disclaimer
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Suzaku, Hiten, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(An. Read. Review. And I love you.)

Not For All The World

Chapter Twenty-Five: CATatonia

(AN. At the beginning of this chapter, I feel so bad for Hiten. XD I've actually had something just like this happen to me. It. Was. Scary. Here's to hoping none of you wonderful readers will ever experience something like that! Much love. -Kagura )

"Quit hanging up on me! At least text me back so I know you're alive!"
Hiten sighed after reading ten similar messages. Tekkei always overreacted when he failed to show up at the office. It was already eight o' clock at night, and she was still sending him texts! Not that it mattered. He had skipped out on going to work today, and planned to do the same thing tomorrow regardless. There were only three days left until his trip to Japan, so he had to spend as much time as possible home with Suzaku before he left. Unfortunately, however, it seemed that Suzaku was not really 'with him' at the moment.

Only a moment ago the adorable redhead had been snuggling up with him watching a movie, but then he had frozen up and remained completely, eerily motionless and silent. Hiten had paused the movie, but Suzaku's eyes still gazed off, as if he were looking at something far away, and nothing Hiten said or did seemed to get through to him. 'Spacing out,' that's what Hiten had assumed his lover was doing, but now it was starting to worry him. Minutes passed, and Suzaku still had not moved an inch. He was like a living puppet...

Hiten caught hold of Suzaku's arm and lifted it. It felt heavy and dead, but when he released it, it hung in the air instead of falling. It was uncanny, and more than a little bit unnerving, but it seemed he had just frozen up to become a fully-poseable, living doll.

"Su-Chan?"
He gave the comatose redhead a gentle shake, but Suzaku did not respond. "Su-Chan!"

'Nothing.'

Hiten sighed, reaching over to turn off the television. Suzaku had always hated watching that thing anyway, and now Hiten wondered if it might have been the cause of this sudden change in the redhead's consciousness. But it was too late to worry about that.
'What am I supposed to do now? Just sit and wait for Suzaku to wake up?' Would he wake up? 'Maybe once Jakotsu gets home, he'll be able to tell what this is about…' Unfortunately Hiten was alone in the house since Jakotsu had gone to visit Alex and Sean. That obnoxious cross dresser had suggested Hiten and Suzaku spend time together and watch a movie like 'real' boyfriends were supposed to. But apparently that was a very bad idea. Suzaku seemed to hate the television just like he hated the telephone. It made him act strange. More than once he had turned to Hiten and asked things like "is that girl talking to me?" to which Hiten would reply "No, Su-Chan, it's just a movie…" 'Talk about paranoid!' Hiten was at least glad for the peaceful silence and lack of those strange questions, but hated being in the pressence of this eerie, catatonic Suzaku.

"Su-Chan…" Hiten waved a hand in front of those dead, emerald eyes, but they still failed to respond. "Are you okay?"

Suzaku's breathing was steady but he would not move. Hiten pulled him into an embrace which he did not return and suddenly he worried that maybe Suzaku really wouldn't wake back up. 'Maybe he'll just stop breathing like Manten did…'

No, that couldn't be right. Manten had had cancer, but Suzaku was not physically ill. It was all in his head, right? This must have just been a symptom of Suzaku's mysterious illness.
'There's no cure for it. And it may get worse…' Suzaku had described it as 'scary'; the way he acted when the symptoms showed up. Well this was definitely scary. 'Maybe that's what he meant?'

'Not even my parents stuck around when they saw what I'm really like.'

"Well I'm still here, Su-Chan." He had to say it, even though it didn't seem like Suzaku had heard him. Why was this happening now? Why did this illness have to set in at a time like this? Hiten had only just figured out how to properly communicate with him! They were finally getting along so well!

Hiten squeezed his unconscious companion tightly, hoping that even if Suzaku couldn't hear him, he could still feel him. What else was there to do in a situation like this? Instinctively he kissed those frozen pink lips, but when he pulled back his lover was still just as lifeless. What else had he been expecting? A magical fairytale reawakening?

Carefully he took his lover's limp body into his arms and lifted Suzaku, bridal style, to carry him to their room. The least he could do was put the poor thing into a more comfortable position. He kicked the door open, gingerly placed his angel onto the bed and then began the very careful process of positioning those delicate limbs so that it looked like Suzaku was merely asleep.

'My poor little pet…'
It was sickening to see him like this; terrible. Perhaps this was what Suzaku would look like when he died. 'Life runs like a race,' Hiten thought bitterly, remembering his brother's cold dead gaze. 'Nothing lasts forever,' Everyone said things like that, but when the reality of it hit, those cliché sayings failed to make the heart feel any less pain.
'My Suzaku can't die.' Hiten knew it was childish to think something like that, but he couldn't help it. He leaned closer and lie his head against that smooth, flawless chest. Gentle and soothing; the steady beat of Suzaku's heart brought comfort to Hiten's. "I love you." Useless. He knew it was pointless, but it hurt too much to not say it. "Su-Chan, please don't die."

