Happy mid-week update! I didn't want to have you guys wait another few days, so this chapter's going up today. It's not my favorite, but it was needed to get some things moving. Good news: I finally committed to a college for next year, there's a plan for the next few chapters, and a possible eventual endgame! Most of my problems with this story come from writer's block and what to do next that won't be too boring. Hopefully someone enjoys this placeholder discussion chapter. We'll get a bit wayward ;) in a chapter or so if everything goes according to plan. Next update shouldn't take as long! Thank you, as always, from the bottom of my heart, for reading and reviewing!

I still don't own Supernatural

When they arrived back at the bunker, it was well into the night. Cas, not needing much sleep, if any, stayed in the library while the brothers went to their rooms to get ready. Not much was said, as if none of them wanted to shatter the peacefulness that had seemingly settled over them, because peace never seemed to last in their lives.

Dean went about getting ready almost methodically, as if his muscle memory knew his nightly routines, but his mind didn't. Still, he eventually found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, but not able to actually get in it. He was thinking, which was about the only thing he did well these days. No new memories, and whether that was or wasn't fortunate he couldn't say, but old ones.

Other nights they had spent under the stars with a beer, braving the cold to watch a meteor shower. Nights they had stayed outside, usually on a hunt, and had been able to find some small solace in the stars above them. That fourth of July memory with the fireworks, the real one, though the one in his own 'falsified' heaven was much more recent. Just…memories, and he cherished the ones he still retained.

A quiet tap at his door had Dean turning his head to find Sam standing in the threshold, clad in a soft long-sleeved top and sweats. Dean was in a similar outfit, but with a t-shirt. Even with that, it was strange to look at Sam in those clothes, which seemed so foreign on him. Dean had gotten more or less used to sleep clothes while with Lisa, but it was strange being back in them, and even stranger seeing Sam in them.

All the time Dean had known his younger brother, besides his kid years, sleeping was spent in clothes that could be used to run out in at a moment's notice. Just seeing Sam standing there, looking comfortable, was a marker in itself of how much the times had changed.

They had a home now where they could cook their own meals, watch Netflix, wear normal clothes to bed, and be relatively safe from whatever the hell was going on outside the thick walls. It was one of the few good strange things to come out of the whole ordeal.

"Dean? Something wrong?"

Dean had probably been staring a bit too long, but mentally shrugged it off and shook his head. "Nope, just thinking, bedding down, all that. You all good?"

Sam looked at him a bit cautiously before he nodded and leaned a shoulder against the doorframe. "All things considered, yeah, good. Going out, it was a good idea, Dean," he added with an appreciative smile.

Even with everything else going on, Dean could still find some small ways to bring his brother some peace, and he found comfort in that. "You said we haven't done it in a while?"

Sam shook his head at that. "Never really found the extra time, I guess, between research and everything else," he paused afterwards. "What's on your mind?"

Dean let out a sigh and shrugged. "Remembering past times we did it, then. Things are a lot simpler when it's just us and Baby and the sky."

"You're telling me," Sam replied with a bit of a laugh. "Any one moment in particular?" Maybe it was genuine curiosity that made him ask, or the fact that Dean had been staring at the wall for far too long after Sam had come in, but either way, Dean took a few seconds before he replied.

"Wasn't exactly peaceful," he said with a faint smirk on his lips, "but the fireworks. Hell, we almost lit that whole field on fire, but it was awesome. You looked so happy about it, Sammy."

"Well, yeah, when your brother surprises you with fireworks and your first interaction with them is seeing them shoot into the sky and explode into a million colors…you tend to look a bit happy," Sam replied. It was evident from the look on his face that he still remembered the night perfectly well, even though it had been decades ago and he had been fairly young when it had happened. While this night would in no way eclipse the previous memory, it was definitely a step in the right direction to rebuilding.

"Explosions…gotta love 'em," Dean said, maybe trying just a bit too hard but he didn't care.

To his credit, Sam slightly laughed it off and nodded in agreement. "I'm expecting you to top it next fourth of July," he added.

Dean only nodded at that. Sam, sensing an ending to the short conversation and the already late hour, rapped his knuckles on the doorframe and stood up straighter. "You good?" he checked again, just to be thorough.

"Yeah, Sammy, I'm good." Still thinking, but Dean didn't have to try hard for his honest answer. How much would change before that promised July, he didn't know, but for today, things were good. He figured that sooner or later it could crumble, but then, for that night, things were good and peaceful. Both Winchesters slept more or less soundly, their guardian angel silently checking in on them a few times throughout the night to make sure of that.

December 19

In the morning, Dean awoke to a call and a voicemail from Dr. Hall wondering if he could come in a few days early, as she'd had a cancellation and wouldn't be able to see him again until after the holiday break. He called back to say yes, fine, and while Sam was reluctant to let Dean go out on his own (his previous solo outing hadn't quite gone well), he eventually agreed. Dean had to be trusted to make his own decisions, and promised to call before he drove back, and left Cas and Sam back at the bunker.

