Title: Scraps of Gold - Glow

Author: Kjesta

Chapter: 25/??

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the series Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Rating: T

Warnings: Shounen-ai, AU.

Word Count: 4,048

Dedication to whoever invented liquorice.

Listening recommendation is Morning Moon. Again. Also, the acoustic version (the one with the piano) of "La Pared" by Shakira, mostly for the last scene.

The doctor and two nurses had been in Shiro's room for almost an hour now, and Yuki found himself restlessly walking up and down the corridor, too fidgety with nervousness to sit down on one of the chairs lined up along the walls.

He hadn't taken long to find a doctor, and luckily enough, Dr Amano had just been doing routine stuff, checking on a long-time patient, and was easily convinced that, yes, this was urgent. He had been positively surprised at the news that Shiro had woken - he had been quite impressed by the other boy's devotion to his friend and he briefly squeezed Yuki's shoulder on their way to the blonde's room in what was supposed to be a kind of congratulating gesture. Yuki couldn't help but feel at the antic like he had become father or something.

Finally, the door opened again and he jumped up abruptly. He felt his heart drop to somewhere beneath his knees, however, as he saw the doctor's serious face.

"What's it?" he asked anxiously, unsure if he really wanted to know.

Dr Amano took his glasses off to wipe them on his coat before putting them on his nose again, then looked at Yuki. "All in all," he began, "your friend has had real luck. His lungs are okay - otherwise he might have been in for even more trouble. But..." He paused, and sighed.

When he didn't talk for another long moment, Yuki lost his usually very sturdy patience. "Okay, so what's wrong with him now?" he asked, sounding more impolite than he had intended to, but the doctor did not seem to be angered by this - he knew how much the boy had suffered, so losing his temper now was only natural.

"During the operation," Dr Amano went on, "his vocal cords were damaged. An unfortunate event, but it's a danger that might occur when there's an operation so close to them."

"That means...?" Yuki queried, feeling fear rise in his chest.

Dr Amano laid a hand onto the boy's shoulder, looking at him earnestly. "He won't be able to talk again."

What Yuki felt now was very similar to the sensation felt when you miss a step on the stairs. Free fall. "Never...?"

The doctor slowly shook his head. He squeezed his shoulder briefly in compassion. "You can't do much for him. From a medical point of view. Just... Support him mentally wherever you can. It will be difficult for him. But after you've been so loyal to him when he was comatose, I'm sure you'll help him now as well." Yuki nodded mechanically. He stared after the man when he left. Just before he could turn around a corner, something occurred to him - something that should have been so damn obvious all the time.

"Excuse me," he called after him and hurried over when the man stopped and turned. "I - I think I know something that he needs. I mean, really needs."

"Alright...?" Dr Amano quirked a brow.

"I..." Shiro took a deep breathe. "I think what might really help him is a therapy. I don't know very much about his family and all, but I think he's been abused."

Dr Amano looked at him, very serious now. "That's a severe accusation."

Yuki was close to stamping his foot with frustration. Didn't they understand that Shiro needed help?! "Please," he said, shocked at how begging his voice sounded, "he needs some professional help. He's been acting completely unreasonable and he's already made an attempt at suicide and - and -" And further words didn't come from his mouth, just a sob and only now did he realize how close he had been to tears all the while. He was ashamed for crying now, he wasn't a small child anymore and he had been crying already so shortly ago when the blonde had woken up, and Shiro was back finally, so why did he have to cry now?

Dr Amano, however, put an arm around his shoulder. For a moment, they just stood like that and Yuki wondered how weak the doctor must consider him now. Sobbing like a child because he didn't get his will.

"It's alright," the man said, and Yuki was comforted by how deep and soothing his voice was. "It's alright. I'll have someone look at him and when there really seems to be need for it, he'll get a therapy. Okay?"

