Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Take it up with Kishimoto being all stingy with the proceeds. He doesn't need all of that money, he could slide a couple thousand my way and no one would be the wiser. *hint hint* Come on, you know you want to… I'll be your best friend Kishimoto.

Chapter 25: Easy Does It

Naruto looked at his partners for his next mission. He drew Rock Lee as his first teammate. He had never worked with Lee before, but assumed that it would be a very spirited experience to say the least. He still wished that he would put up the jumpsuit and wear normal clothes at work though.

His other partner was Haku, he finally got to work with her and perhaps see her pelt another person with those damned senbon of hers. She was probably going to lead the mission. She did have the most experience out of them all so he was just okay with that, and Lee probably would have been okay with a chimp being the team leader because at least the chimp would have taken a 'youthful' path to their target assignment.

Naruto opened his scroll to read his mission assignment.

Mission: Escort.

Rate of Pay: 25,000 ryo upon completion.

Assigned Operative(s): Naruto Uzumaki, Rock Lee, Haku Momochi.

Mission Specifics: To assist with the transport of valuables for Yamanaka Industries. A chance of the shipment being attacked en route to the destination in Takigakure no Sato. Payment is set regardless of conflict or not.

Contact Point: Yamanaka Industries Shipping Facility (Konohagakure Branch). 4/31 13:00 hrs.

Naruto nodded to himself after committing the important parts to memory and proceeded to use Kitsune-bi to torch the scroll as per the course. He had been called from home to take part in this mission on his off day from his training. It was like Jiraiya knew exactly when he was free and when to assign him troublesome missions.

It wasn't that he was lazy… okay, he was damnably lazy when there were things that he didn't have to do, such as work. After his last real mission in Tanzaku Gai searching for Tsunade and the exorbitant amount of money that he and Sasuke had made (more him really than Sasuke), not to mention the initial pay scale that he and Tenten got for completing the entire mission, not skimping on any of the parameters, and he was a very well-to-do teen at the moment, not requiring any real work in order to pay rent, make groceries or anything of the sort.

The only reason he even still went to the HQ was to either use the training facilities when he couldn't go over to Kyuubi's house to train outside like he would rather do or hang out with the other mercenaries. If hated his job and the people he worked with he would pretty much never show up, thankfully that was not the case, there were simply too many factors that made his job awesome. This must be what the teachers at school meant by finding a career that you're excited for when you wake up in the morning.

Naruto quickly found himself in a headlock by deceptively strong arms, "Hello there brat!"

Naruto was being slowly choked in the grip of the powerful attacker, "*choke* Hello Tsunade-baachan! *hack hack*"

Tsunade smiled at him in a deceptively sweet manner while slowly increasing the pressure, "Why brat… I just have to ask, have you been avoiding me? You haven't been showing up to headquarters very often. I haven't spoken to you in so long, I'm starting to think that you don't like me."

Naruto tried to wriggle free, however Tsunade had the deceptive freakish strength that he kept forgetting about. All he could really do was shift himself to an angle at which he could speak, "I'm not avoiding you. I've been busy."

Tsunade's eye twitched, "With what? I know for a fact that you haven't been taking missions, I've been in the pervert's office helping him out since I came back."

"I'm loaded! Why would I need to work? I've been training and actually going to school!" Naruto maneuvered to look up at her, "You've been helping? Come to think of it, it's been forever since I got you from Tanzaku Gai. Why haven't you gone home yet?"

Tsunade smirked and let him go, "Well I figured that if Kaisha Hien was full of kids like you I had to come and help out."

Naruto grinned at her, "Oh you mean Kaisha Hien is full of talented, bad-ass kids with loads of potential like me? And you couldn't let the chance to help such young talent blossom and grow into mercenaries of the future?" He asked hopefully.

Tsunade shook her head, "No, more like this place was full of punks with more muscle than brain, and not enough of even that to get themselves out of rough situations, therefore the services of myself and Shizune are needed to piece you kids back together again after you get your asses kicked."

Naruto glared at her, "I'm not stupid…"

Tsunade gave him a dry look, "You went to an underground fight club in the middle of a mission brat. You're not exactly the brightest bulb in the pack no matter how you want to defend yourself." She waved off his dirty look, "Anyway, I'm living here now. I had a house here that I never sold, I even had a few of you grunt kids clean it up for me. You are looking at Kaisha Hien's resident head medic, so now you don't have to keep making up lies to the people at the hospital… or wait for Shizune or Rin to be on duty. You idiots overwork those girls… always coming in when you know they're working so your lazy asses don't need to make up lies about your injuries."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "Whatever. Rin-neechan and Shizune-neechan love me. And I don't go to the hospital anyway unless someone takes me there while I'm unconscious so I'm not the one keeping them buried in work."

