the letter "G". A large crowd of people surrounded it and there was a smaller grouping on the other side. I never knew what drew me to that group…maybe their confused faces but when I got there I noticed a little black haired girl in the center. She had a thick French accent. The adults looked like they didn't know what to do with her. " Why wont someone play with me… we could play dress up…I could do wonders for zat rats nest!" The girl said pointing at some lady. I was shocked…how could a three year old say that! I then did something unusual for me…I went into the circle and introduced myself. "Hi my names Edward Cullen…my parents are over there…want to play thumb wrestling?" I asked. "It wasn't me!" Rosalie said. Just then our phones went off again "Identified: Rosalie Hale buying a pregnancy test. Looks like Emmett's going to be in for more than just an O.A charge. Remember Em…no glove no love…practice what you preach. Or is it too late for that….I hear the pitter patter of little feet. P.S Alice Cullen is offering to host the baby shower…G.A!" Read under a security photo of Rosalie buying a pregnancy test…an arrow pointing to the test. "ALRIGHT SO I TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST….IT CAME BACK NEGATIVE SO SHOOT ME!" Rosalie roared "and you gave us issues about using protection?" Edward nearly laughed. For once in his life Emmett was speechless. If that was his reaction to " I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative" I was afraid of what his reaction would have been if it had come back positive. "Uh..uh….OH THANK GOD YOUR NOT PREGNANT!" Emmett exhaled "I mean that reaction would have been bad from Esme…my gym would have been taken away." Emmett said relieved. It astonished me that Rosalie could have been pregnant and all Emmett cared about was his gym. "EXCUSE ME! I COULD HAVE BEEN PREGNANT AND ALL YOUR SAYING IS "THANK GOD YOUR NOT OR ELSE I WOULD OF LOST MY GYM!" YOU ARE SO INSENSATIVE EMMETT!" Rosalie said almost whacking him. "But babe!" Emmett whined "NO…no babes Em…ever consider what if I was….what would you do then huh? Oh wait a minute you would be buying it Seahawk jerseys…and decorate its room in Seahawk memoberalia…even if it was a girl!" Rosalie said snidely. "ALICE IS GOING DOWN…OR MY NAME IS NOT ROSALIE HALE…THIS IS EXACTLY THE REASON I KEPT IT A SECRET FROM EMMETT!" Rosalie roared "How?" I asked. "Alice and Jasper are going out tonight…to a restaurant in a hotel…the crown plaza to be exact…and oh look there's Alice's new cell phone!" Rosalie snickered and pointed to a coffee table which held Alice's hot pink Gucci covered iphone. Rosalie slithered over to the coffee table and "accidentally" slipped it into her purse. "Opps hehehe Sorry Al…guess your gonna have to use Jaspers!" Rosalie laughed evilly. A few hours later Alice came running down the stairs. "Has anyone seen my cell phone…I cant find it anywhere?" Alice asked running around like a madman. "ALICE WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE…JUST GET IT LATER!" Jasper called from the garage. "Alright!" Alice sulked grudgingly making her way to the car. Rosalie's eyes went left and she turned beet red with laughter. "Alright Emmett…grab your keys!" Rosalie said. "Why?…Why cant we take Jasper's Camero?" Emmett asked mortified. Since Emmett's Jeep could not be repaired…Carlisle and Esme punished him by buying him a bubble gum pink convertible PT CRUSIER…a car he absolutely hated. "Punishment for how you reacted today!" Rosalie stated. "I was thinking how about Bella and I sit in the back…I want to talk to her about a few things!" Rosalie offered laughter still in her voice. "OKAY!" Emmett whooped not thinking about how it'd look. "Rose!" Edward gritted through his teeth. "Don't test me Edward!" Rosalie gritted back. " You know I really like how the bubble gum pink goes with Emmett's hair…Alice did a good job picking the car out!" Rosalie said. "Its not pink…its red!" Emmett said "Its pink Em." Rosalie countered. We got onto the highway and were fifteen cars behind Alice and Jasper when Rosalie's eyes lighted up with Joy. She had an idea to torture Emmett. She was really pissed off about his reaction today. "how about we listen to some music!" Rosalie said taking out her ipod. I knew what she was thinking. The convertible roof was down. This was not going to be good. The first song that came on was "My humps" by Black eyed peas. "They say they love my ass 'n, Tell me you at least have one masculine song on that ipod?" Edward asked horrified. "My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, "She's got me spendin'. "Masculine enough for you Edward?" Rosalie laughed. Edward groaned. "OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG …THIS IS MY JAM!" Emmett bellowed turning the volume up to full blast. He then started fist pumping . We stopped at a red light next to a van carrying a little boy and his mother. Emmett threw the PT CRUISER in park , stood up, and started to wiggle his hips with his hands behind his head. "Oh, I don't know why you're not there "EMMETT GET DOWN!" Edward yelled tugging on Emmett's leg. The mom just looked more mortified at this and covered her sons eyes. A siren blasted behind us. "OH SHIT…EMMETT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRIVING RIGHT NOW…OH SHIT…EMMETT PUT THE TOP UP!" Rosalie shireked. "Why?