I'm so sorry guys. I know it's been forever, but I had a huge case of writer's block.
Well, I knew what I wanted, but I couldn't write it, so I hope you like this chapter!
Miles away in Kaede's village Tsuki rolled to his feet with a triumphant neigh. He reared happily, pawing the air as Rin jumped in surprise. She dropped the cloth she had been embroidering next to him to keep him company. A grin stretched across her face as she leapt to her feet and watched him. Tsuki fell back onto all four hooves and pranced, nickering happily as he tossed his head.
Inuyasha burst into the barn with the Tetsuiga ready, closely followed by Kagome but he stopped when he saw the energetic horse demon.
"What's going on?" Inuyasha asked, sheathing his sword in annoyance, confusion flashing across his face as he looked down at Rin's ecstatic face.
"They did it. Lord Sesshomaru and Kee-Ara won!"
Sesshomaru sat Kee-Ara down gently, hands lingering on her arms as he tried to find words. He had just seen her burn someone alive. For once he was at a loss, he didn't know what he wanted to say or what he should feel but before he could decide she pulled away. She hugged herself , fingers tight around the opening of her borrowed kimono as she stared off into the trees.
Sesshomaru let his hands drop to his sides as they fell off of her arms. He watched her silently, waiting for her to say something, to impart with him what she was feeling like she usually did. But she didn't. She was the impassive one this time, her face expressionless as she avoided his gaze. His kimono was a bit long on her and he couldn't help but smile softly as he saw it swallow her. He immediately frowned. He had never let anyone wear it before but it had come naturally to let her have it. Respect for her had made him want to cover her.
Sesshomaru knew he should walk away. He had no reason to be here, to stay would be to let his emotions take control. There would be no logical explanation, no reason, for him to stay except that he was worried about her. Worried about the expression in her eyes when she realized what she had done. Worried about the way she stood, as if defeated. The way she kissed him. He took a step back and turned around, poised to walk out of her life when he saw a glint of gold from the corner of his eye. A left over flame dancing in her hair. Sesshomaru turned back to watched it flicker and go out. Se didn't even notice.
"Why did you lie?" Sesshomaru asked, turning back around to watch her cooly. Her eyes flickered back to him before they turned back to dully survey the trees. Anger that she would turn her back on him fought to consume him before he realized that her knuckles had turned white. He watched her straight back, a detached curiosity making him want to ask more questions but he restrained himself. Silence consumed them but it did not seem to bother her with impatience like before. She seemed too tired for curiosity.
"I did not lie," she finally said, her voice barely recognizable as her stepped closer, tilting his head slightly before he strode around to stand in front of her. He was surprised to find no tears. Instead she was emotionless, her eyes not even showing surprise when he appeared in front of her. He had seen her like this before. And the second time didn't make it any better.
"Yes, you did," he told her derisively but her expression didn't change. She tilted her head back a little to half heartedly glare up at him but it was some how ineffective compared to the passion charged glares he had previously been on the receiving end of.
"No, I just never told you. There is a difference," Kee-Ara told him, her eyes dropping away from his and he knew that her feeble excuse didn't even fool her. He moved forwards and she stepped away from him causing him to frown. She flushed, but didn't meet his eyes.
"There is something wrong," Sesshomaru said, urging her to tell him what it was without asking. She swallowed but didn't answer, instead she looked at the ground embarrassed.
"Sorry," she whispered and he moved towards her angrily. She looked up, fear in her eyes and he froze.
"I did not ask for your apology," Sesshomaru told her, angry at the way she was acting. As if she was scared of him. He forced it down and tried to gain control but the fact that he was still in this situation meant he had lost all semblance of his control long ago.
Maybe it was when he had decided to stay instead of leaving, or when he gave her his kimono. Perhaps when he seen her riding Tsuki through the night by his side. Or when he jumped through a waterfall and found her fiercely brandishing her sword at him, ready to protect Rin from anything even as blood pooled at her feet. Now he stared at her in front of him but he couldn't find any trace of the defiant bravery in her worn face.
"What did you expect? That I would immediately trust you? When you're so much like him?" Kee-Ara cried passionately, her calm breaking as she gestured back the way they came. Her hair was loose around her and she shoved it behind her shoulder angrily, fighting back the tears of anger and distress. She had cried too much. Sesshomaru froze at her unexpected outburst, surprised as he registered her words.