Tsunade walked with him throughout the base, getting his immediate attention as she didn't seem to be busy at all. She also seemed to have something of a serene smile on her face as she looked at him, "Tsunade-baa…" He flinched as he saw her tense her fist to swing on him until she realized he was ready to dodge it, thus he continued, "Is there any particular reason you're following me? I thought you would be busy, or at least speaking to the older members. What's so special about me?"

Tsunade gave him an amused grin, "You don't think you're special brat? What happened to the 'Greatest Man That Ever Lived' stuff that you've been spouting ever since I met you?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Well, most other people don't really believe that stuff… You know what they say; if you don't believe in yourself, who else will?"

Tsunade ruffled his hair, "True enough. And I'm following you because for some reason you've become my favorite little brat and I want to get to know you a bit better. Right now all I know about you is that you date that little red-haired girl and are friends with the little cop Uchiha."

Naruto gave her an odd look, "You want to get to know me? That's cool I guess. You're alright yourself Tsunade-baa. Don't hit me!" Naruto finished while covering his face with his arms. He eventually opened his eyes to see Tsunade simply smiling at him, "You aren't going to hit me for calling you that? You always try to hit me for calling you that."

Tsunade smirked and turned to leave, "Like I said. You're growing on me brat. I'll see you soon."

Naruto watched the older blonde walk away before shrugging to himself and continuing on his way out of the HQ. He had school today.

Tsunade watched Naruto walk out of the base from behind a corner with a smile, "I thought he was dead."

"That was sensei's doing you know." Tsunade didn't even flinch as she felt her teammate appear at her side, "I was angry at first that he wouldn't let me take the kid in, but all things considered he didn't turn out half-bad. He's a little rough around the edges, but that's not really a bad thing. I'd say the kid acts more like his mother than anything."

Tsunade nodded with a sad look on her face, "I thought I'd killed them both when I delivered him. The night she gave birth I thought he had died just like Kushina did. That was the real reason I left, I couldn't take it anymore."

Jiraiya frowned, "I know. I wanted to find you and tell you that he was still alive, but I hadn't seen him myself until a month or so ago. I was able to send out marching orders to Kakashi, Rin, and Obito to watch him while I was away though, that was the one good thing I could do for him." He ran his fingers through his spiky white hair, "Some godfather huh? I'm just now meeting my own godson."

Tsunade patted the tall man on the shoulder, "So? I'm actually related to the kid and I just met him not too long ago myself. His mother was essentially my niece. Well I'm helping that boy out. I have a feeling that if he's anything like his dad he'll find trouble without even looking for it. Hell, he already does."

Jiraiya chuckled, "Well hime, how about the godfather and the de facto grandmother share a few drinks to get a little closer… you know. For the sake of the boy, he needs some parental guidance so why not go all the way with the act?" He finished lecherously, placing an arm around her.

CRASH!

Zabuza was awoken from his sleep in his office to see a Jiraiya shaped hole through two of his walls, leaving a trail of them thorough multiple walls, not just his own. Zabuza sighed and opened his door to yell down the hall, "Get some rookies and some drywall so they can patch this up!"

XxX

(South Konoha High School)

Kyuubi looked over Naruto's shoulder as the class was getting calculus tests passed back, "Naruto-kun what did you get?"

Naruto showed her with a faint smile on his face, "71. Who says I need to study huh?"

Kyuubi smacked him on the back of the head, "Stop being stupid… That's not good, that you don't study. You're going to blow your final exam at this rate."

Naruto shrugged, "So? It's not like I'm really going to do anything after I graduate anyway. Who cares how long it takes or what my GPA is? My ass isn't going to college or anything of the sort so my grades are irrelevant."

Kyuubi ran her fingertips along Naruto's neck and back, "Oh Naruto-kun. If you can pull your grades up by the end of the year I'll find some way to reward you, I promise you'll like it."

Naruto blushed as his eyes widened and then narrowed, "Don't make promises like that Kyuubi-chan… Right now there's only one thing that I really want from you that you can give me, and I only want it when you're truly ready and willing to give it to me. Not because of some bribe to pull my grades up."

