April 8, 1994

It was Chandler Bing's twenty fifth birthday and there was a surprise party to plan. Monica was happy to plan it. it had been Phoebe's idea. She wanted to thank Chandler for all the stuff he had done for her and thought a surprise party would be the way to go and Monica happily agreed to do so. She really was quite happy that he was twenty five. Twenty five and happy. The night of the party, she was surrounded by pots of noodles and tons of food for the birthday boy. She was in the midst of cooking when Phoebe arrived, grinning at the trays and trays of mac and cheese.

"How many kinds of mac and cheese are there?" Phoebe asked.

"Okay, I got mac and cheese nuggets...fried mac and cheese-"

"That sounds good."

"Oh, it's good. Lobster mac and cheese, you can't have that, I know...but you can have the cauliflower and puff pastry version and we've got Mediterranean made with spinach and goat cheese and-"

"I can't eat that one."

"Yes you can. Goats do not die for cheese," Monica smirked.

"Okay."

"We got cheeseburger mac and cheese, Cajun, mini mac and cheese appetizers, green Chile, baked apple, crawfish, buffalo chicken-"

"Wow and what are you making now?"

"Kraft," Monica said. It was definitely a lot and she knew he'd be thrilled.

"This is gonna be fun."

"Yep and Ross and Joey are picking up pizzas and I am also making little cheeseburgers."

"Nice. Oh, Monica...Duncan's coming."

"Really?" Monica asked, smiling as Phoebe grabbed a piece of fried mac and cheese from one of the trays. Monica could not wait to meet Duncan. She had heard little bits about him. He had been Phoebe's boyfriend, he had taken her to Prague but Monica had never met him, which did seem strange. Monica had met all of Phoebe's friends from her old life, Phoebe had made sure of it but Duncan was another story. It was almost as if he had no desire to meet her or Chandler or Ross.

"This is amazing," Phoebe said as she sat at the table, eating her fried mac and cheese while watching Monica continue to cook.

"Isn't it? It took all of my willpower not to eat every one. The fat girl inside me is super pissed off right now," Monica said.

"Oh, go ahead and eat what you want. One night won't kill you," Phoebe said.

"Oh, I will. So tell me...Duncan. I can't wait to meet him."

"He's so wonderful. He really-"

"You met while you were cleaning the mens bathroom at the Y?" Monica asked.

"Yeah...he walked in and I was cleaning. I was making like three bucks an hour and he was so friendly and wonderful to me, you know. He was perfect. He really was the only guy whom I completely came clean to about my whole situation. Chandler and Joey...I didn't. I was too afraid to tell them truth. Chandler was only fifteen at the time and Joey...actually I met Duncan after I met Joey. Joey was doing construction and I thought he was so hot...and then...I knew it couldn't go any further than just flirting, but Duncan...it was like he got it. Our first date was downstairs. Central Perk used to be a sandwich place."

"I used to love those sandwiches."

The bar downstairs had quite a history. First, it had been a sandwich place, then a bar and now it was a coffee shop called, Central Perk.

"He meant so much to me, Duncan. I can't wait for him to meet you guys."

"I can't wait to meet him," Monica said and she truly could not wait. She wanted to meet everyone from Phoebe's life and she was always so amazed when she realized that there were moments that Phoebe had been part of not only her life but Joey and Chandler's as well. Chandler had paid for that movie when they were younger and Phoebe had met Joey when he worked in construction. He had completely objectified her which after five months of knowing Joey, did not surprise Monica in the least. Duncan just seemed like the missing piece, this key to understanding Phoebe completely.

"I'm getting another fried mac and cheese," Phoebe said as she got up, walked over to the tray and brought it back to the table, setting it down in front of her. Monica smiled as she continued working on the next batch of macaroni and cheese, as she stirred the noodles she began to think of something else.

"Hey, Pheebs...can I ask you something?" Monica asked.

"Sure."