'Nothing.' Just nothing. Not even the slightest response. Hiten took those limp hands into his own and pressed his forehead against Suzaku's but still those eyes failed even to recognize him.
"Wake up, wake up…" Nothing. This was starting to make him absolutely sick with dread. Hiten stood, trying to remain level-headed. 'What to do…'

Maybe he should call a doctor. Someone, somewhere had to know what to do to wake Suzaku. Someone with a medical license or whatever. Hiten pulled the blankets over his lover and gave those unresponsive pink lips one more kiss before he turned and left the room, intending to reclaim his blackberry from the coffee table in the living room. 'I should probably call the police…' But then another thought came to him as he walked past the open door of the bathroom. 'Those pills…'

Yes, that must have been it!
Maybe Suzaku had been skipping out on taking his meds! That must have been the problem! Hiten quickly thought it over. He tried to recall the last time he'd seen Suzaku take his pills. How many had he skipped? But what if he hadn't skipped them after all? Would giving him one now be a good idea? Hiten wandered into the bathroom as his brain buzzed with curiosity. There was the little orange bottle, right where it always was. He assumed this was a month's supply, but there were definitely fewer than thirty pills… If he gave Suzaku one would it cause him to overdose? What if his comatose lover couldn't swallow? Would he choke on it?

Hiten stood there agonizing over it, but finally he just got fed up with all of the worrying and confusion and slammed the pills back onto the counter. 'This is so stupid!' He turned heel and stalked back into his bedroom. This was just too much trouble. Surely he could wake Suzaku himself. There was no need to call the police. He hated cops anyway.

"Fuck this st-" Hiten froze, mid-sentence as he finally realized that Suzaku was… gone.
The frozen redhead was no longer lying in his bed. In fact, the lights were off and the bed was perfectly made like he always kept it, as if no one had touched it for hours. 'What the fuck? Am I losing it?!'

Hiten hurried out into the living room, and sure enough there was his Su-Chan, lounging on the sofa, watching that movie. It was as if the past ten minutes had never happened… "Su-Chan?!"
Those cheerful green eyes sparkled up as Suzaku smiled at him. "Oh, there you are Hiten!"
The redhead stood and immediately threw his arms around his shocked boyfriend.
Hiten couldn't even move.

"Where'd you wander off to?" Hiten gaped as the redhead released him. Suzaku really wanted an answer! "Hiten?" Now Suzaku looked a little bit worried. "What's wrong?"

'Is this his idea of a joke?!' Suddenly Hiten felt angry. This pain in the ass had him worried sick, and now he was supposed to believe that Hiten himself was the crazy one?!
"What the fuck Suzaku!? This is not funny!"

Suzaku backed off immediately. He looked frightened and completely confused.
"What did I do?"

"Don't fuck with me!"

"What do you mean?!"

"I'm baaaaack!" Jakotsu pranced into the house at that moment and launched himself right into his best friend's arms. Suzaku caught him easily, greeting the cross dresser with a smile. "Welcome home, Ja-Chan."

Jakotsu giggled madly; obviously drunk, and was once again blissfully unaware of the argument he had just interrupted. "Su-Chaaaan," The queen tittered, slurring playfully as he stood, "you will not bah-leeve what happened at Sean's house!" Nearly tripping over his long black dress, Jakotsu tugged insistently on his best friend's arm, saying that Suzaku must come and listen to his 'amazing' story.

"Oh, hey Hiten." The queen mumbled as he pushed past his still seething roommate. "You always look so grumpy…"

Suzaku bowed apologetically to his boyfriend as he was led away. "I'll be right back out," he promised, "just go on to bed." Hiten nodded mechanically as the two 'girls' disappeared into the back bedroom. Though it was inconvenient, he was actually glad the queen had showed up. At least now he wasn't both alone and pissed off at the strangely behaving redhead.
What was the deal? Suzaku acted like he didn't even know what was going on! Suddenly the redhead seemed very conscious and aware. He had backed up like a scared puppy, as if he just knew how badly Hiten wanted to hit him. Yet the fear seemed just as genuine as the confusion in those gorgeous green eyes. Was Suzaku just that good of a liar?

These were probably the things Hiten should be worried about. But instead his mind was suddenly plagued by jealousy instead. 'That stupid Jakotsu!' The nerve of that insufferable cross dresser, dragging Suzaku off in the middle of their conversation! Suddenly he wished he could just tear those two 'girls' apart and forbid them from ever even speaking to each other again!

"You're such a selfish prick."
The blackberry was flashing and vibrating on the coffee table again and so Hiten had finally picked it up. He deleted the newest messages, assuming they'd say the same thing, and sent only one in reply. "Whatever. I'm too tired for all this shit. Goodnight."

-------------------

"From now on it's gonna be just me and Ban-Chan against the world! I tell you we'll be just like Alex and Sean! Happily ever after! I'm gonna tell him my secrets and we'll be together forever and ever no matter what!"

Suzaku nodded absently, completely ignoring his best friend's drunken rambling. Jakotsu was lying on the bed, chattering on and on with his head in Suzaku's lap. "You're not even listening," he eventually sighed, "But mmmh, you're so warm…" Jakotsu rolled to nuzzle his face closer. "Are you horny too Su-Chan? I think you are. I can tell these things you know…"

"Just a little."

"Liar." Jakotsu chuckled, smiling up at him. The alcoholic haze still floated comfortably in his head, but the mischievous cross dresser was an expert at reading men; intoxicated or not.
"Go on back to Hiten if you want…"

"I don't want to." Suzaku immediately replied, and Jakotsu gave him an incredulous look.
"What? Why are you avoiding your lovie when you obviously want some lovin'?"

"Hypocrite."

"Ouch…" Jakotsu mumbled into his shirt and Suzaku assumed he'd said something along the lines of, "I'm in the wrong country. What's your excuse?"

"I'm not feeling well…"

"Well I know what will make you feel better…" Jakotsu snorted for laughing so hard, but then shook his head in apology. "Please forget I said that."

"I will. And if Hiten asks, please tell him I'm not sick at all."

