Zero and Jeremiah walked back to the suite in dread.

Maybe no one noticed.

That thought was so completely delusional that even in his own mind, Suzaku was forced to hastily amend it.

Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked.

He unlocked the door to his suite and the two of them headed to the dining room to find Lelouch and Nunnally already there, Arthur happily curled up on her lap. As Suzaku removed his mask, he took a look at his best friend's face, and it required every shred of courage he had not to shamefully cower behind the former noble standing at perfect attention beside him.

Oh, gods, he hates me.

"Master Lelouch, my sincerest apologies are not enough," Jeremiah said, kneeling with precisely graceful humility on the clean tile, as if this were a throne room and Lelouch were still an emperor.

"Your apologies are entirely unnecessary, Jeremiah. I am certain you rendered Zero your aid to the utmost limit of your abilities, a service for which I am sincerely grateful. Sadly, I find I cannot say I think the same of your own actions, Suzaku," Lelouch said, glaring at him with narrowed eyes.

"Lelouch, I was trying—"

"Enough. I have no interest in your excuses. This time, you are going to listen to me," he vowed threateningly, before his expression instantly became much gentler as he turned to his little sister. "Nunnally, why don't you catch up with Jeremiah for a bit? Suzaku and I need to have a discussion in private, right now," he said, his hand darting out to seize Suzaku's wrist in a vice like grip, so that he could drag him off for what would surely be the most unpleasant lecture of his life.

"Brother, wait!"

"What is it, Nunnally?" he asked tightly, only partly turning around with a patently false smile. His hand was actually grinding the bones of Suzaku's wrist together. Considering his general level of physical fitness, it said a lot about his mood at the moment.

"Promise me one thing?" she asked with her huge, soft eyes.

"Yes, Nunnally?" Lelouch prompted, using a much nicer tone. He even eased up a little on Suzaku's wrist.

"Promise me you won't say anything you'll regret later?"

Lelouch was silent for a moment, a muscle in his cheek spasming.

"Please, brother!" Nunnally begged, clasping her hands beseechingly in front of herself, and Suzaku felt awful for driving her to it.

I don't deserve this, Nunnally, but thank you for trying to rescue me.

"...Very well, Nunnally. I promise," Lelouch eventually grudgingly agreed, as he'd never been proof against her pleading. "Come along, Suzaku." He said it as if he were delivering a death sentence.

For a moment as they walked out, Suzaku wished desperately for an excuse to stay in dining room just a little longer, where he could hear Nunnally thanking Jeremiah for restoring the student council's memories of her. Lelouch, however, led him straight back to the bedroom, where he closed the door much more forcefully than necessary. Prey successfully trapped, he finally dropped Suzaku's wrist and stood totally silent for a very long, uncomfortable minute, slowly clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Um, Lelouch?" The glare directed at him was piercing, and Suzaku swallowed thickly, knowing that he was well and truly at fault. He tried to warn me over and over again, but I was so worried about what happened last time with Kallen... "You, um, said we were going to talk." I only wanted to keep everyone safe. "Aren't you going to...you know...say something?"

"...I just promised Nunnally I wouldn't say anything I would regret," Lelouch grit out.

"Oh." And everything you want to say to me right now would be regrettable. "Lelouch, I'm really, really sorry. I truly am." I didn't want to let you down again—but now, I've let you down even worse than before, haven't I? I thought if I just tried hard enough, I'd be able to control my focus better, but... "I never meant to—"

"I know you didn't mean to!" Lelouch shouted back, his face pulled into a snarl. He took a deep breath before stalking over to snap open the laptop Nunnally had given him. "Since you were so busy, Suzaku, I'm sure you didn't have time to watch T.V., so I recorded a few interesting clips for you."

"What does that have to do with—"

"Not. One. Word. More." Lelouch shot him a quelling glare for good measure, before starting a video file with a sharp flick of his wrist.

