I DO NOT OWN the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. All rights belong to the incredible E.L James.
A/N: Get ready for this one. That's all I'm saying!(;
Chapter 25.
Anastasia Steele
"Ana, sweetheart," Clara pleaded with me as I sobbed so hard I felt I couldn't breathe in her arms. "Tell me what happened. Please, honey."
I had ran right out of Christian's apartment and kept running as soon as I reached the outside world. I couldn't handle it, what he did. What he got off to. It made my stomach lurch just thinking about it. Thinking about someone tied up to that horrifying looking cross as Christian whipped them or beat them with that belt that had hung on the wall. My sobs became unstable at the thought, fear wracking my body.
"Momma," I gasped. "I…I can't…breathe."
I had run from Escala all the way to Ray and Clara's hotel. Momma had said Ray wasn't back from getting dinner since Christian had left and canceled dinner, so she was stuck with me. She wore her usual, silk, pink stripped pajama's as she held my still costumed form in her arms. I had collapsed into her the moment she opened the door, making her drop to her knees as she held me in her lap, stroking my hair against her shoulder. The two mile run and my sobs had overtaken me, my breaths uneven as I gasped for air.
"Shh, baby girl," she rocked me in her arms. "Deep breaths. Come on, buh-bay. In and out."
I followed her orders, taking deep breaths with her until I finally was able to breathe evenly. When I finally pulled away just enough to catch a glimpse of Clara's face I saw the unconditional love she held for me there and felt a whole new set of tears fall from my eyes. It wasn't that she upset me, it was that my entire life, no matter how hard I denied it, I had searched for my mother's affection and yet here I already had a mother who loved me with everything she had.
"I love you, Momma," I whimpered into her shoulder.
"Oh, Buh-bay. I love you, too. More than anything in this world."
"I don't know what to do, Momma," I whispered.
"Tell me, sugar," she kissed my head again. "You can tell me anything."
When I didn't say anything, just continue to cry, Momma sighed and lifted me up as best she could.
"Come on, Annie," she smiled down at my sobbing form. "Let's get you in the bathtub? Wash you of all these bad feelings and then maybe you can tell me? How about I call your daddy and tell him to bring us up some greasy cheese burgers and ice cream?"
I nodded, accepting her offer with a halfhearted smile.
Momma helped me out of my costume, hanging it on the door of her bedroom, and into the tub where my sobs wracked me even harder. I had been so stupid to trust Christian, to fall for him even when I didn't know him any longer. He wasn't the fifteen year old boy I once knew any longer, he was someone dark like Leila had said. Someone who was easy to love but wanted nothing but to harm you.
Momma stayed quiet as she grabbed the detachable shower head and wet my hair so it ran freely down my bare back. Gently, she ran her fingers through it before gingerly running her famous honeysuckle shampoo she always smelled of through my scalp and hair. When I was little she would always do this to me, so I didn't mind her touch. It felt good, her fingers running through my tangled tresses and unknotting them with her naturally gentle touch.
When she rinsed out my hair, she squirted some hotel shower gel onto a hand rag and moved my hair over my shoulder so she could run it lightly over my scars while I hugged my knees to my chest.
"I loved him, Momma," I whimpered, tears running down my cheeks as she ran the rag over the butterfly tattoo on my shoulder.
"Loved?" she scoffed lightly. "Baby girl, you still love him. If you didn't, you wouldn't be sitting in this tub right now."
"I don't know what to do," another sob bubbled through my lips.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" she asked, running the rag down my arms.
"I can't, Momma," I whispered, knowing I couldn't tell anyone.
"Can you give me a hint?" she giggled playfully, throwing me a wink.
"He kept something from me," I breathed.
"And you found out what it was?" she asked, nodding in understanding.
"It's something I don't think I can live with, Momma. It's a big part of him now that I think about it and I don't know if I can handle it."
Momma let out a long sigh, grabbing the shower head once more to rinse me off before setting it down and sitting beside the tub, facing me.
"Baby girl," she reached out to touch my cheek. "You've been through so much in you short life and so has Christian. When you two found each other it was inevitable that if you two wouldn't be the best of friends for the rest of your lives, you'd be in love. We all knew that," she smiled. "When you find someone you love like you and Christian love each other, do you let them go just because of some silly secret?"
