A/N: I can only apologize for posting this later than I wanted. I just recently started a full time job at a day care and by the time I get home I'm pooped! Anywho, I apologize for any errors, I really wanted to get this out.

Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Chapter 25

BPOV

It's always the same sob story. Life sucks!

At least mine does… I can't speak for everyone but this is my story. Who else would I be talking about?

I know what you're saying. "Bella, it's your own fucking fault." Believe me I know. I may be dumb but I'm not blind. Not at all. In fact, I can see clearly more now than ever before. I've given up hope and trying is useless at this point. The guilt is eating me up; I never thought it would feel so intense. I've managed to screw up everything that meant something to me because of fear of the unknown…Really, can you blame me? I've said it before and I'll say it again, running away is easier than having to deal with the shit you can't change. Now, it seems that I have more of a reason to run away… I've never felt so alone. Not in a literal sense as I'm constantly surrounded by the loving Cullen family who go out of their way to make sure my needs are met. But in a physical sense, where I feel none of them could ever understand what I'm going through.

And I hate to bombard their lives with my pettiness. I won't do that, not to any of them.

Carlise and Esme are the parents I never had. They call to check up on me pretty much every day just because. I can't tell you how nice that feels to have two people who don't owe me anything take time out of their lives just to talk to me about mine. Emmett and Jasper as well call or stop by to check on me. They call themselves my big brothers and since I don't have any siblings I like to pretend along with them. They've staked their claim on me. Alice and I…Well, it's still very complicated. We've talked a little here and there about our issues with each other. She's very firm in her beliefs that my departure will tear her family apart and that I'm making a huge mistake by even contemplating leaving them behind. She's very passionate about her loved ones and for that I can only respect her, but as much as I would like to sit here and tell her that my staying will solve my inner struggles, I just can't. I've given it a lot of thought and…I know this is the right decision. Alice hates me for it. Needless to say, we don't speak very often.

Believe it or not, my bestfriend right now is Rosalie. I could barely stand her when we first met and now it seems she's the first one I call when I need someone other than Edward to keep me company. The great thing about Rose is, she doesn't hover. If I need her she's there, and if I don't then she goes on with her life. I've even formed a small relationship with her friend Tanya. That girl is a trip let me tell you. When she's not being serious she's the life of the party. Don't think I haven't noticed the way she stares at Edward when she thinks I'm not looking. I know she likes him…I think they would make a nice couple…

Okay, so I'm lying. As much as I like Tanya, I hate the fact that she's everything I'll never be. Tall, blonde, beautiful, and rich. I envy her, really. She can have any man she wants, and she wants my Edward… Can I blame her? No.

Edward is a great catch. He's everything a woman could want and so much more…

The more I think of him and this situation as a whole, the more depressed I become. Since Thanksgiving things between us have been stressed at best, like with Alice, except I'm around him 24/7 and I have to see the constant anguish in his eyes each time he looks at me. I can admire that he's trying to stay strong not only for himself, but for me as he knows something is seriously wrong, and it pains me to be the cause of it. All he has ever asked of me is to let him in…Tell him my secrets, my fears, what's bothering me in general. I thought I was doing that but obviously it wasn't enough. I've warred with these issues since I've been here and it hasn't gotten any easier…I just, I don't want him to know everything about me and he doesn't understand that. And if I'm being perfectly honest it's none of his business. He hasn't exactly been forthcoming with his issues either so I don't understand why he feels the need to shoulder mine. I need help, plain and simple…The kind he won't be able to give me.

It's stupid and irrational to think this way, I know. I've also accepted that I don't belong in his world. I have to find my own way without him and the influence of his family…I have to do this for my daughter. She's the one who will hurt the most because of me. I can live with her never knowing about me than to one day find out that her own mother couldn't keep her because I was too fucked up to even try. Even though she won't physically be with me, because she's a part of me I'll always hold that in my heart.

"Bella? Please follow me."

I sit down the magazine I was reading and waddle behind Nurse Carol. I'm back at the clinic for what I'm hoping will be my last check-up with Dr. Kevorkian. I kid you not; each time I come here I get the distinct feeling that she's out to kill me. She's not as nice as Edward makes her out to be. Speaking of which, he left me here alone with her to finish some last minute shopping so it looks like I'm flying solo for this one. At least when I go missing after the she-devil decides to end me for good this time Edward will know the first place to look. Carol shows me to an examination room where she takes my blood pressure and asks a million questions about how and what I'm feeling; standard stuff that I should be used to by now. She then instructs me to undress from the waist down with only a sheet to cover my naked area, and wait for Dr. Cope.

