Chapter 15
Bitter Sweets.

Author Notes: Okay I seem to be back on track. Sadly I am doing these very quickly so…I'll have to re-write them later. I just don't have much skill to edit these things and fix up everything. T-T I'm sorry…if it become illegible tell me and I'll…I dunno try harder and take longer to edit it.
Also just because I like sharing some of my life with you, I broke a boys nose….hence why I've been away for so long, dealing with that mess and testing…soooorrrryyyyyy. ^^ The next chapter that is coming out has a much lighter tone to the last few ones so just bare with it for this chapter.

Alice.

"N where are you off to in such a hurry?" Alice called after the retreating figure of the green haired male. His lanky form paused and after a second of deliberation he turned back halfway towards Alice and smiled faintly to her.

"There's something I have to finish off. Don't wait up for me miss guide, I'll see you at the end of class again." With that vague answer he turned and swiftly ran off down the path he had been heading to begin with.

This was not a new occurrence. For the last few weeks N had left at the same time every day. Every day it was the same. He'd vanish off towards the more hands on part of the school without a word and then at the end of the day he'd come back as though he never left at all.

It had frightened Alice the first time he did it, she was convinced he had gotten himself into trouble but in the end he appeared out of nowhere without a care in the world and told her not to dwell on it.

Sighing heavily Alice let the top half of her body bend down towards the ground so she could grip her knees in a display of agitation and exhaustion. N was a stranger in her world so how could he be the one keeping secrets from her? It did concern her to some extent, wondering just what it was he might be rushing off to do each day. But no matter how many times she asked or how she asked he never told her anything.

"He's driving me mad…" Alice groaned before pulling herself back up straight and running her fingers through her hair. "I guess it works out today though." Looking down at the leave pass wedged in her front pocket a frown creased her face. The leave pass was for that period and while she had been the one to organise the event she wasn't looking forward to it.

With the bell for that period's beginning blaring in her ears she head out of the school, bag slung over once shoulder and student leave pass clenched in one hand. If she vanished for this period N wouldn't notice seeing as he had run off to whatever it was he was doing every day. Stepping out of the school gates she felt a mix of dread and uncertainty stirring in her chest.

"It's just a doctor's appointment…no point worrying about it." Those words did little to calm her down as she walked towards the much dreaded appointment. The school was in the middle of town and while it claimed its own space and atmosphere it was only a short walk to anything they might want or need. Probably why so many of the students would try to sneak out when they didn't have their own leave passes. Alice had never been a fan of breaking the rules as she understood the value behind having them but she did have to admit there was a certain appeal to bailing out of a double maths class to grab a quick bite to eat with friends.

The day itself was painfully cheery; the sun was shinning and the birds having their very own concert by the sound of it. While days like that might have lifted her spirits before she couldn't help but feel this happy atmosphere was purely there to mock her misfortune. As she walked past the highway to the sound of many cars flying past her she looked down at the doctors note once more. The doctor was actually a familiar man to her, he had been treating her family and school for as long as he had been in the town and having grown up with him there was at least some comfort with him.

At least that would have been the case if the man's every word didn't reek of over confidence and glee. Every conversation with him somehow made her feel like he was mocking her as much as the sunny day was. Stopping at the local clinic Alice looked over at the giant illuminated Red Cross finding it to be rather daunting. With what felt like the hundredth sigh that day alone she straightened her backpack and walked through the automotive doors.

"Ah, Miss Alice isn't it? Please have a seat over there; he'll be with you shortly." The nurse told her with a sweet smile, must have been a good day for her. Another smile that felt a little mocking. Still Alice was polite and with a nod she took her seat in the waiting room. It smelt like cough medicine and impending death, there were efforts to cover that with vanilla candles, open windows and bright lights but it was hard to ignore just why people came here in the first place.

While she waited on her own in that room she finally took out the reason for being here in the first place. In her hands sat the Frankenstein picture. She had tapped the piece she collected to it and it was almost complete, rough, torn and burned but complete none the less. All that was left was another corner where it had been burned away…and the part where the ghost hand stuck into.

Alice's eyes lingered on that place. The ghost hand looked incredibly faint even in the picture, it must have been a trick of the light not some otherworldly sign. Staring at the picture in crushing silence Alice ran her fingers over it gently. She no longer had to try and remember the event she had so forcibly repressed all that time ago, even if she had tried it wouldn't have worked.