"It's a big secret, Momma," I protested. "I don't know if I can handle it."
"Then tell him that," she said sternly. "Talk to him. Don't run from your problems, Anastasia Steele. We raised you better than that, your father and I. You're so strong from everything you've been through but sometimes you need to show your vulnerable side. Especially to the people you love.
"Talk to Christian about how you feel. Tell him everything that's on your mind and then settle on a compromise, if that will help. Just…don't let something so wonderful slip through your fingers just because you got too scared to grip onto it any tighter."
"I don't think I can talk to him just yet, Momma," I said, remembering the tall, sharp Christian he had been around Leila. "I will, but just not yet."
Momma smiled down at me, her eyes compassionate and understanding as she stood to grab me a towel.
"Then come to Atlanta with us for a couple of days. Stay with us. We'll go shopping and see Granny. She's been aching to see you," she said, speaking about her mother and the only grandmother I had ever known.
"I've missed her too," I said, remembering Granny's warm smile and tight hugs.
"You have a week off from rehearsals and performing, right?" she asked.
"I'll come."
Getting off the plane from Seattle to Atlanta, my sunglasses were not only used for covering my red, swollen eyes. They actually had to keep the brilliant sun I hadn't seen for almost four months living in Seattle. The heat was ridiculous as well, making me glass that I wore the jean cut off shorts and white, very light blouse Momma had recommended I wear. My hair hung loose around my back, allowing Momma to fiddle with it as we waited for ray to gather out bags from the baggage claim.
I leaned against her, holding her was it tightly as ray returned to us. He took me form Momma for a moment, beaming widely.
"I'm so happy you decided to come home for a couple of days," he kissed my forehead. "Are you sure Christian is alright with this? When I spoke to him on the phone last night, he sounded out of sorts."
Neither Momma or I had told Ray about what had happened with Christian and I. All he knew is that Christian and I had such a bad fight that I left the apartment to come and sleep with him and Momma.
I had been so scared to call Christian and tell him I was going to Atlanta that I made Ray call him. Christian, from what Ray had told me, had said it was alright. Taylor had dropped off a bag, eyeing me compassionate eyes when he saw what a mess I was. I told him not to worry, to tell Christian I'd be back in a few days, and thanked him before he left.
"Yes," I nodded, smiling tightly at Christian's name. "He's probably still a little upset about the fight, is all."
"Are you sure coming after such a big blow out between you two is a good idea? Shouldn't you have talked with him before just running off?" Ray asked, sounding like Clara.
Momma wrapped her arm around my shoulder, leading us all towards the exit of the airport.
"Ray," she scolded softly. "Leave your daughter alone. How about we go out to the Busy Bee and get you your favorite?"
"Shrimp and grits sounds really good right now," I smiled, knowing exactly what she was talking about.
"Shrimp and grits," Dad hummed, rubbing his stomach.
"And some sweet tea?" momma bumped her hip to mine, making me giggle.
I felt like I was ten years old again, holding her hand as we talked about my favorite foods.
Ray put the bags into the car since there was only three of them and made a b-line for drivers seat. He sped all the way to The Busy Bee Café where the lunch crowd had just gotten in. We sat down, where I shoved my face with the best shrimp and grits I ever had. I moaned, remembering just what I had been missing out on when I moved up north.
After we finished lunch, we headed to Ray and Clara's house. When I was younger, I hadn't thought much of the place since I lived there every single day of my life but now, as I grew older, just seeing the place through the car window was magical experience.
Momma had grown up in Atlanta, coming from old southern, oil money. When her father had passed away, her mother - Granny - decided she no longer wanted to live in her beautiful, southern plantation mansion. She moved to a condo in downtown Atlanta, where she said all the action happened, and left her beautiful home for her only daughter to take over.
