Chapter Two: My time at the park

Shadow sat on the ground and punched a rock. He decided to call Rouge but Tails said she was killed by Yogi. This angered him more, he had liked Yogi. But now the bear must die. He knew Sonic and the others were waiting for Tails and that having actually talked to Tails was a big deal. He didn't care. Fuck Sonic. Fuck the Chaos Emeralds. And fuck everything and everyone, this of course includes you reading this. Fuck you too. Shadow began smoking a cigar when a park ranger walked over to him. "Put that out now"

"Shut up bitch" Shadow rerplied. He didn't even bother looking at the ranger, so he didn't notice when the ranger bent over and took the cigar from him. Shadow screamed. "I'LL FUCKING CALL MY BOYS ON YOU!"

The park ranger had already left. Shadow decided to strangle some animals. He stalked some deer and tried to approach. But they knew he was there and fled. Shadow then decided to use his movie style cut scene Chaos Control powers to teleport and kick each deer in the face. He snapped the last one's neck. "What the fuck man?" One deer asked. "Deer aren't don't have the English program supported on their hard drive. I suspect you have all been hacked" Shadow explained.

The deer all gasped. One even killed itself by deleting programs with wild abandon. It accidentally deleted its life support unit system and died. Shadow and the remaining deer pissed on the fool's corpse. A hunter came by and kneed Shadow in the chest. Shadow pulled out a knife and slit the fucker's throat.

"Okay deer. Follow me now!" Shadow screamed.

"Oh OK" the deer replied

Shadow teleported to a tree. The deer tried to teleport but overloaded their software and exploded. The explosion caused the forest to set on fire. Fire became the flames that would burn and kill. Murder would these flames accomplish in such a short time. Shadow would make sure of it.

The park ranger returned with a gun and the fire department and a couple of police officers. "HEDGEHOG!" The park ranger screamed.

"SHUT UP BITCH!" Shadow screamed back.

The ranger fired a warning shot that hit the branch near Shadow's head.. Shadow lept off the trees and into the flames. The police followed but burned to death. Shadow had actually just teleported away as he wasn't fucking retarded. The ranger knew this and began helping the fire department deal with the murderous flames.

From the distance, Shadow watched. He observed and decided to smoke a cigar. After he finished it, he broke into the Ranger's office and began stealing things. A chair, pens, documents, a mirror and a desk drawer. He dumped the contents of the drawer on the floor. As he walked out of the office, five more rangers were waiting for him.

"Put it all back"

"Fuck you" shadow replied.

"We're not above kicking your ass"

Shadow pulled out a gun. The rangers each pulled out the staff of Tomorrow. This staff could extend and fire missiles, fireballs and death ray beams. Shadow surrendered. As he cleaned, he would scream "FUCK THIS PLACE!" or just scream in general. He took a long time cleaning and therefore wasted the Ranger's time.

The ranger whom Shadow encountered first had returned. She walked over to Shadow and demanded he hand over his lighter. But Shadow didn't use a lighter to light his cigars. He used the power of Chaos. It resided in anyone who came in contact with the Chaos Emeralds or some shit like that. He told the ranger to bend over for him. He was slapped.

Shadow screamed and fell to the floor. He knew birds were coming to kill people. But he didn't know how. He tried to tell the ranger this, but she only cared about how dangerous Shadow was for the park. She said she would call the vet or perhaps even the Pound.

Shadow remarked how he'd like to pound her. He stared at her boobs. She pulled out a taser but he was unaffected by it. Pepper spray however.

"IT BURNS! YOU BITCH!" Shadow screamed.

Sonic called Shadow but the ranger had taken his phone. She answered it, "Who is this?"

"Tell Shadow I said 'Shut up bitch' and also, tell yourself to go fuck yourself" Sonic hung up.

"WAS THAT SONIC!? SONIC SAVE ME!" Shadow screamed.

"He already hung up. He also told you to 'shut up bitch'" the ranger said.

"That motherfucker! We have to go kick his ass and burn his house down" Shadow demanded.

"Not until you pay for what you've done" a new voice said.

