Chapter: 25: The Boogeyman
(A/N: From this chapter forward, Maddie can now talk to the grownups. Also consider this chapter an early contribution to Halloween.)
It was rainy night in Spooner Street as thunder and lighting occasionally boomed. Everyone in the Griffin household were somehow sleeping right through it... everyone except poor little Madeline. She was scared of lighting. The way it would flash and boom without warning had frightened her even more then the time Peter dressed up Lois's lengerie. Oh god, that was scary. In fact that's so scary, I'm not even gonna make a flashback about it. She stared up at the ceiling hoping it would go away, but it boomed once again causing her to hide under her sheets. She clutched onto her stuffed cat as she shook in fright. She then heard a whisper.
"Madeline..." it said in an eerie tone.
"W-who's t-there?" she stuttered.
"Madeline...," it whispered again, "I'm going to get you... I'm going to grab you and eat you..."
Madeline then let out a scream that woke the entire house.
"That sounded like Maddie!" said Lois worried as she got up to check on her.
"Oh jeez, it's finally happened," said Peter, "Zack's become a child molester!"
"Hey, shut up," said Zack from the other room.
Lois then ran to Maddie and Stewie's room and found little Madeline still under her covers scared half to death. Lois then picked the poor baby up and craddled her.
"It's okay, Maddie," said Lois, "What's wrong?"
"Grandma! I heard a voice," she said, "It said it was going to get me, and eat me!"
"Oh, Maddie. It was probably just you imagination," said Lois as she put her back in her crib, "There are no such things as monsters. They're just made up like dragons and Jean Claude Van Damme. You just go to sleep."
Lois then left the room and closed the door, leaving Maddie with sounds of thunder and lighting.
"Stewie!" whispered Maddie, "Wake up! I'm scared! Stewie?"
"Huh?... Oh no thanks, Rodney," Stewie murmered in his sleep, "I'll just keep watching you work those muscles and sweat... Yes, those abs look totally hot."
"Eww..." she said as she laid back down on her crib.
"Madeline..." whispered the creepy voice again as the thunder clapped, "If you go to sleep, I will eat you..."
"Wh-wh-who are you?" she stuttered.
"I'm the boogeyman..." it said, "And I'm going to GET YOU!!!"
A Black claw then grabbed the side of her crib only inces away from her. She screamed again and frantically climbed out of her crib. She then ran out of the room, almost slipping on the hardwood floor until she reached Meg and Zack's room. She then jumped onto Zack's crotch rather hard causing him to scream. Meg then woke up and saw Maddie on Zack's lap panting heavily.
"Maddie?" she asked, "Why are you out of your crib?"
"THE BOOGEYMAN!!!" she scramed while crying frantically, "HE'S GOING TO GET ME!!!"
"The Boogeyman doesn't exist, honey," said Meg, "It's just an old folktale, right Zack?"
"I'd say something, but I'm hurting like hell right now," said Zack in a squeeky, effeminate voice, "Oh and I don't think I'll be able to 'perform' tonight, Meg."
"Let's just put you back in you're crib, okay?" said Meg as she carried her back to her room.
"No! He'll get me!!!" she cried as she tried top get out of Meg's grip. Meg finally got back to the room and put Maddie in her crib, again, "Don't leave me! He'll get me!!!"
"I'll prove he doesn't exist by looking under your crib," Meg said.
"NO, mommy! He'll eat you!" she said.
Meg then bent down, looked under the crib and found that there was nothing there.
"See?" she said, "No Boogeyman. You just go to sleep."
Meg then turned off the lights and closed the door once again.
"I'm going to get you," said the boogeyman once more.
"No!" she said to herself, "Mom said you're not real!"
"Oh yeah?" he challenged, "Well... your mom's a bitch!"
"What?"
"You heard me. She's a bitch. A big fat bitch!"
"You take that back!"
"Oh yeah? Come here and make me!"
"Fine I- wait a minute! Nice try! I'm not going down there!"
"Okay, then I'm coming up THERE!"
The Boogeyman's claw came back up and Maddie shrieked again. Brian then ran into the room and turned out the lights.
"Maddie, what's wrong, this time?" he asked, "Is it the 'Boogeyman' again?"