"Well...it's about this party and you and Chandler-" Monica began.

"Oh my G-d. Monica, for the last time, I am not dating him," Phoebe said, letting out a an annoyed sigh.

Monica turned and sat next to her, picking up a piece of fried mac and cheese and taking a bite. She knew they weren't dating but maybe they could date. Phoebe did like Chandler and they were cute together. If Chandler were to go out with any of her friends, Phoebe would be her first choice.

"I know...it's just, you should. I mean, this party was your idea."

"Because turning twenty five is a big deal and he's our friend and...I do not want to sleep with him."

"You two get along so well and when you first moved in, you were together all the time. I think you two have a lot in common and-"

"He likes you."

"I-"

"He dumped Kip as his best friend because Kip dumped you. That man loves you so much...I just wish you felt the same way," Phoebe said. That wasn't quite the truth but Monica wasn't in the mood to correct it. Although, the last part….if only Phoebe knew how much Monica did love Chandler.

"I do love him...just...not like that but I mean you are so protective of him and-and you took control from me in planning this party, that's tough to do and I think-"

Phoebe let out another sigh. "Monica, I wanted to do this because I owe him...so much. I owe him...he's been more than just a best friend to me. I mean, did he tell you about his tenth birthday?"

"Where he saw an orgy and had his first tequila shot? Oh, yeah. Did he tell you about his thirteenth?" Monica asked.

"No."

"His mom bought him a hooker."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Wow...well, okay, he deserves something that is his and is fun...I owe him more than...okay, here's the real reason... can I tell you something? Promise to never tell Chandler or Ross or Joey...you cannot say a word to anyone. At all. Promise?"

"Of course," Monica said.

"Chandler paid for my education."

"What?" Monica asked, her eyes widening. What was she talking about?

"That movie that we saw together when he was fifteen and I was sixteen, wasn't my only run in with him. I saw him again when I was like twenty one or so. I saw him by chance on a subway and I told him that I was in school and was trying to figure out how to pay for it. A couple weeks later, I got a letter from the financial aid office telling me everything had been paid for. My classes, books, the exam I'd have to take...everything. It was an anonymous donor but I found out it was him my first night here."

"Oh my G-d."

"He's a trust fund kid, Monica, and he doesn't want anyone knowing."

"I won't tell," Monica said and it all made sense to her now. Him crying at Phoebe's graduation, him pushing Monica to have Phoebe live with her, taking her under his wing. He had saved her.

"I don't want to sleep with him although I strongly encourage you sleeping with him. But...I just want this to be perfect so I can say thank you."

"He really did that," Monica said, not really listening to Phoebe's remark.

"Yeah. Mon, I haven't had a lot of strong men in my life...a lot of male role model types. I mean, my step dad tried his best but then he left. Lowell taught me how to survive on the street. I would have been dead if it wasn't for him...but I haven't talked to him since that New Years that the three of us hung out. Then Duncan gave me the ability to hope that things could actually improve and Chandler actually gave me a way to make things better. I'd still be paying for school, I doubt you would have taken me in as a roommate had I not been a week away from graduating-"

"Yes, I would've."

"No, you wouldn't."

"I can't believe he did that. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Monica said, her face softening. "Doesn't really surprise me, though."

"It doesn't?"

"No. He's amazing, isn't he? He has a good heart. I won't tell."

"I know you don't feel the same way but...I mean-"

"I can't date Chandler. I do love him and it's not that I don't feel the same way. I do. I love him so much, but I already dated the boy across the hall and I lost him. I can't lose Chandler. He's too important," Monica stressed. She just could not give in.

"You won't lose him. In fact, I think if you hooked up with him, you wouldn't be able to get rid of him," Phoebe said.

"I can't risk that. To lose him...yeah, that would kill me. I have to um...check the noodles," Monica said as she stood up and walked towards the stove. Phoebe didn't get it. She could not be with Chandler. What if he got hooked on drugs again? What if things went wrong? What if he vanished? To lose Chandler would be too much, she knew she was being mean and she knew full well she was stringing him along but she would not allow herself to fall. It would be too dangerous, too scary.