"I am not like Aku," Sesshomaru told her, venomously spitting out his name and curling his lip in distaste. The disgusting creature was not even remotely like him, craving power that was not his and finding pleasure not in conquering his opponents but causing them pain. Kee-Ara moved away from him, angrily jerking away from his hand on her shoulder. He didn't even remember putting it there.
"That was exactly like him! What? Half demon to lowly for you to be compared to? Don't even deny it, we've already went over this. Humans are disgusting. And I am human!" Kee-Ara told him, preventing any accusations. She tossed her arms out as if offering to let him look closer. And he did. He surveyed her pale skin that made her eyes seem so dark, her golden hair that was practically glowing as it waved down her back as if it held remnants of the flame it had held. His kimono was draped gracefully on her small frame, and she somehow looked proud, even regal in the extra fabric. She had lied to him. He felt for her again, his demonic aura finding the void around her and he remembered the panic on her face as Aku revealed her secret. She had hid her power again.
"You are a witch," Sesshomaru said for the first time, the unfamiliar emotions of betrayal, surprise and awe making him study her carefully. He hadn't trusted anyone enough for them to betray him and it had been a while since someone had surprised him. He remembered the flames kissing her skin as they danced to her control. She had definitely surprised him. She barked a harsh laugh, dropping her arms back to her sides. It caused the kimono to part slightly on top. A v of flesh was exposed but she didn't notice as she stared off into the forest.
"I am. Well, I am actually a sorceress now, thanks to Aku. I would never have learned to focus like that to summon so much power if not for my anger at him. Before I killed him," Kee-Ara whispered the last, disgust clogging her throat as she thought about it.
"You feel remorse for killing him," Sesshomaru said, the new realization not helping his understanding at all.
"No, I would do it again," she told him, wrapping her arms around herself. Sesshomaru was startled and dismayed to find that he wanted to hold her so she didn't have to but he didn't move. Instead he waited for her to continue, to explain.
"I feel remorse for enjoying it," Kee-Ara finally admitted and Sesshomaru was surprised by the amount of self loathing he heard in her voice. This time he couldn't stop himself from stepping forward but he stopped himself from pulling her close.
"Kee-Ara," he whispered, wanting to tell her that it was ok, that it was normal, that it was to be expected after all Aku had done to her but he was not sure how. How could he tell her that? The woman who had saved Rin when she didn't even know her? Gave her blood to a dying kyuuketsuki and even tried to save him? But she only felt like she had to save him because she didn't tell him the truth in the first place. About the fact that she was a witch. He ignored the way she blinked away tears.
"That is the real reason why he took you," Sesshomaru realized and his eyes caught the edge of the Phoenix carved into her skin. He could still picture her other scars, not to mention the ones he couldn't see.
"Yes. What I told you was true, I could tell him how to do things they refused to teach him but he also wanted me because of my power. What could be more ultimate than his own? His childs," she told him and his eyes widened in surprise at what she was saying. A child...their child. He could understand, could picture the power such a child would have from parents that could burn some one with only a word. But all he could see was Aku forcing himself onto Kee-Ara and he desperately wanted Aku to be alive again so he could rip him apart. Slowly.
"You said he never," Sesshomaru began before faltering but Kee-Ara understood. She ran one shaking hand through her hair.
"He didn't. He knew he could never keep me alive if he did. But he tried to get me to agree in many different ways. In his quest for ultimate power. Something you both share," Kee-Ara reminded him, folding her arms and realizing for the first time that she stood in Sesshomaru's kimono. In the shock she realized he had covered her but now she realized how intimate it was. How caring it was for him to dispel his crafted perfection in order for her to keep her pride. He seemed somehow more approachable without it, as if a piece of the wall he built up was gone. Before her stood a man. A strong demon lord yes, but still a man. Perhaps his quest wasn't completely for power.
"You base me solely on this one connection," Sesshomaru said and Kee-Ara realized they were back onto her telling him he was like Aku. It seemed to have bothered him deeply she realized with a start. She didn't think anything could.
"Well, I have been slammed up against things by my throat by two demons in the past couple have weeks and I bet you can figure out who they are," Kee-Ara told him, not willing to play nice just because something finally bothered him. Things have been bothering her for a while. His eyes narrowed at her sarcastic comment but he remembered her blood on his hand. She was right.