"Brian, I'm scared!" she said, "Can you sleep here with me?"
"Sure thing, pumpkin," said Brian, "I'll make make sure the big bad Boogeyman can't get you."
"What the hell?" asked Stewie as he woke up, "You wouldn't sleep with me when I told you that Micheal Jackson was hiding in my closet!"
"Yeah, right!" said Brian, "The second I fall to sleep you'll have your way with me! Besides, Micheal Jackson is NOT hiding in your closet!"
"That's right! Now go to sleep already, little boy!" said Micheal Jackson from the closet.
"Stewie, shut up!" said Brian.
"THAT WASN'T ME!!!" shouted Stewie, "IT WAS MICHEAL JACKSON, I TELL YOU!!!"
"Whatever, good night," said Brian as he turned off the light and got into the crib with Maddie.
"That's right, you go to sleep," said Micheal Jackson, "I'm gonna get you, but not the little girl, though. I only like little boys. Then your ass is gonna be sore!"
"SHUT UP!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! LALALALALALALALA!!!!" shouted Stewie as he covered his ears.
"Stewie, I thought I told you to shut up!" said Brian.
"He's been doing this for 3 nights straight," said Maddie, "Just ignore him. I know I do."
They laid there in the crib for about 4 minutes.
"Maddie, I know you're scared but your hands are cold," said Brian, "Take them off me."
"Huh... No, I've been sleeping," said Maddie, "I actually feel safer with you here."
"Wait, this isn't your hand?" asked Brian as he felt it clamp on to him, "OH MY GOD!!!"
Brian then grabbed Maddie, jumped out of the crib, grabbed Stewie and ran to Peter and Lois's room.
"Brian?" asked Lois, "What's wrong?"
"BOOOOOGEYMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Ah jeez, Brian. Not you too!" said Peter as he got up from his bed.
"No, Maddie was right! There really IS a Boogeyman," said Brian, "It tried to grab me!"
"The Boogeyman's real?" asked Chris as he Meg and Zack entered the room.
"No he is not," said Peter, "I'll show you!"
Everyone then followed Peter into the babies' room.
"Peter, you don't want to mess around," said Brian, "This is the Boogeyman, for God's sake."
"Brian, there is no such thing as the Boogeyman, see!" said Peter as he lifted the crib to reveal nothing.
"I-I don't understand," said Brian, "I saw his hand!"
"Me too!" said Maddie.
"Ah, you're both just being stupid," said Peter, "It's just an old folktale like. Monsters like the Boogeyman, Freddy Krueger, Jason, and Paris Hilton are all made up. Now let's just all go to sleep and have nice dreams about oh crap he's real!"
To their horror, the Boogeyman was indeed standing right behind Peter. He towered over him at 7 feet. He was completely pitch black man-like creature with razor sharp claws, glowing red eyes, and sharp fangs. He then took a swipe at Peter which left 3 rips on his tanktop. Everybody then screamed and ran out the room locking the door.
"What the hell was that thing?!?!?" asked Meg in horror.
"BOOOOOGEYMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!" screamed Brian once again.
"Where did it come from?" asked Chris.
"Who cares where it came from!" said Zack, "Just how the hell do we get rid of that thing?!?!?"
"Peter, what do we do?" asked Lois.
"The best to do is to ignore it and hope it goes away," said Peter, "Just like we do with the other squid."
Suddenly, Squidward walks into the hallway wearing a robe.
"Will you people keep it down?" he asked in annoyance, "Some of us are trying to sleep! God, you people are worse than Spongebob and Patrick!"
"Hold on a minute," said Zack, "...Squidward's NOT a squid. He's an octopus."
"Finally!" Squidward said, "Now I can go back home to bikini bottom."
Squidward then left the house.
"Okay, that solves one problem. Now, how the hell do we get rid of the Boogeyman," asked Peter.
"Leave it to me!" said Zack as he grabbed a burlap sack and charged into the room closing it behind him. Crashing, bumping, and other loud noises could be heard from outside of the room as Zack combated the monster, "I got him!" he shouted. Everyone then went into the room and saw Zack beating up the stuggling sack.
"Now let's see this monster really is!" said Peter.