"Mou… Naruto-kun I just want you to do better. I know that you can." Kyuubi pointed over to Shikamaru who was asleep with his paper on his head, "That lazy bastard got an 84. If he can get his sloth butt up to study then why can't you? You're just being belligerent Naruto-kun."

Naruto gave her a dry look, "If Shikamaru actually ever studied for even thirty minutes once in his entire life then I will buy Ino and Sakura entire wardrobes." He turned to Shikamaru, "Hey Shika! Did you even crack a book once all year?"

Shikamaru pulled his test off of his face with a groan, "No… too troublesome. Why?" He then looked at his grade, "Hmm, okay. I see why you asked." And with that he laid his head back on the desk and shut his eyes.

Naruto gave Kyuubi an I-told-you-so look. Kyuubi grumbled, "Oh shut up Naruto-kun. And anyway this isn't about him, it's about you. I don't want to leave you behind." She said with a softened look, "I know that I can't say that I'm alone here anymore after all of the people I've met but you should know that you're still by far the most special to me." Kyuubi set her chin on his shoulder over his back.

Naruto gave her a peck on the cheek, "I know Kyuubi-chan, but I'm just stretched too thin these days. I did tell you that I'm leaving on Thursday didn't I? I've got more work." He softly rubbed Kyuubi's cheek.

Kyuubi closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, "You're leaving again? I thought you said you weren't going to be taking anymore missions for a while?" She sighed, "You can't take me along can you?"

"Not on this one. It shouldn't even be that long." Naruto admitted, "You know, you might as well join at this point, as deep into it as you are- Ow!"

Kyuubi bit Naruto's hand, "I can't Naruto-kun. My dad doesn't really even like me hanging out with you with you being one, how do you think me being a mercenary would go over?"

Naruto rubbed his wounded hand, "That's kind of hypocritical, he was one wasn't he? And if he kicks you out or some other kind of blown up overreaction happens you can come live with me. You pretty much do already."

She gave him a soft smile, "Thank you Naruto-kun." Kyuubi nodded, her eyes still closed and her leaning on his shoulder, "But yeah, that's why he never wanted me to do it. He said that mercenaries are pretty much tainted people and that doing it for too long gets to you. Something about perpetually dealing in death or whatever."

Naruto frowned, "Well he might have a point there Kyuubi-chan. You have a little bloodlust in you at times, but you haven't killed anyone before have you?"

Kyuubi narrowed her eyes in offense, "I've seen you, Sasuke, and even Kiba kill people before. I'm not a stranger to it, I came to terms with it back when I found out what you were."

"Kyuubi sit back in your own seat!" Iruka said as he finished handing out tests and planned on resuming his lecture.

The girl rolled her eyes and sat down in her own desk instead of leaning on her boyfriend's shoulder. They continued their conversation in low whispers because of their enhanced hearing. Naruto faked attentiveness at Iruka's words but spoke to Kyuubi, "You're something like the Deputy in that regard actually. You've never been beaten up and unlike Super-cop you've also never had to look at your own hands after taking a life. What do you think you're actually supposed to do with those claws and that fighting style of yours in a fight? Go for the throat and stuff like that. You basically just scratch your opponent up and knock them out."

Kyuubi had a displeased look on her face as she kept her eyes forward, "It keeps up with you. You've never kept me down."

Naruto snorted, "That's because I've never tried to knock you out on purpose, I hit you clean every time when we spar. Why do you think that when I hit you in the jaw you don't go down for the count? You really think that when we spar I hit you as hard as I can? No, because I can crack bones and smash concrete when I hit as hard as I can. What you have in technique I have in raw power, what you have in theory I have in actual field experience and battle practice. The thing is, if we ever really fought for real I would win because I know exactly what I'm capable of in a deathmatch, you don't, seeing as how you've never been near death before."

He continued, "No matter what you do to me I can get up because I've probably had worse before, you haven't. Have you ever seen your own blood spill out onto the ground like someone turned a faucet? At any point in time when I can't move my arm or leg in a fight I don't say, 'Oh no, I can't walk/punch. The fight is over.' I say, 'Crap, can I reset this and get back up? And if not what can I do as a gimp?' That's the true difference between us love."

Kiba, who also had ridiculous hearing, even better than the half demon couple was also extremely bored sitting through the lecture and decided to get himself involved, "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" He spoke just so that the other two could hear him.