It was about 6:30 when Chandler finally arrived. The apartment was packed with his friends and about fourteen trays of macaroni and cheese. There were movies and other video games set up. Monica and Phoebe both ran up to him and kissed him as he walked into the apartment, beaming.

"Happy birthday," Phoebe said.

"Happy birthday, Chandler," Monica said.

"Thank you. Wow, this is amazing. Hey guys...hey, Tyler," Chandler said as he walked towards Tyler to give him a hug. Monica had invited his best friend from high school, Tyler.

"Hey, man...we're playing beer pong on balcony," Tyler said.

"Seriously?" Chandler asked.

"I set up a table out there. Enjoy," Monica smiled.

"Oh, you're amazing...Ross, you gonna play with me?" Chandler asked.

"I hate playing against you," Ross said.

"'Cause you always lose?" Chandler asked.

"Yes," Ross said.

"Come on...let's play," Chandler said as he, Tyler, Ross and Joey walked towards the balcony when suddenly Chandler stopped and looked back at Phoebe and Monica. "Oh, by the way...I met someone."

"You did?" Monica asked, feeling her heart dropping.

"Yeah. I met her at the coffee shop when I was waiting to come up here. I invited her. She'll be here later. She had to go home and feed her dog first. Her name is Janice. Is that okay?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, of course...we have fourteen kinds of macaroni and cheese," Monica said.

"Great...alright...let's play. Joe, have you ever played beer pong?" Chandler asked.

"No...never played. I want to though," Joey said.

"This man is unbeatable," Tyler said.

"We'll see about that,. I may not have been to college, but I do know drinking games," Joey said.

"You're on," Chandler said. "And then maybe we can make it more extreme."

"I'll get the lighter fluid," Joey said.

"No," Monica yelled to which Joey, Tyler, Ross and Chandler jumped, pretending to be taken aback by Monica yelling.

"Although, wait...you invited a girl? Did you reinflate the last one?" Tyler asked.

"Ha, ha...funny," Chandler said as the four boys stepped outside onto the balcony. Monica felt her heart drop into her stomach and she tried to ignore Phoebe staring at her.

"Are you okay?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...he invited a girl. It's good."

"Well, he's single."

"It's fine, Pheebs."

"I would threaten to kill you now but ending your life would permanently prevent you two from getting together and my strong desire to be right overrules my desire to kill you," Phoebe mused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Go get him."

"I don't want him."

"Yes, you do."

"I have to...I...I have to do stuff," Monica said as she walked into the kitchen. Phoebe shook her head as she walked towards the balcony. Monica stared at one of the pots of noodles. She wanted to cry but she knew she shouldn't. She kept turning Chandler away, he could date whomever he wanted. It was fine for him to date but that didn't stop it from hurting.

Although, as soon as Janice arrived, Monica decided she hated her. Janice was super aggressive and loud and had a voice that sounded like nails on a chalkboard. She could not see Chandler with a woman like Janice. She seemed annoying. She wanted Janice to leave. Monica spent most of her time in the kitchen so she didn't have to look at Janice and as she was bringing out another tray of food, she stopped. Phoebe was standing by the little cheeseburgers and picking up one. Monica watched in horror as Phoebe took a big bite.

"What are you doing?" Monica asked, appearing next to Phoebe. She noticed Phoebe was crying as well.

"Nothing," Phoebe jumped as she put the cheeseburger back down on the tray. Monica picked it up and put it on a random plate someone had put near one of the trays and looked at Phoebe.

"You're eating a cheeseburger?"

"Duncan canceled...I don't know why it hurts so much? I really wanted him to come...and I don't think he's gay...there was a girl with him," Phoebe said.

"Oh, Pheebs," Monica said, "come on."

