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All We Know

It was red. Everything was red: my walls, my bed… my hands. Red was the only color I could see or even begin to picture in my mind.

Red, red, red.

"Eh?" I heard a grunt from the bed and jumped back, instinctively throwing my hands in front of my face for protection.

He didn't move, only laid there staring at me with those eyes. His eyes were red too. I stepped forward and gave him a small tap on the shoulder, worried he might actually be dead. The bat on the floor beside my feet looked as if it were moving closer to me.

"You…" He turned his head at my touch and gave me that devious grin I hated so forcefully.

My eyes widened as he rose up from the bed and grabbed me, pulling me back down onto the bed beside him. As he began to pull my clothes off, I opened my mouth to scream but nothing would come out. He laughed heartily at this and tried to pry my clothing off that much faster. I gritted my teeth as I attempted to push him off of me, but it was all in vain.

"Dumb girl…" He whispered, kissing my neck and chest.

I mouthed the words "stop" and "please no" repeatedly, hoping a sound would eventually escape my lips. My eyes watered as I felt my jeans being ripped from my body. He was going to do it again, this is actually happening.

"Weak…" His voice rang in my ears.

I shook my head and tried to push him off once more, but once again he overpowered me. My body felt like it was being pricked with a million red hot needles, piercing my skin over and over again.

"Defenseless…" I heard him say throughout my agony.

My mouth curled as I tried to tell him 'no' again. Why can't I speak? Why can't I move him?

There was a light coming from my bedroom door, a light that wasn't a crimson red shade. It was bright blue. My head was spinning when he began to unzip his jeans. I reached out for the small ray of light, praying for a miracle. The more I reached for it, the more my determination grew.

Suddenly, I felt my heart get some sort of electric shock and I screamed as loudly as I could, "Get off of me! Stop!"

His body rose from mine and into my ceiling until he disappeared. I sighed in relief before getting up and running to my door. It felt like I was going in slow motion until I felt the cold metal of my doorknob brush against my fingertips. My body felt like it was being sucked through a vacuum seconds later, with colors and shapes floating and spinning around me. Finally, I was spit out onto the hardwood of a floor that wasn't of my bedroom.

"Hello?" I whispered into the nothingness.

The room was dark. There were no windows or lights, just pure blankness. The doorknob fell out of my clenched hand as I opened it. It surprised me. I flinched and jumped away from it.

"Where am I!" I demanded angrily.

"Sam?"

"Freddie?" I glared at his glowing form walking towards me, "Why are you here?"

He shrugged, "I'm supposed to help you, but you won't let me."

I awoke with a start, covered in a cold sweat and shaking. When I looked around me, I realized I was no longer in the closet, but in Freddie's apartment. I sighed in relief, realizing it was just a dream.

"I'm supposed to help you, but you won't let me."

The sound of those words still reverberated in my ears.

I shook my head and sat up on the couch, suddenly noticing the arm wrapped around my shoulders. Freddie had stayed with me all night. I smiled and playfully thumped his fingers, knowing he wouldn't wake up. Freddie was a heavy sleeper.

When I went to stretch, I suddenly felt very stiff and sore. I grimaced and slowly relaxed on the couch again, keeping my pain-filled breaths to a minimum. The stinging in my arm felt worse than it had yesterday, but the dizziness and light-headedness that had presented a problem earlier were all but gone. I was very thankful for that.

Freddie stirred on his spot on the couch, but was quickly at rest once again. I wondered where his mother was, I never thought to ask last night when we were talking before my health went downhill. I glanced over at the table where a half-empty glass of water still sat. I didn't even remember falling asleep, just being really tired and weak. Freddie had helped me, even if he did so with the intention of finding out why I was in the state I was in. That was one secret he couldn't know. If he found out I was cutting, Freddie would never speak to me again.

I sighed sadly, realizing that maybe I did have a problem. It did help me feel better last night when I cut in the elevator, but the consequences are eventually going to catch up to me. They actually kinda did last night when I fainted, but that was only because I was being stupid when I did it. I was just way too into the moment. Next time will go better, I know it.

What am I saying? I sound insane right now, I swear. Who plans how they're going to cut themselves? Crazy people, that's who. I'm not crazy. I'm the opposite of crazy.

After glancing over at Freddie to make sure he was still sleeping, I rolled the sleeve of my jacket up to see how my arm looked this morning. The shirt was still tied there. When I tried to pull it off, I painfully noticed that there was dried blood bonding the cloth to my arm. I frowned and got up from the couch, headed for the kitchen sink. Once there, I turned the knobs and let the water run freely before holding my arm out under the steady flow of liquid. The cool water felt good on my scarred arm. I stood there for a good minute or so before shutting the water off and slowly peeling the shirt away from my skin.

It took a couple of good tugs, but the shirt was soon removed and I was staring down at my scar-ridden arm. There were more cuts than I thought. After I cleaned some more dried blood off of my wrist I counted at least ten or eleven cuts decorating my skin from my elbow, all the way down to my mid-arms length. There was a lone cut though that was just above my wrist, and I didn't remember doing that one. It scared me.