Yuki detached himself from him, face flushed with embarrassment. "Okay. But," he suddenly remembered, "I don't have the money for that - or Shiro, or anyone. I couldn't pay for the therapy."

"There's organizations who do that," Dr Amano said, squeezing his shoulder. Yuki noticed how warm his hand was. How large in comparison to his own. A grown-up. "I'm sure we will find a solution. There'll be a way."

They looked at each other for another long moment in silence, then Yuki finally managed to ease from his heart what he wanted to say.

"Thank you," he said, barely louder than a whisper, but the man smiled at him encouragingly. Then, he looked at his watch and, commenting that he was late for his next patient, turned to hasten down the corridor. Yuki looked after him for a long while. Then, with a sigh, he turned and slowly walked back to the room's door that he had spent so much time in. It was almost more of a home to him than the factory. The reason was easy. It was where Shiro was.

Taking a deep breathe, he laid his hand to the door's handle. This was not going to be easy. But what mattered was the fact that Shiro lived. He would make sure himself that the blonde would never regret having woken up again. Exhaling, he pressed the handle down.

Upon stepping into the room again, Yuki was shocked to see that Shiro was just about to make the two nurses a scene. Of course, he was upset and everything, but it wasn't their fault...

Not knowing what else to do, Yuki quickly stepped past the women and did what was the only thing that occurred to him right now. He wrapped his arms around Shiro's shoulders, trying to keep him still. And fortunately enough, the blonde paused in his panic.

"Don't be silly," Yuki muttered. "I've been waiting two weeks for you to wake up and now you're acting like this just because you can't shout at me for having been an idiot? Don't be silly," he repeated, and, finally, he felt Shiro relax somewhat. Slowly, he pulled back again.

The nurses had watched in slight surprise, and they seemed relieved that there wasn't going to be any trouble. One of them, Yuki recognized her as the girl that he had talked to during the night of Shiro's operation, smiled at him.

"We're going to leave you two alone," she said, gesturing at the two boys. "His state is stable and all, so there should be no complications. None that you don't know of already," she added, apparently thinking of the fact that not being able to talk again might count as complication. "If something's wrong, we're in the nurses' room. And Dr Amano won't be far off, either." With that, she left along with her colleague, leaving the teenagers to themselves.

There was a long silence between them. Somehow, Yuki knew that he'd have felt like a traitor, talking to Shiro, telling him how he'd been while the blonde had been comatose, when he knew he could never get an answer.

The other boy still seemed upset, but he had taken Yuki's hand again and was apparently slowly calming down. His fingers explored the other one's gently, like maybe he could get his thoughts across like this when words literally failed him.

After a while, however, the blonde's head tilted gently, and his eyelids fluttered shut in exhaustion. Yuki would have to get used to that, too. Shiro might have woken up and he would live, but he was still weak. It would still take quite a while until he would be his usual, energetic self again. Maybe he would never be quite the same again, after what he had done and after losing his voice. But it didn't matter. Not to Yuki.

He carefully laid him back into his cushions and pulled the blanket up to his chin, then left the room quietly to tell Mrs Ito of it. He needed someone to talk to.

----------

It was late already when he returned to the factory, and the cold air stung in his nose and lungs. He had talked with the old woman for a very long and, strangely enough, he hadn't been able to shake off the impression that she was up to something. He didn't think too much of it, however, because it was not his right to meddle with her business when she didn't told him of it on her own. He had also sat next to Shiro for quite a while again, watching his sleeping face with the dream-like assurance that, yes, he would wake up again. He would no longer have to pray for that to happen. And when the blonde moved a bit in his sleep, just like he wanted to assure Yuki that he really wasn't half-dead anymore, the dark-haired boy had decided that it was time to go home and let sleep work its magic on Shiro.

Everyone was in the improvised dormitory already, and he almost bounced as he entered.

"Shiro's woken up," he whispered excitedly. "He's woken up! He lives!" He lapsed into silence, however, as he noticed that the others were awake - not because of his announcements, but because of something different. Worries lay in the air, heavy as a nasty smell, thick like fog. Akira sat up a little.

