I can't sleep soundly ever can I? I wake up multiple times, in tears. I never scream or thrash around which my sore muscles thank me for. I wake up in tears every time.
And every time Haymitch is there holding my hand, brushing back my loose strands of hair, sleeping on my shoulder, he won't leave he refuses.
In the morning I can't help but feel bad for him. "Morning" He whispers seeing my discomfort "You don't have to sleep anymore." He brushes my hair back.
"How long have I cried" And god do I sound awful. My voice cracks and my dry tone makes me cough.
"You never stopped." He says sadly putting his hand on my head.
"I... I don't like this" I manage a soft laugh.
"I'd be concerned if you didn't" He stares solidly at me. He doesn't want to joke around with me. I can't blame him, I'm not doing very well right now. "What's going to happen?"
"Well, you're going to get better and we're going to kick Snow's sorry ass"
"That sounds like fun" I mock him just a bit, "This is where defiance lands you."
"It doesn't have to." He sighs.
"I know... But they think everything is an act of resistance." I turn my head to see him.
"Everything should be." He whispers.
"Not now" I sigh coughing again.
"They did this to you"
"Yes but... There are more pressing matters right now." I have to tell him now.
"What could possibly be more pressing than this?"
"My father... Isn't" I say losing my courage and whispering the last part.
He stares down at me and I sigh, "He found me... I'm not his daughter. I was abandoned."
"What does that change? He's still your dad. Maybe not biologically but still. It's better than nothing." He doesn't care. So would he care if I... No! I can't do that I can't let him know.
A month passes before The healers allow me to go home. By then my back is almost fully healed good thing is it won't scar either because of the medicine they gave me.
Haymitch never leaves my side the whole time he even refuses to leave until he's seen me go to bed.
I want to dance again I want to dance and Laurels family said I could when I got home, but Haymitch wouldn't let me.
He was scared which I can't blame him for but it's been two weeks and this morning I finally woke up before he did.
It's three in the morning and I can't help but feel rebellious. I slip down to my untouched dance room and play soft music. I start out simple stretches and ballet. As I feel more and more confident I do more and more.
I feel free and happy again finally I can let all my emotions out. I check the clock and it's five thirty two. Haymitch comes over around six.
I sigh not wanting to ever stop dancing and clean myself off. I leave the music on and brush my hair. I lay it all out on my dance floor and it's not impossible to not put it up. I leave it down occasionally but today I make three huge braids and braid those together.
Now that I have a full on rope of hair I can walk.
"Love what the hell are you doing?" I almost scream in surprise when Haymitch opens the door.
"I'm doing my hair! What's it look like I'm doing?"
"Why are you in here?" He laughs. I get up on my own and I see he doesn't like it.
"I wanted to listen to music" I shrug.
"Don't you do that down stairs?" Oh shit he knows me to well... "You were dancing?" He almost rushes over to me and I can't help but laugh.
"Yep and now that my hair is done I can run away from you!" I try and run in the opposite direction but he grabs my hand pulling me to him. "Calm down they said I was fine... I am fine." I go on my toes and kiss his neck.
"Will you ever slow down?" A smile creeps on his face.
"Probably not." I force a laugh out of him lacing our hands together. "I want to go for a walk." He gives me a stern look. "What? I'll be fine my dad just got home. I kind of... well I want to tell him about us..."
His look softens, I bite my lip looking into his eyes. He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. "Okay." he lets go of my hands and follows me.
We make our way out of my house and down the road. As we near town I see him inch away from me. I want to sigh at him but jump him instead. I knock him clear off his feet into a snow bank.
"What the-" He starts but I bring him up to a kiss before he can say anything else.
"We are not different. We don't have to be. It's our life and no one else's. " I smile as our noses touch.
He sighs, "You really aren't afraid of anything are you?"
"What is there to be afraid of?" I ask. We get up and hand in hand we walk into town.
No one in town seems shocked in the least by us. Haymitch was alone and to most he was cold. I am the brightest light in District Twelve as they like to say.