Peter then removed the sack and revealed the thing under the sack to be Old Man Herbert.
"Mr. Herbert?" asked everyone in Scooby Doo fashion.
"Can I hit him some more?" asked Zack.
"What are you doing here?" asked Lois.
"I came here to see the little football headed boy," said Herbert, "I heard talk about the Boogeyman so I snuck into your house to snatch, er, I mean protect him."
"That's very nice of you, Mr. Herbert," said Lois.
"Wait, you're not the Boogeyman?" asked Peter, "Then where...?"
Everyone then turned to see a shadowy figure escape the door. The Boogeyman was now loose in the house.
"That thing's loose in the house!" said Meg, "Now what do we do?"
"I remember in this one monster movie that they had to sacrifice someone to the monster to make it go away," said Chris.
"Meg," said Peter.
Zack then quickly slapped Peter in the back of his head.
"Oh, that's your solution to everything!" said Zack, "What we need is somebody who can take out this monster," said Zack as he looked at a flashlight, "And I think I know just who."
Zack then took the flashlight and a marker. He then wrote something on it, opened the window and flashed the light outside. It was the Batman signal.
"Is he calling who I think it is?" asked Meg.
"Wait for it..." said Zack.
Suddenly, the window downstairs shatters and up comes the one and only Adam West!
"I saw the Bat signal from my house," said Adam, "I hope you have a good reason for interrupting me and my taffy," he added as he put a piece of taffy into his mouth and slowly chewed on it, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmm..."
"Oh I am so sorry, Mayor West," said Lois, "But my son-in-law thought it was appropriate to call you for our monster problems."
"Monsters you say?" he asked.
"Yeah, the Boogeyman's was in my daughter's room," said Zack, "It scared her half to death."
"Frightening a little girl?!?! That's unheard of!" he said as Madeline walked up to him.
"Mr. West," she said, "Did you really beat up Joker and all the other bad guys?"
"Did I?" he asked, "What's you're name, little girl and how old are you?"
"My name is Maddie and I'm almost a year old," she said.
"I sure did, Maddie," he said as he pat her head.
"The Boogeyman is very scary," said Maddie, "Can you get rid of him?"
"Don't worry, Linda," said Adam, "I'll get rid of that diabolical monster, but I'll need some backup. I'll need the fat guy, the blonde guy, and the fat kid."
"You need me, Zack, and Meg?" asked Peter.
"Not her, the fatter kid," said Adam.
"Meg?"
"No, the boy," said Adam, "Just how is she fatter?"
"Cause she's a girl."
"Blonde guy, please smack him for me," said Adam as Zack backhanded Peter, "Thank you. Now, I want the women and children to get out of the house and to a safer place."
"And I know the safest place for 2 women like Meg and Lois to be at for hours with their children," said Peter, "Quagmire's house!"
Everyone just stared at him while crickets chirped.
"...No," said Zack, "You guys go to Jillian's apartment since I know the number. Don't come back until I call."
"Jillian's place?" asked Herbert, "Well alright! Time to kick me some hussy ass!"
"Not you, old man!" said Zack as he threw Herbert out the window.
"OWWWW!!! MY HIP!!!" he shouted as he landed.
"Zack, you be careful," said Meg as she hugged him.
"You all be careful," said Lois as she hugged Peter and Chris.
"Daddy, please be safe," said Maddie.
"Don't worry, Tina," said Adam West, "I'll make sure your dad is okay. I promise, Tyler."
"Maddie."
"Whatever."
Hours after the others left, everyone split up into the house in search of the Boogeyman. Chris and Brian were in the basement, Adam West was downstairs, and Zack and Peter was in Zack's old room in the attic.
"This is Batman to Blonde Guy," said Adam West on the walky talky, "Can you read me, Blonde Guy."
"This is Blonde Guy," said Zack, "Did you find anything?"
"I'm real close," said Adam West, "I can feel it."
"Really? What did you find?"
"I found some very important clues. A paper clip, a waterbottle, and this stick!"
"...and that's gonna help us find the Boogeyman?"
"Of course! He won't get too far without these important items of his. He needs these for some reason and he'll come back for them."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure thing."
"What are you smoking and can I have some?"
"Hey, Adam West!" said Peter, "Guess who I am?"