…im having fun!" Emmett said in between lyrics. "EMMETT YOUR DRIVING ILLEGALLY RIGHT NOW AND THERE'S COPS COMING!" Rosalie said trying to yank Emmett down. "OH…OH SHIT…OH SHIT…I WANT MY LICENSE BACK BY CHRISTMAS!" Emmett roared jumping down and throwing the top up. "Don't worry guys I know how to loose him!" Emmett said once the light turned green. He speed up and cut into the other lane…and nearly clipping three cars with him. The speedometer read 130 MPH. "EMMETT SLOW DOWN….ROSALIE DID YOU HAVE TO ADD THE NITRUS?" Edward growled half scared half pissed. "What it was as slow as a snail before!" Rosalie complained. That shocked me considering Emmett looked too big for the car…I mean it looked like his tree trunk sized leg would get stuck on the gas peddle. Emmett then put the ipod in repeat. "What is love" came back on again. Emmett closed his eyes and started to sing again…still doing 130. "Why does god hate me? LOOK AT THE ROAD IDIOT!" Edward shrieked as we nearly avoided hitting the medium. "WHAT IS LOVE!" Was Emmett's only response. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Rosalie shrieked. "THIS IS 100 % YOUR FAULT ROSALIE…THIS WAS YOUR IDEA….YOU LET EMMETT DRIVE…YOU SUPPED UP THE PT CRUISER…AND YOU GAVE EMMMET YOUR IPOD WHICH HAD "WHAT IS LOVE" ON IT KNOWING HOW HE REACTS TO THE SONG…YOU HAVE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!" By some miracle we made it there alive. Rosalie then turned into dictator. "Alright we're splitting up…Emmett your taking the south side…I'm taking the north, Bella your taking the east…and Edward don't give me that look…your taking the west!" Rosalie dictated. We spread out. RPV I'll be dammed if anyone spread false pregnancy rumors about me…never mind all the other shit Alice did! I snapped a picture of Alice rubbing Jaspers thigh. I then went onto Alice's phones Photoshop app and drew a heart over their hands and an arrow pointing to her hand. I then sent it to the "Gossiping Allie link". I put this statement at the bottom. "Gossiping Allie was hacked by Gossiping Rose…lets see some of Gossiping Allie's exploits. Surely she is not the angel she pretends to be. Getting a little Van der Humphrey aren't we little A…you want to gossip about people…look in your own back yard…you spread false rumors about people being pregnant before you check your facts…meanwhile your banging your step brother. Might want to look in the mirror before you talk about your family... Beware Gossiping Allie…Gossiping Rose knows all your secrets…xoxo Gossiping Rose." I sent. The school didn't know about Alice and Jasper dating till now…opps! Oh well she can pitter patter her way over here and bitch me out herself. I then got a text message on her phone from Emmett. It was a picture of Alice and Jasper leaning in very close. You had to squint to see that their lips weren't touching. Easily photo shopped . "Aww little A…getting to know your step brother aren't you! Thank you thugs for life 18…xoxo Gossiping Rose!" I sent. I then got a third one from Bella. This was the most juicy one yet. Alice and Jasper were climbing up the stairs making out. I felt my eyes glow with joy. Bella was just as mad as me at Alice. That was understandable…I'd be pissed too if there was a picture of a naked me and Emmett on Alice's website…for all of cyberspace to see. "Alice and Jasper…getting it on! OOHHH careful guys wouldn't wanna end up like Rosalie Hale…oh wait a minute that was a false rumor you spread. Thank you Swan lake 1...remember guys protection is the only way or it's the highway…to plan parenthood that is…xoxo G.R!" " get off my phone now…I know its you 3 Alice". I immediately responded. "Fat chance…Fuck you Alice spreading lies about people. Thought you would stop when Edward broke your phone but I guess not. How do "Get the fuck off my phone…I'm warning you…I have a nail file on me and I know your around here somewhere because I just saw Bella fall over a plant…come out come out where ever you are!" "Oh yes I would…I activated the webcam and linked it up to Jasper…I can see you right now…I know where you are!" "OWW ALICE DID YOU JUST STAB ME! I'M BLEEDING!" "SERVES YOU RIGHT JERK…WANNA SPY ON ME!" I could hear Alice roar followed be Emmett's cries of pain. "OWW ALICE." Emmett shouted. Bella and Edward took advantage of the situation and ran by unscathed. They were at my side immediately. Emmett was only able to get away when Jasper picked up Alice and dragged her. This scene was comical considering Alice was 1/3 the size of Emmett and she was clearly winning the fight. "Damn that little pixie doesn't have nail files…those are knives…look what she did to my muscles!" Emmett said rubbing his scratches. "I think it's time we go." I said.
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating." Emmett sang boisterously. Edward looked back at us with a pleading look in his eye.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got you," Rosalie sang ignoring Edward. That was not a good sign. Emmett's eyes started to close. Edward looked fearful. He frantically checked under his seat. Edward pulled out a hat and glasses that Jasper had left behind for a similar reason.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me." Emmett sang starting to bang his head to the music. The song then ended and "What is love" came on.
I give you my love, but you don't care
So what is right and what is wrong
Gimme a sign!" Emmett bellowed. The mom covered her son's eyes in fear.