"I can't believe this," I said, staring at him through the bars. "You're the mage who poisoned Arl Eamon? Why would you do such a thing? Have you gone completely insane?"

"I was hired by Teyrn Loghain!" Jowan said. "The Teyrn Loghain. I stood right in front of him! What should I have done? He told me he could… fix things with the Circle, so I could go back." He leaned against the bars, resting on his shoulder, hands behind his back. "He said that Arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden, that I'd be doing a service for my country. Since Lady Isolde was looking for a mage to tutor her son in secret the Teyrn made sure it was me." I sighed as he poured out the rest of his story. The arl's son was a mage and the arlessa wanted an apostate to tutor him in secret so she wouldn't have to send him to the tower. The corpses and other strange happenings began after Jowan had been caught and imprisoned, so… the cause of the problem was someone still in the castle. I winced realizing it was far more likely to be the boy than any of the healers caring for the arl. He kept his hands behind his back as he spoke, pacing in his cell. I made sure to look when he turned for another pace and shuddered.

Morrigan gaped at him. "He is the blood mage you spoke of? Truly? I never would have guessed." I groaned as everyone took a step back.

"Hm," Zevran said. "I don't recall that part of the story."

"I'll explain later," I said to him. "Can you just unlock his cell for now?"

"What?" Alistair stared at me. "You want to let him out? A blood mage? Have you gone completely insane?"

"Jowan, let me see your hands," I said. With a sigh he held them out. They were a bloody mess, every finger broken.

"They… thought I was summoning the demons and did it to keep me from casting any spells. One of the guards told me if the attacks didn't stop they would cut…" he trailed off, looking horrified. "But, no one ever came back."

Zevran took one look and turned, ignoring Alistair, to begin fiddling with the lock. "It is done," he said to me, putting a hand on my arm after he slipped his lockpicks back into a pocket of his armor.

"Thank you," I replied, leaning against him for a moment. "Yes, I'm letting him out," I said, turning back to Alistair. "This isn't up for debate. You'll have to kill me if you want to keep him in there."

"What?" he said, looking horrified. "Maggie, I'm not going to fight you!"

"I'm not leaving my best friend of almost twenty years here to die, Alistair."

"Fine," he sighed. "You know him best."

I nodded, opening the cell door. "Go on ahead, I'll catch up," I said to everyone as I stepped into the cell. "I think Jowan and I have to have a little chat."

He swallowed roughly hearing the tone of my voice and stepped back. "I suppose asking not to be left alone with her would be a waste of time?" my old friend said, glancing at my new friends.

Oghren actually laughed at that. "Something tells me you deserve whatever she does," he said.

"Come on," Alistair said, grumbling. "Let's go see if we can find the smith's daughter." A moment later they were gone, Leliana squeezing my arm before going on, Morrigan casting another doubtful glance at Jowan while shaking her head and muttering "I would never have guessed" again, and Zevran squeezing my hand.

I could hear Sten say "this is why my people have learned to cut out their tongues," as they walked away. I winced. I suppose that answered the 'what do the qunari do to mages' question.

"You've made… um, interesting friends," Jowan said, standing with his back to the cell wall.

"Yep," I said. "Come on, let's go sit in the hall. I don't like cells."

He followed me out. "So… you're going to kill me, right?"

"Don't be an idiot," I said, putting an arm around Jowan's waist to help him walk. "Alistair wouldn't have left unless he thought I was setting you on fire or something." He was unsteady on his feet. It was obvious his hands weren't even the worst of what had been done to him. Getting him settled against the wall I sat next to him. "Hand," I said. He held one out to me and I looked closer. "You're going to have to walk me through this."

Jowan nodded. "First you need to straighten the fingers out." I began and he winced next to me, choking back a sound.

Stopping, I dug through my pack, pulling out a red potion and uncapping it. "Here," I said, holding it up. He opened his mouth so I could pour it in.

"Thank you." Once the bones had been set back into their proper places Jowan began walking me through the healing spells. "No, your second and third finger should be closer together," he said, watching. "Good. Now you're turning your wrist too far. This is healing, not setting fires. It's subtle."

Once I had his left hand healed Jowan managed to do the rest on his own, with the help of a couple of my lyrium potions. His left was his off hand so if I did anything horribly wrong hopefully it wouldn't cause as many problems. "This is the first time in weeks I haven't been in pain," he said, leaning back once everything was done.