The Impala shone brighter than she had on her last visit to the offices, less weighed down with the dirt and dust that had been plaguing her. Dean figured that maybe he was a bit the same, but how much so still had yet to be determined. He only had to sit in the waiting room a few minutes before he was called back and sat in the same chair as last time. Dr. Hall walked in a moment later, apologizing for running a little behind, and pulled out a file and a notepad from her desk before she sat down in the chair opposite Dean. Her hair was down this time, but her gaze was no less welcoming than it had been before.

Dean still wasn't comfortable with the whole talking through things, but he wasn't quite as opposed as he had been the first time. As long as he didn't have to explain every single little thing that was going on in his head, another view on things could help.

"Again, Dean, I'm sorry for the late notice and seeing you again so soon, but there wasn't another way we could get you in before the holidays where we take a bit of time off with the exception of emergencies," Luna said, practically repeating what she had said over the phone.

Dean shrugged at that. "No problem, not like I'm doing much these days," he replied. It was true. She wrote down a little something before she looked back up and smiled at him.

"Any holiday plans if you don't mind me asking?" she ventured.

Dean shook his head. Not like they ever had many in the first place, but the past month had been full of events not pertaining to the holidays. They had blown past Thanksgiving while he was in the hospital, and now it was less than a week until Christmas and a week after that into a whole new year. Damn.

"My brothers," brothers because Cas was their officially unofficial brother for these medical matters so he'd have access. Of course, he was as close to the Winchesters as anyone would ever be, but they couldn't exactly explain that to hospital staff. "And I, we never really did much. Moved around a lot with our dad, and odd jobs afterwards. Sam though, he fixed up this little tree with air freshener ornaments one year," he brought up with a twinge of a smile. The memory itself was bittersweet, seeing as it was going to be Dean's last holiday before going to hell. That and they had stabbed a few pagan gods with their own tree, but it was a part of the job. "Beyond that, small gifts, not much," he finished, deciding he had given enough information for it to be considered a decent answer.

Luna nodded slightly as Dean talked, obviously a bit happy that he was deciding to share a few things. "It doesn't have to be much to be meaningful," she said in understanding. "Try telling that to my over the top family, but they try," she added with a small laugh to herself.

"Busy holidays?" Dean asked. He found that getting a two sided conversation going made it seem like less of an interrogation, and apparently she had the same idea.

"Oh yeah," she nodded. "Big meals, fifth cousins flying in from Florida, so much talking in my parent's place you can't hear yourself, you get the picture." Dean indeed did, but he could tell from the way her face lit up that her family's traditions meant a lot to her, too. "But it's good to see everyone again, and then there's enough gift cards to last a whole year, so it doesn't hurt," she added, obviously half joking before she paused for just a moment. "Do you happen to have a favorite small gift you've given or gotten that you wouldn't mind sharing?"

Dean's hand instinctively twitched up, as if to grab the amulet that was hanging beneath his shirt and jacket, where it had resided safely ever since he had gotten it back. "A necklace Sam got me when we were kids. Still got it," he said with a little smile. "I got him a pink baton if that helps, which he absolutely loved," Dean added sarcastically, almost to cover up just how much his own gift still meant. He guessed she'd still be able to tell, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

"I bet he did," Luna smiled back. She quickly jotted something down and asked her next question as she did so. "How are things with Sam?"

"Good," Dean nodded, though the semi-long wait before the answer probably told a bit otherwise. "I mean, considering everything," he amended.

"I'm hoping you've been going through some things with him if they happen to pop up? Memories, thoughts, something like that?" When Dean didn't reply, his mind immediately going to their conversation with Charlie and the memories it had brought, Luna quietly continued. "Dean, did something come up?"

It wasn't forceful, and Dean was grateful for that. How much could he honestly say without A: baring his soul to a practical stranger and B: saying something to convince her that things weren't as 'good' as he hoped they were? Mentioning his little excursion to Stull was out of the picture for sure.

"There was this dream…turned out to be a memory. I asked Sam and it dredged up all this stuff that we apparently hadn't even talked about the first time around." He said it slowly and carefully, his eyes focusing on the table in front of him and then on his hands and then back to the table.

"This discussion, did it help things at all?" she asked eventually, being just as carefully.

"Honestly? Maybe? I don't know," Dean shook his head.

"And what do you mean by that?"

"I only seem to remember the bad stuff, you see, and Sam goes through it all again to make sure I understand at least some part of it, since I'm not given the context to go with it," Dean tried to explain as much as he could as vaguely as he could, which had become something of a skill given his day job. "We lost someone close to us, and he explained it."

"But you didn't like that your lack of remembering caused him to have to?" Dean nodded mutely at the question, which she seemed to already know the answer to. Dealing with a few amnesia patients probably meant this wasn't her first time around this problem. "Is it maybe possible that you feel guilty for being the cause of that even though it isn't really your fault?"