Naruto and Kyuubi turned to him in surprise, forgetting about his hearing before Kyuubi glared at Naruto again, "Naruto-kun thinks he's better than me. That I'm useless in combat."

Naruto resisted the urge to palm his face, "I didn't say that, don't put words in my mouth Kyuubi-chan. I just said that you have no real experience, you've only fought once against that weak assassin girl that was after Sasuke with Zaku and that other guy that Sasuke killed."

Kyuubi made an exasperated expression, "And I won! I beat the crap out of that girl, how can you say I'm a bad fighter?"

Naruto sighed, "I didn't say that either, I said that if it came down to a life or death scenario where you alone had to fight someone that was fully capable of killing you, you wouldn't win. Because you've never been there before. Even with everything you know you've never had to respond to the stuff that I listed before. How much can you really know about yourself in a fight if you've never been nearly crippled?"

Kyuubi and Kiba sweatdropped, the rest of the room oblivious to the conversation. Kiba spoke up, "That's… that's pretty morbid dude."

Naruto shrugged, "It happens. Remind me to tell you about the time some guy broke pretty much every bone in my body a few months ago."

Kyuubi clinched her fists, "Fine then. Fight me full blast Naruto-kun. Fight me and let me show you once and for all. Use whatever you want, hit as hard as you want, just fight me."

"No." Naruto rolled his eyes, "Whatever. I'm done talking about this. I should have known the conversation would break down like this." Naruto popped a set of headphones into his ears and applies his attention to the formulas on the board.

Kyuubi growled, alerting Kiba, "What's the matter with you? Did you guys just argue?"

Kyuubi glared a hole into the back of Naruto's head, "Naruto-baka thinks that I can't fight. I taught him the majority of the stuff he knows, how dare he?"

Kiba rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, you were the one that taught him that glowy, rippy, claw shockwave thing didn't you? If you know how to do that and you taught that to him then I don't see why he doesn't think you can fight."

Kyuubi slightly raised her voice, "I know!"

"Were you just doing that selective hearing thing that girls do or what?" Sasuke grumbled from nearby, "He didn't say anything about you not knowing how to fight. But there's a difference between a fight and a deathmatch. In a fight there's a low chance that you get hurt, either because you or your opponent are so much better than the other that it ends quickly, or can subdue the other without much violence. A deathmatch is an utter struggle between one person and another of equal enough strength that the potential for grievous injury is high. In a deathmatch there is no surrender, there's no pulling your punches, no quick endings. The only way that it ends is when one person can't actively defend themselves, when one person can't even move anymore, most of the time when one person is dead."

Sasuke closed his eyes, "He doesn't think you're weak, he just doesn't want you doing that Kyuubi. Have you seen some of his scars? We both have them, they're just really subtle. Just check the one that goes along his hairline the next time you get a chance. He got that when we were 10, the first time that he ever really got his ass kicked and put into the hospital for weeks, so trust me, he knows what he's talking about."

The bell rang and everyone stood up to leave the classroom. Naruto looked back at Kyuubi with his headphones in to see if she was still angry and got his spiky bangs lifted up, confusing the boy.

Kyuubi gasped as she saw a long red line spanning his hairline, "You really have a scar? I thought you couldn't get them because of… you know." She said, as they were still around people that would take their condition the wrong way.

Naruto frowned, "Yeah… The only reason I have it is because it got infected. I was out on the ground for way too long before I got any help and now I'm stuck with it. It's why I never cut my bangs too low when I get a haircut. I never wanted you to see it Kyuubi-chan, it's ugly."

Kyuubi gave him a sympathetic look, "It's just a scar Naruto-kun. It's nothing big."

Naruto shook his head, "It's not just a scar. It's a reminder that I'm not like everyone else. You could go out tomorrow and never have to make a fist, never have to keep your senses peeled for some kind of conflict. Me however, that's all I'm good for. The scar is just a daily reminder that my life is more than likely going to be short and ugly."

Kyuubi hugged him tight to her chest, "You don't have to live that way. Why do you do it?"

Naruto relished in her hold, but had to talk, "I made the decision that this was what I was going to do a long time ago, long before I met you. In order to get out of the low class lifestyle I'm in I have to do something. There's no conventional way out for me, it was either do this or toil in shit jobs for the rest of my life. I won't be that guy." Naruto turned and walked away, leaving Kyuubi, Sasuke, and Kiba alone in the class.