"Of course, there is also the not caring about someone that can be a liability, so about anyone," Kee-Ara continued, knowing it wasn't quite fair as she pictured Rin but she pushed it away. She knew she was really referring to herself and she felt petty but she couldn't stop the next comment form passing her lips.
"Always concerned for yourself, you don't care about anything else," she told him. She stepped back when he moved closer, gasping when his eyes narrowed dangerously flashing gold.
Then why had he saved her, over and over again? Why does one tear on her face make him regret things that he had not done? Sesshomaru asked himself these things angrily before another question passed his lips without him acknowledging it,
" Why did you kiss me?" Sesshomaru asked dangerously, his voice actually asking questions that demanded answers. She gasped when she heard the question, blushing furiously.
"I did not- well, I- I am sorry. I assumed I was going to die, and I. I wanted to," Kee-Ara told him, seeing the battle in his eyes. He growled in annoyance, the sound somehow not scaring her. She felt the confusion in him and she stepped forward, closing the gap she had opened between them and wrapped her arms around him. For the first time she was the one trying to comfort and Sesshomaru froze.
"I did not mean to cause this pain," Kee-Ara told him and anger rose in him. Not at her, but at himself.
"I am not in pain," Sesshomaru told her, stiffening in her arms and willing her to move away from him but to his surprise her hold tightened. She pressed her cheek against his chest, squeezing her eyes tight.
"You hate it when you feel don't you? You think you're weak," Kee-Ara told him and he tried to fight away the emotions that plagued him as he realized she had seen things she shouldn't have. She understood him in a way that was too close to being dangerous.
"No," he told her, planning on denying it and pulling away when he found himself wrapping his arms around her and placing his chin on her shoulder. He had not held someone before, with neither of them having any other ulterior motives or bad intentions. Just the need to hold on.
"These things do not control me," he told her, realizing that he had to prove it to her. To himself. That he had to make certain that it was understood that nothing could control him, he did not feel these things that she thought he did.
Then he moved away, but just far enough to grab her face in his hands and press his lips against hers. He let the emotions that he had suppressed swirl through him until he was dizzy with something he couldn't even name. He felt her sigh against his lips and he moved away from her, his heart beating fast in his chest. He could hear it echoing hers.
Then it was over but instead of pulling away he left his forehead against hers, shaking as he tried to focus on one emotion as what seemed like thousands rushed through him. Just one that made sense. Relief. He was relieved to have finally admitted that he had been feeling. It brought with it self loathing, at his weakness, at his base desires and at his hypocrisy of his father. He was supposed to realize that this need to be with her did not control him and yet he wanted to pull her close again. He pulled away, stepping out of her reach quickly, to fast for her to realize it. He had lost control.
Kee-Ara felt the air brush against her as he moved away and she sighed at the sudden emptiness. It was so lonely. She left her eyes closed, a new sense of confusion filling her as she thought of what just happened. Joy, want, confusion, relief, had all rushed through her as she felt him pulling her close, quickly followed by pain as he withdrew from her. She opened her eyes to find herself alone. He had left. She couldnt' stop the sob that ripped its way out of her chest, quickly followed by another and then another accompanied by a flood of tears. She sunk to the ground and wrapped her arms around her legs, pressing her face against her knees.
He had left. Somehow this pain was so much stronger than what she had felt previously and she could only think of how alone she was without him beside her. She could almost picture his arms around her as he held her that first night. She wondered if that was when she had started falling in love with him. Then those arms pulled her up onto a lap and she straightened realizing that they were very real indeed.
She gasped as Sesshomaru pulled her close, his expression unreadable as he pressed her against him.
"Why...are...you...back?" Kee-Ara gasped in between sobs, not able to force away the tears now that they started. Embarrassment flooded her as she realized she was crying once again in front of him but it was overruled by the relief she felt.
"I do not know," Sesshomaru replied cooly, his expression never changing as he looked down at her. She just wrapped her arms around him and sobbed against his chest. He was back. That's all that mattered. She listened to his heart beating steadily under her ear and started rambling as she cried. Sesshomaru remained quiet and she couldn't even tell if he was listening but she told him everything.