"Zero - Hero and Faith Healer?" appeared in bold white letters on the screen, and Suzaku had a horrible, nauseous feeling as he watched footage from the goodwill visit to the M.E.F. If anything, it looked even worse than it had seemed in person, people suddenly smiling, straightening, and breathing easier as Zero's head turned in their direction, before slumping down again as he turned away, creating a veritable wave of rising and falling refugees, every time his gaze swept across them.

No sooner had it ended than Lelouch started another clip, this time an advertisement for a new T.V. series. "Have you ever wondered what comes after? Are our loved ones lost to us forever? Or can the dead return for Final Conversations? Join us at eight next Tuesday for the story of a girl declared dead...but was that really the end?" There was a shot of badly damaged little town in E.U. that was painfully familiar to Suzaku. That was the place all those civilians were killed, when I was sent out to fight as the Knight of Seven.

He winced at the start of the next file. "This is a special Investigative Report on the miraculous man known only as Zero. Details have been hard to obtain about this mysterious hero—just what are the Black Knights concealing? In order to find out what lies behind Zero's ever present mask, the strange situation at the M.E.F., and the round the clock guard at Kururugi Genbu's grave, our reporters took to the streets, searching for clues."

"It's great that the new Prime Minister made this peace memorial and all," a young Japanese man said when he found a microphone thrust at him, "but why move Genbu's grave there? Why are there so many Black Knights guarding the place, twenty four hours a day? If you ask me, they gotta be hiding something."

"It's aliens," a teen with a flamboyant dye job insisted. "Everybody saw how fast Zero moved when he killed the Demon Emperor—how he dodged those bullets and jumped so high. It's 'cause he's an alien! That's why he wears a mask and is impossible to kill! He's got some super healing powers, and the Black Knights just don't want to admit the truth!"

Lelouch hesitated a moment before starting the next clip. "This is from the show, 'True Mysteries'. The current episode aired just last night. It's about...well, you'll see," he said, heavily.

"Ms. Fennette," the host asked, "can you tell us a little bit about your daughter's death?"

Suzaku's entire body went cold, as he remembered the nightmare he sometimes had. I'll see her standing at a ledge. She'll be falling, but she's so far off, tipping in slow motion. In the dream, he would always think, If I'm just a little faster... When he got there, though, it wasn't going over the ledge that was the problem. Instead, she'd be on the ground bleeding to death, and there would be nothing he could do.

Except, he apparently had done something. A terrible something.

"Shirley...she was such a lively girl, so full of energy. So much energy she struggled out of her own coffin!" the vaguely familiar woman said tearfully.

When I had nightmares before, the Geass would eventually be cancelled when I got back to sleep. But now, it's active until I actually target someone else, which I might not do until the next morning, so...

"Her death was ruled a suicide, but she told me herself she was shot!"

"Do you know anything about the culprit she named: Rolo Lamperouge?" the host asked, and Suzaku tensed further.

"I found a few students who remember that he attended Ashford for years, but the school has no records of anyone named Lamperouge. He has no birth certificate on file. No one knows who he truly is, and he's disappeared without a trace, along with his supposed brother!" she declared, bursting into tears.

"You can't find anything?"

"No. It's like someone deliberately destroyed all evidence of his existence! And his brother—they say he looked just like the Demon Emperor!"

Lelouch stopped the clip and snapped the laptop lid down, before turning to Suzaku with dangerous eyes.

"I know you think you can manage this by focus and willpower, but you can't," he stated grimly. "As I have told you many times, once you have Geass Runaway, you have no control," Lelouch insisted, in sharp, cold fury. "You could watch the news and have corpses sitting up in the morgue, read an illustrated history book and have people turning over in their graves. The populace will start to notice strange things happening."

Lelouch grimaced. "No, they have already noticed. If you don't start taking my warnings seriously right now, the dangerous power of Geass that we must keep secret—the power I slaughtered so many to keep secret—is going to be made public to everyone with a T.V., a radio, or an internet connection! Do you understand why that is a bad thing, Suzaku?!"