"Oh, okay…"

Suddenly Jakotsu realized how sleepy he was. Vaguely he wondered how the day had slipped away so fast, but he was too inebriated to really care. He snuggled closer to his best friend, admiring the light, sweet scent of Suzaku's skin. It was such a precious opportunity to fall asleep in his lap, so Jakotsu took full advantage of it.

His beautiful friend would have to leave soon, to return to Hiten like he was supposed to each night. But for the moment Jakotsu and Suzaku could be together. For the moment their love was free to blossom, simmering secretly in the warmth of their chaste skin to skin contact. Unspoken, and tightly bound, that desire was just another secret they'd have to keep locked away inside…

Hiten stood in the hallway, leaned against the wall. He was directly across from Jakotsu's bedroom door, but had purposely positioned himself so that he could not hear the men within. Absently he stared down at the tiny pill in the palm of his hand. "Lilly…"

'This is what maintains the Suzaku I am used to…'

The Suzaku Hiten knew best was the one that was mischievous and energetic, yet still timid and easily embarrassed. Was that who Suzaku truly was, or was that just what the medicine prompted? Perhaps the true Suzaku was the one that constantly checked behind his back, threw the telephone into the kitchen and wondered if the television characters were talking directly to him…

It seemed there were two Suzakus; a medicated one and an unpredictable one…
One Suzaku that had shaken his naughty tail in the mall and one that had frozen on the couch, unable to move or even respond to Hiten's touch. If there were two then which one was real?

Or more importantly, which one… did Hiten love?

He thought back to their first Christmas, one of the only times Suzaku had mentioned his illness.
'I feel like I've tricked you. The medication makes me calm. But the real me is- scary. Not even my parents stuck around when they saw what I'm really like.'

So Suzaku regarded his unmedicated self as his true self? But apparently he hated that true self.
'Well how sad…' What must it be like to depend on drugs to maintain the only self that you could be comfortable with? How much must it hurt to truly believe that being honest made you 'scary' and less desirable?

Hiten was well aware of the fact that he did not truly know Suzaku.
What was that man really thinking? What did he really feel? There were so many lies to sift through and so many questions left unanswered. He couldn't ask the only person who knew the truth because Suzaku hated to talk about his illness. Hiten could probably coax him into anything else, but when it came to 'Lilly' he always hit a brick wall. That topic was obviously a very sore spot. Last time he'd even mentioned these pills Suzaku had actually bitten him. 'What's with that?' It was completely irrational the way he had fought when Hiten tried to give him medication. Yet Suzaku had been submissive enough to request forced sex… 'Ridiculous.'

'You wouldn't like me if I ever told you what was in that bottle.'

Was that the issue here? But it was so far from the truth. Maybe Hiten didn't really know this 'real' Suzaku, but it was also true that Suzaku did not know Hiten, because he did still like him. Even with the telephone in pieces on the floor and the television constantly shut off... The catatonic, eerie stare and the ridiculous claims of 'someone's watching me' were just more of Suzaku's quirks. None of that really mattered, because Hiten had never defined anyone by their actions.

If Suzaku was defined as paranoid or irrational, then what would that make Hiten himself?
A rapist? A loose cannon? No. Why should one work all their life on establishing an identity, if it could be so easily destroyed by the things they wish they'd never done?!

"You can be honest with me." that's what Hiten wanted to say to Suzaku. If only it were true.
That redhead wasn't stupid. It really was scary to see his symptoms. Hiten could still feel the pain of looking down into those empty, dead eyes. Surely there was nothing so terrifying in the world. 'What if he hadn't woken up?' Hiten had to force that thought from his mind. It was just too much. If there were a way to get Suzaku to open up, this certainly was not it. Hiten would first have to be strong enough to handle the truth. Snapping at Suzaku in the living room was obviously a step backward. That redhead could smell fear...

'How can I convince him to be honest with me?'

Hiten stared down at the slit beneath Jakotsu's door, where the light and muffled voices seeped through. The two within that room were still talking about something…
'I wonder if he's honest with Jakotsu...'

Maybe so. Maybe Suzaku had shared all of his secrets with his dearest friend, just like he'd shared his body… Immediately Hiten halted that train of thought. He then attempted to shake off the jealousy that rose in response. Already his heart had begun to beat harder and he had to consciously force himself to stop gritting his teeth. 'Just walk away,' he told himself, and miraculously his legs obeyed. He wandered into his bedroom and took a seat on the bed, carefully counting to ten as he took in his serene; silent, calming familiar surroundings.

He sat on the bed and forced himself to focus on something else. Thinking back to group therapy was very helpful for controlling fury. The meditation techniques were best.
'Hey, I'm getting better at this…' Hiten smiled as he put his hands together. His Blackberry began to vibrate again, and for once he was not pissed at the distraction. "Goodnight," was all Tekkei's last message said. 'I think so too,' he sent back. She responded with "what?" but he only snickered as he shut off the Blackberry.

This was perfect. If he could keep up this calm state and present it to Suzaku, he just might be able to get some information out of that stubborn redhead. He just had to proceed with caution and delicate sensitivity… 'Okay, first I'll pretend I'm doing something important.' He pulled his briefcase onto the bed and retrieved his laptop. This way Suzaku wouldn't notice Hiten had spent the last hour obsessing over him…

'Wonder what Hiten's doing right now…'
"wonder what Hiten tastes like right now."
"wonder what he's wearing."
"wonder if he's awake"

Suzaku absently stroked his best friend's smooth, greenish hair as the voices in his head continued to comment on his every thought. Jakotsu had fallen asleep in his lap, so now was the perfect time to sneak out of the room. He carefully moved to place the cross dresser's head onto a pillow and stood to leave, planting a gentle kiss on that cute, sleeping face.