XxX

Naruto had ditched school for the rest of the day and had skipped for the remainder of the week, not even sending a Kage Bunshin in his place. He was able to get the scoop on what he needed to get down in classes from his friends but he didn't want to go himself, not the way things had been going with Kyuubi. She was still set on fighting him to show him what she was really capable of, nothing he could say would change her mind on the subject, thus he had to dig deep and go for desperate measures.

The afternoon before he was supposed to head out on his mission he got the guys to set up a meeting that could help him in the long run… maybe.

Naruto sat down at a table outside of the ice cream shop with a perturbed look on his face, "Okay, I did everything I said I was going to do and then some. I took you two shopping, stayed with you the entire time while you tried the stuff on, gave you both tips on stuff Sasuke would probably like, spent well above the predetermined 20,000 ryo limit per girl, which by the way is more than I'm going to make on my next mission, was your damn human pack mule, didn't shoot my mouth off once, and now I'm treating you both to this expensive-ass ice cream." His eye was twitching by the time he finished, "For the love of all that is holy and sublime, try to help me. I don't even expect you to actually help me, I just want you to try. Can you do that for me, please?"

Ino stuck her spoon teasingly into her mouth, "I don't know. Sakura, what do you think? Should we go against everything we were taught as women and help poor Naruto here out with his issues?"

Sakura did much of the same, "Well, he is right, he did do everything as was specified and even a little more than that. He also did acknowledge that he needed our expertise on this, so I say he's been a good enough boy to warrant a little help."

Naruto let out a fake cheer, "Hurrah. I'm ecstatic right now, I'm positively giddy, can't you tell?"

Ino rolled her eyes at his act, "Okay Naruto, what do you want? A guy doesn't just drop 40,000 plus ryo for kicks and me and Forehead are pretty grateful so we owe you this at least."

Naruto sighed and chose his words, "Kyuubi-chan is upset with me because she thinks I think she's weak. That's not true at all though, I just don't want her to do what I do." Naruto bit back his words upon finishing the last sentence.

Ino waved off his concern, "Oh we already know Naruto, I was the one that called you out about your job that day back in the cafeteria. It's why you were commissioned for the job you're going on tomorrow. I gave your name to my dad." She smiled at him, "Me and Sakura are going too. It's like a field trip if it makes you feel better."

Naruto gave her a deadpan look, "Okay…" He decided to file that information away for future griping purposes, "Anyway, now she's dead-set on fighting me to prove that she's just as good as me."

Sakura shrugged, "So? The way you two talk along with Sasuke-kun and Kiba you fight all the time."

Naruto shook his head, "There is a difference between a spar, a fight, and a fight. I spar regularly with Kyuubi-chan and the Deputy, that day in the cafeteria I fought Kiba, what she wants I can't give because that is a fight, and that will either humiliate her, or hurt her badly."

Sakura gave him an odd look and took another bite of her sundae, "What's the difference?"

Naruto gave her a dry look and visibly made a fist before pointing at the wall with the other hand, "Spar." Naruto punched at the wall making light contact.

"Fight." Naruto threw a punch at the wall that made a significant smacking noise.

"Fight…" He said with emphasis before punching the wall with enough force for it to sound off loud enough to make people passing by on the street look at them. Pieces of the wall started cracking and falling off. Sakura and Ino stared at him wide-eyed, "You get it now?"

The manager came running outside and saw them sitting by the cracked wall, "What happened out here?" He asked, shooting an accusing eye at the street urchin Naruto while ignoring the two girls.

Naruto didn't spare the man a glance, "Your place is falling apart, that thing almost hit the ladies." He turned to Sakura and Ino, "Do you girls want to press charges for an unsafe environment?"

The manager looked at Ino and Sakura nervously. Both girls smirked as Ino spoke up, "I don't know Naruto-kun… That was really scary, what a shoddy job of upkeep this place has."

The manager dropped down and bowed pitifully, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you girls for this?"

Naruto grinned, "I think they could do with another helping of what they had, for free of course."

The manager hopped to his feet and ran back inside, "Of course, at once!"

The girls stifled their snickers in order to refrain from blowing their cover, "That was so bad Naruto."

Naruto shrugged, "Now when have I ever given off the impression that I'm a good guy?" The manager returned with the ice cream before backing off and apologizing profusely, "All right let's get out of here before the manager gets smart and realizes I did it. I don't need to be kicked out of any more places."

