A/N: Sorrrrrrrrrry I took so long to write this chapter! I started it but then Final Fantasy XIII came out and well…I got distracted… haha ^^ But yeah, it's here now so enjoy reading it!

And remember, read and review guuuuuyzz!

The day had passed by rather uneventfully, much to the disappointment of some (Ikkaku). They had spent the whole day watching reruns of bad daytime television, Takeshi's Castle and old kung-fu movies. They'd ordered pizza a few hours ago because no one could be bothered to cook for the horde and now that everyone was fed and watered, the room was quiet with chilled teenagers. Not that it wasn't quiet before then. All day something was missing and Ichigo knew exactly what that something, or someone, was. Shirosaki…or rather his loud mouthed, slightly crazy personality. He'd been uncharacteristically quiet all day, but he didn't have any idea why nor did he want to ask in front of everybody, if something was wrong, he didn't like to show it. He hated to show such weakness to everybody, to which Ichigo could very much relate.

It was 11o'clock before he got the chance to speak to him. He'd just been to the bathroom and came back to find everyone but Shirosaki still where he'd left them.

"Hey, where's Shiro?"

"He went to his room," Neliel said, he didn't know if he imagined it or not but he could have sworn he saw worry in her eyes. Actually, he was sure. They'd been getting on real well all day…

Ichigo made his way to Shirosaki's room, manuvering around all the sprawled bodies still transfixed on the movie. He knocked on the door and let himself in.

Shirosaki's room was fairly large, but it was so overcrowded it seemed small. An electric and acoustic guitar hung on either side of his bedroom door on brackets and posters of all sizes adorned his walls. The Slipknot one caught his eye and he shivered, the guy with pins sticking out of his grey mask (pinhead perhaps?) creeped him out a little, but don't get him wrong, he liked the band. He tore his eyes away from that to the tack board that hung just above his bed, eyes drawn to a picture of himself, his sisters and Shiro with Karin on Shiro's back and Yuzu on his. It was taken when Ichigo was about 9 and Shirosaki was about 10, just before his mothers passing and it was one of his favourite memories. Pushed against the opposite wall from the bed sat a cluttered computer desk and opposite the door, dead ahead of Ichigo is where he found his cousin. Shiro's room was the one room in the apartment with a small balcony and at present, Shiro was standing there with his back to him.

"Hey," Ichigo said, the knocking obviously hadn't caught his attention.

His cousin turned and smiled when he saw him, but it didn't reach his eyes. In his hand was a cigarette which he took one off before blowing the smoke upwards into the night air.

"I didn't know you smoked." Ichigo said simply, joining him in the crisp and cool night air.

"Only when I'm thinking hard or when my minds to full to think anymore…or when I'm drunk."

Ichigo looked at him quizzically. The albino sighed before looking at him.

"You're the doctor, you shouldn't be involved in all this."

Ichigo looked at him with a look that said I-think-you've-gone-crazy. "What're you talking about?"

"This, you're the smart one, I'm the thug! It's all I'm good for! You shouldn't be involved in all this gang shit. You're gonna be a doctor one day Ichigo, it's not right."

"You're not just a thug and it's not all you're good for. I enjoy a good fight just as much as you and I know for a fact that you're smart. In a different kind of way. You're sharp, you can think up ways out of any situation. And as the doctor, I'm gona have ta tell ya that smoking's bad for your health, not matter how little you do it." He spoke with conviction, but added the end to lighten the mood. Shirosaki smiled in thanks, but that was replaced by a stony gaze almost straight away.

"What did they do to you in Las Noches Ichigo?"

Ichigo was caught by surprise. "I told you in there, they-"

"No, what you told everyone in there was only a half of it, I can tell."

Ichigo sputtered, "N-no, honestly Shiro I-I-"

"Just tell me man. You can trust me can't you?" He looked saddened when he spoke the last bit.

Ichigo sighed. "You're really not gonna like it. And I don't want to or like to talk about it." He spoke quietly, so much so that Shiro had to shuffle closer to hear him.

There was silence for a while but Shirosaki, never one for patience, couldn't just stand and wait.

"Well?"

Ichigo looked up and looked Shirosaki straight in the eye. "Aizen raped me." He whispered, tears building in his eyes just by saying the sentence.

'Damn tears.'

Shirosaki's eyes widened, amber irises searching his face for any hint of a lie, or more so, whether he was leaving out an important detail. Finding none, he narrowed his eyes and growled. "What?"

