This is the worst thing I've ever read in my life. I take comfort in the fact that in my suffering, I am causing others to suffer. :P (Just kidding, I love you guys)

Review replies;

Gokiburi Prince: We shall see. :) Thanks for reading!

TND: Meh people go offtopic. I once saw a thread that went from sparkling Nazis to funeral plans. It was strange. :| Thanks for reviewing!

Sgt. Reynol: I can arrange that... :P Thanks for the review!

TweenisodeOrange: Not good enough. We need to catapult it into space in an adamatium cage. Thanks very much!

Madness Abe: Yep, it's a story arc. Because I don't rip of Linkara enough as is! :D Thanks!

Wherever Girl: I don't know...I really don't know. *weeps* Thanks for the response!

Cartoonatic55: I don't blame them. I'm not even reading it for the first time, and I feel like committing seppuku. Anyway, I reckon you'll like this chapter! :) Thanks a lot!

Movie-Brat: No she did not. Thanks exceedingly!

TLSoulDude: That is the spelling. It is a wonder to behold. And not the good kind of wonder, either. |:( Thanks for viewing!

Nagasha: I'm mortified enough that Twilight exists at all, never mind a TDI version. :{ Thanks for the messege!

Dimentio713: Hold on, my friend! There's only twenty-something chapters left! ...*weeps again* Thanks a bunch!

The Ghost Reviewer: Yeah, I agree - she's probably a troll. We should eat her. :| Thank you!

RandomNumbers523156: We've only scraped the surface of badness, friend. : Thanks for the read!

unknown20troper: I don't know how I missed that one. XD Thanks friend!

My Immortal Part IV: She Blinded Me With Stupid

Eons ago, before the establishment of human civilization somewhere in ancient Mesopotamia, there lived a being. This entity was not a god, nor an essence of great cosmic entity – if anything, it was more of a prophet.

The Being made a series of three predictions, writing them in an ancient language on the rock-face of the Hindu-Kush mountains, that would not come into effect for thousands and thousands of years.

The first prediction was simple – that there would be a written work to threaten all of reality, the Worst Thing Ever Imagined, and that that work would be used by those with evil intentions to take over the Earth, and that the only hope of stopping them rested in the hands of those who could recognise the threat of the work.

The second and third, however, were much more cryptic, much less easy to decipher. They spoke of a Dark Thing from beyond the Moon, and a great storm that will shake the very foundations of the Great Communicator (we know this as the Internet.)

With these predictions made, the Being moved on, vanishing into the vast mists of time.

How do we know of this? Simple. In 1897, British troops engaged in battle with Pashtun tribes in what we now know as Pakistan. During this engagement, scouts (including a young Winston Churchill) uncovered the prophecy, carved into a cliff-face not far from Malakand.

Over the next century, the prophecy was examined by British, Indian and US intelligence agencies, before it was at last cracked in 2004 by the Indian Intelligence Bureau, and transferred to the newly founded CAFE, an organisation not connected to any government founded to observe the new phenomena of fanfiction.

…this brings us to the present.

"So, My Immortal is the result of an ancient prophecy, and the only people who can save the world from its badness are a bunch of internet nerds and their cartoon allies?" I mused.

"Stranger things have happened," shrugged Churchill.

"There's worse," added Dimentio, "The Tsar's opened a hole between the world of fanfiction and our dimension."

"Why's that so bad?" I asked.

"He's using it to release OCs," replied Dimentio, seriously.

"Oh my god."

"That's where you come in," continued Churchill, "You will enter Alexander's flagship, deactivate the hole, deactivate the hypnotanium and defeat this perfidious Tsar."

He gave a puff of his cigar.

"We are all counting on you," he stated, "The fate of the whole vast tapestry of human history relies on your success. Do not fail."

He turned and walked away.

"…well, that's easier said then done," shrugged Tweenisode.

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Gasp!" I exclaimed, "It's a grammatically correct sentence!"

"Maybe it's gonna improve," grinned Third Kind.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!"

"Or maybe not," she sighed.