"What's it?" Yuki asked, alerted. "What's happened?"

The other boy looked at him for a long moment. "Someone from the authorities was here. They want us to get out of here." A pause. "We have two weeks."

Yuki felt cold.

----------

Her steps made close to no sound as she quietly rose from her bed. She still didn't like it, but sometimes she just had to leave the guest room - when she needed to use the bathroom for example, like now. She hated the thought that it might be the same bathroom that Kaworu used, the same shower, the same toilet. The same room where he, if he did it, she didn't know and didn't want to know, gave in to less innocent thoughts about Shinji. She was close to trembling with the urge to scream whenever she entered the tiled room with its luxurious-looking tub and everything, but she would manage. She would not be so weak.

Surprisingly, there was light in the hall. Asuka had not expected it at this time, but there Kaworu's father was, sitting in the dim light of a small lamp next to the small couch, drawing. When she came out of the dark corridor, he looked up. To her vague surprise, he smiled.

"Hello," he greeted, like it wasn't in the middle of the night.

There was a long silence before she answered. "Hello," she repeated finally. Silence again. He looked at her for a very long moment.

"Might I ask a favour of you?" he asked then. She frowned slightly.

"A favour?"

He nodded. "I would like to draw a portrait of you. If it is alright with you," he added quickly.

Asuka stared at him. A portrait? She? When looking like she had just risen from the dead? When she hadn't even ever talked to her? He couldn't be serious... But on the other hand, she also felt vaguely flattered and it disgusted her at the same time. "I need to go to the toilet," she replied. "And then I'll go sleep." Without another word, she left for the bathroom door and vanished through it. Justus looked after her. What an unusual girl.

When she came back, however, she stopped briefly before going back to her room. "Tomorrow it would be alright."

He looked at her, surprised. Then, he smiled again. "Alright." She had already made a step towards the corridor when he remembered what else he wanted to say. "Asuka?" She stopped. "It would be nice if you came to eat with us tomorrow. And after that, if you'd like to. I'm sure it would please Nathalie, too."

Asuka stood in silence for a moment. She thought of Nathalie. Of her mature face. Her presence that just seemed to scream one thing: woman.

"I'll come," she finally said, and a moment later, she was swallowed up by the dark corridor.

----------

It was weird, how little the fact mattered to him that in two weeks he would have no home anymore. Not even the old factory. But Yuki pushed it aside, caring little for it, just vaguely wasting a thought on it with the note that, somehow, they would find a solution. The other's would find a place to stay, and he would move with them when they had found something. Besides, and it was shocking how very clear it was to him, his home was where Shiro was. It had a reason that he had barely been at the factory for the last two weeks.

Mrs Ito had been quite happy about the fact that Yuki was so happy, and she was still. She had already taken the promise from him that, as soon as possible, he would bring Shiro with him for a visit. After hearing so much about him and witnessing his friend's devotion to him, she was wondering what kind of boy he would be.

Shiro was still weak, and he had yet to get used to the fact that he couldn't talk anymore. It was awkward, and even though Yuki had gotten some paper and a pencil from Mrs Ito, it was unsatisfactory to the blonde as a substitute for a real talk. However, it had to do for now and Yuki promised him that he would learn sign language together with him - it seemed utopian now, but he felt like it was really a goal now to look forward to. What he was more concerned about was the fact that along with his voice, the blonde's enthusiasm and self-confidence seemed to have drained away. After the previous day had been so wonderful, it seemed to Yuki like a betrayal by fate that now, Shiro seemed changed.

Finally, Dr Amano came and gestured to Yuki that he wanted to talk to him. Obediently, the dark-haired boy left the room, anxious about whatever was going to come now.

"Hm," the man said, "I'm sure you still remember our talk yesterday." Yuki nodded. "Well, I've brought a therapist today and she will have a look at your friend now."