A tear ran down Ichigo's face as he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing. He had been doing too well to loose all of his composure and breakdown now. "He tied me down and he raped me. It hurt Shiro and now I'm scared."

"Scared? You don't need to be!" Shirosaki, all but yelled, grabbing onto to Ichigo's shoulders in an almost reassuring way. "I won't ever let that greasy, filthy, molesting fucking bastard near you again!"

"Thank you, but that's not all that I'm scared of." He whimpered.

"What else?"

"I'm scared of being touched again. When you walked in on Grimmjow and me earlier, I was almost relieved. I didn't want to stop but I was…I was uncomfortable and I was…starting to panic."

"Was Grimmjow forcing it on you?" He growled.

"No! Of course not! It was my own fault for not stopping it."

Shirosaki's grip relaxed a little on his shoulders.

"You don't think Grimmjow's like that do you?" Ichigo asked, Shiro's questioning catching him off guard.

Shirosaki sighed. "No, I had a chat with him today, he really does seem to love you but…Ichigo, people aren't always what they seem. I was just making sure and jumping to conclusions". He smiled, trying to reassure the teen, but Ichigo was thinking.

'Would Grimmjow even do anything like that?'

"Hey, just forget about it. Grimm is a good guy, I'm actually jealous, I could do with someone like that."

Ichigo pushed his previous thoughts from his mind, in favour of a better subject. "You? A relationship? I didn't think man whores did relationships!"

"Hey hey! I'm no man whore, at least not anymore."

"Oh, so who's the lucky girl?"

He winked, "Nel."

Ichigo widened his eyes. "You like an Arrancar? God Shiro, you have changed."

"Ex Arrancar, thank you very much." He smirked, as he caught sight of his almost gone cigarette that he had forgotten was in his hand.

Ichigo wrinkled his nose as Shiro took one last drag off is almost forgotten tab before throwing it over the balcony railing. Despite the change in tone and conversation, Ichigo could feel the anger, worry and shock radiating from him in waves, but he was obviously respecting Ichigo's wish of not talking about it.

"Hey, please don't tell anyone." He whispered.

"That goes without saying." Shirosaki smiled.

He walked back into his room closely followed by Ichigo and, silence, they walked back into the sitting room and rejoined their friends. Bad movies and all.

**

"Get the fuck out of my house!"

Ichigo laughed at Shiro as he was pushed playfully towards the door. It was two days after their conversation and he'd been true to his word about keeping quiet. Ichigo's lip and minor injuries were looking much better, so he supposed he could pass it off as an outcome of play fighting which, even though it would upset Yuzu, it would upset her less than what really happened. Obviously. Ichigo picked up his bag and turned to his cousin who smiled before they threw their arms around each other.

"When you're done with you're manly displays of affection?" Renji grinned, popping his head in the apartment door. "Shinji said he doesn't wanna wait much longer."

"Okay," Ichigo said, letting go of his cousin and standing back, "Thanks man."

Shiro grinned, clapping him on the back, "No problem man. Now, get going, keep in touch."

"I'm going! It's shame you couldn't come with us."

"Yeah but, as cool and Nel and Hali are…I'm still not gonna leave them in my apartment alone," he laughed.

Ichigo nodded, waving as he left the apartment and made his way down and out of the building and onto the street lit only by street lights. It was about 10 o'clock so it was really dark outside otherwise. Three cars were parked under the pools of light provided by the street lamps to be driven by Shinji, Lisa and Love. All but one of the cars were completely full. He looked to Shinji's car to see Grimmjow standing beside the open backseat door, smiling at him. Ichigo walked over and threw his bag in the boot before climbing into the car followed by Grimmjow. He sat between Renji and Grimmjow, with Ikkaku riding shotgun and, needless to say, with the people that were in the car with him, the drive home was an entertaining one. Renji and Ikkaku (for some reason unbeknown to the other three), were howling out of the windows like wolves and the barking at random people and scaring the shit out of them. As much as that shit could get them in trouble…it was damn funny.

As they made their way back to Karakura, Ichigo found himself relaxing into the car seat, tension he didn't know he had slipping away from him. He let out a deep breathe and felt Grimmjow's fingers wind their way through his own. He looked up into his boyfriends eyes, searching them with his own. Only seeing love, he squeezed the hand holding his and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Wanna come to mine before going home? You did say you'd be home either today or tomorrow…" Grimmjow barely whispered into his ear.

Ichigo froze a little. Did he want that?

"Ichigo?" Although his voice was still quiet, Ichigo could hear the hurt in his voice at his hesitation.

