A/N: Second last chapter. I'm writing the last chapter as I speak, which I'm hoping to have finished written and posted by this weekend, so I can start the sequel, (well technically, I've already started the sequel, but I have to finish writing it). Which, btw, I am stuck for a title. If you have a suggestion, let me know. Anyway, Happy Easter!!
New Beginnings
Chapter Twenty Five
"This is perfect," Taylor murmured, curling up against Conner on his sofa as they watched some comic book-turned movie franchise on television.
"Aren't you glad I talked you into spending the evening at my place rather than doing homework," Conner responded. He grazed her arms, as he placed a hand under her chin and turned her head to his mouth where he kissed her softly and sweetly.
"Absolutely," Taylor whispered when their kiss ended, although her answer couldn't be more than half the truth. Her body may have been responding to the affection she was receiving from her boyfriend but her brain was in an entirely different space of time. Taylor knew she should be swept up in the moment of being pampered by her boyfriend but she had too much on her mind to even contemplate thinking of anything else or anyone else.
Conner brushed her a few strands of her hair away from her face when it fell down around her pretty face. "Then why do I get the feeling that your mind is elsewhere tonight?" he asked her.
Taylor ran her fingers through his mop of messy hair. "How is that you can already read me like an open book? We've barely been going out a week."
"Because," he began, his arms falling around her body, "I can see that you really do want to be here with me but your mind isn't allowing you to completely let yourself go because it's preoccupied. So what's up? Does this tension of yours have something to do with a girl about say height, brown hair and their name begins with the letter M and is a member of your family. Would I be hot...or cold?"
Taylor narrowed her eyes at him, a small smile forming on her face as she showed two small dimples. "No, you're hot...definitely hot," she said before she placed her lips to his; giving him a nice, long kiss.
"So tell me why you doubt what you said to Melissa?" he asked her.
"I don't know," she trailed off, tracing the outline of his chin and stubble with her finger. "I did mean everything I said to her-"
"But," Conner added," "it doesn't change the fact that you're having second thoughts, regardless of what you said to her."
Taylor sat up, her face showing a sign of what? "Since when did you have an answer to everything?"
Conner placed both his hands on either side of her face, his thumbs circling her chin. "Just call me Aunt Agnes. So are you having second thoughts?"
Taylor leaned back against Conner and sighed heavily. "I don't know...I had every right to say what I did. I should be the only who can mouth off to her. We're supposed to forgive each other no matter what. She's my cousin-we're family. But I've never actually stood up to her before and she's had it coming on plenty of occasions so I guess it's going to take some time getting used to what I've done. She can't control my life and she needs to know that." She tilted her back, looking up into Conner's green eyes. "I think I need to be distracted from the Melissa issue."
Conner cupped her face in his hands. "Well, then, allow me to distract you." Taylor curled against him more as his hand began roaming up and down her thigh through the denim material of her faded blue skinny jeans as Conner placed one deliberate yet ligneous kiss on her lips.
Taylor let out a small sigh, going along with Conner as his kisses trailed along her lips then moved to her neck and collarbone. She allowed herself to give into temptation, getting lost in the moment as she lain back on the sofa with Conner falling on top of her.
"God, you are so beautiful," Conner muttered between each kiss.
Taylor lifted his head and smiled, setting off a sparkle in her eyes. "Flattery will get you everywhere." She trailed her finger along his nose to his mouth, tracing the shape of his lips.
"I know." His voice was husky. "Is it working?" He pushed the weight of his body down on his hands, propping himself up to look at Taylor. With every word he spoke, his breath was hot against her face.
Taylor shrugged, batting her eye lashes at him. "I don't know. Why don't we find out?" She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her lips and as their mouths merged together once again, allowing their tongues to dance together, their lips began to feel warm under each other but neither moved to deepen the kiss. The softness of it, the sweetness of it heated both of them and while their mouths were light on each other, Conner's hands got lost in her Taylor's hair. He tangled his hands in her long blonde and gently pulled her head back, then devoured her neck. Their lips met again and passion deepened the kiss more, Taylor slipping her hands up under the black t-shirt Conner was wearing as she ran her hands along his back in one swift motion.