I shrugged the fear away and pushed my sleeve back down, careful not to let it brush against my scars too much.

"Sam?" I heard a yawn from the couch.

I rushed over to see Freddie stretching his arms, "Sup, Benson?"

"You woke up before me?" He yawned again, "How did that happen?"

I shrugged, "You're a heavy sleeper."

Freddie scratched his head and frowned, "What time is it?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "Didn't think to check."

He shook his head and reached for his phone sitting on the coffee table, "Nine-thirty."

"In the morning?"

"Yep," He smirked, "Looks like you've beaten your Sunday record for waking up early."

"Can it," I growled, pointing an angry finger his way.

Freddie gave me a sly smile, "Yes, Mama."

I rolled my eyes, "Anyways, where is your mom, Fredward?"

"Ugh," He groaned at the use of his full first name, "She's at another Aggressive Parenting Conference."

"You're kidding," I groaned, "I thought she went to one last week?"

Freddie sighed, "Yes, Sam, that's why I said 'another'."

"Whatever," I yawned.

Freddie smiled at me and motioned me to sit beside him, but I declined. My eyes were trained on my backpack that was lying on the floor beside the couch.

"Why is my bag here?" I asked.

"You had it with you last night when I found you," He replied, "Remember?"

I shook my head, "No."

"That's weird," He sighed, "Do you remember us talking?"

I nodded, "Yeah, and I remember walking here from my house, but everything that happened in the hallway is kind of a blur."

"You never told me what hap—"

"Melanie!" I screamed in sudden realization.

I'm a terrible sister. How could I forget about her? I mean, seriously? Man, I suck at life.

"Sam?" Freddie tried to calm me, "Relax."

"No, no, no!" I yelled quickly, grabbing my backpack, "I gotta find her! I need to check Carly's and… and…"

"Sam," Freddie put a hand on my shoulder, "Melanie is fine."

"What?" I glared at him angrily before grabbing him by the collar and shaking him, "You knew she was okay, and you didn't tell me! What kind of friend are you?"

"No, Sam, just listen," He sat me down on the couch, "Carly came over last night after you fell asleep. She told me that Melanie was there and she was okay, just really shaken up. I didn't want to wake you because you were sleeping so peacefully, and I thought maybe you needed it."

"Freddie!" I shouted, "Melanie is a Hell of a lot more important than how much sleep I get!"

"Why is that?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Because she's my sister, Idiot!" I cried out, "I gotta make sure she's okay!"

"Sam," He grabbed my arm to stop me from getting up, "You really need to stop?"

"Stop what?" I gritted my teeth.

"Stop trying to take care of her when you can barely take care of yourself!" Freddie shot back.

"You don't understand, Freddie!" I shouted, jerking my arm away from him, "I need to protect her!"

"Look at where that's gotten you, Sam." He stated simply.

"I'm fine!" I cried out, holding my head, "Everything is fine!"

"Sam, you're not fine." Freddie retorted, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I gritted my teeth, "How would you know?"

He paused before answering, "Because of the way you sleep."

"That doesn't mean any—"

"You curl into the tiniest ball I've ever seen, and you cry. Every few minutes, I'd hear you whispering in your sleep, begging someone to stop." He interrupted me with a sigh, "I thought you were hurting at first last night, but then I realized you were sleeping. That's when I knew."

I sucked in a hard breath before turning on my heels and heading for the door, "I'm done."

Just as I turned the knob and pulled the door open barely an inch, it slammed shut again. I looked up to see Freddie's outstretched arm above my head with his hand placed firmly on the door, "You're not going anywhere."

"You can't decide that for me." I growled, glaring up into his eyes.

"You're right," Freddie frowned in defeat, taking his hand off the door and stepping back, "I can't."

I smirked defiantly, "Glad you see it my way."

As I looked back before shutting the door behind me, I realized that I may have just hurt him a little more than I meant to.

He just doesn't understand that you need to see Melanie.

Yeah, but he was right on one thing, I'm definitely not fine.

It doesn't matter.

It does.

It doesn't.

It does.

"I'm supposed to help you, but you won't let me."

The dream was interesting to write. I really didn't know where to go with it, but then I was watching a Harry Potter movie and saw them using those random objects to transport them places and got inspired. lol. So, thanks Harry and friends. Couldn't have done it without ya.

Anyways, I hope yall liked it. It's taken me a little bit longer than usual to post, sorry bout that. Been really busy lately with family type stuffs. lol.

On a much more awesome/happy note that has nothing to do with this story, I got my drivers lisence! It only took me two tries and an almost totaled Ford truck. lol. I was too crunk! My dad was pretty pissed over the truck thing, but I could really care less! I'm mobile! YAY!

BTW I am 10 reviews away from 100 yall! Also way too crunk about that! lol. If I somehow make it there by next chapter, I'll do... something. lol. What does a writer do on here to reward people for sheer awesomeness? lol. Idk... I'll figure something out. Suggestions? lol.

Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D

Not beggin', just askin'!