How ya'll doing? Good? Good. First, a big thank you to thewhitekitten and my two lovely guest reviewers. Virtual brownies for each of you! Hope you like 'em, they're chocolate! Also, I hope I didn't lose any of my fantastic guests because it took me eight days to update. Review and let me know that you're still out there! :) It means more brownies!
Just so that you all know, now that summer is almost here, less frequent updates may be in order. I'm definitely going to try to update at least once a week, but if I go a little late on that, do not despair! It just means I had an extra long day at work or am stressed out about school and graduation and I will be back within a couple of days!
Also, I thought I'd let you all know that inspiration has struck! Not inspiration for the more recent chapters, but I actually have an ending in mind, something that I didn't have a clue about at the start of this story. That's not to say that this story will be ending any time soon. We're only in season 4 after all! (This is going to take awhile). I hope all of you will stick with me to the very end!
Disclaimer: This isn't the first time I have said this and it won't be the last, but listen well. I own nothing of LOST, except the rights to it being my favorite TV show in the history of TV shows. I could say that I own grownup Annie since the writers never took the opportunity to develop that wonderful plot bunny, but I won't do that either, because technically they created little Annie. So. Yeah. Don't own anything. Too bad. So sad. Please don't sue. And if you know any way that would make it possible for me to own Ben...PM ME NOW!
Now...I shall put an end to this ridiculously long intro. Enjoy the chapter!
0o0o0o0o0o
The sun filtered in through the sheer pink curtains of Alex's room and across Annie's still face, making her open her eyes and blink rapidly. It took her several seconds to process where exactly she was and how she had gotten there. It took her even longer to comprehend the bed in which she had slept. She hadn't slept in a bed for nearly twenty years. Annie doubted she would have stayed there all night, more than likely opting to sleep on a sheet on the floor instead, if Ben hadn't joined her last night.
She shook her head and threw back the comforter, fighting the redness that was coming to her cheeks, and just deciding to bear the uncomfortableness swelling in her stomach. She had known when she had asked him to stay with her last night that she would regret it in the morning. It wasn't fair of her to put him in that position. How had he felt about it?
Heck, scratch regret. Annie didn't regret last night. She was just thoroughly embarassed. What had come over to her to ask something like that? She bit her lip at that and forced herself to stop thinking.
A clattering of dishes came from the kitchen and she noticed that her bedroom door had been left opened. Her arms were cold and bear and she rubbed them with her hands as she left the safety and security offered in her bedroom and faced her very own demon. It was amazing how that was one thing that had remained unchanged since she had come back to the land of civilization. Ben had been her demon for as long as she had been in that cursed jungle; he still was, but for a different reason, one she had yet to discover and understand.
She peered around the corner and saw him standing in front of the sink and looking out of the window. He was sipping on a cup of tea, she could smell its strong aroma from where she was standing. Ben didn't seem to have heard her yet.
"That smells good," Annie spoke up finally and he turned his head to look at her.
"Good morning," he replied simply, but not unkindly. He gave her a small smile and motioned to the tea kettle on the stove. "You want a cup?"
Annie nodded her head and smiled. "Yes, please." Ben set to work getting her a mug and poured the hot water into it. He added a tea bag and handed it to her. She held the warmth in her hand as she offered him a small smile in thanks. Her eyes closed as she smelled the fragrance wafting from the hot water. "God," she whispered, "I've even forgotten what tea smells like. It's been so long."
Ben quirked his lips at her. "Do you want sugar?"
"Oh, no, this'll be fine." She took a sip and sighed. "I've missed this. Quiet mornings, tea. But it feels strange," she took a seat at the small table when Ben motioned for her to do so. He did the same and just looked at her as she spoke. "Being back is like having to relearn everything all over again. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it."
"It'll take time," he said in a comforting voice, "But it'll all come back ." She smiled at him and he looked away. "Do you want any breakfast?"
"Breakfast?"
"Yeah. Breakfast. Don't tell me you've forgotten what the most important meal of the day is?"
Annie laughed. "No, it's just that out in the jungle breakfast all depended on whether or not you could catch a lizard before noon."
Ben smirked. "Well, I'm afraid we don't have any lizards, but I can make you eggs if you would like. I suppose it's been a long time since you had those. Or toast."