"Super Mario? Is that you?" he asked.
"No! I'm Peter Griffin!" he asked, "That fat guy."
"Are you sure you're not Mario?" he asked.
"No, I'm Peter Griffin," said Peter.
"Blonde guy, please smack him for me," said Adam West as Zack backhanded Peter again, "Thank you."
Adam then turned off his walky talky leaving Zack and Peter in the dark attic.
"Peter, will you stop breathing on me?" asked Zack in annoyance, "You're warm breath is very annoying and for God's sake, use a breathmint once in a while!"
"Oh, I am so sorry," said Peter, "Oh what, does your breath smell like clean cut spring flowers flowing across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon? Besides, I'm in front of you!"
"You are???" asked Zack as he turned around to see the Boogeyman drooling over him.
"HOLY CRAP!!!" said Peter.
"Okay, first of all, to answer your question, no it smells like a nice mix between mint and honeydew. Second, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Peter and Zack then ran out of the attic with the Boogeyman in close pursuit. They then ran into Stewie's room where they were cornered by the monster.
"Now I'm gonna getcha!" said the Boogeyman.
"Peter, I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but I've always kinda liked you!" said Zack.
"Zack, I must tell you something before we get mauled and eaten," said Peter, "I fart in your cereal when you're not looking!"
"WHAT?!?!? I'LL KILL YOU!!!" shouted Zack as he began strangling Peter, "MAKE ME EAT FART WILL YA?!?!?"
"Hold it right there, Boogeyman!" said Adam West as he entered the room, "I made a promise to Mikey that her father would be okay and I intend to keep that promise!"
"Adam West!" said Peter.
"You're too late, fool!" said the Boogeyman, "They're MINE!"
"Oh really?" said Adam West, "Then you won't be needing THESE then, will you?"
Adam West then pulled out his a paper clip, a waterbottle, and a stick.
"My very important items!" he said, "I NEED those for some reason!!! Give them back!"
"...You've gotta be Sh(bleep)ting me!" said Zack.
The Boogeyman then jumped towards Adam West who then delivered a roundhouse kick to him which in turned sent him flying into the closet.
"Quick!" said Adam West, "Lock the closet!"
Peter then locked the closet to keep the Boogeyman from escaping.
"Hello, there handsome," said Micheal Jackson from the closet, "You wanna play, Micheal Jackson?"
"What the hell? Get away!" shouted the Boogeyman, "Don't you dare buttrape me! No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Then a flash of light came from within the closet and as Zack opened it, both the Boogeyman and Micheal Jackson were gone. Brian and Chris then came into the room.
"BOOOOOGEYMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!" screamed Brian once again.
"He's dead now, Brian," said Peter, "You can stop doing that."
"Okay," he said.
Later on, the rest of the family returned to the house to thank Adam West.
"Thank you again for getting rid of the Boogeyman and Micheal Jackson, Mr. West," said Lois.
"See," said Stewie to Maddie and Brian, "I told you he was real! I told you he was in my closet!"
"And didn't we tell you to shut up already?" asked Maddie, "You said 'I told you so' about a thousand times."
"Yeah, don't make us tell you about his brother," said Brian.
"'I told you so' has a brother?" Stewie asked.
"Yes, his name is 'Shut the Hell up!'" they both said in unison.
"Yes, well I suppose I walked into that one," said Stewie.
"Anyway, it was my pleasure, Lois," said Adam West, "Now, little Bobby can sleep easy without any monsters under her bed."
"Say, thank you to Mr. West," said Meg.
"Thank you, Mr. West," said Maddie.
"You're welcome, Janet," said Adam.
"It's Maddie."
"Scott."
"Dumbass..." she murmered under her breath.
"Now I'm off to go home and fight the monster inside my refrigerator who keeps turning off the lightbulb when I close it," said Adam as walked off.
"There goes the greatest man who ever lived," said Peter.
"You said it, Peter," said Zack as they watched Adam West walked down the street.
"Holy smokes! The moon moves when I do!" said Adam West as he began running, "You vile stalker, Mr. Moon! You'll never catch me! NEVER!!!"
"You know what? Never mind," said Zack.
Happy Halloween to everyone at Chapter.