Dean sat stock still in the chair, not sure how to answer.

"Because it isn't, Dean. You telling Sam about this is far better than keeping any of it to yourself, no matter what it brings up. It's better to have it out in the open than to have him worrying about what's going on and you trying to secretly keep it from getting out, trust me." Her serious tone had Dean looking up to find her gaze on him, sincere and a bit forceful if it was possible, as if she needed him to understand this more than anything.

"He's your brother, Dean, he's going to try to help however he can, and it's easier for both of you if you let him in. You made the right call."

Help me help you echoed in Dean's ears.

"It's not fair to put this on him," he eventually said, and though the admission was quiet, it was truthful. He was supposed to be protecting Sam from painful stuff like this, not being the cause of it, whether or not he had a say in the matter.

"It's not, not at all," Luna shook her head at that, "but you're here to help and look after each other, and sometimes it isn't fair, I'm sorry to say."

Dean, of course, nodded along. He knew that as well as anyone, but that still didn't make it okay. "Wish I could help more," he said gruffly.

"Everyone does. What you're doing, keeping him in the loop, is as much help as you can give, Dean, and everyone is better off for it, I promise you that."

Dean was still working on getting himself to believe it when she looked back down at her paper and her tone of voice shifted.

"So, aside from helping and being helped, I'm hoping you're keeping busy in some capacity?"

Dean let out a breathy laugh at that. "If by busy you mean binge watching Netflix and washing the car all day long, then yeah."

"Having to slow down is a change of pace, I gather?" she asked, though she already knew the answer to that one too.

"Just a bit," Dean said sarcastically but nodded along.

"What do you and your brothers normally do in your free time?"

Dean shrugged. "This is it. Movies, car washes, done. We don't typically have much free time, always out doing something."

"Anything you could continue doing in your condition?"

"If I could, I'd be out doing it."

Luna nodded slowly at that, scribbled something else, and looked back up to him. "So I take it your odd jobs then aren't always the best of the safest for someone a month out of a coma and recovering from a traumatic brain injury with a current retrograde amnesia diagnosis?"

Well, when she put it like that…"Not really," Dean said. He understood her and Sam and Cas' points, it was just more the cabin fever that had been getting to him. The need to get up and do something. There were still monsters to hunt and people to save.

"Well…" Luna dropped off, thinking about an alternate option, "is there any way Sam and your other brother, Cas, could handle the more dangerous portions and you could, say, be the getaway driver?" she asked with a slight smirk. "Though I do hope you're not serial bank robbers."

Dean shook his head and smiled back. "No, not bank robbers, though if we were, I'm not a getaway driver type."

"The classic car is probably easy to spot," she brought up as Dean nodded along. "I'd suggest getting some sort of a law-abiding hobby, something to keep you busy other than the car. A purpose, say, one that doesn't involve much danger or threat of head injury."

Dean had expected as much. For the foreseeable future, then, he was still benched. "How bad would another injury be?" he eventually asked, curious as to what the worst case scenario could be.

Luna let out a long sigh before she shook her head. "I don't want to venture that, anything that presents itself as a possible way to get knocked out or even hit could be extremely damaging. You're still healing. Another blow, of any proportion…let's just say that it's possible it wouldn't end well."

Dean had dealt with 'wouldn't end well' situations all his life, but this was a bit different. He didn't ask if it would mean lights out all together or a less serious outcome because something in Luna's tone conveyed just how serious it very well could be

"I do understand that you need something to do, and you should find something, it would help with the healing process. Some people even find adopting a pet to be helpful," she brought up.

Dean shook his head a bit at that. "Sam's pretty allergic to most things animal related, and the moving about wouldn't be good," he explained vaguely. If they were gone on a hunt for, say a week with driving included, they couldn't leave a pet at the bunker, or in whatever random motel they were staying at. While it could be helpful, it would never work.

"Take some time, think about it, maybe see if Sam and Cas have any ideas for a few less dangerous activities, and we can get caught up on it next time then?" she suggested with a small smile.

Dean found himself nodding along to that. "Sounds good," he replied simply.

Luna took down a few more notes before she capped her pen and looked back to him. "Anything else you'd like to discuss?"

Stull, star-gazing, Charlie, the guilt that he was trying not to have and Sam was trying to lessen, how long it would take for his memories to come back if ever…"Nope, I think we covered all the bases," Dean amended, saying nothing of what was going on in his head.

"Alright then," Luna smiled and stood up before extending a hand out to Dean, which he shook. "I'll call when we need to schedule another appointment, probably around New Year's, does that work for you?"

Dean nodded and then dropped his hand. "Sounds good," he replied simply. They exchanged parting smiles and Dean left the office. As promised, he called Sam before he headed back to let him know everything was okay, and then sat in the car for a few minutes and thought. It was the only thing he was both good and awful at doing at the same time.

Eventually, he steered the Impala back towards the bunker, some form of a plan in his head, but no idea how to bring it up to Sam and Cas.