The annoying message tone on Taylor's phone threw her from the closeness she and Conner were experiencing.
Taylor sat up and reached for her phone sitting on the coffee table in front of them. She looked at the screen, reading 'One New Text Message from Will' and groaned but not before it signalled a second, a third and a fourth message.
"Are you going to get that? It might be important."
Conner pushed himself off of Taylor, running a hand through his scruffy hair.
Taylor shook her head. "Nope," she said softly. Her hand touched his t-shirt, pulling him towards her as she lain back onto the sofa. "Trust me. It's not important. It's another one of Melissa's ploys to get me to talk to her by using Will's phone and it's not going to work." She placed her index finger upon his lips, tracing around them and before long, they were embraced in another spine tingling kiss, sending quivering sensations throughout Taylor's body and soul.
The kiss was abruptly cut short by the piercing shrill noise of Taylor's phone ringing.
Taylor snaked her arm out from underneath Conner's body and reached for her phone on the table, looking at the LCD screen.
"I should get this or she'll never stop." She sighed, in between of Conner's kisses. Taylor pressed the answer key. "Hello? What do you want, Melissa?" she asked annoyingly. She was in no mood to listen to whatever Melissa had to say. She just wanted it over with.
"Taylor, it's not Melissa. It's Will," he said, his voice was frail and shaky.
Taylor freed herself from Conner, propping herself up on the couch as she pushed back onto the cushion behind her. There was something distinct about Will's voice that made her think something was wrong. Then again, this little charade could be all a part of Melissa's little game to have her talk to her again. But Taylor refused to give into what Melissa wanted. She had no right to interfere into her life and she was prepared to have Melissa understand the repercussions of her actions. She couldn't expect to get what she wanted at any given moment.
"Look, Will, if this is another plan of Melissa's to have me talk to her then I really don't want to hear it. I'm sick of her trying to take control of my life and she needs to know I mean it."
"Yeah, well...you won't have to worry about that for a while, Taylor. Maybe never," Will said, and Taylor heard fear and worry in his words, making her sit up on the edge of the couch.
Taylor's face turned as white as a ghost. She hoped he wouldn't say the words she hadn't wanted to hear, the words she had heard once before and never wanted to hear again.
"Melissa's in the hospital. She tried to kill herself this morning."
And yet, there were the words. They were out in the air. Will had said them. He had read what she had been thinking. He had said what she hoped would be wrong. But there they were, and he couldn't take them back. No one could, no matter how much she wished he would.
She had been told them once before. Taylor went still, unable to move and unable to talk. It was as if her body and everything else had shut down around her. She didn't want to have to think about it. She had hoped the problem would just go away on its own. But she knew that it wouldn't. This was no dream. It was reality and also a nightmare, all tied into one. It was her nightmare.
She had so many thoughts run through her mind. Everything that had already happened flashed through her mind. Oh, crap! She had done it again. A flashback of the last time flooded through to her, suddenly making Taylor sick just thinking about it. She had tried to take her own life...again. It wasn't what Taylor had wanted to think about, and she hoped she never would, but there it was again. It had been brought up again because she had tried to kill herself. Why would she do it again? Why would she wish to put her family and friends though this mess again? She just couldn't understand why she would want to try and take her own life? Was she so depressed that she felt she just couldn't take the pressure of life anymore?
Taylor figured that after the last time and all the help Melissa had gotten from trying to kill herself, she would have moved past it, that it would have been behind her. She hoped it had been left in the past as everybody around her, including Melissa, moved toward the future. But she guessed she had been wrong. Melissa hadn't forgotten about the last time. She had gone and brought it all back up again, like she couldn't get enough of hurting herself.
Why was Melissa so hell bent on destroying hers and everyone else's life around her? Did it give her pleasure to know she and everyone else would be reeling with pain as a result of her actions? She didn't understand and she guessed she never would. No one would ever understand why Melissa did what she did. She'd never begin to know and comprehend what went through her cousins' state of mind, causing her to act the way she did. It was a mind boggling concept to get her head around.