"I know how you feel," I said. "I've had a broken rib for ages. Pretty sure I did something to one of my legs, too."

He sighed, directing me to stretch out. Jowan checked my ribs, declared two of them broken, and healed both, as well as my sore leg which had a hairline fracture. "Have you been hit in the head lately?" he asked.

"More times than I can count, why?"

"Well, that would explain why you're walking around with a concussion. That's… bad, you know."

"So I've heard," I sighed. While we were sitting a young woman ran past, screaming all the while. "The smith's daughter, I guess," I said when she passed. "Do you have any idea what's happened since we left the tower?"

"Not really," he admitted. "I didn't even know you had left, to be honest. "I've been terrified they might have…"

"Well they almost did!" I snapped. "Lucky for me Duncan was there. He conscripted me into the Grey Wardens before the Templars could do whatever they planned."

He looked relieved. "So… you're a Grey Warden, then? Just like you wanted."

"Well, not quite," I said. "You are currently sitting with one half of the entire Grey Warden order in Ferelden. The other half was the big blond argumentative fellow. He was training to be a Templar before so he can't really help it." I told him what happened at Ostagar and ever since.

"And the others with you?"

"The dark haired woman is an apostate. Her mother is Flemeth, she saved Alistair and I from the battle."

"Flemeth?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, that Flemeth. Unfortunately she never passed her healing skills on to her daughter, though. Morrigan may actually be worse than me." He made a shocked noise and chuckled. "Laugh it up," I said. "One of us will probably end up dead since I can't get more than a papercut to stop bleeding. We almost lost Alistair in the Deep Roads and I ended up sick for days from all the lyrium I had to drink to fix him." Jowan paled and I went on. "The redhead was a bard in Orlais. She retired to a life in the Chantry but the Maker gave her a vision that she should help us. No, I don't think I believe it, either," I added when Jowan gave me an incredulous glance. "Maybe it's prophesy, though. It happens, even with non-mages."

"Was that a qunari?"

"Yep," I said. "He killed a family in a fit of rage and regretted it instantly. Just sat there waiting for the guards. They locked him up to leave him for the darkspawn. I suggested helping fight them might be a better form of redemption."

"Why did he kill them."

"Lost his sword," I said. Sten had finally told me exactly what happened. "I promised we would try and find it, though." I leaned back against him. "The dwarf joined us in Orzammar. He has no family left, and not much reason to stay in the city. Good man. He's been through more than anyone should ever deal with, though, so he drinks a bit too much. Amazing fighter, though."

"And the elf?" Jowan grinned. "Don't think I couldn't tell what's going on there."

"Actually," I said. "The first thing he ever said to me was 'The Grey Warden dies here!'" Jowan's neck made a popping sound, that was how quickly he turned to stare at me. "He's an Antivan crow, they're assassins. A big deal, I guess. Loghain hired him to kill us."

"How did he manage to go from 'tried to kill you' to 'having sex with you'?" Jowan said, horrified.

"Long story," I said.

"It would certainly have to be," he replied.

"He's on our side now. The assassination was never personal, it was just business. He didn't even want to be a Crow, anyways." Jowan gave me a dubious look. "He was a slave, they bought him when he was young."

"Oh Maker," Jowan said, actually managing a laugh. "You and your soft heart. That was all it took, I bet. He said he was a slave and you immediately started knitting him sweaters and offering acts of carnal depravity in response."

"I don't know how to knit," I said.

"The point stands." He said, before wrapping his arms around me briefly. "I've missed you so much. I've worried about what happened to you every day."

"Me too," I said. "I thought I'd never see you again." I sighed. "Why, Jowan?"

"Why what?" he said.

"Why all of it. Why blood magic? Why hide it from me?"

"How could I tell you?" he said. "How do you even say something like that?"

"Jowan, we've been best friends since we were children. How could you not tell me?"

"I didn't want you to hate me, or be disappointed."

"I could never hate you," I said. "And I was disappointed you kept such a big secret from me. I always thought we weren't like that. We didn't keep secrets."

"This is bigger than hooking up with a mage or cheating on a test."