She told him about her fear that her power would consume her making her like Aku, about how stupid it was for her to be sad about her clothes burning, but they were the last things she had of her old life, then she talked about her fear that he hated her because she wasnt' truthful, she even explained to him that she was crying to much, that sh wasn't usually this weak and mopey. Then she told him about how much she liked Rin and that she was probably getting too attached. And about how she was attached to Jaken to of course and Ah-Un , and maybe even...him. Just a little. She told him that it hurt too much when you lose someone your attached to and that he might be right when he said it makes you weak. She should probably quit caring. Tsuki would probably be better off without her.
"Tsuki!" Kee-Ara exclaimed with a gasp, stopping her rush of confessions as she realized she had forgotten about him in her surge of self-pity. Now guilt rushed through her as she sat up. Fear made her shiver as she sought her power and instinctively tried to hide it. She had been doing it for so long that she had to push away her fear. Sesshomaru already knew about it and besides, it was time to be herself anyway. She opened herself up to her power once more, shivering as she remembered that rush of pleasure as she called the flames. She forced the impulsive need to shove her power away in disgust down and spread her power out, not noticing when Sesshomaru stiffened at the feeling up it sizzling harmlessly over his skin.
"What are you doing?" Sesshomaru asked, for the first time knowing what was happening when she used her power. It annoyed him not to be able to see it. Kee-Ara reached out and grabbed his hand, twisting her power so that he was in it. He stopped himself from gasping when he saw the golden light flare around him, his self-control intact and she didn't even notice how startled he was. His impassive expression never changed but his heart started beating faster as his demonic aura met her once again and felt the soft glow of her power. She felt human. She didn't possess an aura of her own, only demon's having one, but she felt something other. Now he realized that she was saturated in a warm glow that was her magic. He could see it. He could also see the flare of gold twisting into silver that connected them.
Kee-Ara blushed when she realized what he was looking at, clearing her throat as dropped his hand. His new sight remained.
"Sorry about that, I didn't do it. I'll figure out how to undo it, I just haven't had time but I've closed it, " Kee-Ara explained in a rush and Sesshomaru pushed away any emotions that wanted to rise in him at the sight of a physical connection between them. Instead he looked back into her eyes to find her studying him worriedly.
"Tsuki?" he prompted and she nodded, pushing away the problem of their connection to another time. Instead she closed her eyes and focused on her best friend. She reached out for as far as she could back to where she had left him, feeling Sesshomaru ride her sight beside her. He could see what she could, her power stretching until it was so thin and yet she could not go any farther.
But she didn't quit. Instead her breathing slowed, her heart beat slowing as well as she focused. She pictured his silver mane, tossing in the moonlight and the sound of his hooves as they pounded on the earth. His strength as he carried her and his muscles flexing beneath her as they moved like one. She pictured his ruby eyes dancing as they regarded her in laughter. She pictured the phoenix carved into his flank. Her power stretched farther, her magic seeking him.
Then she went deeper into her memories, remembering the first time they were bonded, the exhilaration of feeling their first tentative emotions twine around each other. The bloom of friendship as they stayed together always, the power of his strength. The amusement, the courage, the fear, and most importantly the love. And then she felt him, his pure joy as their mines twined together once again. She heard him whinny, the shrill sound not loud to her mind and she grinned.
Love swirled around them as they shared their emotions once more and she felt weariness over take him as they were once again together. He was so worn out. Worry for him flooded her and he consoled her, before excitement rushed through him as he felt where she was. He wanted to come to her. No. He was to worn out, too tired after days of being put through torture.
Sullenly he refused the notion of more rest, anxious to be with her again. And then he felt where she was, who she was with and amusement flooded through him as he realized she was in Sesshomaru's lap. Embarrassment flooded through Kee-Ara as something like mingled embarrassment, pride, and smugness was shared through the link from Tsuki, with a large layer of protectiveness.
She tried to tell him it wasn't like that but now she was all to aware of how close Sesshomaru was and butterflies danced in her stomach belying her calm. Tsuki smugly laid down and settled back into the hay of the barn he was in. He would stay there and rest. She was obviously busy. Kee-Ara blushed furiously, sensing the real weariness in Tsuki's mind she released him with the lingering sensation of love. He drifted off into sleep almost immediately, reassured that she was safe.
As Kee-Ara blinked open her eyes she could still feel Tsuki in her mind, in the spot he was always supposed to be but more importantly she could feel him back in her heart and soul. She looked up at Sesshomaru to see him already watching her only now realizing how awkward it was for the first time to be sitting in Sesshomaru's lap. It had been the most comfortable place she ever was only a few moments before but now she could only feel him all to close. She shifted as if to get up but his hold on her didn't change as if he didn't notice.