XxX

Naruto led the girls through the shopping district of the city towards their homes, their purchases in his grip, and continued talking, "Anyway, Like I said, now she wants to fight me for real to prove a point that she doesn't have to prove and I'm not going to roll over for her and let her beat me, that would make things way worse."

Ino furrowed her brow in thought, "Why don't you let her fight someone else and show her?"

Naruto frowned, "For that to work I have to think of someone to fight her that is actually strong enough to potentially win. That and I don't want her getting hurt for a stupid reason like that. No one should have to know how bad they can get beaten up and continue, that's a terrible thing to know, your threshold of pain."

Sakura walked up next to him, "She's going to be really stubborn about this you know. The only way to make things better might be to actually fight her and be done with it. It's completely against any logical reasonable thought I should be having and I'm sure it makes you feel like a real heel, but that may be the only thing you can do to move past this."

Naruto looked at Sakura, "She'll be expecting- no, demanding, a real fight. She knows every last thing that I'm capable of so she'll know if I'm holding back, all she doesn't know is that in a real fight it's damn near impossible to finish me, and I've been told as much repeatedly so it's not just me blowing hot air." Naruto sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "Kami, what a stupid thing to get in an argument over…"

Ino didn't understand the problem here, "So fight her. Get it over with already."

Naruto felt like pulling his hair out, "You don't get it, my moves are too destructive! All of my attacks start out at 'maim' and then increase in lethality from there. I don't have any subtle finesse moves, I'm centered around violence, therefore everything I do is intended to inflict long-term harm. Kyuubi-chan is used to sparring, which means that if she hits me once she'll think she's winning, what she also doesn't know is that I see no problems with taking three punches just to land one, because my one will be better than your three combined."

They arrived at Ino's house and the girls took the bags from his hands as Ino opened her gate, "Okay, well we'll have plenty of time to hash out all of the demeaning degrading things to make her forgive you tomorrow when we leave, for now, me and Sakura have to peruse through what we bought!" Ino pulled Sakura inside of the gate, giving the pink-haired girl enough time to wave before shutting it behind her.

Naruto waved back before pausing, "What do you mean forgive me? What the hell did I do? And what do you mean your purchases? I bought everything today!" Naruto threw his hands into the air and started roof-hopping his way home.

XxX

Naruto opened his door letting the dark of his living room fill his senses as he made it home that evening. Naruto quickly located the light switch and flipped it on.

"Ugh… Turn it off."

Naruto blinked as he noticed the fowl-shaped haircut laying on his couch, "Why the hell are you in my house Deputy?" He looked Sasuke's form over, "And why do you look like you were just on the ass end of an ass-kicking?"

Sasuke opened one of his blackened eyes and painfully looked over at Naruto, "Itachi… He's training me. I'm not sure whether to be grateful or pray for it to end…"

Naruto's face turned to one of amusement, "Does your mom know that you're getting the stuffing beaten out of you by Itachi? Maybe she can stop it."

Sasuke glared at him, "Gee thanks for that. You just brought up the reason that Itachi is 'training' me in the first place. I had to get her to ask him to do it… and now I'm regretting it." He thumped his head against the cushion, "I'm hiding here for tonight…"

Naruto laughed and went over to the kitchen to fix himself some food, "You're hiding from Itachi, the Itachi that tracked me down and dragged my ass to school for three years straight, and you're hiding here of all places? Your best friend's house?" He let out a chuckle, "Hey, maybe he'll overlook the fact that this is the most obvious place to look for you."

"Oof!" Sasuke rolled off of the couch, thudding off of the floor before slowly picking himself up, "You don't even know! He's stomping a mudhole in my ass and walking it dry!"

Naruto shrugged as he poured himself some cereal and went into his fridge for milk, "The best way to get better at fighting is by being shown what not to do, and the best way for that is to fight someone way better than you… and get your ass beat, I don't fight Itachi because I have enough people that can do that for me. Also you need to be faster for the way you fight, I suggest weights, I have a line on those and can get you some half off."

Sasuke limped his way to the kitchen, "You don't wear weights."