"Alice?" The nurse called her and shaking her head clear of those thoughts she gathered her things up and went through the door that the kindly nurse showed her to. When she entered she saw the familiar blonde haired man. He smiled when he saw Alice; a friendly smiled that made her want to punch his face in, for some reason he just annoyed her. Maybe it had something to do with the fact she had last seen him when she woke up with him pulling her shirt off.

"I was wondering if you'd come today or not." He admitted while Alice took a seat opposite him. "It wouldn't be the first time you decided against my offer."

"We made an appointment." Alice replied icily. "If I didn't come today then I'm sure that Rose would have shouted at me." She added as an afterthought. Rose had been on edge since that day in the city, she couldn't blame her considering what Alice had remembered but she didn't want her friends looking at her with those uncertain eyes anymore so she had gone to see the doctor.

"I suppose she would have." He chuckled sitting back in his chair while watching her with the same cautious eyes she didn't want her friends showing her. Of course when he looked at her there was also a certain amount of interest that was so poorly hidden Alice had thoughts of punching him again. After those words silence fell around them, he was obviously waiting for her to begin spilling the beans but she didn't feel like opening up about all of it just yet.

"You must understand our concern. It's been…well it's been years and with that amount of time being put into this…'illusion'." He trailed off when he saw the cold stare she was giving him at the word illusion. They thought she was mental? Was that it? Sighing he adjusted his glasses and continued a little more cautiously. "You know that they are worried about your state of mind. Your friends just want to know that you are going to function normally." Alice said nothing, no matter what she said Alice was certain he'd be able to twist her words and make them into something awful.

When she was reluctant to open up the doctor sighed and lent forward patting her hand gently. "No one is going to place any blame on you for grief Alice. It's no less a crippling condition than anything else, you merely dealt with it the wrong way. A child would naturally and understandably use that sort of protection…but you remember now and what's important is that you heal and continue life normally." His gloved hand was cold against her warm flesh but still she didn't budge. Frowning he tried again but was cut off by her.

"What do you want me to say…? I forgot and now I remember. It's simple and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm only here to calm down Rose and the others. Give me the okay and I'll get out of your hair." He didn't like her attitude that much was obvious but she wasn't going to change her answer. Anymore…and she might actually begin to cry, she'd been doing that a lot since the day she remembered.

"Alice." Alice looked up at the doctor as he spoke gently to her. "It was not your fault. You can't blame yourself for what happened in the past." Alice looked down at her hands that clenched her skirt in tight little fists.

"It doesn't matter if I blame myself or not…I know other still blame me. That doesn't matter anymore anyway!" Having had enough she found she wasn't about to handle as well as she thought she could have. Tearing herself away from the doctor she rushed from that room, he protested but did not stop her. "Nothing I can do will change anything now; it's a decade to late for that." Alice then escaped out of the door and away from that clinic.

The appointment had obviously been cut short and that left her back in the school grounds with no purpose. Without realising it she found herself walking to the only place that she felt she could maybe relax a little bit. She found herself on the more out of the way part of the school oval, curling up under one of the many shade trees she did nothing but sit there and wait.

Wait for the bell to go, for her friends to arrive and for the world to move forward again. Alice did not cry though that would have been very easy for her right then. Tears weren't going to help her anymore then words from a doctor would. Closing her eyes she wondered if maybe she could sleep, if she slept she might forget again. But the world was never on her side anymore it seemed.

"Heey~?" The voice didn't belong to one of her friends, it was too high pitched and agitating to the ears. When she removed her head from her arms to look up at the owner of the agonising voice she saw the usual faces of the people she wanted to see least right then. Camilla's usual group of friends was there, KFC drinks clutched in their manicured hands. Apparently they had been skipping class again and thought she had been doing the same. "Skipping class? Pretty bold for a little bitch like you."

Even without Camilla they play their bully cards as stereotypically as any movie. Alice thought dully, while they talked at her she just began to…monologue. They'd get bored of her complacency and leave again, eventually. But again it seemed they had a bit of spare time on their hands and the world was not being kind to her. When they realised she was essentially ignoring them the first girl reached down and tugged her to her feet by her hair.

