"The sooner I'm out of these bloody crutches, the better" I said to Michelle as she was making tea.
"Darling your talking to someone who was in them for like two months while pregnant. I feel your pain" She laughed back.
"Here I am complaining, to you of all people. God, I'm so selfish at times, I'm barely anything on you. How can I be a good mother when all I do is think of myself? I mumbled.
"Hey, I wasn't having a go at you! All I was saying is that I understand how annoying they are! God Carla, you've been to hell and back and back again, I'm fine as is Beth. Your doing great, and I'm not just saying that. Have you been to see your Doctor yet? She replied.
"No. Why?" I responded, abruptly
"Carla, are you suffering from PND?" She asked nervously.
"Why would you say that? Why would you even think that?" I responded again, almost full of anger.
"It's only a thought. Your really negative about yourself Car, you always have been but I really thought when the kids came along, you'd loosen up and enjoy being a great mum. Which you are, but you don't see yourself as that and I'm just not sure if your coping?" She explained.
"What, just because I'm not like you, you mean? That I'm not wanting to go strolls in the park or meet up with other mums? I don't know if you noticed Michelle but I was nearly murdered on my due date? I'm sorry if I'm not exactly following Michelle Connor's Guide to Being a Great Mother" I shouted angrily.
"I think it's best that I call Nick and leave" She stuttered. I could see she was clearly taken aback by what I had said or more shouted.
"No, please don't. I'm sorry Michelle, I didn't mean any of that. I'm just having a tough time, struggling with daily things. I'm sure when I'm out of all of this I'll enjoy being a mum more" I sighed.
"Of course you will. It's my fault, I shouldn't have been so forward" She replied.
"Can we just forget about it all?" I asked.
"Yeah" She responded.
"I need to go girls and Sean, Sally can you take over? I asked.
"Of course Mr Connor, I didn't know you had a meeting today though?" She responded, being nosey.
"Yeah, well, now I do" I smirked.
"Kate, come here a minute" I added.
"I'm going to go and speak to Leanne, then I'll be back, okay? Don't let any of them know" I said.
"Course. Don't look so nervous though, Leanne's lovely" She smiled.
"I know, I lived with the woman for months. It's just a weird feeling" I explained.
"You'll be fine" She reassured me before I left the factory.
As I was making my way over to the Bistro, I was trying to figure out roughly what I was going to say to Leanne but my mind was blank.
"Aidan! Not used to seeing you here at this time?" Nick greeted me.
"Yeah, your right, just a quick pop in mate. Is eh, Leanne around?" I asked.
"She's in the office, do you want me to get her for you?" He responded, at which I nodded.
"Can I get you anything Aidan?" Ryan asked me as Nick went to get her.
"Nah your alright mate. How you doing?" I asked.
"Good yeah. Like working here, good laugh to be honest" He replied.
"What about you and Emma?" I asked.
"Eh, patchy. Speaking of which, I was wondering if soon we could get a pint and speak about it. Need a bit of help eh?" He stuttered.
"Course mate, anytime, just text me. As long as everything is okay?" I answered.
"I'm not too sure" He sighed, which confused and worried me slightly.
"Everything okay Aidan?" Leanne asked me as she appeared.
"Yeah, yeah, can we take a seat over there?" I asked.
"Now your worrying me. Are you sure everything's okay?" Leanne repeated.
"Honestly Leanne everything's fine. But I was wondering if I could ask you something?" I pondered at which she nodded.
"I guess I'm sort of asking you for your blessing, for me and Eva to get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I just feel that it's right that I ask you because her Mum is abroad " I stated.
"Wow, this was not what I was expecting" Leanne laughed.
"I really love her Leanne and I can picture us starting a family and growing old together" I said.
"I'm not doubting that Aidan, I know the feeling is mutual. I'm just pleasantly surprised that you've asked me this, and to answer it, I give you both my full blessing" She smiled.
"Thank you, from the bottom of my heart" I grinned.
"Hey, come here" Nick said to me as I'd just checked on the kids.
"All three asleep?" He added as I hobbled into his arms.
"Mm, strange, isn't it?" I asked.
"Pure bliss. Quietness" He smiled.
"I love you, you know that don't you" Nick stated. In response, I pointed to my wedding ring and smiled.
"I mean right now, I love you right now" He added.
"Nick, I'm not ready" I stuttered.
"I wasn't suggesting that, I know your not and that's more than okay!" He reassured me.