"Maybe Hiten's asleep too."
"He better not be. We want to cuddle."
"Let's go wake him up."

'So annoying,' Suzaku grumped, switching off the light as he left his best friend and headed back over to Hiten's room. He slid into the room in silence, but found that he needn't have bothered. His lover was not asleep, but was sitting on the bed, tapping away at his laptop. What could he be doing, writing emails at this time of night? Suzaku meant to ask this, but he was immediately distracted. His sharp green eyes had just fallen on the alarm clock. He froze, staring hard at the bright red numbers. '6:66 Impossible.' Yet there it was, clear as day.
He took a step closer and lightly brushed his fingers over the plastic buttons on the top. 'Snooze, Alarm, Set…' He pressed each of them, but the display on the clock did not change. 'What the hell?'

"This stupid clock!"
"Is it making fun of us?!"
"What nerve!"
"You should break this stupid thing!"
"Yes, break it, break it!"

'What is he doing?' Hiten watched his boyfriend with interest. Suzaku was tinkering with the alarm clock. The display changed many times. At first the time was correct, '9:58', but then the numbers spun around to '10:23' and '2:34.' Each time he pressed the Set button, of course the clock moved forward in time, but it seemed like this was frustrating the strangely behaving redhead. Hiten decided to just let him be, and turned back to his laptop to shut it down for the night. But just as the 'windows is shutting down' displayed, a loud crash issued from behind him and he whipped back around. 'What the hell?'

Suzaku was standing in exactly the same place, but now the alarm clock was gone.
"What'd you do Suzaku?"

"I didn't mean to!" the redhead immediately professed. Hiten didn't know what to say. He looked around, but the alarm clock was nowhere in the room. "Suzaku…" He sighed, finally realizing what must have happened, "did you seriously just throw my clock out the door?"

"But Hiten…"
Suzaku had his head bowed and was fidgeting with his Kotori. He looked so obviously guilty, but the way he pouted with those big pink lips was so cute. "It was mocking me…"

'Wow.'
It took just about every ounce of Hiten's self restraint to not laugh at this ridiculous situation.
'But this is perfect!' Suzaku obviously expected Hiten to be annoyed. If he could handle this just the right way, he could get the redhead to lower his guard…

Hiten stood then and wandered out to try to find the clock. Luckily it had not broken, but there were some telling black marks on the walls of the hallway. The clock had traveled quite a distance. Vaguely he wondered if Suzaku had ever played baseball. 'No wonder he's such a good catcher!' Hiten laughed at his own lame joke as he scooped up the battered alarm clock.

When he returned to the room, the redhead bowed in apology, but Hiten waved it off and easily restored the alarm clock. "It's fine, Su-Chan. See? No harm done…" Once it was plugged in and set, he turned it around so that the numbers faced the wall and asked Suzaku if this was more tolerable. "Is that better? Is it mocking still?"

Suzaku shook his head, but he still seemed to be eyeing the clock with apprehension. Hiten left it at that. He decided to go ahead and return his laptop to the safety of his briefcase. It was probably only a matter of time before it too wound up in pieces on the floor. And if that happened it would be much harder to contain his temper…

"Does the telephone mock you too?" Hiten wondered aloud, but of course Suzaku refused to answer. He merely lay down on the bed with his long red hair hanging off the side as he gazed around. From his point of view, the entire room was upside down.

"Hiten's standing on the ceiling…"

"Are you talking to yourself?" Again Suzaku did not answer, but he did watch intently as Hiten changed into his pajama bottoms. 'Wonder what Su-Chan is thinking…' Hiten crawled up onto the bed and Suzaku immediately moved to join him in settling comfortably down to sleep. The redhead snuggled against his chest and Hiten absently stroked his long red hair. "Sleepy?" Suzaku shook his head, but already his eyes were half closed and he buried his face into Hiten's shirt, stifling a cute little yawn. "Liar." It was impossible not to smile as Hiten watched his redheaded angel snuggle up to him, fighting off drowsiness like a stubborn child. "I want sex," those pouting lips confessed, but Hiten dodged the kiss. "That can wait."

"Wait?" Suzaku looked perplexed, like he'd never heard of such a word. 'Come to think of it, I've never said anything like that to him…' But it was the truth. Suzaku was impatient, while Hiten didn't mind taking everything in stride. As far as he was concerned, anything could wait, especially if Suzaku didn't seem up for it.
"Until tomorrow," he clarified, "or the day after that."

"Why?"

"Well why not?"
That beautiful head cocked to the side, and Suzaku looked like he didn't know whether to feel pleased or insulted. "You worry too much." Hiten sighed, rolling over so the redhead slid onto the mattress beside him. Immediately he pulled his lover into a comfortable embrace and closed his eyes, encouraging his sleepy companion to do the same. "Time hardly matters, Su-Chan" he whispered, shaking off the embarrassment that came with making his intentions more clear. "Today is just as good as tomorrow, or even next year. I want you now and I'll want you then." Hiten had expected Suzaku to say something to that; to express some kind of joy after hearing those words, but when he opened his eyes he found that his redheaded companion had already fallen fast asleep! Either that or he was having another spell of catatonia…

"What a pain…" Hiten sighed as his unconscious angel slept on, blissfully unaware of everything and everyone. It would be impossible to untangle himself from Suzaku without waking him, so Hiten merely settled back down in their comfortable embrace. Vaguely he noticed his companion's sweet-scented neck smelled nothing like Jakotsu tonight. 'Mine.' Hiten knew he shouldn't think like that, but he wanted so desperately to believe it were true. The gentle warmth of this flawless body was so much more soothing when he considered that only he held a special place in that gently beating heart. But at the moment he'd rather swap places with that insufferable Jakotsu. If only Suzaku would be honest with him like he was with that loudmouth cross dresser. 'I'm in his heart. Now if I could just get into his head…'

Those white letters flashed through Hiten's mind again, bright like the nagging LCD of Tekkei's incessant text messages. "Lilly. But what does that mean?"