"So soon?" Yuki interrupted him, even though apparently Dr Amano had meant to add more.

The doctor nodded. "Yes. If it's really grave, we'll have to do something about it as soon as possible." Yuki nodded again in return.

When he finally left for Mrs Ito's room, he felt vaguely heavy about the heart. Shiro had looked at him in slight panic as he had explained to him that he would have to leave now so the therapist could talk to him alone. He felt like a traitor for leaving him alone like that. The therapist, however, had made a rather good impression on him. A young woman, dressed in jeans and a yellow blouse, hair tied back in a ponytail.

"Yuki," the old woman said finally when he was fidgety, unable to really concentrate on their talk. "Calm down. You've done the right thing. This is going to help your friend. Give me my purse." Quietly, he did as asked. She handed him a coin, even though he was reluctant about it. "Go down into the canteen and get yourself a coffee or a tea or something and calm down a little. It's no use trying to have a talk like this. Talk to yourself for a while, then you will see that there is nothing to worry about." Still not quite able to agree with that, he reluctantly left to head down the corridor and into the lift. This felt all so surreal.

However, it turned out that Mrs Ito had - once again - been very right. After he had gotten himself a coffee and he sat at the table, the cup hot against his palms, he really felt his thoughts begin to slowly collect themselves again, to form more coherent shapes, even though they still were quite random.

Sipping at his coffee, Yuki soon found them straying, hopping randomly from one thing to the next. In hindsight, he didn't even know how he had come to think about that particular topic, but at some point, he ended up pondering Kaworu.

He hadn't had so much to do with him, seeing that he had played with Yuichi and Scraps most of the time when he had come by, or sometimes he would have ended up talking to Kensuke and Touji - the three of them had gotten along rather well.

Still, he liked Kaworu. He was calm and good-humoured and just knew how to treat those around him. Yuki had always admired the latter in others. And after having a rather random talk with him one day, he had been very happy for Shinji to have found so great company.

Yuki wondered what Kaworu was doing now. How he felt about the whole business. He couldn't even explain why, but suddenly he found himself imagining what it would have been like for him if someone had treated Shiro so nastily the blonde wouldn't return home for over two weeks. Resting his chin in his hand, Yuki absent-mindedly stirred his coffee. He'd probably have strangled them. It seemed strange to him that Kaworu would stay so passive when something like that had happened. Yuki knew he wouldn't have. No one was to hurt Shiro, not if he could do something against it. And if he was honest with himself... Had he not known just how great a problem Shiro carried around in his heart, he probably would not have forgiven him for saying all those things to Shinji. But like this? No, things were different in reality. Shiro had behaved quite terrible and Yuki knew he was guilty of having hurt Shinji, but none of that had really mattered anymore when he didn't know if maybe the blonde would never laugh at him again.

Yuki drained his cup with a quick gulp and ended up burning his tongue in the process, but he didn't care. His own thoughts were beginning to sound obsessive to him, like he had nothing else in life but Shiro.

As he rose, he brushed the thought aside that quite possibly, it was true.

He waited in front of the room for almost an hour before the therapist came out, looking neither very pleased nor unpleased. Probably that was a difficult thing in her job. Yuki, however, didn't care much. He jumped up quickly and was soon sitting next to Shiro again, anxious of the session's outcome.

The blonde was pale, staring at his blanket without really seeing anything. He seemed almost apathetic. When Yuki finally reached out to touch his shoulder, he was shocked to notice the blonde was trembling. Wordlessly, he pulled him into a firm embrace.

----------

Kaworu had only wanted to drink a glass of water after Scraps had woken him up by growling in his sleep - it was getting annoying, how his usually deep and refreshing sleep had become so light and easy to disturb since Shinji had disappeared. On the other hand, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to complain. The brunet was somewhere out there, and Kaworu didn't know if he was well or even alive. If something had happened to him, if he was wounded or something, he could have come back - he must have known that whatever they had argued about would never make Kaworu negate him help or something, right? Right?

