Acquiring: Master

- HK-47 -

Entertainment Routine Initiated:

Target Analysis:
Type: Organic Meatbag
Species: Ithorian, Male
Name: Yuka Laka
Occupation: Droid Salesman - Current Owner

Death Scenario: Blaster Shot to Head
Survival Chance: 0 percent
Survival Time: 3.42855 seconds
Analysis: Too Quick

…/Some time later/…

Death Scenario: Drop On Hoth
Estimated Survival Chance: 0.00129 percent ###
Estimated Survival Time: 9558.18116 ± 3109.28884 seconds
Analysis: Amusing. Limited Viewing Potential
Optional Scenario: Drop Naked On Hoth

Death Scenario: Drop On Korriban With "Give Peace A Chance" Sign Attached
Estimated Survival Chance: 0.09023 percent
Estimated Survival Time: 727441.00259 ± 727441.00259 seconds
Analysis: Survival Time Too Dependant On Finder. Limited Viewing Potential

Death Scenario: Removal of Skin
Survival Chance: 0 percent
Estimated Survival Time: 532771.38841 ± 94635.40081 seconds
Analysis: Highly Amusing. Satisfyingly Slow
Optional Variables: Weak Acids, Sodium Chloride

Entertainment Routine Interrupted

Three Organic Meatbags Entering Targeting Area

Analysis: First Meatbag
Species: Twi'lek, Female
Facial Recognition Result: Negative
Body Language Analysis: Happy – Youthful – Alert – Impulsive – Non Aggressive
Probable Personality: Irritating Young Thief
Personality Compatibility: 23.78567 percent
Assigned Temporary Name: Gizka Spawn

Analysis: Second Meatbag
Species: Wookiee, Male
Facial Recognition Result: Negative
Body Language Analysis: Alert – Skilled Combatant – Introspective – Intelligent – Honest – Non Aggressive
Probable Personality: Quiet Warrior
Personality Compatibility: 18.37846 percent
Assigned Temporary Name: Mobile Carpet

Analysis: Third Meatbag
Species: Human, Female
Facial Recognition Result: Error 1x0EEEFF. Attempted Access to Locked Memory Core Files
…Sequence Failed
Body Language Analysis: Shy – Confident – Alert – Impulsive – Aggressive – Non Aggressive – Confused – Wary – Angry - Meek
Probable Personality: Unable to Compute - Conflicting Data. Closer Observation Required
Personality Compatibility: Unable to Compute. Calculation Aborted

Hidden User Defined Sub-Routine Activated: Personality Compatibility Set To 100 percent

Interrupt:
…Quick Self Diagnostic Routine Activated
…Result: No Errors Detected
…Self Diagnostic Scheduled
Return to New Target Analysis

Assigned Temporary Name: Enigmatic Meatbag

Conclusion: Preferred Owner: Enigmatic Meatbag

Auditory Sensors Set to Scan Targets Conversations

Input – Yuka Laka to Gizka Spawn: "What is this? A customer Yuka Laka doesn't recognize? Ahhh, an off-worlder perhaps? Maybe you would like a utility droid to keep your starship repaired?"

Input – Gizka Spawn to Yuka Laka: "Not interested."

Input – Yuka Laka to Gizka Spawn: "You must have a reason for entering Yuka Laka's store? Maybe you need a protocol droid? Yuka Laka has plenty of basic models that can translate in thousands of different dialects."
Voice Stress Analysis: Pleading

Visual Tracking: Enigmatic Meatbag Moving Closer

Preferred Owner in Effective Communication Range

Conversation Routines Activated:
Topic: Purchasing Me
Auditory Sensors Set to Focus on Enigmatic Meatbag

Output: "Greeting: Hello to you, prospective purchaser. I am referred to as HK-47, a fully functional Systech Corporation droid skilled in both combat and protocol functions. Query: Would you be so kind as to purchase this model from Yuka Laka?"

Input – Enigmatic Meatbag: "Er, I-I don't think I need... have I seen you before?"