"All the more reason not to hide it," I countered. "And why? Or even better, how? Please tell me you didn't make any bargains with a—"

"Maker's breath, no!" he shook his head. "I'm an idiot, but I'm not that much of an idiot. I managed to piece it together from books. They all had small bits of it. The only real trick is realizing that you can. Once your mind accepts that everything else is easy."

"And why?" I asked again.

He sighed, looking away. "You'll laugh at me for this." I waited for him to go on. "It was… well, it was because of you, really."

I gasped. "What?"

"I don't know," he said, wringing his hands. "I've always been a little jealous of you. I don't have the power you do, I'll never be as great a mage as you are."

"Jowan," I said, reaching for his hand. He shook me off.

"I… thought it would give me more power. More control. I was so stupid. And the moment I cast my first spell I knew it was wrong and swore never to use it again." I reached into my pocket and handed him a rag. He wiped his eyes and went on.

"I never meant to make you feel bad," I whispered. "I'm sorry." I never thought my joking and bragging bothered him. He'd never told me and… if it showed, I never noticed.

"It's no one's fault but mine," he said. "I know you would never have intentionally hurt me."

"Even so, I'm sorry. I know I've always been kind of an egotistical jerk."

He gave me a small smile and took my hand. "Ah, that's part of your charm," Jowan said. "If you weren't such an egotistical jerk I wouldn't have had so much fun over the years pointing out all the things you couldn't do." We went silent for a while, sitting in the filthy dungeon. "And then I met Lily," Jowan finally said, voice thick. "And she didn't care about any of the things I wasn't. She loved me for who I am, flaws and all. And I was so happy. And then we heard about the Rite of Tranquility… and that's where you came in." He sighed. "What happened to her? Is… please, does she live?"

"They took her away," I said, not wanting to hide the truth from him. "She didn't fight them. I don't know where, though. I left the tower not more than an hour after you did and haven't been back."

He nodded. "My poor Lily. I'm sure she hates me now, not that I can blame her for that. It seems like I'm destined to destroy everything I touch. Lily dead or in Aeonar, my best friend a fugitive." Jowan groaned, burying his face in his hands. "What have I done?"

"Keep me off that list," I said. "I would be exactly where I am with or without you. Duncan was going to recruit me from the beginning. You aren't responsible for Loghain turning on us."

"That's one comfort at least," he said. "So, what now?"

I reached behind me and pulled the knife from my belt. Jowan jumped to his feet and took several steps backwards. "Are you going to kill me?" he asked in a small voice.

"No," I said, standing up. "You're going to teach me. Now." I made a grunt of pain as the blade split the flesh of my palm. "Damn. That hurt more than I expected."

"What?" Jowan gasped out, darting forward. He grabbed my hand, quickly casting a healing spell. "No! No no no! I can't. Please don't ask me."

"Yes," I said. "Jowan, you owe me this."

"Do you even know what you're asking?" he said. "Do you know why so many blood mages become possessed? Ever since I learned not a month goes by without some demon appearing in my dreams making promises and offers. No. I'm not letting you do that to yourself."

"I can deal with them," I said.

"Have you been listening to me?" He tugged at his hair, spinning on his heel before kicking the wall. "This has destroyed my life, destroyed Lily's life, and the only reason yours isn't destroyed is because you're the one person in Ferelden who wanted to devote their entire life to fighting monsters. Nothing good has come from this. Why would you ask me to help you repeat my worst mistake? How could you ask me to help you?" He paced, wringing his hands. "Maggie, why would you damn yourself along with me?"

I turned on him, he backed away from me until he was pressed against a wall. "I've been so exhausted I couldn't cast another spell and ended up full of arrows. I've drank so much lyrium I almost stumbled off a bridge in the middle of a fight into a stream of lava. I've been so addled I nearly got myself and Alistair killed. More than once." I groaned, stepping back from him and pushing my hair out of my face. Leaning against a wall, I sighed. "I've killed innocents. People who were just hoping for gold to feed their starving children. People who were forced into a life of crime because they had no choice. People who were just unlucky enough to be in the wrong place when we passed by. If someone really can be damned to wander the Beyond for eternity I already am, a dozen times over."

Jowan sighed and walked over to me, pulling me against him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please don't ask me to do this, though. How will this make anything better?"