So I wait…And wait…Annnddd wait…

The door finally opens. "Hello Bella." Dr. She-Devil greeted me with her usual look of disdain. The feeling is mutual as I greet her with one of my own. I hate how judgmental she is.

She told me to lie back and proceeded with an ultrasound. It still kind of freaks me out to see my baby on a screen like this. It's one thing to feel her moving around inside of me, but it's another to actually see what she's doing. I can't help my smile when I see her sucking on her thumb….So cute.

"She looks good." Dr. Cope murmured capturing a few pictures and doing some measurements. Turning off the monitor she cleans off my stomach and then moves on to the more uncomfortable part of the examination. She moves my feet into the stirrups and begins in her own subtle way exploring my nether regions. Not the most comfortable position to be in.

"Have you been experiencing any pain or discomfort?" She asked.

"Yeah, some of those Braxton Hicks things you told me about." Those are a bitch. Sometimes I think I'm having real contractions but when I time them they aren't consistent. They stop after a while.

She hummed and continued to probe. What the hell is she looking for down there anyway? My pussy can't be that interesting.

"Well, you've actually started dilating. You're about a centimeter."

"That's good right?"

"It's common," she shrugged, "have you noticed any bloody discharge coming out lately?"

"I don't know, maybe. I can't really tell." I can't exactly look down in the toilet when I pee.

"You may experience your mucus plug coming out seeing as you are in the last week of your pregnancy. Labor can happen at any time at this point and you seem to be in the beginning stages."

Holy shit! It's happening now?

"Do I need to go to the hospital?"

"As long as you aren't experiencing any discomfort I would say just go home for now. When you start having consistent contractions, or if your water breaks, call me and get to the hospital immediately."

"Why can't I just go now if I'm already dilated?"

"I would like you to be in active labor before that happens. Just because you're dilated doesn't mean it will change within the next few days. Go home, get plenty of rest and if you don't go into labor before the thirtieth, then we'll talk about inducing you."

I have to be pregnant for another week! Why do I feel like she just stomped all over my hopes and dreams? It's not fair. This is her opportunity to take pity on me and instead she would rather make me suffer another fucking week. If this baby doesn't hurry up and come I'll…

"Have a good day Bella." She leaves me alone, obviously sensing I'm not fucking cool with any off her bullshit. I hop down from the table and get dressed.

Fucking doctors…Good for nothing assholes…

As I waddle out of the room, Edward is standing just outside of the door that separates the exam rooms from the waiting room and front desk. He examined me with cool eyes. "So, what's the verdict?" He asked.

"Nothing new." I sigh.

"You hungry?" He takes my hand and pulls me forward. We walk out of the clinic side by side.

"Just tired."

I figure, he doesn't need to know that I'm dilated one fucking centimeter and the possibility of me giving birth anytime soon is highly unlikely. He drove us home and once we got there he fixed us a late lunch that we enjoyed on the four seasons porch. As tired as I was I wanted to clean something. We argued about that and he finally won when I could barely keep my eyes open.

I walk up to my old room and collapse into bed, sleeping the entire day away.

"Can you pass me the pepper?"

Edward and I move around each other as we prepare Christmas Eve dinner. His family will be here in a few hours so we're putting the finishing touches on the joint effort dinner that is sure to blow their socks off.

"How does the chicken look?"

"Fine, how are the green beans?"

"Just finishing up. Did you check on the cake?"

"It needs a little more time."

"What about the hors d'oeuvres?"

"One's in the fridge and the other is cooling on the counter."

This is how we've been all day. Creating, tasting, watching, and waiting. As time winds down I shoo Edward out of the kitchen to start getting dressed. Since he'll take less time getting ready than I will, once we trade off he'll make the final preparations and set everything up. In the mean time I start cleaning up our mess. We've been up since seven this morning, well I should say I've been up since seven, Edward was more like seven forty-five. I barely got any sleep last night because I was so uncomfortable so I'm running on fumes at this point. I should be taking it easy but right now I don't have any time. This Christmas Eve dinner is very important to Edward and I want it to be perfect for him. It's the first time he's cooking for his family and having everyone over since his wife died. As excited as he is to be doing this, he has a feeling that something is going to go wrong. I don't think I've ever seen him so unsure of himself when it comes to being around the people he loves the most. I'm on the other side this time trying to keep him positive, all the while I could tip over with how exhausted I am. My back is killing me and…

Ohhh, shit. I grip the side of the counter and breathe through the pain. Fuck, these fucking Braxton Hicks things hurt like a bitch. I had them off and on last night, one of the reasons I couldn't sleep. They hurt a little more today than they did the last few times I had them. At first it was just my stomach tightening off and on, then it started to hurt a little but not too much. Now, it fucking hurts a lot. Is that normal?