"Oi are you listening to me you god damn slut?" She demanded in her face, Alice just stared at her. Camilla wasn't even here to urge their violent behaviour on and they were still treating her like this?

Alice just…closed her eyes and let it play out. After all, what would be the point if fighting back after a decade of this already? Nothing new, she'd just sit back down and write about it later and they'd fail school.

So Alice just obediently sat there.

….

N

"You're working hard aren't you?" N looked up from his working station to the male that spoke to him. While N didn't like it the male Hunter had been placed in the station next to his so the two ended up exchanging words here and there. "Not many kids would offer to work extra in something like this, you know?" Hunter's tone was lazy as he watched N stir the contents of the bowl in front of them.

Today's lesson was on cookies and he found the dough to be much tougher than that of cake mix but he had a good feeling about that day. "What gives?" Hunter tried again when N was silent. With a sigh N brushed the green bangs from his eyes and looked over to the spiky dark haired teenager.

"I'm working on something." He didn't feel the need to tell him exactly what it was but N must have been an easy case to read this time because Hunter just smiled knowingly and rest his chin on his palm.

"Working on something for the little miss are you?" N frowned at the male's prying but decided he might as well chat while working, he needed to keep his mind on something while the cookie's were cooking after all and he could waste as much time on his food tech neighbour as he desired with his willingness to talk.

"Yes. As repayment." Hunter looked at him with the same surprised expression he saw so often when he spoke. Perhaps it was his mannerisms that through the mortals of this world off?

"I guess that means your cousin has been cooking everything for you. Typical." Rocking back on his heels Hunter continued to speak with no real drive behind the chatter other than boredom. "So you're hoping to give her some treats in return?"

"That's right." Alice had been cooking for N the second he arrived in this place. He had never felt hunger before and strangely enough mistaken it for an illness when his stomach growled for the first time. Alice had made fun of him for it naturally but she had also given him lovely food whenever it did grumble.

On the day that illness had genuinely taken his guide though he was only able to produce a destroyed kitchen, tea that was too milky and soup that made even Axel look a shade of green that couldn't be right for humans. Alice had eaten it all and smiled afterwards, since then N had insisted that he take these school cooking classes. He would surprise his guide with something delightful as the treats he was currently making for her.

He wanted to see her face when he gave them to her, see it light up and then not turn green when she ate them. Hunter was still watching him as he focused all his energy on the cooking and N decided he might as well get something from the other male.

"What about yourself? Cooking for something important?" N's question earned him an uneasy silence then a glare before an actual answer came his way.

"Something like that. Only I'll eat the sweets." Smirking arrogantly he returned to his own cooking right next to N. "Still, I have to wonder about you two. For cousins you're awfully cosy, in my experience family is never that close. More rip each other's hair out fighting." N had never really had those sorts of relationships so he had no inside knowledge of the inner workings that might go on there.

"You speak from experience?" He repeated carefully. "You rip out your own family's hair?" Hunter scoffed looking over to N.

"You've met my sister, hard not to rip at her hair don't you agree?" N had not made the connection earlier but it dawned on him why the two that seemed so against the others company were together always.

"That Camilla girl is your sibling?" He confirmed getting a reluctant nod from Hunter.

"Unfortunately that makes me responsible for her." He smiled while finishing up on his own cooking and cleaning the base. "Got to look out for family first you know." Hunter stopped talking to N for a long time after that and he wasn't face to go after another chat with him. N went back to focusing only on his cooking. It was a new turn of events for N to be trying this after all servants cooked the food for him where he was from and while he wasn't opposed to working hard there was something just…strange about this kind of labour.

He did pick it up quickly and begin to even enjoy it, knowing the outcomes would eventually make his sensei smile at him. He wanted to see her smile honestly since the day that she had seemed to have some sort of emotional breakdown. Once they returned to her home she had woken the next morning and while N expected crying or some sort of unusual outburst all he got was the usual good morning smile and a normal day.

For some reason this made N incredibly annoyed, why wasn't she getting cranky at anyone? She acted completely normal after something had obviously happen, did she think that he couldn't see how fake that smile was? N was frustrated that she would try to hide anything from him at all but he had not told her this. He had instead gone about a more subtle approach and these cookies would be something to help her smile normally again. It was only when the cookies he was making were done and he was packing them into the little bags they had that Hunter and he exchanged more words.