I pushed him off me. "How will it make things better?" Shaking my head I laughed bitterly. "Because as powerful as you might think I am, it's not enough. I need more. I need more! Did you see all those people with me? For some reason they all follow me. When it comes time to do anything they look at me. When a decision needs to be made I'm the one who makes it. I don't know why. I never asked for this. But there they are. And if they're going to trust me that much the least I can do is keep them alive. And I'm not strong enough to do that now!"

"And your soul?"

"Is a small price to pay. Especially if it can save all their lives and give me a better chance of ending this damned blight before the whole country is destroyed." I glared at him. "I don't know why I survived when other Wardens didn't. But Grey Wardens are supposed to use any means necessary to fight darkspawn, so since I'm almost all that's left that's what I'll do." I sighed, closing my eyes and picturing the archdemon, my hands pressed to my eyes. "If you knew what I knew, if I could somehow show you what I've seen we wouldn't even be having this argument. And if the Maker really wants to take offense at me trying to end a blight he can go screw himself."

He leaned against the wall opposite me, sliding down into a seated position. "Fine," Jowan said after a moment, sounding miserable. "You win. I won't argue anymore."

"Good," I replied. "Thank you."

He stood up, grabbing my arm, his pale eyes boring into mine. "Don't. It's bad enough I'm condemning you to a life of constant torments from demons and Maker knows what else after. Don't you dare thank me for it." I nodded, saying nothing else. Jowan began to talk, for the next hour I stood in the dungeon listening carefully to every word he said.

"Fine," he finally said, after I'd managed to knock a cell door clean off the hinges and boil a rat from the inside-out. "That's all I know. There's more, but I haven't learned it."

I hugged him. "You may not believe me, but you probably saved my life with this."

He shrugged, dark circles under his eyes. "That's one good thing, at least."

"You should get out of here," I said.

Jowan shook his head. "No, I started this mess, I should help."

"Jowan, go!" I demanded. "We're killers. That's all we do, all day every day. We can handle this. You're starved, exhausted, dehydrated, and until recently brutally injured. You need to go."

"But—"

"GO!" If he went back in I wasn't sure I could find a way to get him away without someone trying to stop me.

He sighed. "Why do I even bother trying to argue with you? Almost twenty years I don't think I've won once." Jowan shook his head, walking back into his cell where he picked up a couple battered sheets of paper. I recognized my handwriting on one of them: the letter I wrote in case I didn't survive my harrowing. He shoved them in a pocket and walked out again.

"Please be careful," I said. "There's a tunnel that way, the doors are all open. It's dark, you'll need a flame spell to get through it. When you get to a ladder climb it, it'll let you out inside the windmill at the top of the cliffs. There shouldn't be anyone watching it from the outside."

"All right," he put his arms around me. "You be careful, too." I nodded, sniffling and wiping my eyes with my sleeve. "You're the only family I ever had that mattered. Love you, Mags."

"Love you too, Jowan," I said, wondering if we would ever see each other again. It seemed unlikely. He blinked a few times and wiped his eyes. After saying goodbye Jowan walked off. I watched until he disappeared around the corner, turning to wave one last time before he did. After I managed to stop crying I shoved my knife back into my belt and left to find the others.

Walking through the basements I passed piles of the undead, left by my friends like a trail of breadcrumbs. Really, really gross breadcrumbs. I grabbed a few small items that looked valuable and shoved them into my pack on the way. Really, they forced Alistair into the Chantry, I had no loyalty to these people. Although the torture of my best friend bothered me, I had to put that aside and not add it to my hatred since, well, he did kind of deserve it.

I finally made it to the courtyard. "About time," Alistair said. "Where is he?"

"Gone," I said.

"Gone?"

"Gone."

"You just… let him go, didn't you?" He shook his head.

"As opposed to?"

"I don't know," Alistair said. "Sending him back to the Circle. Holding him for the templars. Making him come with us so you could at least watch him. He is a blood mage."

Morrigan snorted. "Is this Alistair the Grey Warden who speak or Alistair the Templar?"