"You can never be like Aku. It is time to let go, your past will always be apart of you, even without anything you can physically hold. I have seen to much of your bleeding heart. You do have a tendency to cry but you also have a tendency to show surprising strength. I understand your decision to keep your power a secret, even if I disagree with you. You should never hide what you are. Rin and even Jaken and Ah-Un have gotten attached to you as well. You have suffered greatly but I do not think that you should stop," Sesshomaru stopped, struggling to finish a sentence that went against what he had believed in for so long, " caring for people."
Kee-Ara's eyes widened when she realized he had listened to every word. She sighed, a rush of affection rushing through her and she wiggled a bit, trying to move off of his lap but stopped when his face hardened. She crossed her arms.
"But you don't really believe that or why wouldn't you give it a try? Just feel for once instead of forcing everything away, the good with the bad? I'm not saying you have to change completely but you can't deny happiness forever," Kee-Ara told him, desperately trying to get him to understand. She stared into his eyes trying to get him to agree with her when her eyes dropped to his lips. She leaned away from him as she inexplicably felt the urge to kiss him again. She remembered him kissing her. Of his own choice.
"And whatever you were trying to prove by," Kee-Ara's voice broke and she dragged her eyes off of his lips, staring into his eyes instead and making herself force out the word," kissing me. It didn't work." She told him. Warmth nearly consumed her as his expression changed, the cold eyes turning to scorching as he glared at her with so much emotion it almost scared her with his intensity. She couldn't decide what emotion it was and she wasn't sure even he knew.
"Perhaps I should try again," he stated his voice restrained and collected. Kee-Ara's heart thumped as she flushed, in either embarrassment or excitement she wasn't sure.
"Perhaps you shouldn't experiment with the woman who just murdered someone, had a mental breakdown, and then cried in your lap?" Kee-Ara asked archly and his lips twitched. She was such an intriguing person, this human witch.
"Can I?" Sesshomaru asked, this time his voice direct as he stared at her intently. Her eyes widened as she struggled to understand what he was asking.
This time when she went to move away from him, she made him let her go, shoving away his arms and standing quickly. He stood as well but didn't move to stop her as she started pacing. It seemed to be a habit of hers he noticed. So did messing with her hair. She twisted a strand around her finger as she paced, biting her lip. He tried to read her expression but for once her emotions weren't on display.
"What do you want, Sesshomaru?" Kee-Ara finally asked, turning to face him. He moved closer, noticing with what he told himself was slight disappointment, not relief, that she didn't find him even the least bit intimidating as he moved closer. She just watched him for any sign of what he was thinking, before letting her eyes fall to his hands. They were held loosely by his side and she stared at the stripes on his arm instead of letting him outwait her. He would have to say something first.
His hand on her cheek made her look up quickly in surprise and she found herself staring into his unfathomable golden eyes. She forced down the hope rising in her, the emotion stupid and at odds with what she was thinking. She knew she should thank him for his help and run from him as fast as he legs could take her and then as fast as Tsuki's legs could take them. But she wanted so badly to stay and see him smile more, even if it would be small smiles.
"I don't know," Sesshomaru told her, his voice vulnerable in a way she had never heard before. Her heart pounded as she stepped closer, bringing her face close to his. She stopped, unsure of what to do. Worry made her hesitate and she agonizingly hovered unsure but Sesshomaru moved closer, pressing his lips against hers.
They kissed softly like before but this time it quickly changed, the soft tentative touch turning harder as she was pressed against him. She didn't know if she clung to him or if he pushed her against him but it didn't matter. All that mattered were the emotions flooding through her as he twisted one hand in her hair and used the other to drag his claws down her back and pressed them close together. She shivered in response to his touch before running her thumb over the stripes on his cheek as she cradled his face.
He was barely breathing hard when she pulled back for air, but she could feel his heart pounding rapidly against her chest. He held her tight against him, not letting go as they stared into each other's eyes.
"I assume this means you are going to try," Kee-Ara said, not able to stop grinning like an idiot. A soft smile was curved into his lips but she could see the worry and pain in his golden eyes and it made her heart ache.
"Yes," Sesshomaru admitted before setting her back on the ground. She hadn't realized that he had picked her up.
Please review! Tell me what you think, and I'll consider any advice :D
Thank you for reading!