Annie thought as she nursed her tea. "Do you have any cereal?"
"Yeah. But I had to throw away the milk this morning because it'd spoiled."
"It doesn't matter. I'll have that."
"Alright," Ben pushed his seat away from the table, "One bowl of cereal, hold the milk."
Annie was silent as she watched him pour frosted cornflakes into a bowl for her. She remembered how mornings had used to be something like this, relaxed and quiet, just her and him. That had been a long time ago. When things had been much simpler.
Ben set the bowl down in front of her and then sat back down, eying her curiously. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing," she lied as she picked up her spoon and began to eat the milk-less cereal. It crunched between her teeth and she savored the sweetness. In that moment, she thought that that bowl of dry cereal was the best thing she had eaten in years.
"What were you dreaming about last night?" Ben posed the question as simply as if he were asking about the weather, but Annie immediately felt threatened and her body stiffened. He frowned slightly. "I'm sorry. I was just curious."
Annie's face was red all over again and she stared hard at her bowl. Images of him coming to her and asking her if she was alright flooded through her brain and she willed them to end. "It's fine—" she began and then paused and took a breath, "It was strange really. Didn't make any sense." Ben was silent and just looked at her. She refused to look up at him. "It was nothing worth waking you up for, that's for sure." Again, he didn't say anything, and finally she was compelled to look up at him. She couldn't read his expression, but he was still staring at her.
"I didn't mind," he finally admitted to her. "If that's what you're worried about. I was glad that you were just able to get some sleep. I think no one is more entitled to it than you are." It was Annie's turn to be silent, not quite sure of what to say next. He continued. "Well, then, I'm not quite sure what's on the agenda for the day, what with John going all commando. Is there anything you would like to do? See? You've been gone for so long. I'm sure there are many things you've missed."
Annie nodded her head and popped a piece of cereal into her mouth. "The school."
Ben grinned and it was a strange sight. "Alright then. Finish your cereal and we can go."
0o0 Flashback 0o0
"You're going to be fine," he offered in hopes of calming her nerves. "But you need to go in there. Everyone's waiting."
Annie took a deep breath. "I don't think I can do this. I was ridiculous to even think that I could!"
"C'mon. Don't think like that. In fact, just stop thinking and go in there."
"You really think I can do this?" Ben nodded his head and Annie exhaled. "Alright." Her hands were shaking as they turned the doorknob and she walked inside the school. Everyone was already seated and dozens of beady eyes followed her every movement as she walked away from the threshold and over to her desk. She placed her books down and then took another deep breath to settle her queasy stomach. Annie raised her head and looked at the group of children – her students now, some of them were older than her, most of them were younger. Her eyes sought out Ben's and she found him sitting in the second row. He offered her a reassuring smile and Annie smiled back before turning to address her students.
"Good morning, everyone!" She proclaimed enthusiastically. "Seeing as how you all know me, I think we can skip the introductions. You all know my name is Annie, but from now on, I will be Miss Walsh. And I know that we are going to have a simply magnificent time together." She walked around the desk and sat on top of it so that she could look down at her students and still feel a certain amount of intimacy with them. Just like Miss Granger had always done. "The truth is, I'm new at this, and I'm nervous as heck, but I'll get the hang of it soon enough. So, give me a chance, alright?" They all nodded their heads. Even a couple of small girls in the front row gave her a smile. She smiled back and reached behind her for one of her books. "Let's begin with my personal favorite. History!"
She heard a couple of the older kids groan and she smirked. Just like they'd always done with Miss Granger. Things were off to a good start. "Let's see who should start the reading..." Her eyes scanned the nineteen faces in her classroom until they fell on one in particular. Her eyes held a devious gleam as she addressed him. "Ben, if you wouldn't mind?" The murderous look he gave her nearly made her chuckle, and then he stood up and began to read aloud.
This wasn't bad. Not bad at all.
0o0 Flash to Present 0o0
"Oh...wow," Annie said breathlessly as her feet twirled her around in a circle. "Nothing's changed." She looked at Ben. "Everything's almost exactly as it was when I left." Slowly, she approached her teacher's desk, as if it were some ancient relic of old. Her hands trailed across its wooden edge, collecting dust as they went. "Looks like it hasn't been cleaned since I left either."