Monica grabbed Phoebe's arm and pulled her towards the front door. They walked out and the two stood out in the hall as Monica hugged Phoebe who began crying.

"What if he's not gay? What if I'm right? Today when I was watching him rehearse, there was a girl that he was getting along with so well and Mon, there have been things we've done...that make me think...Monica, I'm married to him," Phoebe cried.

"What?" Monica asked.

"It was a green card marriage but...I always thought that...but after he called to cancel, I just got a real bad feeling that this won't end well for me."

"When did you marry him?"

"When I was twenty. In Vegas. Chandler's dad performed the ceremony. I didn't know it was Chandler's dad at the time...and don't tell anyone I'm married."

"I won't. Honey, I'm keeping all your secrets...and you know what?"

"What?"

"Here's one of my secrets, I hate Janice...every single time she touches Chandler, I want to rip her arm off and beat her with it," Monica said, it felt good admitting to it.

"I know you do. Maybe I'm just...jumping to conclusions. He can cancel...it's just I heard a girl in his room and the girl-"

"Did you hear kissing?"

"No...I don't know. I didn't regret it at the time. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought he was going to...I'm just so scared this is going to end badly."

"Can you divorce him?" Monica asked.

"I don't want to. I don't want to do that. If I'm married to him, I'm still connected to him. I mean, the promise was that when I met someone, I'd divorce him. I love him so much...he gave me so much hope. I saw the world because of him. I went to Prague. I got a passport...this is going to be okay, right?"

"I don't know...but if it doesn't end well, you know I'll be there to pick up the pieces...and I bet Ross, Chandler and Joey will too. Part of being in a group means we don't let you hit bottom."

"Thanks. Can I spend the night?"

"Of course," Monica said.

"And when you and Chandler get married-"

"Oh G-d," Monica said.

"Well-"

"Okay, if we do...then you can get up at the wedding and say 'I told you so'...and 'Monica was the worst roommate ever.'"

"True...but you're one of the greatest friends I've ever had."

"You too...and you know, I'm never gonna leave."

"I know and I hope you don't."

The two hugged tightly before walking back into the apartment just as Janice was laughing about something. Phoebe and Monica both exchanged disgusted looks as Monica retreated to the kitchen and Phoebe headed to the couch.

When Janice finally left, Monica waited. The party was pretty much over with only Joey, Ross, Tyler and Phoebe still there. Chandler decided to walk Janice out and Monica decided to wait until he returned. She stood in the hall and when he finally appeared, he looked at her confused.

"Yeah. Were you waiting?" Chandler asked.

"No. Well you know...she seems nice," Monica said, referring to Janice.

"Yeah. I asked her out for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"She said yes."

"Two nights in a row. Wow...that's-that's a lot," Monica said, shifting a little.

"Are you okay?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...it's just...you know, I don't know about Janice. I mean...I don't know if she's the right girl for you."

"You barely spoke to her tonight."

"I know. It's just a feeling."

"Uh-huh...are you jealous, Mon?" Chandler asked.

"No. No...why-why would-why-would-why would I be jealous? You're single. You get to date whomever you want."

"Right? I mean, I haven't really dated anyone in five years."

"Right."

"Unless you wanna date me?" Chandler asked.

"I don't wanna date you...I just...I think Janice-"

"I'll see after tomorrow. She seems a little annoying...but she seems to like me," Chandler said.

"Yeah."

"What's wrong?" Chandler asked.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were a trust fund kid?" Monica asked, staring at him. He should have told her, he should have explained it.

"Phoebe told you?"

"She did. She said you anonymously paid for her education. Why didn't you...that's why you were crying at her graduation? That's why you wanted her to move in. You-why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I felt guilty. I wish she hadn't told you but...when I first met Phoebe on the subway after meeting her at the movies...earlier you had been telling me how self absorbed I was and I figured if I contributed money to Phoebe's education...then you wouldn't think I was so selfish."

"But you never told me."