"It's just someone's name."

Hiten startled, nearly falling off the bed. "You're awake?!"
Those green eyes blinked at him; dubious. "Duh." Not only was Suzaku awake, but he suddenly seemed as if he was not even the least bit drowsy. "Don't mess with my meds."

"Sorry…"

"I forgot to take a shower." Suzaku said that as if it were pertinent to their conversation.
Then he promptly got to his feet and left the room. For a while Hiten just lay there, too stunned to even move. 'That. Was. Weird.'

"Maybe I should follow him?" He didn't really know why, but this situation was reminding him of one from years back. Suzaku had been zoned out a lot during their courtship. Hiten remembered those odd, two-headed drawings and depictions of himself with angel wings… The way those hands traced over pictures like that as if it were normal, obvious that he should have two heads while Hiten should be the angelic one. Maybe the difference was just that Suzaku was so ashamed of his illness. He had been so surprised when Hiten admitted he'd loved him way back then. Watching him paint pictures like that should have been anything but romantic, but there was just something special about that nonsensical, spacey redhead. Even back then Hiten had loved the way he smelled and cherished every excuse he could find to touch that flawless body…

'Fine…' Hiten stood, deciding to go along with his obvious desire to stay near to his Suzaku.
For the sake of courtesy he made sure to knock before entering the bathroom, but his pet was not even undressed yet. Instead Suzaku stood at the sink, staring fixedly at his own reflection. One of those thin hands reached out, the redhead paused before touching the glass. "It's not real," those sweet pink lips whispered. It seemed as if he were trying to convince himself…

'Perfect!' Suzaku was exhibiting symptoms even when he knew Hiten was watching.
Careful. Gentle. The tone of voice had to be just calm enough. Every movement had to be subtle enough…

"What's not real, pet?" Hiten wrapped his arms around his redheaded lover, holding him tenderly. "Tell me what you see, Love…"

'Love.' That word was just a carefully manipulated afterthought, but it made all the difference.

"Sometimes…" Suzaku whispered, closing his hand on thin air. "I see things, but then I can not touch them, so I know they cannot be real. Other times I feel things that no one else can see." He seemed so sad; ashamed.
"Even when I say it out loud. It still won't go away. -Can't control it. Not at all…"

"Hmm…" Hiten kissed him absently, nuzzling up against that warm, sweet-scented neck. 'Hallucinations?'
But Hiten knew just how to encourage him. "Well Su-Chan, I bet I can feel something you can't see…"

"Really?"

"Yeah," he squeezed that delicate body with obvious affection, snuggling closer as he questioned, "can you feel your red string of fate? The one they say ties your fate?"

"No."

"Well I can feel mine."

"Really?" Those green eyes widened in amazement and Hiten pulled him closer, nodding.
"Want to know where it is?"

"Yeah."

"Around my neck," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Suzaku's. "But that's only half of it."

"Where's the other half then?"

'So cute!' That sweet little voice was so earnestly curious…
"You should know," Hiten teased, trailing kisses down his lovely companion's arm. He took the time to kiss his hand, then each and every one of his delicate fingers, until he reached the smallest of them. "Here it is. Wrapped right around your little finger."

'Oh, he's flirting with me!' Suzaku blushed as Hiten took that finger into his mouth, teasing his tongue right up to the tip. The heat sent tingling ripples into his body; swirling, waves of immediate arousal. "Wait."

Hiten moved to kneel before his beautiful companion, ignoring that half-hearted plea.
He traced wet kisses along Suzaku's navel as well, carelessly lifting his shirt out of the way. He simply loved the way his lips left these hot pink marks on that snow white skin. The way those emerald eyes glazed over with earnest desire...

"But Hiten..."

"Hmm?" Hiten absently trailed his tongue lower, tugging Suzaku's pants out of the way so he could worship the lines of his hips. "I have to shower first..."

"Why? You bathed this morning," he shrugged, working those tight silk pants down past the swell of those voluptuous hips. "Don't be such a woman. Showers just fuck up the taste."
"Hiten!" Suzaku blushed furiously as Hiten swept forward and pressed an especially long, wet kiss right between his legs. "Mmm…"

"Wait, wait!" Suzaku gasped, shoving his insistent partner away, but this only seemed to please Hiten more.
"I can bathe you, if you like," he offered, standing to help Suzaku out of his shirt.

"Like a cat, you know…"
Hiten then trailed his tongue all the way up Suzaku's chest until he reached and nipped playfully at his neck, purring all the while. Apparently he was very aware of how catlike those chocolate eyes were…
'This is way too embarrassing…' Suzaku stifled a shuddering moan, kneading his fingers through that smooth black hair. Hiten went right on bathing him in kisses; carefree and silently, unflinchingly affectionate.

'Something strange is happening…'

It was so quiet. Even in the bathroom, where words always echoed, there was no sound.
'Hiten causes this?' The voices had fallen silent. The world stood still. No dizziness. There was only heat and affection; only those chocolate eyes and tender kisses. "Come back to bed my love…" Hiten was still talking but Suzaku didn't hear a single word. 'love.' That's all that really mattered. It was still so hard to believe. How had his Hiten changed so? He was like his eyes now, catlike and affectionate. Maybe not a housecat, of course, but perhaps a lion; regal, powerful, and dominant.

