Dear Mom,

It's been such a crazy few weeks since being assigned to the Normandy. I miss my unit. The fallen lance, that lies as hurled, that lies unlifted now. All of them gone, except for me. Eden Prime was... the news doesn't do it justice Mom. Not that I could either, even if it wasn't classified.

I got a message from Samesh. You remember me telling you about Nirali? Private Bhatia, who wanted to open a restaurant? He's her husband. It seems the Alliance won't release her body. I don't know what he expects me to do about it, but I wish I could help. I was thinking about asking my CO, as the Commanders all have some pull, but I don't know if it would be appropriate.

Certainly won't ask the acting-Captain. I thought I'd be serving with Captain Anderson. I think Dad used to talk about how outstanding he was, if you remember? He's the reason I got on this boat, I'm sure. Only he had to step down. Politics, my ass. And they put the Hero of Elysium in command instead. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, PR darling with her own Star of Terra. The command crew, the Flight Commander and the Marine Commander, both seem to like her, been friends forever, ever since they enlisted apparently, but I do not see the appeal. And of course that means I'm on her damn ground team.

She does know how to fight though, have to respect that. And lets me out of the cargo hold, which is better than most of my planet-side postings. All are needed by each one, Nothing is fair or good alone. Our teams do actually seem to work pretty well together.

And what teams! Aliens. Seriously. I don't even know what to think about that, a turian and a krogan and a quarian and an asari all wandering around a top-secret Alliance vessel. It's like the set-up for a bad joke. One that I'm not allowed to laugh at.

I tried to bring it up with the LT, but he shot me down. In the nicest, most polite of all possible ways, of course. He has totally bought into the Hero's hype. Ah, that was bitchy, sorry Mom. For all I don't think she likes me much, she's never held my last name against me, so I really should try and give her another shot. But she's just so... cool all the time. LT likes her though. Or maybe he just likes her ass. Hard to tell. I was starting to think it was mutual, but they haven't been having morning coffee together ever since we left the Citadel.

Then again, all three of the commanders have been scary since the last Citadel visit. They usually spar together every morning, and they've been avoiding spending any alone time, with, well, anyone. Like they're not sure what they'd do without witnesses around. Except my CO, she seems to only want to be alone. I mean, I know she got sideswiped by some old gang problem that jumped up and bit her on the ass when we were just out looking for a drink. (Don't ask.) I guess something similar happened to the other two?

Hard to tell with the Flight Commander, though. Every once in a while she glares at someone, and I'm pretty sure they're about to melt from sheer terror, and then Joker, the pilot, will say something completely inappropriate (cause the man never knows when to shut up) and she bursts out laughing. The Butcher of Torfan. Laughing. And the krogan seems to like her. Not sure what that says about either her or the krogan, to be honest. Or me, that I think I agree with him. We work together a lot actually, him on the armor and me on the weapons, and he seems really mellow, compared to all the horror stories. Still big and scary though. He's the only one who hasn't been walking on eggshells lately. He seems to think their rotten moods are amusing.

Which just gets me all worried again. Is he amused because he wants to see us fail? Or because he thinks violence is funny? Or do we all look like little kids running around the sandbox, since he's gotta be old enough to be Grandpa's Grandpa? Or close, anyways. What do we really know about him, or the other aliens aboard? Why are they really helping us? It's our colony that got attacked, after all, not theirs.

In vain I see the morning rise,
In vain observe the western blaze,
Who idly look to other skies
Expecting life by other ways.

Don't know why I keep trying to make sense of them, huh? Aliens. My CO told me to let it be, since we needed their help but I wasn't required to make friends, just be polite. Wise woman.

My CO? Amazingly sensible. Well, she's bat-shit crazy, but in a good way. Scuttlebutt after Akuze was all about how unbalanced and unreliable and incompetent she was, and now I seriously want to hunt down every moron who said that and beat them one for her. She knows things, Mom. She's helping me deal with, well, everything. Especially losing the 212. Like souls that balance joy and pain, With tears and smiles from Heaven again. Yeah, I know that's all about Launcelot, the pansy, but it seems to fit. She's good people Mom, you'd like her. I wish I could be there for her like she's been here for me.

And I wish the damned asari would stop trying to be there for her. It's creepy, the way those big blue eyes follow her around any time they're both in the same room. You'd think she was 16, not 106. So much for the stereotype of asari being diplomatic and socially elite.

And there I am, bitching again. You'd think this was the worst posting I'd ever had rather than the best. No idea what's wrong with me Mom. Guess the general bad mood's contagious. Even Joker's being quiet. Well, for him. I think the seriousness of the situation is getting to everyone. Stuck wandering the universe with an occasional detour for the brass, hoping we'll catch a decent lead; we're not investigators, we're marines. I mean, anyone who's lasted past their first tour knows how to hurry up and wait, but usually you have some idea what you're waiting for.

Only people who don't seem to mind are the techs, getting to play with our fancy ship. Well, and the quarian. Who all the techs seem to have a crush on. I can't understand half the things she says, but she is obviously crazy smart. And she likes her shotgun. Can't dislike anyone who takes such good care of her gun.

…

Sorry, got interrupted for a training session. Still getting all the ground crews used to working together. Can't remember what else I was going to say, really. It's a good ship. Think it's a good crew. The autochef is some turian demon that didn't convert to human-based proteins very well. Every once in awhile it makes something really wrong, and someone ends up in sickbay for a day or two puking their guts out. I'm sticking to mac 'n cheese and ration bars, myself, just in case.

I asked the turian if he knew what was wrong with it, but he said whoever attempted to switch it over to levo-proteins was a certified idiot and not to look at him. He was extra snarly too. Wonder who pissed in his cheerios? (Told you everyone was cranky, didn't I? Sincerely hope we get to do something soon, or we're all going to go crazy.)

Love you, miss you, all that mushy stuff. If I can't get home this year, make sure to read Ulysses to Dad for me.

Yours,

Ash.

A/N:
Ashley's poetry excerpts, in order of appearance:
"A Soldier" Robert Frost
"Each and All" Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The Poet's Delay" Henry David Thoreau
"Sir Launcelot and Queen Guinevere" Alfred Lord Tennyson

Also, special thanks to Badpie, Giggles Maniacally, and Drunken Pyromaniac, as well as our usual betas Shenzi and Buggirl, for their assistance in getting Ashley to sound like Ashley and not one of our Shepards. Thanks, y'all!