A/N: Thank you guys so much for your support and (mostly) kind words! I know many of you aren't happy about the turn of events, but I appreciate your patience while you wait to see how this all plays out.

Huge hugs to my awesome friends and prereaders, Keye, Sandy, and Caz, for their invaluable feedback and hilarity.

A chance to comfort Edward to my awesome beta, SassySue (chayasara), who spoils me to no end. Mwah!

Chapter 23

~Rupture~

~*Bella*~

I know Edward is here. The roar of an engine racing into the lot of Delaney Hall is a dead giveaway, but I torture myself by peeking out the window anyway.

Edward lunges out of his car, raking a hand through his tousled hair. He's still wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday. With a determined stride, he heads into the building. I'm not worried, though; Cilla will stop him.

Just in case he manages to give her the slip, I double check the lock on the door then huddle by the window until I see him exit the building. He slams a fist in the middle of the Audi's hood, leaving a fair sized dent.

I slide down the wall, curl into a ball, and cry my eyes out.

When Becca comes home, it's dark out, and I'm still curled up in the corner of my room. I have no idea how many hours I've been this way, but my phone has vibrated against my hip no less than thirty times.

The living room lamp clicks on, the resultant light under the door like daggers stabbing my retinas. "Bella?"

"In here," I croak. My voice is a hoarse whisper, and Becca probably didn't hear, so I try again. "Becca."

As the bedroom door opens, a slice of warm light expands over the floor. I'm glad it doesn't reveal me. Darkness consumes every cell of my being right now.

"Oh, Bella," Becca sighs. Somehow she intuits I don't want the light. She shuts the door and crawls over to sit beside me in the dark, offering her hand, which I gratefully accept. "Cilla told me he was here earlier. I'm so sorry, honey."

"Thanks."

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean . . . I've seen him with you. He loves you."

"Don't, okay? It's over."

"Think about high school, though. Are you sure there isn't an explanation?"

"I saw what I needed to see with my own two eyes, Bec. Please . . . I just can't."

~SN~

The next few days go by slowly. My time is only marked by day and night. I do nothing but alternate between crying and raging.

Edward keeps leaving messages on my phone, and I delete them without listening. I saw the way he treated Tanya that night, and she obviously enjoyed it. As much as I hate to admit it, maybe she was right—maybe they are a better match.

Cilla informs all my professors that I have the flu. She purses her lips and says I have to "get over my flu bug sooner than later" because she can't justify an extended illness.

When I can no longer stand my own stench, I take a shower. I really let go and cry under the pelting spray, going all out in a way I try to suppress around Becca.

I miss Edward. There's no denying how much I want this to go away, how much I want to erase every moment I spent in front of his TV watching that sex tape. The truth keeps coming back around, though. Edward likes it rough. He held himself back with me. When he got the phone call, he rushed to Tanya's side. No matter how much I love him, this is something I don't see us working through.

"Bella, I'm making spaghetti for dinner!" Becca calls from the kitchen.

"Not hungry." I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling.

My bedroom door opens, and Becca's shadow is eclipsed by the light from the living room. "Oh, you're totally having dinner with me, Swan. This pathetic mooning is over. Get off your ass and set the table." She retreats to the kitchen, leaving my door wide open.

I grumble and curse, loosing a stream of very unladylike phrases. A few of them cause the corners of my lips to twitch, and I finally get out of bed and hobble stiff-legged into the bathroom. I wash my face, brush my teeth and hair—I even put on jeans and a T-shirt.

When I shuffle out, Becca smirks but has the courtesy to turn her face away. I grab dishes, silverware, napkins, and cups and start setting the table. We work together in silence for a while, and I'm grateful to her for not making this more difficult for me.

"Thanks, Bec."

"For what?" she asks with her back to me. She pours the pasta into a colander and steam billows up around her head.

"I know I've been impossible the past few days. Thanks for just being here for me . . . and letting me wallow."

"Sure thing. Gotta say, though . . . I'm glad you finally took a shower." Becca waves a hand in front of her nose.

We look at each other for a moment and then start laughing.

Dinner goes well, considering. Spaghetti is one of my all-time favorite foods, but I only manage half a plate, and it sits heavy in my stomach. Becca wolfs down two helpings, content to eat in silence while she snarfs her food like a machine. She pauses only to exchange a few texts with her boyfriend.

"Where's Jim tonight? He could've joined us for dinner." I feel guilty that Becca is stuck spending the evening with me.

She waves a hand. "He's at a friend's house watching the game. Anyway . . . we need some girl time."

We make it to dessert without mention of Edward or the homeless fragrance wafting out of my room. There isn't much talk at all.

Becca insists on clearing the plates then slips a bowl of chocolate pudding in front of me. "Everything looks brighter with chocolate!"

I don't know about that, but I do love pudding, so I scoop a huge spoonful into my mouth. "Mm-mm. Good, Bec." I give her a thumbs-up.

As we're on our second helping of pudding, the inquisitive part of my mind comes back on line. I tilt my head to the side and tap my spoon on the edge of my bowl thoughtfully.