I rest against the counter and lean forward to support myself on my hands. The pain slowly ebbs and I can finally relax a little.

"Bella?" Edward is standing beside me with a hand rubbing up and down my back. When I open my eyes he's looking down at me concerned.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just one of those pains again."

"Maybe you should sit down." He pulled out a chair for me.

"I'm fine. I need to go get ready anyway."

"You don't look fine."

I smile at how cute he is all worried and probably terrified that I'm about to go into labor. "Stop pestering me, I have to go get ready before everyone gets here."

"Are you sure you're feeling alright. If not they will understand if you need to rest." He worried some more.

"And miss out on all this amazing food we made. Yeah, so not doing that." I giggle at his proud smile and lean in for a kiss. I'll never get tired of his lips. They're the closest to heaven I'll ever get.

He smacks my butt as I hobble away toward the stairs. As I climb each step I can't help but wince at the amount of pressure I feel in my pelvis. Just another thing to add to the list of shit that's making me uncomfortable. By the time I get into the shower I feel sick. What the fuck is going on with me today? My back hurts, my front hurts…This sucks ass!

I cut my shower a little short because the pain in my stomach is getting worse and I can barely stand up straight anymore. I decide to lay down for a little while to see if the pain would stop. It seemed to work because after about five minutes or so I was able to get up and get dressed. I wanted to look nice today so I picked out the prettiest dress I could find. It was a pretty burgundy color and was long enough to cover my feet so that I wouldn't have to wear any shoes. I find a black sweater to cover my arms and go about applying some make up and fixing my hair.

"Oooowwww! Fuck!" I double over in pain. It's a shooting pain that not only fucking hurts like hell, but sends me to my knees. I don't think these are Braxton Hicks anymore…

"Bella! Did you hear about the storm that's supposed to be passing through here tonight?" Edward is coming up the stairs. I can't let him see me like this. He'll panic and then I'll start to panic. I'm not saying I'm in labor…But, something is going on.

I get to my feet just as he walks into the bedroom. "Uh, no I haven't heard anything." I breathe trying to sound as normal as possible. He stops at the sight of me.

"You look beautiful." He gathers me into his arms.

"Thank you." I smile. I hope it's believable because right now I'm not sure if I should tell him what's going on with me or just hold off until later.

He leans in and kisses my cheek, then my lips. The kiss soon turns from chaste to hard and passionate. I suck his lower lip into my mouth just as he sucks my top lip into his and we go back and forth, our tongues trying to overpower each other. He drags his teeth across my lower lip as he releases it.

"What was that for?" I ask pulling back breathlessly.

"I'm just happy that you're here with me, and it was to thank you for all that you've done."

"Well, you can thank me like that anytime." I smirk. He laughed and buried his head into the side of my neck. He's been doing that a lot lately, sniffing me…Like he's trying to commit it to memory.

I do the same. I savor these moments by running my fingers through his soft hair, relishing in the way his stubble feels against my skin. Soon, I won't have this, have him. I won't have his protective arms around me to hold me and, love me.

Tears spring to my eyes and I blink them away before he can see. The doorbell ringing forces us to part. A soft kiss to my forehead and he's walking back downstairs to answer the door.

I sit down on the bed to gather myself before I have to head down myself. My guess is Alice and Jasper are here. I need a few human moments before I have to deal with the pixie and her annoying glare. I'm so not in the mood for her judgy attitude with the way that I'm currently feeling.

Damn! My fucking back is killing me…

"Where's Bella?" I hear her ask.

"Upstairs. She's getting ready."

"Oh, well I'll go help her." She's flying up the steps before Edward or Jasper can call her off.

Great. Just what I don't need.

She peeked into the room before she invited herself inside. Sitting next to me she didn't look or say anything for a long time. I was starting to get annoyed when I felt her small hand grab mine.

"I love you, Bella."

She doesn't need to tell me…I already know.

"I love you too, shorty."

"I'm sorry for being a bitch to you all the time." Her voice is small.