When Taylor could find the appropriate words to speak, she gasped before saying, "Did...does my mother know?"
"Yeah," Will said, his voice still sounded shaky from the shock. Then again, of course he was in shock. So too was Taylor. "Your mom was at the hospital when she was brought in."
"Alright, I'm on my way," conceded Taylor before she ended the phone call, sliding her phone downward and slipping it into the pocket of her jeans.
She turned to Conner, his face baring a concerned look. He had only heard one side of the conversation but from the sound of her inept voice, he wanted to know what had gotten her into a state of panic.
"I have to go," she told him, rising to a standing position so that she could be on her way. But something held her back. Conner reached out and grasped her arm gently, pulling her back to him. She came to a standstill on his lap.
He pushed a lock of her hair out of her face, staring deeply into her aquamarine eyes. Something had upset her. He could see that she was hurting.
"What's the matter?" he asked her softly, placing a finger on the side of her cheekbone as he grazed it tenderly.
"It's...It's..." Taylor stumbled, looking for the right words to say, but no matter how hard she tried, nothing wanted to come out right. There were really no words to describe what she was going through. But Conner deserved a reason as to why she was skipping out on him. He didn't know what was happening, and nor would he ever understand.
She looked into his eyes, owing him an answer. She had to let him in. Sure, he didn't understand, but he was her boyfriend. He'd be there for her, wouldn't he?
"Um...Melissa's in the...hospital. She tried to...kill herself this morning." Taylor dragged the words out as if it took a lot of effort to speak those words.
Conner searched her eyes, wondering what to say to her.
"I...I...need to go to the hospital." Taylor climbed off his lap, trying to make a dash out of his living room, but again, something stopped her. Without doing a complete three-sixty, she realised that Conner was keeping her from running out.
"I'll drive you." He offered sympathetically. "I insist. I won't take no for an answer," he added when he caught Taylor try to reject his offer. "You're in no shape to drive yourself."
Taylor simply nodded her head, agreeing with him. He was right. She was in no shape to get herself to the hospital, not that she could if she tried. She didn't drive, but then again, how she was going to get there hadn't come to her attention at the time.
Conner jumped up from the sofa, following Taylor toward the door as he grabbed his car keys from the small table in the lobby on the way out the door.
Holding his head in his hands, Will waited patiently in the waiting room of the hospital as he waited for word on how Melissa was doing. He didn't know why but hospitals made him nervous. All this sitting and waiting didn't do him any justice, especially when it was on the other foot. He just needed to know if his ex girlfriend was going to be okay. Okay, so they had broken up but he and Melissa had been through a lot together-especially recently-and just because he had been the one to break up with her, didn't mean that he didn't care about her-because he did. He guessed a part of him always would still care for her, even if she tried to turn away from him because he was the one who broke her heart. But he couldn't take this waiting game he was being made to play.
No one had bothered to come out and tell him how she was, not that he expected to be told. He suspected that her family knew he had broken up with her and so they figured he ought to not know what was happening with her. Although this wasn't the first time he had been made to sit in the waiting room of the hospital while Melissa was tended to, it still made him anxious to have to wait until Melissa was better.
He knew that he should be grateful he hadn't heard anything but he wasn't a patient person so he hated waiting. Melissa's parents had rushed into her room then rushed out a short time later followed by Taylor's mother who hadn't been allowed to tend to her because of the family relations rule No doctor or nurse were allowed to treat members of their family.
So there he sat with white flowers in his hands, though he wasn't sure of the colour of the flowers he had chosen. White roses were appropriate, weren't they? He thought about getting her red roses but figured they were for sexy occasions, pink was too cheerful and yellow roses were sent to funerals.
White roses seemed appropriate toward the mood-they were bland and empty-just the way he felt.
Then again, choosing the flowers weren't nearly as hard as deciding what to write on the card attached to the flowers. What did you say to the girl who had tried to kill herself after you broke up with her?