"Yes. I understand, Lelouch," he answered in a small voice, cringing shamefully. I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be so bad. I didn't know about Shirley. I'm so sorry. I never meant to endanger this peace...

"I'm relieved to see you possess that small amount of sense, at least," Lelouch said bitingly. "I'm going to ask Nunnally to speak to Shirley's mother personally, but Suzaku, you must see that we can't allow things to go on like this. No matter what your intentions are, you just can't help yourself. This peaceful world we worked so hard for...you're going to end up disturbing it, if you continue being so stubborn."

"I'll listen to you from now on, Lelouch. I promise," he swore and meant it, knowing that it was only Nunnally's intervention that had held Lelouch to any approximation of civility.

He must be so angry. Suzaku had always envied his friend his predictive abilities just a little, but times like this reminded him that such abilities could be a curse, too. I'm always charging in without thinking, only dealing with problems in the aftermath. How much worse must it be, to see something coming with such terrible clarity and yet be unable to change it? To be fenced in by logic while I rush freely, foolishly forward? Or if you choose to breech those fences, Lelouch, to deliberately commit yourself to sin and sacrifice, how much harder is it to bear, when you actually understand the full significance and cost before even beginning to undertake the task?

"I'm sorry I was so stupid." If only I had listened to you. I wanted to succeed so badly I was too stubborn to accept my own failure.

"If you're actually planning on being obedient for once, then revive Euphy and take these," Lelouch said, shoving a pile of papers into his arms with distaste, "and don't think about anything but her or what's on these pages!"

Suzaku nodded, retreating to the dining room with what turned out to be the past month's worth of resolutions of the secondary budget committee of the U.F.N.—probably the most boring reading material known to man.

Oh, gods, he really does hate me now.

Unfortunately, no matter how sincerely Suzaku had promised to listen to Lelouch, he couldn't actually focus on the reports. His friend hadn't said it, but truth was that Suzaku had already made an incredibly grave error. The tenuous secret of his Geass was now a huge threat to the world they'd sacrificed so much for, and he had no way to stop dropping more and more hints.

If it were only my own life...

He couldn't take that option, though, because even if Jeremiah would help, Suzaku's Geass was the only thing keeping Euphy alive.

I can't give up on her, not after I failed her so badly in the first place. There must be some way to get my Geass back under control, to save Euphy and to protect this world, as well!

Reality had already thoroughly proven, though, that his attempts to prevent his mind from wandering into dangerous territory by willpower alone were futile. Even if I avoid seeing anything new, every time I worry about anyone, every time I have a nightmare, every time I remember something deadly—that's it!

He rushed into the bedroom. "Lelouch! If you can reach my memories, then you can seal them, too, right?"

"I know what you're thinking, Suzaku, but—"

"You already know?" he asked, before answering his own question. "Of course you know, you're a genius." Suzaku frowned suspiciously. "Actually, you probably figured this out a long time ago, so why didn't you suggest it to me?" he asked, feeling slightly betrayed.

"Suzaku, do you have any idea what it's like to have so many important memories stolen from you?" Lelouch asked angrily.

"Oh." He remembered with a shudder what Lelouch's father had done to him—what he'd helped Lelouch's father do. "Lelouch..."

Even as angry as you are, you still don't want to do that to me.

"Thank you," he told him sincerely. "Thank you for worrying about me, but we both know the peace of this world is more important than my own life. You have to seal away my memories, Lelouch."

Lelouch gave him an extremely pained look. "Even if I seal away the memories of everyone you know that's died..."

"Not just the people who have died, Lelouch. You need to seal off my memories of everyone, except yourself and Euphy."

"Suzaku, do you even understand what you're asking?" Lelouch asked, standing up in alarm.

"Of course I understand. It's not only the dead that I worry for—you saw what happened to Euphy when I thought about Cornelia being in danger." And I've probably just killed Euphy again with that thought. He winced. "Gino, Anya, Guilford, everyone I know from the military has been in mortal danger at one time or another. When F.L.E.I.J.A. devastated Tokyo, I didn't know at first who had been a casualty. Milly, Rivalz, and all the others from Ashford could have been killed. We even believed Nunnally was dead for a time. You have to seal my memories of all of them, in order to keep Euphy alive."