Ichigo nodded, feeling guilty.

He felt his boyfriends smile as he kissed his orange covered head before resting his own on top of it. If only they could just stay like that forever…then Ichigo wouldn't have to worry about a thing…

**

Ichigo and Grimmjow waved their friends off as the Shinji pulled away to drop Ikkaku and Renji home. Grimmjow reached for Ichigo's hand again, pulling him towards the apartment block and into the lift. They were silent s they made the way to Grimmjow's home, the blue haired teen taking the bags from them and dropping them by door before pushing Ichigo against the wall and crushing his lips to his. His need was unreal. He hadn't had Ichigo- he hadn't had anyone-since he left ,which was a miracle when it came to being one of Aizen's 'boys'. He'd missed him so much in that short time and he just wanted to feel him again, claim him back as his own and cover the taint that Aizen had left behind.

Ichigo's heart started beating faster as Grimmjow's hands roamed his body, but not out of the pleasure they once brought. His heart was pounding out of anxiety and a little bit of fear, a fear that was intensifying the more Grimmjow's actions did. Ichigo felt himself get moved from the wall and pulled until he found himself lying on a bed but too scared to stop what was happening…

Grimmjow placed himself on top of Ichigo, yet again taking his panting for those of pleasure, just like they normally were. He ran a hand over the rim of Ichigo's jeans before undoing the button and making quick work of the denim garment. He could see Ichigo's member hardening and didn't want to wait too long. He palmed it a bit, earning groans from Ichigo's barely open mouth, eyes tight closed.

Ichigo couldn't stop the noises. Or the way his body was reacting to the touches, even though it was the last thing his mind wanted. When he felt Grimmjow toy with his boxers before pulling them down and completely off, making Ichigo's breathing hitched. 'Oh no no no no no.'

Grimmjow unzipped his jeans and pulled his trousers down, not even bothering to take them off completely before taking his position in between Ichigo's spread legs, his cock oozing with enough precum to forget the lube. In his haste, he forgot to prepare Ichigo as he went poised himself at Ichigo's entrance.

Ichigo could feel Grimmjow was ready to fuck him. Something he definitely didn't want to do right now, his mind was playing ticks on him every time he was touched and he could feel tears prickling in his closed eyes. 'It's not Aizen, it's not Aizen. Open you're eyes and you'll see Grimmjow. He's different to Aizen…he wouldn't-'

"I'll make you mine again…"

'What?'

"Are you ready to be mine again?"

'No!'

"NOO!"

Ichigo echoed out loud, throwing his arms up and pushing Grimmjow off him with all the force he could muster. He scrambled off the bed, dragging the bed quilt as he went and grabbed his discarded garments and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and locking it.

Grimmjow, who had been sent flying to the floor flat on his back, clutched the side of his head that was bleeding lightly. He had bashed it off his drawers in the fall.

"What the fuck was that…?" He mumbled

He climbed back onto his feet and ran to the bathroom as quickly as he could while pulling up his underwear and trousers. He tried the handle and cursed. It was locked.

"Ichigo?" He asked through the door. He could hear Ichigo's fast and loud breathing. "Ichigo, what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone!" He could hear his boyfriends muffled voice though the door. He could also hear that it was thick with tears.

"What did I do?" He called, completely lost as to what was going on.

"He would have said it!"

"Said what?"

When Ichigo didn't answer, he thought back.

'What the fuck is he talking about? All I said was…' Oh shit. 'I'll make you mine again…'

"Shiiiiit. Ichigo, I'm sorry, I didn't think…I didn't know…" He had no idea what he was trying to say. That he'd anted him so bad he hadn't considered Ichigo's feelings at all? Tears actually came to his eyes….

Ichigo sat on the other side of the door, breathing hard and wrapped in the quilt. His clothes were lying next to him, he couldn't bring himself to move enough to put them on. He was shaking and crying uncontrollably. 'What the fuck happened to me…?'

"Ichigo?"

He could hear Grimmjow calling his name every now and again.

"I'm sorry?!" He called again.

He didn't know how long this lasted, but eventually there was silence. Ichigo rested his head back on the door. Why didn't he just stop and tell Grimmjow about it, instead of letting it get that far? Grimmjow would have understood…wouldn't he?

The silence from the other side of the door was deafening. Ichigo couldn't even here Grimmjow breathing. He closed his eyes, feeling tired all of a sudden and felt his head getting heavy. He wasn't far gone from being asleep when he heard the slide of something across tiled floor. He looked down and saw a folded piece of paper that had been slide under the door. With shaky hands, he picked it up and unfolded it, tears springing back to his eyes instantly as he read.