Or maybe he hadn't changed at all. Maybe Suzaku was only just beginning to see him clearly, because he now spoke the way he acted. Those affectionate kisses were nothing new, but the words still rang foreign and exotic in his ears. 'my love.'

"I can tell you want to." Hiten whispered, nuzzling those flushed pink cheeks. Suzaku looked so cute when he was embarrassed. "Come back to bed…" Those green eyes blinked slowly; glazed with silent lust, and it didn't seem like the stubborn redhead was even listening. He was zoned out again; simply lost in his own thoughts. Vaguely Hiten wondered if Suzaku was thinking only of him. 'I hope so.' Suzaku seemed pleased. It was now or never… Carefully Hiten reached over and retrieved the little orange bottle. "Have you taken one of these today?"

Again Suzaku didn't answer, but he did turn to look when Hiten held up one of the pills.
Lilly; the little white mystery. Should it be taken with water or dissolved on the tongue? Hiten couldn't be sure, but he did know what would happen if he tried to feed it directly to his stubborn little phoenix. So instead of risking being bitten or pissing Suzaku off, he merely pressed that pearl into one of those smooth, delicate palms. "I love you…" Those words were like a sugary glaze; the perfect way to make that bitter little pill taste just a bit more sweet…

That stubborn, nonsensical redhead was smiling now, snuggling closer. Something about those words seemed to resonate with him; penetrate the haze of whatever strange illness caused him to feel such confusion. "Hiten…"

"Hmm?"

"Say that again."

"You're so ridiculous." He sighed, and again he moved, trying to coax Suzaku out of the bathroom. "Come back to bed with me and I'll say it."

"Does that mean you only love me in bed?"

"Su-Chan," Hiten forced himself not to sigh, "Is it so hard to believe that I love you just as much even when I'm not saying it out loud or like… ramming it into you?"

"You do?"

"Yes, you crazy little thing!" Hiten practically growled as he scooped the stubborn redhead up into his arms, lifting him bridal-style. "Even when you see strange things, zone out, break the telephone and forget to take three showers a day."

"Really?"

Hiten rolled his eyes as he finally touched back down on his own bed. "So fucking stubborn."

Suzaku giggled when he heard this. He popped that pill right into his mouth like it was candy, tittering once he'd swallowed. "There, now say it again like you promised."

"I love you," He asserted, kissing those sweet pink lips. Suzaku practically mewled in his joy, trying to pull him closer. His lovely green eyes were watering though, and Hiten backed up to ask him about this. "What's wrong?"

"I forgot I'm supposed to take Lilly with a whole cup of water."

"Baka!" Hiten practically dropped him and hurried off to get his lover a glass of water.

'Oh, I think I like this. Hiten won't leave me alone. Does he want me to be his master tonight?'
Suzaku tested this theory when his lover returned, thankfully accepting the cup. He downed the contents in one gulp and tossed it aside, earning himself another annoyed growl from his irked pet lion. "Come here," he interrupted, before Hiten could pick it back up.

"You're such a pain in the ass." Hiten scoffed but still obeyed. Suzaku caught hold of him immediately and snuggled up as close as he could. Hiten was so cute when he was pissed off. "Kiss me." he pouted, even though he knew his companion would not refuse. Suzaku was finally starting to catch onto the way Hiten worked. Apparently he really would do anything if he knew Suzaku wanted it. 'A string wrapped around my finger?' No, surely Hiten himself was wrapped around Suzaku's little finger. That's what he wanted to say…

'Time hardly matters, Su-Chan. Today is just as good as tomorrow, or even next year.
I want you now and I'll want you then.'

Yes, Suzaku had been awake. He'd heard every word but was too terrified to buy into it.

"He's lying."
"Just like Oto-San."
"Nothing is forever. Nothing."
'Not for me anyway…'

But oh, it felt so amazing to pretend it were true… Those sweet, heated kisses returned to Suzaku's cold, undeserving body once again and he wished for nothing more than to wrap his Hiten even closer so that he could never, ever leave. He refused to believe the sentiment those chocolate eyes were trying to feed him. Nothing lasted forever. That's just the way the cruel world worked. Life itself would fizzle out someday, just like those passionate, heated kisses. Suzaku's mind was constantly plagued with this fact. No matter how close they grew, no matter how badly he wanted Hiten, he knew that someday, they would ultimately have to part.

"Hiten…"

"Hmm?" His mouth was full, and he didn't seem to care enough to quit running his tongue out over Suzaku's inner thighs. The gentle suckling tingled, teasing a response between his legs and the bruises beneath Hiten's lips were beginning to turn mauve... "What is it, pet?"

"Will you stay with me?"

"I am here already."

"Yeah but, how long will you stay with me?"

"Lessee…" Hiten considered the time and quickly did the math. "Well I have work tomorrow at ten, so that means just about twelve more hours."

"That's not what I meant."

"Explain then," Hiten sighed, absently beginning to take his own pants off. 'I'm so stupid. Why'd I go and undress Su-Chan after I told him we'd fuck tomorrow?' And anyway, why did Suzaku have to taste so nice anyway? It seemed that for every ounce more frustrating he got, he grew more desirable as well...