"You want me to make you forget—even Nunnally?" Lelouch asked in horror.

"It would only be fair, wouldn't it?" Suzaku remembered with a sick, pervasive guilt the feel of a slender frame thrashing beneath his grip in the Emperor's cold throne room, along with the feverish heat of Lelouch's skin as he'd held his right eye open. Though I cursed you for using Geass on me... Physically weak as he was, Lelouch had never to Suzaku's knowledge struggled so hard, so absolutely desperately, as he had then. "I held you down, while your father made you forget the person most precious to you, the one you'd done everything for. I helped him take Nunnally away from you. So I would deserve it, if you did the same."

"No, Suzaku," Lelouch said firmly, shaking his head almost violently. "You're completely wrong again. No one could deserve that. Besides which, haven't I already destroyed enough of your life as it is?" he asked, some deep shame lurking under his furious expression.

After everything I've done, you could really still care that much about my own wretched life?

"Lelouch..." You are a better friend than I deserve. "Don't think of it as taking away my memories, then. Think of it as giving Euphy back the chance to keep hers—the chance she always should have had." Lelouch's slight flinch betrayed the fact that the last point of argument had struck home. As badly as you feel for what you did to me, you feel even worse about what happened to her, don't you? So of course you want to give Euphy her life back.

"If I could just get the memory projection working—"

"Lelouch, even if you force yourself to endure failure after failure, even if I could somehow stand to see you scream and suffer that much, we both know it could take longer than my natural life to make that work. I know you're trying your hardest, but we both heard what C.C. said. Just like with my Geass, you can't control your Code through sheer willpower." Please, stop hurting yourself, when there is a way I can save you from that.

Lelouch clenched his fists, looking away. "Suzaku, you know Euphy wouldn't want me to take your memories, even if it's for the sake of keeping her own."

"But this is my life, isn't it? In the World of C, we decided that the future should be something that we each have a part in choosing. My choice is for her to have a place in this kinder world, just as you wanted there to be a place for Nunnally. The future we struggled so hard for was intended for people exactly like her, Lelouch! And it's not like I'll be dead, right? I'll still have Euphy and you, as well." That's so much more than I'm worthy of. "I won't even remember what I'm missing."

"That doesn't mean you won't be missing it!"

Suzaku winced. I know. Even though at first you were unaware, it doesn't excuse my actions or justify what was stolen from you. After the way the Emperor violated your mind, you probably can't help but see the suppression of such precious memories as one of the most repugnant acts possible. Even so...

"Please, Lelouch. Geass stole her future, so isn't it right that Geass should restore it? This is her one hope for a real life, a true future of her own!"

"And what about you? What about your future?"

"I already swore mine away twice, as Zero and as her Knight. If I can't be Zero anymore because of this Geass, then at least let me be her Knight, and protect her life, as I should have, before."

I know becoming like your father is one of your greatest fears, but this time, for Euphy, I can't afford to spare even your feelings, Lelouch. This is the path to make a better world.

"You forced me to endure the pain of failing to protect her once. At least let me save her this time, Lelouch. I'm begging you," he said, getting down on his knees. "Please."

"Suzaku..." Lelouch's expression was heavy with guilt, caught halfway between old agony and raw horror, and Suzaku felt like absolute scum for manipulating his best friend's emotions like this. But you'll see, Lelouch. It won't be so bad. Unlike you, I'm completely willing, and we'll both get to have Euphy back, really back, once it's done. His rationalizations didn't exactly expunge his own guilt, but even that feeling was dwarfed by the relief he felt for Euphy's continued existence, when Lelouch finally nodded.

"If you're saying this is the only way I can truly atone for what I did to her and the pain I consequently caused you... If you're sure this is the future you want, Suzaku, then I will help you reach it."