Ducks and Their Extraordinary Properties
Over 5000 hits. You people rock.
In which Ron has an exciting conversation about ducks while trying to move the rocks in the Chamber of Secrets.
Several things had happened over the course of the last few minutes that left Ron Weasley's head spinning. That wasn't really a very daunting task, but nonetheless, when you hear about them, I'm sure you'd agree that anyone might find them a tad overwhelming.
Not only was his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher sitting on the floor, his memory charm having backfired, his best friend was currently running deeper into the Chamber to confront the Heir of Slytherin and a giant snake. Presuming he survived the encounter, there was the whole matter of the wall of rock that happened to be in the way of him and Harry.
Ron decided to try and move as much rock as he could so that when Harry got back (He didn't even want to think about what would happen if Harry never came back) they could try and figure out a way to get the hell out of there.
That was the other thing. Getting into the Chamber was easy enough, a giant slide kilometers deep. But how the hell would they get out?
"Hey, you. Yeah, ugly, I'm talking to you," he kicked at Lockhart's shins. Lockhart seemed to be regaining consciousness, and groaned before sitting up.
"Oh, hello there. I was lost in thought-" Ron snorted here, "and didn't see you. Who are you, by the way?"
"Ron Weasley. You've gotta help me move all this rock."
Lockhart's memory may be erased, but he still thought exactly the same way. He gave Ron a calculating look, "and why would I do that?" He paused to think of his name, but when he couldn't remember it, he settled for "I don't work for free you know."
Ron was getting horribly frustrated, but fortunately he wasn't as retarded as everyone thought.
"Well, you've gotta clear that rock out so you can show the press your victory. I expect they'll be here soon."
That got Lockhart's attention. "The press you say? It's because of me isn't it?"
"The world's largest mountain troll is on the other side of these rocks, dead, and it didn't kill itself, if you know what I mean," said Ron with a wink. Yes, he even winked at Lockhart. And of course being the giant tool that he was the now ex-Defense Against the Dark Arts professor just ate it up.
"Of course, of course. Had to be, no one else would be up to the job." Lockhart nodded and rolled up his sleeves.
They moved stones in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Lockhart turned to Ron and said, "You know, the magical properties of ducks are quite extraordinary."
Ron looked slightly alarmed. "Ducks?" he asked cautiously. It appeared that Lockhart's neuroticism hadn't entirely disappeared.
"Why yes, the very same! Their feathers can be used in the Gernuncuous Elixir, a tricky little potion that can be used for stewing beef or killing soap scum depending on your preference"
Ron remained silent so Lockhart continued babbling on to himself. "Oh yes, quite like TLC, and it works so much better too. The common Mallard can also be used to pull any number of magical carriages. They only reveal their extraordinary strength when bread made by Xeno Lovegood is thrown in front of them; but nonetheless, the man assures me that it's there."
"That's… Really great…." Ron sighed and hit Lockhart over the head with a large piece of rock. And then kept hitting him. In fact he was so busy hitting him with the rock he failed to notice the blood spraying on his hands and the rock.
Oh well.
Fin.
Bit of a dark ending there, but I'm not really the biggest fan of Lockhart. Keeping reading, keep reviewing, and I'll keep thinking random thoughts.