"Look, you don't have to be a templar to know blood magic is just wrong," he said. I used every bit of concentration I possessed to try and keep my expression level. Zevran glanced over at me, eyes widening a fraction. I pretended not to notice. Damned observant rogues. I was lucky Leliana had been looking at Alistair. "But, I suppose it's too late to argue since he's long gone. Hey, maybe he can dump some poison in the village well before leaving!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Alistair, before Ostagar would you have had any reason to distrust Teyrn Loghain? I can't fault him for believing the word of a national hero."

He sighed. "Let's just drop this, it's a pointless argument. He's gone, we'll just have to trust that you know him best."

I nodded. The knights were walking into the courtyard. I gestured for them to follow and walked up the large front stairs to the palace proper. "What have you done, amante?" Zevran asked me, too quietly for the others to hear. Before I could stop him he grabbed my hand, running a finger over the fresh scar and drawing in a breath.

"I'll explain later," I whispered. He just sighed, shaking his head. Pushing worries of his reaction from my mind I shoved open the main doors. Isolde was standing at the front of the room next to a young boy. Bann Teagan was actually doing some sort of jester's dance for them. I groaned, glancing over the scene. "This is not good."

"No," Alistair agreed.

"I believe we have found our possessed mage," Morrigan said, looking at the boy. I nodded sadly.

"Your son is an abomination, my lady," I said, walking into the hall. "You knew this. You lured Teagan here and you knew. He slaughtered countless villagers, you protected him all the while, and then brought him more victims?" I didn't bother to hide my contempt.

"No!" she shrieked. "It isn't Connor's fault. It's that mage, that monster who poisoned my husband. He did this!"

"One mage can't force possession on another," I sighed, feeling sick as I looked at the boy. I didn't relish the idea of killing a child, especially not now that I was looking at him. He was so bloody young.

"Foolish child," Morrigan said, sounding almost pitying. "He has made a deal with a demon of his own free will."

The demon began ranting about his plans to conquer the world. I could almost laugh at that. His 'army' was defeated by seven exhausted adventurers and a village full of fishermen and he thought the world would fall before them? All while trapped in the body of an eight year old child? Were they all so stupid? I barely listened as he started questioning who we were and Isolde told him I was a Grey Warden and a woman. The demon made some comment about how she should kill me because I was young and pretty. Yeah, good luck with that.

I took my staff off my back, tensing. This couldn't go on. The demon, probably realizing he was about to be attacked, asked why I was there.

"To stop you," I said flatly. It screamed about me trying to spoil his fun and ran from the room. Before I realized it all the guards as well as Teagan turned on us. "Try and knock them out," I yelled as everyone began fighting back. "They're in thrall, it's not their fault."

Teagan came at me with a sword. I managed to dodge him, slipping under his arm. Fortunately the demon's control wasn't perfect; their reflexes wouldn't match a normal person. Once behind him I raised my staff and cracked it on the back of his head, sending him to the ground. "Sorry," I muttered, turning to another of the guards, going through the same motions.

Once they fell I revived Teagan, glad to see he was in control of his own mind once more.

The arlessa began screaming about how it wasn't her son's fault. I grit my teeth and looked at her. "As far as I care you're the one responsible for everyone dead in this castle and the village thanks to your lies and denials. So please, please, by all that is holy would you stop bloody talking. You've done enough damage." She sputtered with indignation but, mercifully, fell silent. With that shrieking gone I could finally string my thoughts together. "Morrigan and I need to speak for a moment," I said. She followed me away from the group.

"The child is an abomination," Morrigan said to me.

"I know," I replied.

"There is only one way," she said.

I winced. "Well..."

Morrigan sighed. "Two mages aren't enough for that ritual," she said. "The idea of killing a child does not appeal to me any more than it does to you but I fail to see what we can do."

Teagan walked over to us, Alistair close behind. "I'm sorry to interrupt," he said. "But from the expressions on your faces I take it the options aren't pleasant."

"No," I said. "I think we'll have to kill him."

"Is there no other way? None at all?" Morrigan and I exchanged a glance. "What is it?" he said, catching our hesitation.

"It may be possible to fight the demon in the fade," I began.

"Why not that? Surely it would be better than simply killing him!"

"'Tis not so simple," Morrigan said. "While we could in theory, we lack what is necessary for the ritual. It would require many mages, and a great quantity of lyrium. Neither of which we have."

"You could find them at the Circle," Alistair said. "If they would even help."