"It's alright. You can go in." A nurse suddenly appeared next to him. She smiled warmly and nodded toward the door. "Go ahead. She's resting comfortably now."
"Thanks," Will replied, trying to hide the exasperation in his voice. There was no sense dawdling any longer. He may as well get it over with. It was why he had come to the hospital in the first place.
"Will!" He came to a standstill when he heard his name being called as he turned around to find Taylor hurrying towards him, followed by Conner.
"How is she?" Taylor asked, hinting panic in her voice. Will only wished he could try to show some form of dread in his own mannerism but he came up short.
Will ran a hand through his scruffy hair, showing all signs of restlessness. "She's...uh...fine...resting comfortably," he said as the nurse had put it. What else could he say? He didn't know how she was because he hadn't seen her yet and he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to see her. It was one thing to think of her but seeing her was a whole other story. What would he say to her lifeless body?
"Is my mother here?"
Will nodded his head bleakly. "She went to the cafeteria with Melissa's parents."
"Oh, right." It was all Taylor could manage.
"The nurse said you can go in."
Taylor gently shook her head as she stood on the spot. "No, I can't. Not yet anyway," she replied. She lifted her head to make direct eye contact with Will. "But you should go in. She will want to see you."
I very much doubt that, he thought but he didn't disagree with Taylor. Now was not the time to admit to his ex girlfriend's cousin that he had broken up with her, though judging by Taylor's comment, Will guessed Melissa hadn't told Taylor about their break up. He had heard about the fight that had gone down between the two of them so he figured that neither had spoken since having words.
Will looked over to Conner then back to Taylor. "You sure?" he asked her.
Taylor nodded her head, falling back into Conner's arms. "Yeah, I'm sure. Go."
Will stood there for a moment then with the roses in his hand, he made his way into Melissa's room, leaving Taylor outside.
Will pushed open the door, walking into the room and found Melissa lying still in bed. Will was relieved to see that Melissa's eyes were closed. He almost didn't recognise her. She looked so small and fragile-not at all like the Melissa he was used to seeing. Her skin looked drained and her lips were chapped-probably from all the tubes they had used to pump the sleeping pills from her stomach.
"Liss?" he whispered, but there was no response.
Will set the flowers on a nearby table and ventured closer to the bed. He leaned forward and ran his hand over her hand which was spread out over the pillow in a tangled mess.
"Liss?" he said again, even more softly. Knowing that she was asleep, he didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing to her or watch what he said or did to her.
He sat down in a vinyl chair and tried to think about what had happened, but his mind kept kicking it out.
Things used to be so perfect between the two of them. Sure, they had had their problems together but it was never as bad as in recent times. There was the earthquake, his inability to resist Jessica Wakefield, Melissa freaking out and launching her anti-Jessica campaign and then finally their break-up. But now this was added into the works.
What else was to come?
Will stood and took one last stare at the pale shell of his ex girlfriend.
He leaned over and quickly kissed her forehead.
"Bye, Liss," he murmured then quickly turned and left the room.
Goodbye was the only word he had for her and still, he wasn't sure it was good enough.
Taylor stood at the door of Melissa's room as she waited for Will to emerge so that he could tell her how she was. She didn't dare want to go in and see for herself in case Melissa was awake and didn't want to see her. Taylor feared Melissa would blame her for what had happened, and she didn't need to hear the words she already knew existed in her mind.
Instead of waiting for Will to walk out of her room, she pushed away from Conner, keeping her eyes focused in front of her.
"I...I can't stay here. I'm sorry...I have to go get some air."
Taylor felt Conner rest his hand on her shoulder as she hunched forward, thankful to have him there.
"I'll come with you," he said softly.
But Taylor shook her head roughly. She was deeply grateful to have him want to be there for her but at this point, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She wasn't ready to open up to anybody yet.
"No, I just want to be on my own. Tell Will where I am and I'll meet you outside," she said, resting an arm on Conner's arm before turning to walk quickly out the doors she had come through earlier.