"Like…" Suzaku thought it over, encouraging when Hiten dipped back down between his legs and began to lick, as if he were enjoying an ice cream cone. "Ooh, that feels nice…"

"Finish what you were saying," Hiten prompted, pausing in his current worship of that glossy vanilla rod, but apparently Suzaku had decided he had more important things to focus on. Those long red nails gently slid into his hair, tugging downward; encouraging. "Don't stop..."
'Alright,' Hiten shrugged, returning his mouth to that smooth, earnestly swelling, heated candy.
Su-Chan moaned his name, panting as he watched, and something about those lust-laden eyes suddenly sparked with curiosity. Suzaku ran two of his fingers over himself, seeming intrigued. "That tastes nice?" he wondered, seeming surprised when Hiten nodded. "Very."

"Oh…"
Was that intrigue or pleasure? Probably a little bit of both. Was Suzaku trying to say that he'd never tasted anyone else? Now that Hiten thought about it, he realized he could not recall a single time when he had ever had the pleasure of being inside of that delectable mouth... Suddenly he wondered what it would feel like. Had those plump pink lips never before allowed anyone inside? "Su-Chan, you've never sucked anyone off?"

Immediately Suzaku turned away, either embarrassed or ashamed. "Never mind…"
He was so incurably adorable. Somehow everything he said seemed erotic. "Did you want to try and see what I taste like?" Hiten wondered, amused by the sudden red tinge on those cute pink cheeks. He obviously wanted to, but for whatever reason, Suzaku seemed hesitant. "I- I don't think I can do that…"

"Its not as hard as it looks." he assured, running his tongue along the entirety of his adorable lover's length. Suzaku shuddered without meaning to. Maybe Hiten was wrong. Maybe he was just very good at this…
He sat up and easily rid himself of his boxers. "Here," he offered, "You can experiment with mine if you like. You don't have to actually suck on it or whatever."

The redhead was immediately intrigued. He stood on all fours and crawled right over, looking much like a curious little kitten. His long red hair tickled Hiten's legs as he reached down and timidly pressed a finger to the larger, slightly darker head. Maybe Suzaku had never even gotten a proper look at it before now…

"Yours is much bigger," he whispered. He dipped down, but froze, apparently unable to touch it with his mouth. "Hey Hiten…"

"Hmm?" Absently he began to pet his adorable companion, amused by the way he looked so curious.

"Does it taste like chocolate?" This question caught Hiten way off guard, but he kindly resisted the urge to laugh. "Has someone been telling you lies, Su-Chan?" he wondered, shaking his head, "It shouldn't taste any different than the rest of me. Yours tastes a lot like your neck."

"Oh…" Again Suzaku attempted to appease his curiosity, but could not seem to will himself into even opening his mouth. There was something so erotic about watching him kneeling like that. Hiten had never considered it before, but now he wondered just how amazing it would feel to fuck his beautiful lover in this new way. Just thinking about it was making him harder…

"Come here," he wanted to kiss those timid pink lips, but suddenly Suzaku startled. He shoved Hiten away, recoiling as if he'd just tried to hurt him. Out of nowhere the fear set in and Suzaku put his face in his hands, mumbling while shaking his head. "I can't, I can't…" He whimpered, as if he were being persecuted. "I'm sorry. Please, don't be mad…"

"Hey now," Hiten immediately made to alleviate his fears. "Why would I be mad? Don't be silly, Su-Chan."
The shivering didn't stop but Suzaku hesitantly allowed himself to be held. "It's okay," Hiten assured, kissing him, "Whatever you're worrying about, just stop okay?"

Gently Hiten pried those hands away from that miserable, suddenly tear-streaked face and nuzzled up, kissing the wetness away. "Don't leave," those quivering lips insisted, and Suzaku pulled him close, crawling up onto his lap. "I want you. I swear. Don't leave. If you leave-"

"You shush!" Hiten insisted, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden change in his lover's attitude.
In one split second Suzaku had gone from curious to terrified and then to insistent and clingy. It didn't make any sense, but he still intended to kill the anxiety. "I'm right here. I won't go anywhere." He kissed those scared pink lips, rubbing the tears from that beautiful face. "I. Love. You." he spoke between the kisses, trying to squeeze Suzaku even tighter than the panicked redhead was holding him. This technique seemed to take effect...

Slowly Suzaku began to calm back down. "Say that again," he insisted, meeting those concerned chocolate eyes with his watery emerald ones. Hiten repeated himself, and then their lips met in a forcibly passionate kiss. What had just happened?

Surely poor Hiten didn't understand any of it. But all Suzaku could think of were those teasing voices.

'We wonder when you'll betray Hiten too, just like poor Oto-san…'
'But I didn't mean to. What happened to Oto-San was not my fault…'
He could tell himself that all day long and never truly believe it. He remembered those warm, powerful arms and could even recall the way those smooth lips tasted. A little less sweet compared to Hiten's. There was only one person to blame for the fact that Suzaku could never touch Kujaku Midari again. He'd never even be able to see Oto-San again. No one could…

'But it wont be like before. It can't be. I won't ever let my Hiten leave …' Their kiss had not even broken yet. Suddenly Suzaku became painfully aware of the fact that he was naked, sitting atop his lover. Each of his senses seemed to heighten. His entire body positively ached for Hiten.