"Bec . . . you know how Tanya was attacked at her apartment?"

"Yeah."

"Well, is that something . . . a guy like Jason Albright might set up?"

Becca's spoon halts halfway to her mouth. "What are you getting at?"

"Maybe that's why Tanya met with Albright at the frat party."

"You think she hired someone to kick the shit out of her? I mean, from what I hear, she had internal bleeding and broken ribs." Becca shakes her head. "That sounds crazy."

"Yeah, but what if it wasn't supposed to get that far?"

Our conversation is interrupted by another volley of texts from Jim, and Becca disappears into her room. I wash and dry the dishes while contemplating my theory about Tanya and Jason Albright. Tanya is certainly crazy enough to pull something like that. Maybe her "attacker" got carried away.

When Becca returns, she's wearing her rattiest pajamas.

"No TV night?" I query.

"Nah. I figured we can watch TV here tonight."

"Okay."

Becca slaps herself on the forehead. "Aw, shit! I left some books in my car, and I already have my PJs on! Damn it all to hell!" She turns and stomps back toward her room.

"Bec! I can get them for you. I'm still dressed."

"Oh, would you? Let me grab my keys." She rifles through her huge drawstring bag and produces her car keys. "I'm parked on the side of the building by the service entrance."

I grab a hoodie and pull it on over my T-shirt then head down the back stairs, wedging a rubber stop under the outside door so I don't get locked out. This side of the building is usually deserted, housing the air conditioning units and a small corral for recyclables. I pause by the door and breathe in the cool night air. The sky is midnight blue and clear, filled with so many stars.

I spot Becca's black Nissan parked under a street lamp and start for it. A figure steps out of the shadows, blocking my path.

"Bella."

It's Edward, but something in his voice and the haggard look on his face as the light illuminates him renders me speechless. Dark circles give his eyes a sunken appearance. It's obvious he hasn't shaven all week, and his hair is a tangled mass of wayward strands. Still, he's more beautiful than any man has a right to be. A wrenching pang twists at my heart.

He uses the element of surprise to his advantage and grabs me by the arms, walking me back against the wall beside the door. I gape up at him, shocked at his nerve but still speechless over his appearance. Up close, his green eyes are dull and bloodshot, but they hold a spark of heated determination as they gaze down at me.

"What—"

He interrupts me with a finger against my lips. "Shh . . . you have to listen to me." His body presses mine against the wall, one arm resting on the bricks next to my head. He traces my lips with his finger. "God, how I miss you."

"Are you crazy? What the hell are you doing here?" I push off the building in an attempt to slip past him, but he just presses in closer—so close I can smell his masculine scent, and my heart beats faster in answer.

"Please . . . please. I love you, Bella."

"Love?" I snort.

"I know I fucked up. Just give me a chance to explain. Haven't you listened to any of my messages?"

"I deleted them. I thought I made it clear—we're done." I shove against his chest, and the familiar feel of him beneath my hands sends pain slicing through my heart and brings tears to my eyes. "Just go. Let me go."

"I can't, baby. After everything we've been through, don't shut me out like this." Edward cups my face in his palm, stroking his thumb over my cheek.

The tears spill over and run down my face. He wipes some away with the pad of his thumb and—dear God!—kisses the rest away. Edward's lips feather across mine, and I breathe him in through parted lips. I'd like to say he's forcing his mouth on mine, but he's not. I could easily pull away, but I remain frozen against the wall and breathe him, allowing him to ghost his lips over mine.

Warm saltiness wets my lips, and I realize Edward is crying. This is too much. Why should we be sharing pain? I press my hands harder against his chest, and he covers them with one of his own, trapping them against his heart.

"Please . . ." he begs against my lips. "Please just hear me."

"Why are you doing this, Edward?" I shake my head sadly.

"Because I love you. I've always loved you. What I did with Tanya . . . it was about you."

"What? Do you know how bizarre that sounds?"

"It's true. I'm ashamed of what I did, of who I became, but that's not the real me." Edward raises his head, placing a finger under my chin, and waits until our eyes meet before he continues. "Bella, the real Edward is the one you spent the weekend with, the man who wants to worship your body and treasure you. Feel this." He presses my hand closer so I can feel the pounding of his heart.

"I saw you on that DVD—the way you were with her."

Edward scrunches his eyes closed. "I didn't realize until I saw the video just how fucked up things were. I have an admission to make—you have to know everything if we have any chance of moving on. I don't remember that night."

"Are you saying Tanya drugged you?"

"Not without my knowledge." When he opens his eyes, they're filled with anguish. "Copious amounts of alcohol were almost always involved, and sometimes . . . I'd take one of the little blue pills Tanya always seemed to have handy."

"You did drugs? Edward, why?"

He presses his forehead against mine, cradling my face in his hands. Even though my hands are no longer being held captive, I keep one over his wildly drumming heart.

"If I tried to be gentle with her or loving . . . if I was sober . . . then your face would haunt me. After a time, I couldn't . . . perform unless I was drunk or high."