"Yes, well, after the Purge," he hesitated for just a second, making Annie wonder if he really had hesitated or if she had just imagined it, "There were no children on the Island, and those who were, were old enough to be out of school. We had no purpose for it." He peered around the room. "This place has remained untouched ever since."
Annie shook her head in disbelief as she seemed to float around the room. She looked at all of the bookshelves, the map hanging on the wall, the skeleton she had used for class demonstrations. When she looked out over the many desks, she could almost imagine her students sitting there waiting for her to teach an assignment. It was almost as if she had never left. "It's strange. I would think you lot would've transformed it into a communal, or perhaps a town hall of sorts. Why'd you just leave it?"
Ben sighed and put his hands in his pockets as he followed her around the room. "I grew up here too, Annie, and even with all of the change that I brought about, I just couldn't see this place as anything other than a school. And," he admitted with another sigh, "I know how much this place meant to you."
"It's beautiful," she said with a small smile. "I thought I'd never lay eyes on this old room again." She looked at Ben. "Thank you for bringing me here."
He shrugged. "It's the least I can do."
"Can you stop saying that?" She said almost abruptly, as if she had been expecting him to say that very thing, and he looked at her, startled. "Please."
"I'm merely saying-"
"Something that doesn't need to be said," she pressed. Her voice was growing harsh and she was trying to remain calm, but honestly, she had reached her limit for apologies. "Every time you do something for me, you don't have to say that! I'm not some charity case that you need to prove yourself to. I most certainly shouldn't make you feel sorry for me, and if you feel guilty because of what you did to me, I don't want you to just do these things because you think you can make it up to me! I don't want you to be kind out of guilt. I just want-" Annie stopped and groaned.
Ben raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What?"
Annie looked at him and frowned. "I just want you to be kind because you care."
"I do care, Annie."
"Then don't make me feel like you do everything as a way to atone for your past sins!" Her voice cracked and she turned away from him. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."
She heard Ben walk up from behind her, but he kept his distance and refrained from touching her. "You have every right to yell. I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way."
"Honestly, Ben," she replied as she turned around, "It's been so long since someone didn't do something for me simply out of pity or guilt. Danielle was kind, but I always felt that she did it to help keep me sane for as long as possible, and nothing more. For once, I would just like someone to do something nice for me because they care. Like you used to do...before all this happened." The moment those words left her mouth she regretted them. His eyes flashed with more guilt and she mentally kicked herself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."
"Yes, you did," he retorted, but his voice was soft. "And you're right. I feel guilty over what I did to you, Annie, and that's because I am. You are a walking reminder of my past, and so, when I look at you, I feel an incredible need to try and make it up to you. But...that doesn't mean I don't care. Because I do. That has never changed. And I really don't expect you to believe that; after all, I did abandon you in a jungle for the last twenty years of your life. And I know you don't trust me, and I probably will never be able to earn that trust back, but I need you to know that everything I am saying right now is the truth."
Annie sighed. "You're right, Ben. Trust is something that doesn't come easily to me now; but out of everyone here, I trust you the most. I don't know if that's because I know you, or because I can see just how sorry you are for what you did. That hardly makes it right, and that hardly makes me forgive you. But, on a daily basis, I can wake up now, and I can look at you, and talk to you, and be with you, and not constantly think about what you did to me. So, it's a start. But, I'm not gonna lie. We're both screwed up."
Ben let out a strained chuckle but didn't say anything. He just looked at Annie and watched her stare back at him. Her eyes were earnest and truthful, a reflection of what he was no doubt feeling, and when she offered him the smallest of smiles, he smiled back.
The door to the schoolroom opened, and they both turned their heads to see Sawyer standing there. "Did I just interrupt something?" He asked with a smirk and they both scowled at him. "Snuffy said he saw you two come in here. The boss wants to see you."
"And what does that make you?" Annie replied smartly. "Our escort?" Sawyer rolled his eyes and motioned for them to follow. "How's your head?" She called out to him and he grimaced.
"Just peachy."
Annie snorted with laughter and Ben hid a smile of his own.
0o0o0o0o0o
I love all of you guys so much! Please do not fail to tell me any ideas that you have for this story. I may be the writer, but you all are my motivation and my inspiration. I write this in hopes of making you happy. So, please. If you have any ideas for upcoming chapters, let me know, and I will try my best to include them!
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