The place was gorgeous and huge, a dirty path leading through twining willows that canopied above us with the House peaking out from the green tunnel at the very end. As I stepped out of the car after Ray parked the Range Rover, I smiled. I remembered everything from sneaking out of my room to go skinny dipping in the creek behind the house with friends of mine in high school before I moved to New York. I remembered barbeques by the pool and playing hide and go seek in the dark with Momma or swinging on the tire swing out back. All my wonderful childhood memories would never outweigh the bad but they were diamonds I held onto with all my might.
"Come on, baby," Ray called to me, unlocking the front door.
Momma smiled, climbing up the stairs to the front door and held out her hand for me. I practically ran to her, letting her lead me inside. I gasped, not remembering how beautiful the house was. The crystal chandelier above our heads was at least a century old but still in impeccable condition. The twining, hard wood staircase to my left opened up to the second and third floor while to my right, a huge, open wall exposed your way through the beautiful living room and a door that lead to the kitchen I had spent so much time running in and out of as a kid.
"Is that my little dumpin' I hear?" Granny's elegant, southern voice chimed from the living room.
She sauntered into the entry way looking impeccable, as always, in her dark red, sleeveless blouse and white slacks. Her grey and white hair was teased and curled to perfection while white gold hoops hung from her ears. This was the woman I aspired to be. Granny could be the picture prefect southern belle, acting like she just walked out of etiquette class with her silent confidence and obvious beauty or she could mind fuck you ten ways to Sunday with her fiery tongue, sharp intellect and incredible knowledge of the world.
"Granny!" I gasped, running into her already open arms.
She squeezed me tight as I inhaled the scent of her YSL perfume she never took off.
"How is my little slice of heaven pie feeling?" she grasped my face between her hands, already knowing exactly what my heart was aching with.
Clara and Ray left me be with Granny, knowing I was in need of a good dose of Granny talking to. Almost immediately after she asked the question, I couldn't hold back anymore. I let the tears fall, my sobs wracking me as Granny pulled me against her chest.
"Oh, honey bee," she cooed, pulling me back to look me over me. "It's a boy isn't it?"
I laughed through my tears, wiping my eyes.
"How can you tell?" I joked lightly.
She tapped her temple with her perfectly manicured finger, winking at me.
"Granny always knows, sweet pea." she smirked sharply. "I've had a few heart breaks in my life time, too, darlin'."
"I bet you've broken hearts more times then yours has been broken."
"That's true," she said with so much conviction, I had to laugh. "But that doesn't mean I don't know anything about a good, old fashioned heartbreak. Come on. Sit down and tell Granny all about this boy that hurt your heart."
She pulled me into the living room, her movements fluid and flawless as always.
When we finally sat down on the white, leather sofa, Granny held my hand in hers, waiting for me to speak.
"Do you remember when I was little and Carla and Ray took me to live in Seattle with them?" I asked, sniffling back tears.
"Of course I do," she scoffed, looking slightly annoyed. "I was so furious with your father for taking you away from me. Luckily it was only for a few months but then that witch of a mother of yours tried to sink her teeth into you again."
I loved Granny's honesty. She had always told me her honesty was privilege that had been earned. She said whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted and no one told her anything about it.
"I became friends with this boy while I was there," I explained. "Best friends actually and when I left Seattle, we were both devastated. Then we see each other again six months ago and everything just began to happen so fast."
"You fell in love," Granny said in her dreamy voice, her eyes compassionate and loving.
My heart sunk to my stomach as I nodded slowly, tears flowing form my eyes.
"Oh, sweetie pie, there ain't no shame to being in love," her southern twang cooed as she lifted my chin up with her hand.
"He kept something from me, Granny," I whispered under my breath. "Something I don't think I can handle."
Her eyes softened as she sat back, clasping her hands around mine.
"You found out?" she asked, her eyes clear with an emotion I didn't understand.
It was a combination of icy cool, distant and understanding.
"I did," I nodded. "I ran from him the instant I figured it all out. I hurt him granny but he hurt me! He kept this huge secret from me, knowing that if he told me I couldn't be with him."
"Maybe that's why he didn't tell you this big secret," she said. "He didn't want to loose you."
"Don't you think he should have told me anyways?" I scooted closer to her. "Given me the opportunity to understand him and fully know who and what he was before I fell for him? Shouldn't he have given me the choice?"