I gaze into his eyes, speechless.

~*Edward*~

I hold Bella's warmth in my hands. Our foreheads press together, and I feel her trembling against me.

"Y-You thought about me . . . when you were with her?"

Bella is no longer trying to push me away. Her fingers curl around the edge of my jacket and one palm remains over my heart as those beautiful brown eyes look up at me.

"Yes. It became a real problem for me."

I feel human for the first time in days. Sleep has eluded me. I haven't eaten a decent meal all week, and I've barely managed to drag my ass to classes. I found out Bella had the "flu" when one of her professors asked me to convey get well wishes. Her "illness" cut down my chances of a meeting around campus. It took several failed phone attempts and one in-person meeting with Becca to finally set this up. When she got an eyeful of the shape I'm in, she relented and agreed to help me.

I slide my fingers into Bella's silken hair. "Come back to the apartment with me so we can talk."

"I can't . . . and Becca's probably wondering where I am."

"Actually, she's not. Don't be angry with Becca—I wouldn't leave her alone until she agreed to help me." I massage my fingers over the soft skin on the back of her neck. There's nothing I want more at this moment than to fall asleep with Bella wrapped in my arms. Going by the dark circles and puffiness of her eyes, I'm guessing she hasn't slept well this week. I never want her to suffer, but part of me is relieved this hasn't been easy for her either.

She says nothing, just stares into my eyes. My proximity to her after being deprived all week is a temptation I can't resist. I lower my face and capture Bella's lips with my own, careful not to force it. Her body starts out rigid, but when I lick a slow trail across her bottom lip, she grabs at me with a strangled whimper. Bella's arms slide around my shoulders and her fingers claw into the hair at the nape of my neck. I reach down and pull her up my body, supporting her ass and upper thighs as her legs clamp around my waist. I'm not sure how it begins, but our tongues tangle together and her body is pressed between mine and the wall as we grope at each other.

I slide a hand under her T-shirt and encounter a bare breast. Bella's nipple pebbles against my palm, and I moan into her mouth as I work her over. I explore her hot mouth, and memories of our special weekend at the inn wash over me. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and change my actions Sunday night.

I break away from the kiss and whisper, "Come home with me, Bella."

She shakes her head and presses her face into my neck. "That isn't the answer."

"I just want to wrap you in my arms. I haven't slept all week. Please."

"I can't." Bella lets her legs down, loosening her hold around my neck. She cups my face between her hands and gazes up at me with tears shining in her eyes. "Nothing's changed, Edward."

"I did those things with Tanya to survive! I don't drink or take drugs anymore. You're the one I love . . . the one I've always loved."

"And yet you still ran to her. You left me high and dry, worrying about you dead in a ditch. She was important enough to spend the night with."

"No! I fell asleep. She wouldn't let go of my hand . . . and they don't allow cell phones in ICU."

Bella pushes me back, rubbing at her temples. The loss of her touch, her lips, devastates me. I feel her slipping away even though she's only a foot in front of me. She paces back and forth along the wall.

"Let me see if I have this right. You drank, took drugs, and had rough sex with Tanya in order to forget me?"

"You make it sound so simplistic and pathetic . . . but, yes. I've never been very emotional about her. I never worshiped her, Bella."

"After all she's done to us, you showed up when she needed you. That says something, Edward."

"It means nothing! I intended to find out what happened and leave."

"Why didn't you?" Bella stops pacing and turns to face me, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You didn't see her. She was beaten to a pulp. Bruised face, black eyes, broken ribs, internal bleeding. She wouldn't let go of my hand even after they sedated her. I only intended to stay for a short time, but I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was morning already . . ." It all sounds lame as fuck, even to my own ears. "Bella . . ."

"Maybe part of you does want her because—"

"No! Don't say that."

"Did it even cross your mind that she set the whole thing up?"

"What? That's crazy!"

"Is it?"

"She was badly beaten and almost raped! She had internal bleeding! Do you think she did that to herself?"

Bella's expression turns cold. "You still have your head up your ass, Edward Cullen! I'll bet my last dime that Tanya set it up. Very convenient that the DVD was delivered to me around the same time, isn't it?"

"Bella—"

"Don't 'Bella' me! Go home, Edward. Or go back to her. Whatever." She waves a hand in disgust.

"I haven't been back there. I'll never speak to her again."

"Too little, too late." She heads for the door but turns back, pinning me with a glare. "But mark my words—Tanya is guilty as sin. Maybe her plan was derailed, but she was the mastermind behind it. You know what? You're not ready to be with me."

"Wait—"

Bella disappears inside. The slam of the door is as final as her words.

~SN~

A/N: I've been pretty surprised at how divided my readers are. Some think Edward's an idiot, some think Bella's being too hard on him, and some are angry with them both. Edward developed some serious issues when he was with Tanya, ones he tried to explain away and put behind him without addressing. Bella might need to be more understanding, but it's not always easy when dealing with exes.

The next chapter is already halfway written, and the drama will be coming to a head over the next few chapters! Feel free to drop more theories. You know how I love to read them.

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