The moans escaped of their own accord, swallowed up by that wet, deepening kiss as he slid a hand between their tightly joined bodies. Hiten caught on. Their tongues danced and wrestled furiously as he moved so that his weeping arousal just barely touched the head of his companion's porcelain length. Immediately Suzaku caught hold of both of them in one hand so the smooth, intimate connection could build friction. It was almost too easy to encourage that stiff, dripping pleasure. "Make love to me, okay?" He broke their kiss just long enough to beg this, even though he knew it was unnecessary. Hiten was already hard. He must have wanted it just as badly… Carefully Suzaku hoisted himself up, only to lower himself back down onto his thick, heated target. He bit back the painful shudder, coaxing his lover more fully into his body, but Hiten was too sharp to let that noise slip. He caught those beautiful hips, ignoring Suzaku's protests, and promptly shoved the redhead back, pinning him against the mattress. "Hiten-"

"No." He kissed those frowning pink lips, ignoring the way Suzaku tugged, trying to get him to thrust deeper. "That's going to hurt you."

"I know."

'Why does he want it?' This wasn't the first time Hiten had realized Suzaku actually wanted to be abused.
But why, he just could not figure out. Rough sex was fine, but at this rate Suzaku was going to make himself bleed. Hiten broke their intimate connection, earning a disappointed whimper from his insistent companion. "Shush Su-Chan…"

"But-"

"No." He asserted, not leaving any room for argument. Suzaku writhed in frustration but Hiten held him down, reaching over to the bedside drawer. It only took a moment to massage some lube between those beautiful legs, and for extra measure Hiten coated himself with it as well. "Yes..." Suzaku moaned when he teased himself back up against that tight, heated entrance. "Hard," he commanded, throwing his head back as Hiten obeyed. Those bloodred fingernails slid into his mouth as Suzaku let out a hoarse, shuddering scream.

'Harder, faster,' He insisted with his body, letting his eyes screw shut as his powerful lover slammed into him again and again. It hurt so good. Only this sweeping, intense pleasure could drown out the fear and loneliness. Oh, terrible, pleading loneliness... But that emotion ceased to exist when his precious lover was literally inside of him. So Suzaku wanted to feel that in its most painful, intense form. Rape would be ideal, but this felt almost as perfect.

'Oto-San, this is for you…'

"I'm sorry." Suzaku whispered to the man he knew could never hear him again, never touch him again. And sweet Hiten kissed him in response; not understanding but still willing to comfort.
'If I'd let Oto-San do something like this to me… Maybe he would still be alive.'

In reality there was no maybe. Suzaku knew it was all his fault. If only he had allowed it, Kujaku would have been his lover. Merciless, heart-wrenching refusal had been the very last sentiment Suzaku had left with the father who'd loved him so. The memories just would not be suppressed any longer. The truth hurt so much more than physical pain ever could.

'But Oto-san hurt me too…' Maybe Suzaku was guilty, but so was Kujaku. Suzaku remembered the unforgivable abuse. He especially remembered the vivid taste of that chocolate flavored lubricant. Now, even years later, he just could not stomach having anything even remotely similar to that in his mouth. But he still hoped that Hiten could be satisfied with the entrance between his legs instead, because he needed so desperately to be made love to.

With each vigorous thrust, the pain of his body would smother the pain in his heart. Shame and domination; pleading, delicious silence. With Hiten's skillful, rhythmic love to distract him it would be impossible to remember what was impossible to forget. Chocolate. That disgusting, despicable chocolate taste was chased out of Suzaku's gasping mouth, replaced with those wet, soothing kisses. Perfect, powerful Hiten knew just what to do, even though he would be disgusted by the reason.

"Oh, Hiten…" Why did this have to feel so amazing? Suzaku could not even stop his mouth making such humiliating sounds. His entire body ached with pressure and screamed for release. "Please, please…"
'Want me, love me, don't ever leave me.' If only Suzaku were shameless enough to beg such things. Hiten's powerful, crashing hips did not pause for even a moment. It would be over soon. Surely no one could stand something so delicious for very long… "Hiten…"

"What is it, love?" Oh, that deep, purring voice. Those dark bedroom eyes. Hiten was just naturally mesmerizing. He made it nearly impossible to think or speak, but Suzaku had to.
"Don't…" he had to pause, overwhelmed with humiliation and pleasure. "Don't finish when I do, okay?"

Hiten seemed confused, but he nodded anyway. "Just keep going," the redhead instructed, "so I'll be too tired to stay awake tonight…" Suzaku knew he was being selfish but his precious Hiten loved him too much to care. "Please…"

'Make me forget,' Suzaku wanted so badly to whisper those words. But instead he bit back another shuddering moan, painting white onto that tight, tanned chest. "Don't stop," he insisted, whining when Hiten paused. But luckily his dominant partner merely reached down and swiped the uncomfortable liquid from his chest. Those intense cat eyes locked with his once more and Hiten absently licked his fingers before picking right back up with that amazing, smoothly crashing rhythm.

--------------------------------------------
Humans
We are compelled to relive meaningful events
Sex and abuse are of the most powerful
How can one break the cycle?

Can the clock be turned back? Reprogrammed?
Can the memories ever fade away?

Or will the course continue; a vicious cycle
Wearing down; the silent destruction
Of a delicate, porcelain heart.

(AN2. The marvelously talented Kirayasha aka Kira has written a story starring my Suzaku and Hiten pairing!

"Strawberries, kisses, and you" is a steamy one-shot with merely 300 words!
That is like 1/30th of this chapter alone. lol! Its amazing what she can do in such a short story!

So if you have a free 2 minutes, I strongly recommend giving Kira's story a read!
You can find Kira by clicking the reviews link on this page!

Here is the summary for the story:

A midnight snack turns into a lover's tryst. Passion and pleasure collide in this sweet yet sensual tale. Chocolate bedroom eyes and insatiable strawberry lips; Hiten and Suzaku.

Give it a look! You won't be disappointed! :)