Naruto lifted the sleeves of his open button-up and revealed weighted wristbands as well as showing his ankle weights by lifting his pant legs, "They're really good." Naruto rolled his sleeves back down at shut the door to his fridge, "I'm seeing the guy that wears these things more than me tomorrow on the mission, I'll talk to him about it then." He lifted his carton of milk to his nose and sniffed before holding it out towards Sasuke, "Does this still smell good to you?"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Naruto put the milk on the counter and walked over to the front door to open it, revealing Isshin's imposing frame. Naruto blinked up at the large man blankly, "Um… Do you want to come in Isshin-sensei?"

Isshin walked past Naruto into his house and saw Sasuke leaning pitifully on Naruto's counter with bruises all over. Raising an eyebrow he turned back to Naruto, wordlessly asking the question. Naruto shrugged, "Training with his brother. What are you doing here Isshin-sensei? You never come to my house."

Isshin stuck his gaze on Naruto, "My daughter is quite upset with you right now Uzumaki."

Naruto sighed and slumped on the floor against the door, "I know… So I guess you're here to chew my butt out about making your 'little girl' upset and/or to beat my ass, right?"

Isshin shook his head, "No. You can beat her if you ever fought, I know this. You were just telling her the truth, she doesn't have enough real-world experience in combat to match you even with her being more experienced with her power than you are with yours." He looked over at Sasuke suspiciously.

Naruto waved it off, "Oh it's okay, he's the only person that knows about it and I trust him with it. I haven't had much of an excuse to transform at all since I've unlocked it, and I can't really train it away from your home because the massive bloodlust flowing off of me when I use it messes with people."

Isshin nodded, "As long as you can access it at will, you're doing fine with it for now."

Naruto stood up off of the floor, "So what should I do sensei? She's really pissed off about this, she hasn't even called me since that day at school."

Isshin patted him on the shoulder, "If she's anything like her mother then she'll have cooled down about it by the time you return from your mission. Just give her some more time boy and things will be fine. But you still have to apologize to her."

Naruto sweatdropped, "You know, you're not the first person to tell me that today…"

Isshin nodded, "Well the person that told you that was either extremely wise, or a woman."

Sasuke spoke up from the kitchen, "Sir, are you his sensei?" Sasuke asked Isshin.

Isshin looked at the bruised up Uchiha, "I am."

Sasuke limped over to the other two, "Do you think you could train me too? I really need it."

Isshin looked Sasuke over, "Do you have demonic blood flowing through you like my daughter or the blonde idiot here?"

"Oi!"

Sasuke shook his head. Isshin made a noise of affirmation, "Well then there's nothing that I can teach you my boy. All I can really do is give you the ass-kicking treatment, and from the look of you you're already getting that."

Sasuke blinked, "You're saying that my brother Itachi is actually training me for real?"

Isshin nodded and Naruto snorted, "I told you that getting your ass kicked was a legit way to get trained. Getting punched in the face makes you really not want to get punched in the face again, therefore you find ways to avoid that."

Sasuke rubbed the black eye on his face, "But he hasn't taught me anything since I learned Katon: Ryuuka no Jutsu (Fire Release: Dragon Flame Jutsu)!"

Naruto scoffed and thumbed his finger at Isshin, "So? Isshin-sensei didn't teach me anything until I could last an entire session of training without blacking out from blood loss or require Setsuna-chan to fix me up."

Isshin narrowed his eyes at Naruto, "Don't call my wife –chan brat."

Naruto gave him an ignorant look, "What? I call every female that doesn't hate my guts –chan of some kind. I doubt you want me calling her kaa-chan yet." He gave Isshin a leery look, "Or do you? …Tou-san."

Sasuke dragged his hand down his face, "I am infected by your stupidity."

Isshin tried to ignore Naruto as he continued explaining to Sasuke, "Anyway, when you impress him enough during your sparring he'll then start actually teaching you things like I did with the brain-dead blonde over there."

Naruto scowled, "I hear you old man. When you insult me you're just saying, 'I love you Naruto, you're so good for my Kyuubi-chan!' Well I have to say that I love you too… dad."

Isshin extended his claws and swung at Naruto who burst into smoke and left a scratched up log in his place, "Taste the lumber bitch!"

"Fucking little brat!" Isshin growled and ran down the hall to his room and locked the door. Isshin started pounding on the door and charged up his youki to bust the door down until he turned around and saw Naruto standing on the balcony outside. He ran back into the living room and left through the door in there to chase him off of the balcony into the night.

Sasuke watched, unblinking until he heard the bedroom door unlock and saw Naruto walk out unscathed with a smirk on his face. Sasuke pointed out of the window where he saw Naruto being chased off by Isshin. Naruto's smirk became a grin, "I love Kage Bunshin… so much."