"I know. I wanted too...but I didn't and then I met her and I really couldn't say anything. I mean, Pheebs is amazing," Chandler said.

"Yeah, I agree."

"I felt guilty because she thought my sole motivation was to help someone, help her...when it really was to impress you...it's why I did all that stuff for her. Helped her open a bank account, helped her learn to drive...I felt guilty because she she thought my motivation was pure and helpful and it wasn't. I wanted to impress you."

"Well, I am impressed. I mean, it was really sweet," Monica said.

"Thanks."

"And I like Janice. I do. I guess, I just..."

"You're still my Sally. Always. But I mean, maybe you're right. It's not time."

"I'm being mean," Monica said, looking down and back at him.

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"I do like you. I like you a lot and I would date you but I can't date you. I can't do it. If I lost you...if we broke up and I lost you-"

"You won't-"

"Don't say it because I know you and you will leave because you have and you can and it scares me. I do love you. I love you so much and there is part of me that thinks if we got together, it would be perfect...but that part terrifies me and I can't do it and I'm probably stringing you along but...I'm going to hate every single girl you ever date. I just am," Monica said, smiling at him.

"That's fine...every future guy you go out with...yeah, I'm gonna hate him too."

"Fair enough. My G-d, we're messed up."

"Yeah, but there's no one else I'd rather be messed up with."

Monica smiled as the two shared a hug. He looked at her and his face seemed to take on a look of concern.

"Okay, Mon...I'm gonna make a promise to you. I won't say I won't leave you...I can't make that promise because I know and you know...I've broken it before, but I will do my best to try and never hurt you. I know I'm screwed up."

"I know. Chandler, I'm sorry."

"Me too."

It was then that Monica's door swung open and Tyler, Ross and Joey walked out carrying a bag of empty beer cans. Chandler and Monica jumped and stopped hugging although the boys were seemingly oblivious to the moment they interrupted.

"Dude, where's the bowling ball?" Joey asked.

"In the closet at our place, why?" Chandler asked.

"Beer can bowling," Joey said.

"Oh, I'm in," Chandler said as Joey walked into apartment 19 to get the bowling ball.

"You're not bowling in my apartment," Monica said.

"In the hall," Tyler said.

"Wow...so many ways this could go wrong," Monica mused.

"I know. You wanna play?" Chandler asked.

"No, I'm gonna go inside. Phoebe's spending the night," Monica said.

"Is she alright?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...it's just...her friend, Duncan, was supposed to come tonight and canceled at the last minute and she hasn't seen him in a long time," Monica said as she opened her door.

"Oh, hey...Monica...can you bring us some booze so we can drink out here," Joey said as he walked out carrying a large purple bowling ball.

"Yes, 'cause more alcohol will make this game safer...and by the way, Tyler setting the pins up near the stairs...best idea ever," Monica grinned, giving him two thumbs up. Chandler turned to notice where Tyler was setting up the pins, right near the stairwell.

"Let's set 'em up this way," Chandler said pointing in the opposite direction of the stairs. Monica let out a snort and shook her head as she walked inside. As she closed the door, she heard the boys cheering loudly which made her laugh. She stared at Phoebe who still looked sad and walked towards the counter grabbing two trays of mac and cheese and a couple forks. She handed one tray to Phoebe and had another for herself. The two sat across from each other and ate from their respective trays.

"You know Janice and Chandler won't last," Phoebe said.

"Yeah and I'm sorry about Duncan."

"Me too. Hmmm, maybe Carol had the right idea," Phoebe mused, "wanna be my girlfriend?"

"Always," Monica said laughing.

"Why won't you date him? You like each other."

"I can't. He means too much to me and I don't want to date an addict."

Phoebe nodded as they continued to eat in silence, the sounds of the boys outside breaking up the quietness. They both were lost in their own worlds, Monica thinking about Chandler. She wished she could give in but she couldn't. It was too much. Too scary.