"Here." Hunter gave N a little bow with a disinterested shrug. "I don't want girly crap on my cookies, put that on Alice's ones." Hunter was just about to walk out the door when he paused and looked back at N. "…Cousin or not at the very least you two seem fairly happy together. Later." Hunter left N to stare after him, thinking back on the day he had fed the birds by the window he couldn't help but wonder just what Hunter's real nature was.

This thought caused N to smile with a soft chuckle. Masks that hid a person's true nature were all too common around him after all. With the bow fastened around the bag he studied his own handy work just as the bell for the end of that lesson rung in the halls of the school. Hopping the treats would have the right taste he held onto them tightly and left the cooking lab in a rush.

He didn't like to think that his cool could be broken by a bag of decorated sweets but the closer he got to the usual meeting place the faster his feet left the ground and before long he was running down the halls. It felt important that he get there before she could come looking for him. His guide had been trying to find out what he had been doing and today she'd finally know, the cooking classes were most certainly worth every moment if he could surprise her.

Opening the door to their classroom he saw Alice sitting where she always did, in her seat by the window looking at the birds that had gathered there once more. With a smile on his face he walked into the room holding the bag neatly behind his back.

…

Alice.

Scathing at the cut on her cheek Alice stared blankly out the window. Those girls did end up getting bored fairly quickly and leaving just as abruptly as she expected.

"Attention span of rats…" Bitterly muttered words came from her and she immediately felt a little bad, those girls might be a pain in her back side but there was no point getting venomous over it. Her body felt stiff all over and she was sure that she was going to show bruises for the next week or so.

Hearing the door slid open Alice decided not to look up. The room was empty apart from her and she expected that it was just someone who had forgotten something after class, she wasn't expecting N for another five minutes or so just yet. So when the familiar sensation of him being close by her side appeared she was surprised. Not a moment later his form stepped into her field of vision Alice gradually looked over to him.

N was smiling at her and as the orange glow of the afternoon hit that tea green hair Alice couldn't help but become wrapped up in just that sight. He looked so carefree and so very innocent…it made her smile. However when she turned to face him she exposed the cut she had gotten from one of the rings those girls wore.

"Miss guide." N spoke gently to her, fingers brushing against the side of her cheek with a small frown. "You're hurt?" Alice wouldn't tell someone like N what had hurt her and instead just smiled faintly and nodded.

"Clumsy me I guess…Don't worry about it, doesn't hurt." She lied to N and removed his hand, in doing so she noticed that he was hiding something himself. "What's that…?"

While N didn't seem satisfied with her answer he was distracted by the question. Standing up straight his smile returned even brighter and suddenly there was a decorative bag begin held out to her, a little bow wrapped around the top of it. "It's for you." He said, keeping it pushed out towards her. "As repayment for feeding me all those times."

Hesitantly Alice took the bag and after taking a second glance at him she opened it. Neatly nestled inside of the coloured bag sat many small perfect cookies. "N..? Did you make these?" Alice asked, astounded by his sudden new found ability. "This is what you've been working on?" N nodded, pride radiating off of him as he watched her reactions to the cookies.

"Eat. Go ahead." He encouraged her almost sounding excited. "I'm interested to hear someone else's opinion on my cooking." Pausing Alice looked over the perfect little circles before trying one. She had almost expected it to be inedible with his past cooking feats but it was sweet and smooth. Her eyes widened at the delightful taste he had produced.

"It's amazing N!" She exclaimed smiling brightly to him. N in return grinned happily, pleased with the results. He took a seat next to her and the two of them shared the treats he had made. The entire setting took her mind off of the bullying that had occurred earlier, too much in fact. Without thinking about her bruises she stood up to get her bag and cried out in pain as her twisted ankle gave her a painful reminder of why she had been sitting down for so long.

N looked up in alarm and caught her by her shoulders as she fell. "Miss guide?" His voice was very close to her but her focus was on the fire in her ankle, she hadn't realised how bad it really was and she found the pain was too much for form a proper reply. N's gaze slipped down towards her ankle and before she could stop him he was pulling her shoes and socks away gently as not to cause unnecessary pain on his sensei.

With the sock pulled away he could see the redness of the joint, a darker shade of red at the centre of the irritation, it looked as though something rough had slammed down on her ankle and forcibly twisted it. Alice could feel N looking her over now as if something had clicked in his mind, it didn't find him long to locate more evidence.