"Doubtful," I said. "Standard procedure is to kill abominations on site. I don't think the templars would allow it."

"Circle tower is only a day or two away by boat. It seems to be worth trying," Teagan said.

"We do need to see them about the treaty," Alistair said.

"And should the demon slaughter all of you while we sail across the lake?" Morrigan asked. "What then? Demons are not known for their passivity. You may see your nephew when you look at him, but do not be mistaken, he is no child. That is an abomination. A powerful force of evil."

"Fine," I sighed. "We'll split up. Alistair, if I have to go to that damned tower you're going with me." He nodded. "Can you ask Sten, Zevran, and Oghren to come over here? Let Leliana know I want her to come with us."

Alistair walked off. "What is it you don't want him to hear?" Morrigan said.

I offered her a grim smile, not surprised she saw through that so quickly. "Can you to stay here?" I asked her. "You and I are the only ones who really understand the situation."

"Of course," she said. "I have no desire to visit the Circle of Magi, believe me."

"Bringing you there wouldn't exactly be wise, either," I said, visions of Templars turning on her when they realized she was a mage flashing through my mind.. She nodded in agreement as the other three joined us. "All right," I said. "We're splitting up. Alistair and Leliana are going to the Circle with me. Sten, I'd like you to stay here with Morrigan." My fellow mage smiled at that, I had figured she would appreciate it. "Do either of you have a preference?" I asked Zevran and Oghren.

"I'm not getting on any sodding boat if that's what you mean," Oghren said. "I'll stay."

I looked to Zevran, biting my lip. I hoped he would come with me to the Circle but didn't want to demand it. It seemed clear he had already figured out what took me so long in the dungeon, I wasn't entirely sure how he would react once we were alone. I thought he was pragmatic enough to see it was a reasonable decision, but even pragmatic people could get nervous when it came to magic. "If you go off with only those two it will be weeks before we see any of you again. They'll have you rescuing every kitten trapped in a tree between here and Orlais. I'll go to the magical tower as well."

I looked to the others. "If the demon becomes active while we're gone…"

"I understand," Morrigan said, nodding firmly.

"I knew I could count on you," I said, relieved.

"I fail to see why we aren't simply doing that now, but I can wait until we have no other choice," Sten said, nodding.

Oghren sighed. "Got it," he said. "Blasted horrible situation, but there's a lot of people in the village it hasn't managed to kill yet. Better to keep it that way."

I looked at Bann Teagan. "Do you understand?" None of us could quite bring ourselves to say what the plan was out loud, despite being in perfect understanding.

"I do," he said. "I can't argue. I love my nephew, but too many have died already. I pray you return before it comes to that, but if it does I'll make sure Isolde doesn't interfere." I thanked him and he told me where the family's boat could be found.

I insisted on taking a few moments to run through the ground floor, making sure at least that was safe. Just as well, since we had to stop several animated suits of armor that attacked us, as well as more of the possessed. Plus, whenever Alistair turned his back Leliana, Zevran and I filled our packs and pockets with anything of value we saw. In the study I spotted a gold amulet in a desk drawer, hairline cracks covering it despite what looked to be a careful repair. Grinning, I shoved it in my pocket for later. After saying goodbye to everyone staying behind we walked to the boat.

"Thank you," I whispered to Zevran, grateful he was coming with me.

"You only had to ask," he said. I blushed. "You have no intention of telling Alistair and Leliana your plan, I take it?"

"Not until we're too far away for them to do anything about it."

"A wise decision," he said.

So this is probably as AU as I've ever gotten. But yeah, no way is Maggie the sort to make a deal with a demon. She is, however, the sort to guilt and bully her best friend if she thinks it's necessary. I would also like to think that every Warden who goes to the Circle leaves the non-active party at Redcliffe. That's totally my head-cannon since the alternative is too idiotic for contemplation.
Jowan was never specific on how they tortured him, but I'd think hands would be a primary target on a mage, given what Sketch says in the Leliana DLC. A good chunk of his dialogue is tweaked from the game (most from the speech he gives if you play a mage and decide to execute him. Which I just can't bring myself to do.)
I hope everyone actually manages to READ this chapter given how messed up the site has been. Thanks so much to everyone who managed to get logged in and review. (I swear, it took me a dozen tries to log in so I could post this!)