It was Smoky the bear. "Fuck you bitch" Shadow stated as he wiped his eyes, "I'll fucking call my boys on you"

Smoky punched Shadow in the face and kicked him, "I've dealt with your kind before, scum!" Smoky said, "Hedgehogs?" Shadow inquired.

"No. Barboons. Did you really think you were the only Barboon out there? There are plenty of your kind floating about. I'm just lucky you haven't yet awaken as one. I don't want my people here to be hurt"

"Fuck you for explaining things!" Shadow yelled, "I'll fuck you up!"

"Go ahead and try it punk" Smoky said.

Shadow got up and pulled out a cigar, but Smoky slapped it out of his hand. "You piece of shit" Shadow said, "What do you want?"

"Like I said earlier. I want you to pay for your crimes" Smoky said.

Shadow teleported out of the building and ran.

"I see you're going to make this hard. Lena, call my Woody friends" Smoky said to the ranger, finally naming her. Assassin maid still needs a name. Fuck you writer. Lena nodded her head and pulled out her phone.

As Shadow ran further into the woods, he encountered a bear. It wasn't Yogi. It was Booboo! "Hey you!" Shadow yelled, Booboo turned and looked, "Yes?"

"Fuck Yogi" Shadow said

"You know that madman?"

"Yes. He killed two of my friends. He needs to pay" Shadow said

"That's nothing. A few days ago, Yogi killed all the children in a local orphanage. He only did it on a whim and because one of the kids didn't share a chocolate bar with him. The thing was, he didn't even like that brand. I tried to get him to realize that before he attacked anyone, but you know Yogi. He killed 35 children that day. There was a man hunt with police dogs and it was all over the news. But it was of course it was overshadowed by the other usual crimes. This place has really gone downhill. This is why I've been living here in the woods" Booboo explained, "Also, I've legally changed my name to Jeff. It's better I not associate with a child killer in any way possible. If you do see Yogi again... Kill him"

Jeff walked away.

Shadow had no idea what to do with the knowledge that was dropped on him. He itched his belly. As he sat on a rock, he reflected on what he's done so far. Which was nothing. He regretted not yelling more at the assassin maid. "FUCK YOU ASSASSIN MAID!" Shadow screamed. At Tails house, the assassin maid sneezed. "Are you OK?" Daffy asked. Daffy then looked up and saw what was going on. "Fucking Shadow!" Daffy yelled.

He asked Kill to relocate him to where Shadow was and Kill complied with his wishes. This did not conflict with the story at all. Daffy smiled as he walked over to Shadow. He slapped his bitch ass to glory. "Take that bitch!" Daffy yelled.

Shadow rubbed his face, "Daffy you're here! Thank God!"

Daffy blinked.

"What?"

"We need to get out of here and fast!" Shadow yelled.

"It's too late for that" Smoky said as he and a few others walked forward to reveal themselves. Wood elves, except for Lena. "Damnit" Daffy yelled. He pulled out a semi automatic rifle.

"Woah" Lena said as she backed up a bit.

The wood elves however, readied fireballs. "Bring it bitch!" Daffy yelled. He passed Shadow a knife and cabbage that he took a bite out of earlier. "We'll kill everyone here and" Daffy looked at Lena and surrendered.

"WHAT!?" Shadow screamed.

"That's the chick I'm dating. And also I actually have nothing to do with this battle. So I'm free to go" Daffy said. He slammed the butt of his rifle in Shadow's face, knocking him out. "Well he's all yours boys" Daffy announced.

The wood elves walked over and carried Shadow away. Lena walked over to Daffy and gave his head a light pat, "What a good duck you are" she said. Clearly sarcasm. "I had things under control until you showed up. I wanted that promotion and I was this close to getting it! But I guess I'll wait until the asshole breaks out again"

"What were you going to do? Teleport behind him?" Daffy asked. She nodded. Daffy's secret girlfriend knew how to use Chaos Control. But in a limited form. Probably because she once had a Chaos Emerald. Lena handed Daffy, Shadow's phone. "I think that Sonic guy called. He told me to go fuck myself"

"Maybe I'll join you later when that happens" Daffy said, "But for now I've got to go find someone"

Just then. Tails called.

And somewhere, you could probably hear Mario yell out a "Holy shit!"