"Oh baby," she smiled, touching my cheek. "I think the question you need to ask yourself is whether or not there ever a choice for you."
I let out a breath, looking down at our interlocked hands.
Granny always knows, I thought to myself smiling internally.
"No," I whispered. "There never was."
She laughed, smiling at me with glowing eyes as she took my face in her hands once more.
"Then what in the world are you doing here, baby girl?"
I let out a heavy breath, shaking my head.
"I need to think, Granny. I feel like I'm losing grip of myself. I was never the girl that felt like she needed a man for anything and now that he came into my life, it's like he's all I want. All I'll ever need. Even if he kept all of this from me. Even with all his flaws."
"Oh, girl!" Granny laughed boisterously. "That's what love does to a woman! Do you think I was the woman who just sat up in her room, waiting for Mr. Right to come along?"
I shook my head.
"No, I wasn't but when your grandfather came along in his Navy uniform, I just knew. I didn't expect myself to wind up being the mother of four boys and one girl. I didn't even see myself getting married on day but he changed all that. Love changed it. You aren't losing yourself, baby girl. You're just gaining another part you haven't seen until now."
"What if I don't like this new part of me?" I whispered.
"No one does, sweet pea," she whispered, winking at me as she patted my hand. "Why do you think all women are so crazy? We may deny it, but we all are just a tad bit psycho."
"Because of love?" I giggled.
"Being in love, the need to find love, the need to stay away from love," she sighed, shaking her head. "No matter what, love sinks it's claws into you, baby girl. You can't ever escape it. Tell your man how you feel. Talk to him. Don't run away. You're stronger then that."
"You sound like Momma," I sniffled.
"That's because she got the same talk from me a few weeks before her wedding day."
"What?" I gaped at my grandmother, loving her gossip.
"You didn't know?"
"No!" I gasped, wide eyed.
"Girl, all of Atlanta knows this story but you don't?"
"Granny, can you just tell me the gossip?"
She straightened herself up, looking as if she had just received a new diamond tennis bracelet.
"You know your Momma has the kindest heart there is," Granny smiled. "And the moment she saw you, she loved you. But when she met your biological mother, she had a tiny breakdown."
"Momma met Carla?" I gaped, stunned. "When?"
"Two weeks before the wedding. Whoo! I swear to the lord almighty, Carla may have given her an earful about how she was stealing you from her and some bull crap like that but your Momma gave it right back to her."
"What did she say?" I asked, feeling my heart swell with pride for my own momma.
"Something about how she was a horrible person, a discrase of a mother and a whore. A good ol' sotuehr tongue lashing!"
We giggle together, covering our mouths like real ladies.
"She's right on all points," I said when I calmed down.
"Don't I know it," Granny rolled her eyes. "Anyway, your Momma got a little case of cold feet after that, scared that if Carla came back into the picture, she'd take you away form her and she already loved you so much."
"Wait…" I waved my hands quickly. "This whole slipping through your fingers talk wasn't about Ray?"
"Oh no, baby," Granny brushed some hair form my face. "You're Momma loves Ray, don't get me wrong, but she was head over heels with you. She didn't want to leave Ray but much like yourself, she was overwhelmed with everything. With his baggage. When I told her that if she left because some silly woman tried to pull her away from you and Ray, Carla would not only win, but she'd lose out on the best thing that ever happened to her."
My eyes pooled with tears as I thought about Momma. Carla gave birth to me but she was never my mother. Clara Steele was the only mother I ever had and I thanked god for her and Granny as I sat on that sofa.
"You take your time to think," Granny kissed my forehead. "I'm staying here with you three for the couple of days you're staying here, anyway so we can catch up and catch some sun. You look pale."
"You always told me pale was pretty," I giggled.
"Not this pale, baby," she patted my cheek, standing up with her. "You've been in the grey too long and we're going to get you some color. And maybe a little gin in your system, too."
"Oh, Granny!" I groaned as she started for the liquor cabinet in the corner.
"Hush, now!" she winked, waving me off. "This is going to be the best weekend of your life!"
Who loves Granny and her infanite wisdom as much as I do? Do tell!
Reviews are welcomed.
-fighter