Some of my old school friends pass by us and whistle or encourage us. He seems hesitant but I can't stop laughing. Not only at him but at the boldness of my classmates.
We reach my father's store and home. "Daddy!" I call out closing the door behind Haymitch. "Dad?"
"He's upstairs" I look over and one of the little Seam girls my father hired is smiling at me.
"Thank you." I smile back and lead Haymitch through the house. "Hi daddy." I say when we reach his bed room.
He looks better his back is patched up his eyes are aware and he can smile when he sees me. I sit on the edge of his bed and hug him.
"Hello Sweetheart" He looks over at Haymitch, "Finally found one you like eh?" I laugh but Haymitch turns bright red.
"Yep!" I smile.
"Well you see your mother and I always thought you would never get a boyfriend just to piss them off!"
"Dad!" My eyes widen.
"Seems like you." Haymitch mumbles.
"Hush!" I glance at him.
"Alright I've got it from here Noelle, would you mind helping Lacy down stairs?"
"Nope" I kiss his cheek and brush Haymitch as I leave.
I spend an hour with Lacy her bright smile her cute laugh fills the house with a light it hasn't seen in a while.
We dance around the store once it's clean. She has the curliest chocolate brown hair I've ever seen. Each time she jumps it rebounds twice more.
I begin to twirl her when suddenly Haymitch comes up from behind me and lifts me up and twirls me around. "Having fun?" He smiles.
"So much!" I laugh kissing him which make little Lacy squeal and cover her eyes.
We play with the eight year old for hours she's sweet and charming. Haymitch even decides to play with her.
We finally decide it's time to leave and we say our goodbyes to Lacy.
"So what did he say?" I ask as he takes me in his arms.
"Well he talked to me about you and after a while... He told me to tred with caution."
"What?" I laugh out loud.
"He said that your independent and not afraid to take a stand. Which is why I fell in love with you in the first place. You aren't afraid to defy odds or change."
"Awe how sweet"
"Yes..." He wraps his arms around my waist, "Yes you are." He whispers in my ear and kisses my cheek.
We get back to my house and curl up together by the fire.
"Do you want to move in?" I ask during a silence.
"Excuse me?" He laughs.
"Well you practically live here anyway plus it feels more like home." I look up at him, "Do you want to move in with me?"
"Alright" he smiles down at me "oh!" He gets up and walks out bringing back a sheet of music.
"What is this?"
"I heard this song while you were... and well it made me think about... me" I laugh lightly, " Will you sing it for me?"
"Alright " I sigh as he takes his place next to me. "She thinks I walk on water" I look up and give him a face he motions for me to continue, "She thinks I hung the moon. She tells me every morning 'they just don't make men like you' " I laugh and look up again.
I raise an eyebrow and he sighs motioning me to continue, "She thinks I've got it together, she swears I'm as tough as nails. But I don't have the heart to tell her she don't know me that well" look up into his eyes but return to sing,
"She don't know how much I need her she don't know I'd fall apart, without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't know that it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world she's my everything and she thinks she needs me."
I look up at him but he motions again to the paper, "Sometimes when she cries on my shoulder, when she's lying next to m. But she don't know that when I hold her she's really holding me, holding me.
" She don't know how much I need her she don't know I'd fall apart, without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't know that it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world she's my everything and she thinks she needs me."
"Yeah and the funny thing is she thinks she's the lucky one."
" She don't know how much I need her she don't know I'd fall apart, without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't know that it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world she's my everything and she thinks she needs me."
"She thinks I walk on water she thinks I hung the moon."
I look up as the song ends. He smiles and takes me into his grasp. "I showed your dad that song." I don't say anything but instead look into his eyes and smile, "He said that I better not make you cry... And he also said that I don't have to be afraid."
"Never" I whisper getting onto my knees and kissing him. My hands fall effortlessly to his neck and his fall on my back.
This is the longest we've kissed, I part my lips and we breathe one another's air. Our lips play gently and the fire crackles behind us.
Our hearts dance together to the same beat our lips play and before you begin to wonder no we did not have sex.
The song used here is called 'she thinks she needs me'