"I love watching you with them three. You've had such a tough time recently, even more than normal, and you're still smiling" He explained.
"Well thank you for noticing. Your not so bad yourself" I smirked, as we kissed rather passionately. Probably the most passionate since the accident, until the doorbell rang, obviously.
"Mum, what are you doing here? No warning?" Nick questioned as he answered the door.
"So now I can't come and visit my son and grandchildren?" Gail smiled.
"We could have been out" He responded.
"Well I would have went home then wouldn't I? Anyway you're here, so may I come in?" She said.
"The kids are sleeping though" He replied.
"How are you Carla? Gail asked as she entered the livingroom, completely ignoring Nick.
"Good yeah, given the circumstances" I sighed, signalling to the crutches.
"We both know that's not the honest answer, don't we? Be truthful Carla, I'm not judging you, I just want to make sure you're mentally and physically comfortable" Gail whispered as Nick was in the kitchen.
"I constantly worry about when I might forget something, even someone. I worry that I might forget something so crucial that could effect other people" I explained.
"I understand. I know this may not be the thing you want to hear right now, but your luckier that's Nick was. He had start all over again. Even just this, us talking, like normal, shows your doing well. Try to think positively love, I know that's easier said" Gail replied, taking a hold of my wrist.
"Thanks Gail" I smiled./div
"I'm always here, as a person to moan too or too look after the little ones for a bit. Don't be afraid to ask Carla" She said.
"This is nice" Eva said as we were strolling near the canal.
"Yeah, eh, take a seat for a minute" I said a little fidgety.
"What's going on Aidan? Are you dying or somin? Are you cheatin on me? If you are I swear to God I'll punch ya in the face" She replied all fired up.
"Wow, I'm certainly not cheating on you. Where found I find someone better looking than you eyh? And I'm not dying either, well not that I know of!" I laughed.
"Okay, well what's up?" She breathed heavily.
"You know how you've been going on recently about wanting a family and that? I'm just not sure if that's what I want right now. There's things I want more right now than starting a family, I'm not saying I never want a family but I don't think right now is the time" I started.
"Are you breaking up with me? Have I put you off cause I've been going on about wanting a family? I don't mean like tomorrow Aidan, if you're not ready that's okay, please don't leave me just because of this" Eva responded getting emotional.
"When I say there are a few things that are more important to me right now, I really mean one? I'm old fashioned Eva, and I want to do things properly. There's only one thing more that I want to have children with you. Eva Price, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" I asked as I got down on one knee and popped out the ring Kate had helped me choose.
"Oh my God. Yes, oh Aidan, of course I'll marry you!" She replied excitedly.
"I love you so, so much!" She added as I put the ring on her finger.
"I love you too" I responded.
"Aidan's engaged!" I said to Nick as we were settled on the couch.
"Really? Aw that's great news, I had no idea he was even thinking about it" He replied.
"Neither did I. Like you say, some good news" I smiled.
"What do you mean?" He responded, taken aback a little.
"Well y'know, things have been a bit doom and gloom recently, it's nice to hear something positive" I said, I thought I was stating the obvious.
"I'm sorry, have I literally missed the last few months of our lives? Michelle's had a child- positive. You're the godmother of that child- positive. We've moved house- positive. Kate's moving on- positive. We've had three beautiful, healthy babies- positive. I know you've had a horrendous, words can't describe past month but Carla, you surely can not sit there and tell me that all these positives and good things don't overrule that. I've been in a similar accident to you, granted I wasn't pregnant, but I never had any good things going on around me. I honestly don't quite believe what you're saying" He stated, rather miffed it would seem.
"Look, Nick, you know I know all of this, and how great it all is but you have to un" I started.
"No Carla, I don't understand. I will listen to you all day and night about how bad this past month has been, believe me I know, I've been by your side the whole time, but I will not listen to how 'doom and gloom' everything seems to be. You know, you should count yourself lucky that you have these three beautiful babies to take your mind of what's happened and just be really grateful that your here, instead of playing the martyr and 'poor me' card" Nick interrupted me.
"Where are you going?" I asked as he was heading for the door.
"Out. I need space and time to think" He replied bluntly.
"But what if something happens, and I can't handle it?" I asked all panicked.
"You'll be fine. I'm certain of it" He mumbled as he shut the door, leaving me contemplating all that he had said.
"So sorry for the long delay, just genuinely forgot to post this, been finished for about a month! Please leave a review so I know if folks are still interested and let me know what you think. Cheers Nic x