A bruise on her shoulder, a cut on her face, a swelling twisted ankle and many other scattered little nicks and slowly bruising areas. Alice couldn't say a single word as he looked her over. It was only when he began to lift her shirt that she protested, reaching down hurriedly to grab at his hands and stop the progress she tried to pull him away.

N hadn't said a word this whole time and she couldn't see the dark expression he was making until it was a little too late. Grabbing hold of her wrists N pushed them both down onto the ground, pinning her there and fixing her in place with the intensity in those angry eyes.

"You weren't going to breathe a word of it were you?" When he finally spoke it was in a quiet controlled tone that hid blinding rage. "Were you?!" When he was not given a reply he demanded again, hands tightening on her writs. Looking up into that face she could see an honest mix of anger and concern, N had been showing that face more and more often. "Why not? Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because you're so happy like this." The answer came out of her mouth before she could help herself. N's grip didn't lessen in tightness but he did look taken back by that explanation. He remained where he had been before, holding her down and watching her as she spoke.

"N…you're too innocent and to pure hearted for me to show you those things." Murmuring the words she knew that it would do little to remove his anger but this was the N she saw and wanted to protect. "N should only ever be in the company of good things…to see the bright side of life. If I showed you this sort of thing you might begin to think badly of everyone else."

"But people like that…!" N began to protest but this time it was Alice who wasn't having any of it. Tugging her arms up she was almost able to throw N off her purely with the aid of surprise on his part. If he had been paying attention there was no hope she could have shifted him even an inch.

"No!" Looking at N with a small smile Alice continued to speak, her hands coming up to rest on either side of his face. "You have to listen to me this time. You're a good person N, even if our beliefs clash every now and then I know you're not a bad person and…you should only believe the best in people."

N was shocked, Alice continued even though he had not said a thing his guide was saying something he struggled to truly understand. "To be the first to put trust in other people, to be the first to extend a kind hand…to believe in the core and true goodness in those around you. That's what I want for you…I want you to see the very best in everyone." Looking up at him she smiled more brightly. "Because when you can do that…people will be drawn to you without a doubt you'll have lots of friends."

N's arms heisted for just a moment before they came up to wrap around his guide's shoulders and pull her against him in a hug. His fingers twitched slightly as he gripped at her shirt, words like that….would never be natural for N. "Lots of friends you say…?" He whispered softly while holding her close to him.

"Yes…the very best friends." She agreed leaning against her student slightly and closed her eyes, she felt so exhausted after that day; it was all very trying for her.

"Best friends?" N repeated the foreign words softly. Alice had many friends while N lacked a single human companion, he had always hoped it would be Touko that would become his first friend…but for whatever reason he was forgetting it seemed that was impossible and now he desired Alice's attention…attention she gave to others. "You know…I've never had a best friend. Do tell me…what is it like?"

"Warm." Alice murmured softly, more because of the warmth that came off of his body put the word into her head. "And happy…having friends makes everything better I think." Opening her eyes just a little bit she thought of everyone she knew and smiled. "Maybe a little bit painful to…"

At the time N hadn't dwelled on that last part, he was feeling his own pain right then. Alice spoke about her friends and that left N to ponder just what it was that they were. He had wanted for so long now to capture all her affections…and he felt no closer to that goal then he had when they first met.

"One day I'm sure you'll understand it to N."

…

Me: "So the sad music got to me again…ahh shit. Well don't worry hopefully the next one will be less depressing. ^^ It's a birthday one mwhaha."

Alice: "Is the birthday a sad thing to…?"

Me: "AH shit…well I'll try to tone it down? Just trust me, it'll be a happier chapter I promise."

Alice: "Uh-huh." *Doesn't believe her.* "Also you haven't explained the picture backstory."

Me: "I KNOW! I'm getting to it, you might remember but the audience doesn't yet so shush and let me write." *Pauses.* "Actually you know I've been getting a heap of reviews lately, I guess I was away so long that people are just trying to make sure I stay…guess what…it's working! Tehe."

Alice: "And shameless way of asking for more reviews check."

Me: *Tosses a stapler at her.* "Shut up! Reviews tell me what people think, need and give me drive to write. Anyway, I'll get the next chapter out as fast as I can. See you then."