The glass was cold and he felt slightly hollow in his stomach as the cool liquid ran down his throat. Just as cool as the floor beneath his feet as he went back into the hall.

A small cry, however, made him stop. A high-pitched voice. Asuka.

He didn't know why, but a few days ago she had begun opening up. Well, not really, but taking part in life again. A little, at least. She was with them at the meals and sometimes she would sit next to Justus and watch him draw - never for long, though, and she always left whenever Kaworu entered the room and noticed them. Nathalie didn't seem to bother her so much. He vaguely wondered why.

For a long moment, Kaworu stood indecisively in front of the door to the guest room. It was almost two in the morning. Could he just enter? But then again, maybe something was wrong. Even if he couldn't deny that he didn't hold that much affection for Asuka - mainly because she was all too good at pointing out his mistakes concerning Shinji and making it hurt - he just had to check if everything was alright with her. No one else had heard her scream, Justus and Nathalie were upstairs and fast asleep. If he couldn't protect Shinji, he would at least have to try to get along with Asuka. She was dear to Shinji.

He knocked quietly, but as he received no answer, he slowly opened the door. His heart thumped loud in his ears.

The room was flooded with moonlight, bathing everything in its unearthly glow. Kaworu couldn't help but feel slightly reminded of the moment when he had first laid eyes on Shinji.

Asuka stood in front of the windows, her slim body outlined in silver against the dark room. All over the floor her bedcovers were strewn, like she had just thrown a tantrum. Her breathe seemed heavy.

She turned around abruptly. Her long, red hair flowed around her head like a flag, a war declaration, terrible and red and beautiful. Her nightgown whipped up in the sudden motion, revealing a pale thigh before coming to rest over her leg again, delicate as a flower petal.

She was beautiful. Kaworu couldn't help but think this in all honesty as she faced him, standing in the room like a goddess of rage and pride. He had never really seen her as a rival, but had he not been Shinji's boyfriend already, he would have, now at the very latest.

Then, however, all thoughts of that kind were gone as she was very close all of a sudden, too close - and kissed him. Her hands, that looked so gentle and fragile when she sat next to his father, were pinning him to the wall roughly by his shoulders. What was the worst thing, however, was not the fact that a girl was just kissing him when he was sure he was going to die if Shinji didn't turn up soon, but that there was the fleeting thought that he could just give in and kiss back. While his mind seemed paralysed with confusion and shock, the rest of him was, for a terribly long moment, tempted to say, "Yes, please". Horrified, he flinched.

Asuka released his mouth, pushing him back roughly against the wall again. She looked disgusted and hateful and - whatever else, he couldn't quite figure out. He just stared at her.

"You don't even kiss all that well," she hissed, giving his shoulder a good shove once more before abruptly letting go to wipe her mouth, turning away.

Kaworu just stared at her for another long moment. Weirdly enough, he could not find anything of his previous terror anymore. Just slight pity. This all hadn't been about him, or about her. Just Shinji.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and left. He could hear a pillow hit the door after he had closed it behind him.

----------

Well. That last scene was a bit unexpected, I suspect. Anyway. Have I ever mentioned I like Asuka? Like, really really? Well, I do.

Also, more than 10.000 hits! WOW! Thank you guys, that's really awesome.

I hope the long wait didn't unnerve you too much, but I think it's the better solution for now. I'm glad I have a little time to breathe in between the chapters.

If all goes well, I will spend three months in the US next year, or 2009. That's amazing! We'll have to save hard for it (plus, it will surely take some considerable time longer to get me a doll -sigh-) but I'm sure it's worth it. Yippee! I'm very curious as to what life in America is really like. Are Americans really as patriotic as they say? Is there really no decent bread over there? Like, brown bread and the really really dark stuff? Haha "