"I know." I respond, my voice just as small.

This is our way of saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me for being stupid even if it's only for today…I love you."

"You look pretty. But, what the fuck is going on with your hair and makeup? Have I not taught you anything?"

And now, we're back to normal…For now.

Esme and Carlisle arrive next. Rose and Emmett are last. The storm outside is getting worse and according to Emmett it's pretty hard to see out there. Everyone made it except Tanya who got snowed in her house. Poor thing. I called to check up on her and she told me she's having a good time with her puppy Buttercup watching all the classic Christmas movies. I'm a little sad she won't be here to liven up the party a little.

I'm hit suddenly with pain as I'm heading into the kitchen to bring the hors d'oeuvres out. It doubles me over again and a low groan escapes me. It caught the attention of Esme who had offered to help me.

"Oh honey, are you okay?" She's at my side in an instant, rubbing my back.

"Yeah," I sigh, "I'm fine it's just..." Should I tell her? I don't want her to panic either. Fuck it, I'm starting to panic. I'm not fine.

"You look a little pale. Are you feeling well?"

No I want to scream but I shake my head and breathe through the pain as it slowly subsides. Rest, I need rest. "Actually I'm going to head upstairs for a little bit. Can you tell Edward to go ahead with dinner. I'll come back down when I'm feeling better."

"Of course dear. You go and rest." Her reassuring smile made me confident that she would tell everyone to leave me alone for awhile.

I think if I rest I'll feel better…

I hope.

But as I climb the stairs back to the guestroom I'm not so sure rest will do much good. I'm trying to breathe but I'm starting to get upset because the pain is fucking with my head. I don't know what to do…I'm so fucking scared that…

A sudden gush of water rushes down my leg.

Oh no!

Oh shit!

OH FUCK!

Not now. This isn't supposed to be happening right now. That Dr. Bitch said I had a week left…I'm not ready for this. Not here! Not fucking NOW!

Calm down Bella. Maybe you just pissed on yourself…

Yeah, I pissed myself. That's all. I'll just completely ignore the fact that I know that this puddle beneath my feet isn't piss but amniotic fluid from my fucking uterus!

I slowly walk to the bathroom to clean myself up, pushing the idea that I may possibly be in labor at this fucking moment out of my mind. I picked a great time to be in denial.

Pain. Another horrible pain hits me, sobering me up to the realization that it's happening whether I like it or not. I can do nothing but slide down the side of the tub and breathe.

Not now…Not now.

Please not now.

"Bella?" His velvet voice calms me just a little. He's calling out for me, wanting to know where I am. Boy, he's going to flip when he sees this.

"Edward!"

His rushed footsteps lead him into the bathroom where he finds me sweaty and wide eyed. "Baby what's wrong?"

"I…I think I'm in labor."

Complete panic mode sets in.

"DAD!"

I don't know how long it's been since my water broke. I can only focus on trying to get through labor as peacefully as I can. The house became complete chaos as everyone tried to do their part in helping me. Because of the storm we weren't able to drive, and no ambulance can get through. Hell, no one can really. I came to the conclusion really quick that I'll be delivering here.

The pain…I don't think I can explain it to you without saying something a bit violent and maybe just a tad bit disgusting.

Carlisle doesn't want me to stress…I'm trying my hardest to heed his words.

Alice, Esme, and Rose have set up a very serene ambience around me. I could care less about candles and soothing music, I want this kid out of me.

"This sucks. I always imagined that I would have lots and lots of drugs." I sigh after a particularly hard contraction ceased for the time being.

"Hold my hand, Bella. Squeeze as hard as you'd like" Alice got in bed beside me.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Rose held up her poor hand that suffered through my death grip.

I didn't have time to laugh as another contraction hit. They were becoming more and painful by the minute, and I was squeezing the life out of Alice's hand.

"Oh my god! What do you do for a living, crack walnuts?" She snatched her hand away.

Instead I grip on to the sheets, moaning, crying, and breathing as best I can.

Fuck this shit hurts!

"Baby, tell me what you need." Edward moved to my side, smoothing a cool rag over my forehead.

"I want to get in the bathtub." I decide while I have a little time before my next contraction.

He and the girls help me into the bathroom where Esme has been keeping the water warm for me. This is my third time getting into the tub, hopefully my last with the amount of pressure I'm starting to feel. I'm completely naked from the waist down with my legs open and all of the Cullen's, minus Emmett and Jasper, are watching my vagina with fascination.