Output: "Answer: I do not have access to your memory, prospective purchaser. Extrapolation: I cannot access my own core memory files, so I cannot say whether I have seen you."

Observation – Muffled Conversation Occurring Between Gizka Spawn and Mobile Carpet

Input – Enigmatic Meatbag: "Why don't you have access to your core memory?"

Output: "Explanation: I have been recently fitted with a restraining bolt. With it in place, access to much of my memory core is restricted."

Conversation Analysis:
Current Topic: Inability to Access Memory Core
Conclusion: Conversation Moving Away From Required Topic
Attempting to Refresh Topic

Output: "Request: Please consider purchasing me, prospective buyer."

Input – Enigmatic Meatbag: "Uh, I don't have any credits."

Visual Tracking: Gizka Spawn and Mobile Carpet Moving Closer

Input – Gizka Spawn to Yuka Laka: "This is the droid I'm buying? Creepy looking thing."

Input – Mobile Carpet to Enigmatic Meatbag (Shyriiwook): "(Jen? Are you okay?)"

Permanent Name Assigned: Jen to Enigmatic Meatbag

Input – Jen to Mobile Carpet: "I - yes. I just had the strangest feeling..."

Input – Gizka Spawn: "So, robot, what's your name?"

Light Impact Detected:
Source: Gizka Spawn
Combat Mode Initiated:
Interrupt:
…External Pacifism Routines Activated
…Source: Restraining Bolt
Return to Main
Exiting Combat Mode

Quick Response Analysis:
Appropriate Verbal Responses Would Reduce Chance of Purchase
Conclusion: Ignore Gizka Spawn

Input – Gizka Spawn: "What sort of robot are you? Can ya even speak?"

Input – Mobile Carpet (Shyriiwook): "(Odd. It responded to Jen.)"

Input – Gizka Spawn: "Sheesh, what sort of trash heap is this thing?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Annoyed

Input – Yuka Laka: "The unit has been a little uncooperative. They get that way when they go too long without a memory wipe."

Input – Gizka Spawn: "It's just ignoring me!"
Voice Stress Analysis: Petulant

Input – Jen: "Why did you want me to buy you, instead of Mission?"

Permanent Name Assigned: Mission to Gizka Spawn

Output: "Explanation: You have seen combat, and are no farmer or diplomat. The Twi'lek is a child. Extrapolation: Even as a droid, I am allowed a preference of owner."

Input – Mission to Yuka Laka: "I'm beginning to think you ripped me off."

Input – Yuka Laka to Mission: "You talked me down to two thousand credits! It will behave and treat you as its master as soon as I have removed the restraining bolt!"
Voice Stress Analysis: Protesting

Input – Mission (muttered): "Two thousand credits is almost all I had left."

Output: "Objection! I have no desire to be owned by a childish blue meatbag!"

Input – Mission: "Yeah, well, I don't like you either! As far as I'm concerned, Jen can take care of you!"

Input – Jen: "Uh, say what?"

Input – Mission to Jen: "As long as it can talk to the Sand People, I don't care who it obeys. Let's just buy this stupid thing and hit the desert."

Input – Yuka Laka: "If that is what you want. HK-47, your new master is this human."

Output: "That is most satisfactory."

External Sensors Registering Removal of Restraining Bolt
Quick Self Diagnostic Routine Activated
Result: Previously Restricted Routines Now Accessible
Removal of Restraining Bolt Confirmed

Output: "Statement: I see you have purchased me, master. I find this a satisfactory arrangement."

Output: "Query: Am I to accompany you now? Query: Would you like me to kill something for you?"

Input – Jen: "Kill something for me?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Worried

Output: "Answer: Indeed. I am most eager to engage in some unadulterated violence."

Targeting: Yuka Laka.

Hidden User Defined Sub-Routine Activated: Owner Command Required.
Interrupt:
…Quick Self Diagnostic Routine Activated
…Result: No Errors Detected
…Thorough System Diagnostic Scheduled
Return to Main.

Output: "At your command, of course, master."

xXx

# # # Note: - this equates roughly to a 775-1 chance

Author's Note – Props to Curtis for his help with this.