A knock came at Naruto's door again and being the host that he is he opened it to reveal Itachi's emotionless face, "Hello Naruto-kun. Have you seen my foolish little brother by any chance? I'm assuming that he stopped here at some point during his frantic escape from our family grounds."

Sasuke paled and jumped into Naruto's hall closet, shutting the door silently behind him. Naruto pointed behind him, "Super-cop just jumped into my closet out of fear of your scalding hot awesome Itachi."

Sasuke opened the door and slinked out, looking dejected, "Thanks for nothing assface." Itachi tossed a kunai at Sasuke who puffed into smoke and revealed an impaled log that fell to the ground, "Later Itachi! See you at home!" Sasuke's voice sounded off from the distance.

"What a bother… all of that wasted time." Itachi sighed and looked at Naruto, "I'm assuming you taught him that."

Naruto shrunk under Itachi's eyes, "Um… If I say no will that keep me from getting my ass kicked all over town?"

"Nope. Sorry Naruto-kun." Itachi grabbed Naruto by his collar and dragged him out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him, "I was going to train Sasuke, but it looks like you could stand to go a few rounds yourself."

Naruto's voice rang out through the hall, "Wait Itachi that's not necessary! No! I've got somewhere to be tomorrow! Can I just send a Kage Bunshin with you instead?"

"Be a man Naruto-kun."

Omake: The Birds and the Bees

Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Obito had sat Naruto down in Jiraiya's office alone. Naruto looked around at the faces of the three men. Jiraiya had on a weird, creepy grin that he usually had before he said something perverted to get a rise out of Naruto. Kakashi had on an oddly pleasant eye-smile and had his little orange book shut for once. Obito just couldn't look at Naruto without snickering.

Naruto stared at the three dully, "So any particular reason you guys dragged me down here like an intervention? Is this about my rage addiction? Because I'm not kicking that, I just can't live without rage-ahol."

Kakashi shook his head, "No, it's nothing like that. We've decided that it's time to tell you everything you need to know about being a man."

Obito held back a laugh, "Yep little buddy. On the off chance that you can actually convince that hot little thing that we keep seeing you around with to jump into your bed for some shenanigans, we want to make sure you're ready and don't have any questions come game time."

Jiraiya finished with a grin, "Yep. Consider this talk your question and answer session kid. You have three men that are worldly experienced and here to inform you on concerns of the flesh my boy. Now why don't we start this off by you telling us what you already know so we don't gloss over stuff you already knew about?"

Naruto's eye twitched at first. How the hell are they going to sit him down for something so stupid? Eventually he sighed in resignation. Fighting it might make things worse, Obito might even bust out the obligatory virgin joke; hell he might even surprise Naruto and blast him with a gay joke while he's at it, "Fine… okay let's get this over with while I'm not in my right state of mind."

Kakashi's eye-smile never left his face, "That's the spirit Naruto! Now go ahead and get talking. Don't be afraid to ask us something, we are the adults after all."

XxX

(Three Hours Later)

Obito's one eye visible from his patch was stuck wide open in disbelief, "So there's a website where you can buy any kind of condom you want in bulk? Like, stock up for seven months, bulk? And they send it right to your house? No awkward buying them from the glass case in the pharmacy?"

Kakashi looked frazzled right next to him, "They have a TV network that plays nothing but skin flicks 24/7? Wait, they have a dozen of them?"

Jiraiya was almost drooling at what Naruto had just told him, "You mean there are sites on the internet with web-cams? So I can do actual research from the safety and privacy of my own office chair?" Naruto nodded, "Alright gaki, we've taught you enough today. You can see yourself out right?" He laughed to himself as he left the room and slammed the door to his private study.

Naruto pointed at the door Jiraiya just shut, "1000 ryo he doesn't come out of there even for food or water for two weeks." Naruto sighed in contentment as he looked to see himself out, "Satellite TV and free reign over personal access to the internet certainly makes sex ed a lot easier doesn't it?" Naruto chuckled to himself as he left the three 'experienced men' in Jiraiya's office.

Chapter done. Four stories to update these days… a whole lot of fun actually, I like doing it. Anyway, I will be redoing the first chapters, like re-upping the paragraph layout and stuff like that. It's because I care…

Alright, I'm done. Kenchi out.