Edward is next to the tub holding my hand through each contraction that wracks my body. "My back!" I cry. Edward urges me to sit forward so that he could rub it for me, unfortunately it's just not enough.

"Bella, whenever you feel the need to push you do it okay. Let your body tell you what to do." Esme urged. She was standing next to the tub beside Carlisle looking down on me. I notice they're all looking at me, waiting. Rose looks anxious, Alice is about to shit on herself she's so excited, and Edward is scared for me. The only ones who seem remotely calm are Carlisle and Esme. Thank god for them.

If I have to be in labor one more hour I might pull my hair out from the roots.

When I feel intense pressure I know it's time. "I...I have to...PUSH!"

I start pushing as hard as I can. It feels like my vagina is being set on fire.

"OH MY GOD! I CAN'T!" I scream.

"Yes you can Bella. You're doing great." Carlisle is now sitting beside the tub.

The contraction seizes only to be followed by another, more intense one. I get the urge to push so I do with as much power as I can.

"I can see the head!" Rose squealed and so did Alice. I want to tell them to shut the fuck up. I'm a little busy trying to push this huge thing out.

I push...and push...and push...and push...Until I feel like I can't anymore.

"Fuck, is anything happening down there?"

"The head is almost out. If it is alright, may I help you just a little?" Carlisle asked.

I nod vigorously. I don't care what he does, I just want it over. I feel him pushing down between my legs and when I get the urge to push again it feels like he's pushing the skin away from the baby's head. There's a pop and a rush of pain so bad I scream bloody fucking murder.

"The head is out!"

"Alright this next part will a little go faster. Breathe Bella. Esme please be ready. Rose I'm going to need the suction. Go grab me the softest towels you can find. Please hurry." Carlisle has a look of determination on his face.

"Dad, the cord is wrapped around her neck." Edward panicked which caused me to panic.

"It's okay son. It's loose I'm going to unwrap it now."

I can feel his tugging down there. A powerful contraction hits me and I push, this time grabbing Edwards hand and squeezing the hell out of it. If I thought the head was bad, passing the fucking shoulders about killed me.

With one last push the baby slid out of me. I reach down to catch her in my hands and bring her out of the water onto my chest. I collapse back against the tub while everyone around me joyously cried out their happiness.

A strong scream fills the room. I close my eyes and smile...She's okay. My job is done.

I'm holding her in my arms, rubbing my hands over her warm soft skin and I'm so overcome with emotion that I let it out in one loud sob. She's so tiny but her cry is strong.

Everyone is quiet as I weep. Am I supposed to feel like this? Happy, sad, angry, depressed, all at once?

"May I take a look at her?" Carlisle asked. I hand the baby to him. We're still connected so he doesn't move far. I watch him suction out her mouth and nose all the while Edward is gushing on how beautiful she is. This is the first time I'm seeing her, really seeing her. She's not a figment of my imagination anymore. She has a face, the face of a stranger.

I suddenly feel really embarrassed. Edward is still by my side. I look over at him and he has tears in his eyes. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. It felt so nice, but so sad at the same time. It's like he knows this is the beginning of the end and he wants to hold me for as long as he can.

Carlisle allowed Edward to cut the cord and once we were separated Esme collected the baby and moved to the next room. After passing the afterbirth, which is fucking sick by the way, Carlisle cleaned me up. Edward carries me back to bed where Carlisle looked me over. He's happy to report that I have minimal tearing that will heal quickly. Edward hasn't left my side, not even for a minute. When Carlisle leaves he snuggles next to me.

I don't think it's hit me yet so I kind of feel numb. I'm aware of what I've done, but it hasn't totally sunk in yet. She's no longer inside me…We're no longer connected. My baby isn't my baby anymore, she doesn't belong to me.

I did what I was supposed to do…She's not my responsibility anymore.

Staring helplessly at the ceiling above me I allow the anguish to set in. Though Edward is by my side he's sleeping peacefully, I'm glad he can't see me falling apart.

I fall into the gentle abyss of slumber, hoping when I awake my decision will be easier to bare.

A/N: So, wow what a chapter. Did any of you see that coming? Not even Bella saw that coming. I know nothing about giving birth since I have no children, but I have seen my god daughter being born, what a trip that was. This was my interpretation of labor and delivery. I hope I haven't lost any of you. This story is far from over. Leave me some reviews and I will definitely work harder to get the next chapter out to you guys. Thanks for all the love and support. I greatly appreciate all of you.