Ignore the fact that I've updated several times today! Let me know your thoughts!
Simon absolutely hated Clan meetings or Downworlder meetings or just meetings in general, but Raphael had appointed him as advisor for a reason Simon would never understand. So every time there was a meeting, Raphael forced Simon to dress up in one of his fancy suits and sit through the meeting. Simon had to admit that he didn't mind too much, as long as he was with Raphael, but this time, it was a meeting with Shadowhunters, and the more they talked, the angrier Simon became.
It got to the point that Simon simply stopped listening. He figured it was much better to have no idea what was going on than to blurt something out that he shouldn't say. So he decided to try to decipher his feelings for Raphael, which had become a little muddled lately, but when they began talking, however, about the recent events of Clary and the Lightwoods, Simon's attention was recaptured. Robert and Maryse were there, but apparently none of the actual people in question had been allowed to come speak for themselves. Magnus was there purely because he was a leader in the community, but everyone seemed to be ignoring him.
When the questioning turned to Robert and Maryse with respect to what their children had been doing recently, Simon easily sensed a change in the room's atmosphere. "I refuse to believe that our children have done anything wrong," Robert was saying, his voice tight. "They were simply reacting in the ways they'd been taught. They fixed much more than they messed up. And the things they messed up they had no idea what they were dealing with."
Simon glanced at Magnus, surprised to see just how tense he had become since Robert had begun speaking. He couldn't blame Magnus in any way, seeing how Alec's feelings for him had just come to the attention of the Lightwood parents, and they were both less than thrilled. Simon couldn't help but think that they would have been much happier if Alec had set his sights on a Shadowhunter man.
What Robert said next, however, caught Simon by surprise, even though he should have known it was coming. "The accusations against Alexander are all circumstantial," he paused and shot an almost angered look toward Magnus. "I am convinced that his actions were clouded by his confusion. He was convinced that he understood his feelings for this warlock." Robert threw his hand in Magnus's direction. "But I speak for my son when I say that any actions he takes from here on out will not be like his previous ones. His confusion will clear soon enough."
Simon looked at Magnus once more. His mouth was partially open, as though he desperately wanted to say something, but he didn't know exactly what to say or how to say it. Simon shot out of his seat before he knew what he was doing, stepping to the side so that he missed Raphael's hand when it shot up to pull him back down. "Hold on a second," he said, his voice much stronger than he thought it would have been.
Out of the corner of his eye, Simon saw Magnus shift in his seat, obviously wishing he could be anywhere else. "I'd like to ask you to please keep from speaking about Alec as though he is confused and broken. He isn't either of those things. Alec's actions were just as clear as everyone else's. His feelings for Magnus had nothing to do with any of his actions, anyway. But even if they had, he's not someone who needs to be fixed. His sexuality doesn't make him broken. You didn't think he was broken before you knew about it, so why would it make him broken now? So please refrain from speaking about him as though his sexuality has broken him. Even if you are his father."
Simon thought it best to leave then, knowing that Robert would likely be incredibly angry. He smiled at Magnus on his way out, hoping that what he'd just done wouldn't backfire on Magnus. It was easy to feel Raphael's eyes on him as he left the room, but Simon kept from turning back around, knowing that things would blow up on him if he did.
Simon was very confused when Raphael sent for him later. When he walked in the room, Simon was surprised to see that Raphael wasn't angry at all, which was the opposite of what he had expected. Simon remained silent as Raphael asked everyone to leave the room so that he could speak with Simon, and Simon idly wondered if Raphael was just waiting for everyone to leave before he became angry.
A lump was forming in Simon's throat, and he found himself becoming worried about what Raphael thought of his little episode earlier. He was so confused about everything that he forced himself to only focus on the present moment, unable to function by doing anything else. "Why are you smiling like that?" he asked when he realized that Raphael had begun smiling as soon as everyone else had left the room.
"Take a seat, Simon," Raphael said, his smile only widening at Simon's confusion. "I'd like to speak with you about something quite personal if that's okay." The only thing Simon could think to do was nod and sit down, terribly worried about what Raphael was going to say. He obviously wasn't angry, so Simon shoved that worry aside and tried to calm himself down.
"Because of you. What you said today, Simon," Raphael began, taking a seat across from Simon in a curiously nervous way. Simon was pretty sure he had never seen Raphael nervous before. "I must ask you if you meant it." The way Raphael was staring at him made Simon slightly uncomfortable. He couldn't read the look in Raphael's eyes, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to.
"Of course I meant it, Raphael," Simon responded, chuckling softly at the thought that he hadn't meant it. "It'd be pretty hypocritical if I hadn't." When Raphael looked at Simon in confusion, Simon decided it was finally time to clarify. "A bi person can't really think of someone who's gay as broken or confused." Simon began smiling as he watched Raphael's face as what he said sunk in. The realization that flashed across Raphael's face was instant, and it seemed to relax him as well.
For several moments, Raphael simply looked back at Simon, seemingly preparing himself for what he wanted to say next. "For the longest time, I thought I was broken. I believed that there was something genuinely wrong with me, that my feelings were invalid. To see someone act in the way that you did, to see someone stand up for someone to validate their feelings in that way. Well, Simon, I cannot tell you what that meant to me."
Simon stayed silent, slightly unsure of what he should say. "I know this is confusing you," Raphael continued. "So let me spell things out as best I can." Simon momentarily looked down at his feet, wondering how they had gotten to this point. He knew what he wished Raphael would say, but he felt as though that was a very distant possibility. "To put it frankly, Simon, I'm asexual, and it took me a very long time to stop thinking that I was broken and confused."
At that, Raphael smiled once more, and Simon couldn't help but smile in return. "I've only ever felt romantic feels for two people, Simon," Raphael went on, encouraged by Simon's smile. "But recently I've been considering bumping that number up to three. You asked why I was smiling when you first walked in, and I answered you." Raphael paused, obviously searching for the right way to phrase what he wanted to say. "I'm beginning to think that you're the third person I've ever felt any sort of romantic feelings for."
Simon had imagined a situation like this for quite some time. Working through his own feelings had been very difficult, but when he'd come to the conclusion that he had feelings for Raphael, he'd been so frustrated that he wanted to scream. Yet sitting here now, Simon knew that he'd been wrong in all the assumptions he'd made about Raphael before.
"Honestly," Simon began, entirely unsure of where he was actually going with it. "I have no idea what to say. So let me be as straightforward with you as you were with me." Simon looked away from Raphael once more, unable to contain the sudden bought of nerves that overcame him. "I've been working through my own feelings lately, and I think you'll be happy to know that I'm fairly certain that I have feelings for you as well."
When Raphael began speaking again, his voice was terribly fast, as though he wanted to cover his bases before things got too out of hand. "Simon, there are a lot of things I can't promise you. My sexuality makes a lot of things people deem normal very difficult for me, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable at any point, and," Raphael stopped speaking when Simon held up a hand.
"Calm down, Raphael," he said, keeping his voice as gentle as possible. "I understand that you're nervous about this, but we'll work through those things when they come up. If I was uncomfortable with your sexuality, I would have told you already so that we didn't go any further with this. I care about you. Being with you is all that I'm going to ask for. Being with you is all that I could ever hope for."
Raphael was by Simon's side before he knew what was happening. Simon smiled as Raphael leaned down and gently kissed his forehead. "Thank you, Simon" he said, his voice very soft. "You are so much more than I could have ever asked for." Simon reached up to return a kiss on Raphael's cheek. "And I'm fairly certain that you are just what I've always needed."