'I'm sorry, I'll do anything to make you feel better. Just tell me to leave and I'll leave, I just needed you to know that I love you so much. I wouldn't do anything like that bastard did.'

Grimmjow held his ear close to the door, listening for some kind of response, even if it was him being told to go.

"I'll be just outside the door until you tell me to leave…" He spoke quietly into the silence.

He slid down the wall and onto the floor heavily, looking up at the clock and closing his eyes. They'd been back in Karakura less than half an hour and already he'd fucked it up again. The tiredness that had been hanging around him since going back to the Arrancar was settling around him like a fog, making his vision unclear as he tried to fight the sleep. His eyes slowly closed as he rested against the wall in sitting position and his head turned to the side, aware of the throbbing on the left side of his head where he'd sustained yet another injury. It didn't take long for the fog that surrounded him to engulf him completely and he slumped slightly, head lolling on hi right shoulder.

**

Ichigo rested against the back of the locked bathroom door. He was so tired but he just hadn't been able to sleep, no matter how comfortable he'd managed to get as he'd wrapped up in the double quilt, he'd even turned off the bathroom light. He cracked his eyes and fumbled blindly in the darkness until he found his jeans lying discarded on the floor. He hadn't even bothered to redress what had been taken off him. He pulled his phone out of the pocket and checked it clock, half godamned 12. He groaned, he'd been sitting here for an hour and a half and he still couldn't sleep. His mind wandered as he thought about how he'd never had trouble getting to sleep wrapped in Grimmjow's muscled arms and tears welled back in his eyes. What had happened had been an over reaction on his part…if he had just stopped Grimmjow and told him how he felt, Grimmjow wouldn't have kept going, it was his own fault for letting it get so far. He clambered clumsily to his feet, his legs slightly numb off sitting so long, before he pulled on his boxers and picked the quilt back up. He quietly unlocked the bathroom door and shielded his eyes from the bright light of the sitting room. He took one step out and jumped as he saw Grimmjow slumped against the wall to he right. At first he panicked, but that went away quickly when he saw the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He crouched down beside him, tears running down his face again as he looked into the eyes of the boy who hadn't even seemed angry after Ichigo had flung him off the bed, he had only heard worry in his voice.

Ichigo brushed a stray strand of Grimmjow's striking blue hair from his face, making the boy stir.

"Ichigo?" he mumbled quietly, as he cracked his eyes open.

"Mhmm?" Ichigo asked just as quietly.

"I love you."

Ichigo sniffed loudly, "I love you too."

Grimmjow's lips pulled up into a small smile and he reached and took Ichigo's hand in his own. He moved his neck and winced a bit, pulling his arm up to rub t the crick.

Ichigo noticed and stood, tugging at Grimmjow's arm. "Come to bed."

Grimmjow's eyes opened wide in surprised, despite his tiredness. "But Ichigo-"

"I don't want to do anything." He cut across him. "I just wanna be able to sleep..."

Grimmjow nodded in understanding, dragging himself off the floor, he felt like he barely had the energy to walk across the room. He dragged his feet as Ichigo, still holding his hand, lead him to the bedroom. Grimmjow collapsed on the bed as soon as he was close enough and dragged himself up to the pillows. He looked up at Ichigo, who was stood by the bed, looking indecisive.

"I won't do anything you don't want. I won't even touch you."

Ichigo shook his head, pulling the blanket from around himself and flapped it up so it kinda covered the bed and Grimmjow. He climbed under it and shuffled close to Grimmjow, clinging to his t-shirt, and making Grimmjow turn on his side to face him. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and felt him tense, before relaxing into his again. He smiled and kissed the boys forehead. When Ichigo did nothing to stop him, he moved down and kissed his lips before resting his chin on top of the thatch of orange hair. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, falling to sleep as he spoke.

"Don't be…" Was all Ichigo managed before he too, fell into the appreciated darkness that was unconsciousness.

MisaxMisa: Aww, Ichi feels better now?

Ichigo: Fuck off.

MisaxMisa: Harsh o_O

Shirosaki: Yeah Ichi, don't be a bitch *smirks*

Ichigo: *glares* I'm a what now?

Shirosaki: A bitch.

Ichigo: That's it! *jumps on Shiro*

MisaxMisa: *shouting above the noise* Look out for the next chapter! *gets hit on the head* Right guys, cut it out now!

Ichigo & Shiro: Sorry…