The Random Megaman Parody Show: Second Offense
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Parody #25
A Parody of Saving Private Ryan
By: The Zero series
(As the parody starts, Omega stumbles towards a flag.)
Omega - Oh snap! Who misplaced a graveyard here?
(As he drops to his knees and stares at the grave, D-Day begins taking place in his eye.)
Omega - The doctor says that it's some kind of problem.
(As the Japanese start mowing everyone down, someone who's wearing a flamethrower for no reason gets shot and combusts.)
Pantheon - -random Japanese gibberish-
(And now, in English.)
Pantheon - That kill was a very saucy to me.
MSX - Hmm… Note to self: Kill translator.
Pantheon - Sir, what's the rallying point?!
Zero - The local White Castle! I'll buy you all a beer once this is over.
(As Zero begins moving, someone is crying for their mother.)
Zero - A little bitch, are we? Put your organs back in your chest, use duct tape, and keep going, God dammit! -looks up- Do this Japs even know about the laws of physics? Where's all this ammo coming from?!
(Moments later, Ciel is trying to save someone's life.)
Ciel - We stopped the bleeding!!
(The man is shot in the head.)
Ciel - No, we haven't!!
(Amidst the gunfire, Phantom is shot in the helmet. He takes it off to inspect it.)
Zero - Lucky bastard.
(Phantom gets shot in the head.)
Zero - Luckier bastard.
(A hot chick is killed and falls on top of Phantom's body.)
Zero - Okay. There's luck, but then there's screwing with people.
God - He he he…
(A few minutes later and Zero throws a grenade into a small crevice. He then runs up to a door and knocks on it.)
Zero - Knock knock.
Pantheon - -in Japanese- Who is it?
Zero - -kicks down door and aims gun- America. -unloads on everyone-
(Later, Zero reads the script from the next scene.)
Zero - Privates Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, and Ryan, huh? Which one are we supposed to save?!
(Clyde walks up and talks to him.)
Zero - Oh… Private Ryan… I get it now. Mister Private 'MIA' Ryan. If we are doing something like this, why didn't we do Rambo?
MSX - Hmm…
(Later, after being reassigned, Zero walks up to Alouette.)
Zero - Do you speak jive, miss?
Alouette - Yo bet yo ass I do! I'm all about the hippity-hoppity music!
Zero - Good. You're with me. Grab your gear.
Alouette - Fo'rizzle!
Zero - And speak English until we arrive.
Alouette - Yes, sir.
(After a few hours, the group reaches as town where Harpuia shoots a sniper in the eye through his scope.)
Harpuia - I have pwned in the name of God once again!
Zero - Shut up! Religion has no meaning in this war!
Harpuia - Okay, then. What would an Atheist say? Ah! He'd say, 'I hate shot a man in the head. I shall now be reborn in the form of a platypus' asshole! Is that better, sir?!
Zero - Yes!
(Minutes later, they reveal a German hideout. For a few seconds, they exchange yells before Zero walks up.)
Zero - The time for talk is over. Now, it's time to pwn.
(Zero unloads an ungodly amount of ammo and kills the Germans. Then, Private Ryan walks up.)
Zero - Wrong Ryan. Leave now before I kill you myself.
(Private Ryan turns around and runs off. That night, Zero talks with Fefnir.)
Zero - Do you know how many people have died under my command?
Fefnir - How many?
Zero - 254. I killed half of them 'cause they wouldn't shut the fuck up when I told them too. Let that be a word of advice to you.
(The next day, the group is shuffling through dog tags.)
Fefnir - Hey, look at this poor bastard.
(Fefnir holds up half of a dog tag.)
Harpuia - Don't make the damn things lightsaber-proof anymore.
(As Zero's hand begins shaking, he puts his hand into his pants as everyone runs off.)
Fefnir - Run for your lives! He's jerking off!
(After being shot, Zero asks a Pantheon what he wants.)
Pantheon - I want… some… hookers… -dies-
Zero - Someone, take this down. Each of us will screw a hooker in his honor.
Everyone Else - Yes, sir!
(After a while, they find Ryan and enter a town.)
Zero - Looks like you guys got hit pretty hard.
Omega - Pretty hard?! There is a wall just sitting there! It's missing the three other walls that go with it! Of course we got hit hard!!
(Another while later, Zero storms out of a building,)
Zero - I'm in the middle of a fucking war and I can't get a Goddamn cup of coffee! Tell me, private. Why is that?
Omega - Well, Hitler is dictator right now.
Zero - Excuses!
(When the Germans begin to approach the group's position, Harpuia begins giving his McDonald's order through sign language.)
Zero - He sees… Two… Big Macs? A Filet-O-Fish? And an M&M McFlurry? What the hell?
(During the attack, two Pantheons drop some Molotov Cocktails on the Germans.)
Pantheon 1 - They must not be alcoholics.
Pantheon - Hahaha. You made a funny.
(After Zero dies, time returns to the present where Omega stands at his grave.)
Omega - I tried living the best life I could. But, that didn't work, so I converted to the dark side. Boy, does crime pay! -walks off-
Next time: The Battle Network series takes on Metal Gar Rex.