Will walked through to the foyer after leaving Melissa and found Conner pacing the hall alone. He looked around, digging a hand into the pocket of his jeans.
"Where's Taylor?" he asked, making Conner look up and face Will.
Conner put a hand to his face and rubbed it as he stood in a stance with Will. Never did he think he'd be enduring small talk of any kind with Will, no matter the situation. Will was the last person Conner thought he'd be talking to. They were just two very different guys. Only now, they had come together for the sake of a family struck by tragedy.
"Uh...she's gone to get some air. I don't think she's up to see Melissa yet.
Will ran a hand through his hair, nodding his head despairingly. He hadn't been up to see Melissa either. He wished he had done the same as Taylor but he also knew that he needed to see her so that he could rid his mind of all those qualms he had been feeling and finally let his emotions be put at ease once and for all. And he had been right to do it because he did feel a whole lot better knowing that Melissa was fine and was going to be fine on her own.
She had a lot of really close friends and more importantly, she had a family who loved her. They'd help her get through this difficult time. He just couldn't be there for her. Not this time. He had stuck beside her the last time she had gone through this ordeal but he couldn't put himself through that agony again. It wasn't worth all those moments he had used to worry, stressing whether she'd be okay or if she'd try to harm herself again.
And as it had turned out, he was right to worry because she had done to herself again. Only this time, she'd have to recover without him because he just couldn't go through it all over again, making her think that he wanted to be with her when truth is told; he hadn't changed his mind about not wanting to be with her.
"So...shall we go out to Taylor?" Conner asked him, beginning to feel uncomfortable as he stood in the middle of a hospital corridor, watching doctors and nurses scurry about doing their jobs. There was only so much of a hospital that he could take.
"Uh, sure," Will replied, not wanting to be here anymore than he had already been. He had been in the hospital long enough to last him a lifetime.
And as Conner and Will made their way out of the hospital, Will turned his head, silently saying "Goodbye" to Melissa's closed door, making a mental note to persuade Taylor to visit Melissa because though, he knew that she'd be fretting to walk in the door of her hospital room as he had been, she'd also feel better in the long run if she cleared the air with her cousin because he sure felt better. He was ready to take on the rest of his senior year, no matter how complicated he was sure it was going to get.
Monday morning, Taylor stood beside Conner's Mustang as she stared up at the school, contemplating how her day was going to go. She figured that the entire student body had heard about Melissa trying to kill herself. News travelled fast at Sweet Valley High, especially when the entire student population occupied a cell phone of some kind. No one had heard gossip as big as this since the earthquake happened, forcing two schools to be merged into one, not to mention the whole anti-Jessica saga that Melissa had conspired anyway.
She just didn't know how bad it was going to be-walking through the halls as she listened to students talk about her cousin while they all stared at her, knowing she was related to the 'girl who had attempted suicide on the weekend.'
Conner slung his backpack over his shoulder, coming around to Taylor and placed an arm across her back for support, and she was grateful to have the support of her boyfriend backing her. She figured that most guys would bail at every chance they got but not Conner. He had been there for her since she learned of Melissa's self-inflicting injuries.
He looked down to her, brushing away a strand of her blonde hair. "You ready to do this? Because you know if you're not then we can always blow today off and go visit Melissa instead." He said casually.
Unable to help it, Taylor cracked a grin.
"Thanks for the enthusiasm but I don't know..."
"C'mon," said Conner with encouragement. "I'm sure Melissa will be thrilled to see you."
Taylor wanted to think Melissa would be happy to see her but she had trouble believing the words that came out of Conner's mouth. Would she really be happy to see Taylor after everything she had said to her? Could she forgive her when Taylor had trouble forgiving herself for what she had said to her?
"What about school?" Taylor asked him. "We can't miss school."
Conner lowered his eyes. "Why can't we miss school? It's only one day and you're smart. You're entitled to miss a day of school. Besides, I'm sure the teachers will understand if you're not at school. They know what's going on."