We had returned to the limo, we being myself, Cartoonatic, Third Kind, Jazz and Timmy. We were now soaring through space to the Tsar's flagship, Rusalka, to engage him in battle.

On the way, we read My Immortal. I must say, I'd rather have been fishing.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

"What, is that how he always reacts to bad news?" asked Cartoonatic, confused.

"Professor, I've overcooked your pie," imitated Jazz.

Timmy laughed manically.

"I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away.

"Ouch," I winced, "I think that character mutilation physically hurt."

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood.

"OK, seriously," warned Jazz, "You're crying blood. You need to see a doctor."

Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

"That was a horrible idea," snapped TK.

(Before anyone asks, I will not be making a Digimon joke here.)

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"

It was…..

"Osama?" I guessed.

Voldemort!

"Meh, close enough."

AN: f*k off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

"O…kay then," gulped Cartoonatic.

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

"Scray?" mused Timmy, "It sounds like a kind of fish."

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was.

"You mean Wormtail," deadpanned TK.

Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him.

"You mean Wormtail!" snapped TK.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"…we could say anything right now, and it would not do this justice," mused Timmy.

"We could dance instead," I suggested.

I began to dance at the drivers seat.

"What is love!" I sang, poorly, "Baby don't hurt me! Don't…hurt…you know, the internet meme…"

I received naught but stares.

"Never mind," I murmured.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the f**k? You torture my bf and then you expect me to f**k you? God, you are so f**ked up you f**king bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

"You've got to admit, that mental image is kinda funny," shrugged Timmy.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming!

"You mean like…" I began.

"Don't even think about it," sighed Cartoonatic.

We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"How far are we?" asked Jazz.

"Chapter 14," replied TK.

Jazz buried her head in her hands.

"OK, the next few chapters are utter crap," I sighed, "It's pretty much everything we've seen before, we take nothing new from it except a slightly amusing fight with 'Raven'. But then we get to Chapter 18 and…"

BANG.

The limo shook and began to spiral out of control. We braced ourselves as it barrelled towards the hard metal side of the Rusalka. The last thing I saw before blacking out was a green tractor beam emitting from the vessel…

"…heh. We got ourselves a prize…my dear, maybe we should…"

"Don't bother with it, sunshine, we wait for him to wake up. Lord Beckett's orders."

"Don't remember you bein' one to care for the prisoners, Mercer."

"I'm not. I'm carrying out orders. Screw this guy."

"…not such a bad idea, Mercer. Maybe we should…"

"I'm game. You in, Mercer?"

"Not that kind of bloke, love. I was thinking of doing a bit o'…carving…"

"If I may interrupt your sick fantasies, tovarish, he's waking up…"

I opened my eyes. I was on the bed in somebody's quarters, four figures standing above me. One was a run of the mill soldier (a pre-WWI Russian soldier, in fact), holding his rifle at my face. One of them was the coated man from earlier, Mercer. The other two wore labcoats and goggles, but were otherwise familiar…

"Sandy and the Penguin?" I quizzed.

"Wrong," sneered 'the Penguin', "We came through the OC portal. Recognise us?"

I blinked.

"Disney Parodies forum?" reminded 'the Penguin', "Crack pairs? OC concept?"

"Oh yeah," I nodded, "You're Doctors Insandy and Penguinsano, Cartoonatic's OCs…"

I blinked.

"…wait, that's very bad," I realised.

"We're 'ere to interrogate you, Mr. 350," sneered Mercer, showing a knife, "Private, leave the room."

The soldier nodded and left.

"What do you want from me?" I asked, nervously.

"You know what we want," snarled Insandy, "You're gonna fork the intel over, or we're gonna make your life…interesting."

"You go first," nodded Mercer, grabbing a book from his jacket, "Don't mind me."

"…err, what are you doing?" I asked, as the Insanos edged towards me.

"We want to know the Secret," replied Penguinsano, "If we have some fun in the progress, well…that is just fine…"

And thus, I screamed.

Torture - still preferrable to My Immortal.