"That may be true, but what about my parents. They're expecting me to be at school after I told them I was fine. What about you? You can't afford to miss school. You're a senior."
Conner scowled. So he wasn't the most brilliant student but he did alright with his classes. He still got decent grades and managed to pass.
Conner brought his arms around Taylor's waist, resting his chin on her shoulder as he hugged her. "It's one day."
Taylor hugged him back, feeling a pull toward his very tempting offer. But she couldn't do it. As much as she was dreading to walk in the doors of school, she had to admit, it was an escape away from what she was running from. She couldn't face Melissa-not yet. She just wasn't ready to face up to whom she had hurt.
"No...I...I can do this. I've got to do it sometime so it's now or never."
"Okay." Conner frowned.
Taylor stepped forward, laughing as she gently embraced his hand with hers, interlacing their fingers together.
"C'mon," she said. "Let's get this over with."
As the two of them neared closer toward the steps leading to school, Taylor watched friends huddle together into groups as they looked right back at her, whispering to their friends.
"I heard it was Valium."
"No, Xanax." Another said.
"First she didn't make cheerleading captain, then Will..."
Crap! This wasn't happening. If it was happening to her, it was happening to Will as well. How was he feeling having to listen to everyone talk about Melissa?
Conner pushed open the huge door as they walked inside the hall of the school, confronted by an excessive wall of noise.
She wanted to shut down all noise so that she didn't have to hear it.
As she and Conner continued to walk down the hallway toward her locker, she was met with everyone's eyes on her as though they had ceased all talking the moment Taylor came into sight. Taylor hated to think she was on show and everyone was watching her to wait and see what she would say and do next. It was apparent that everyone wanted to know the truth rather than hear the rumours that had been spreading around school. However, Taylor was in no mood to set people straight. She'd rather hear them talk trash than allow them to know what she was really going through.
"Taylor!" Tia exclaimed as she walked toward both her and Conner. "I heard about Melissa. I am so sorry."
"Uh...thanks," Taylor replied, certain everyone was watching her to see what she would say and she didn't want to give anything away.
Taylor loved Tia-she really did, but right now; she didn't feel like talking to anyone. She just wanted to get to her locker, find the books she needed for first period and then head off to homeroom. She never wanted to hear the bell ring as much as she wanted it right now.
"At least she's going to be okay though," Tia continued. "I heard Gina Cho tell Tarlise McRae that Melissa's out of danger. She can even go home in a few days, but you probably already knew that."
Taylor stopped suddenly. "She's going to be okay." She repeated silently. Thank god.
"Didn't you know?" Tia asked her with raised eyebrows that only fuelled to her curiosity. "I thought you would have visited her at the hospital. That's why I didn't come over to see how she was."
"Yeah...of course I knew..." Taylor trailed off, smiling despondently.
"C'mon, we've got to get to our lockers before homeroom." Conner stepped in to take control of the conversation that he was sure Taylor didn't want to have at this time.
Taylor smiled as best as she could. "See you at lunch."
As Taylor was led away down the hall toward her locker, Conner looked back at Tia with a look that said, "It's a long story that I'm sure you'll weasel your way into later."
As she separated from Conner so that they could both go to their lockers, Taylor hastily veered her way to her locker as she tried to ignore small clusters of groups who were no doubt gossiping about Melissa. She got to her locker and quickly fumbled with the combination to get it open and buried her head inside, feeling somewhat sheltered behind the small door. Only then, did she allow her thoughts to consume her.
Was she such a bad person to have not seen her cousin in the hospital? Instead, she had to hear about her progress from family and friends. What type of person did that make her? Taylor was glad Melissa was going to be okay and that everything could go back to the way it used to be, but was that a good thing? Taylor wasn't so sure, though she knew couldn't stand back and listen to these people make accusations about her cousin any longer, especially when they only knew half of what was really happening.
And as she stuffed the books she needed into her bag, she stared into a half-full locker, realising that she couldn't hide her face forever. She had to face the music sometime.
And she had to face it head on. There was no way out of it.