Sorry it's short, but I think you'll like it.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded, as soon as we were out of Mr. Solomon's hearing range (which I figured had to be pretty far). "I can't believe you just did that."
"What?" he asked coolly, still walking away from me.
"I don't know what you're doing, Zach," I said, grabbing his arm and forcing him to stop and face me. "But Mr. Solomon is on our side."
"Really, Cam?" he shot back. "And you can be sure of that how?"
"He…" I started to come back at him with a snappy retort, but nothing popped into my head. He'd known my father was alive. He'd known about Zach's parents. He'd known the Circle was looking for me. He'd known why. And he'd known where the third journal was. But he hadn't told anyone any of that. Not even us.
"That's what I thought," Zach said, pulling away and walking briskly in the other direction.
"He almost died for us." He froze at my words, took a deep breath, and slowly turned to face me. "Zach," I said quietly. "I know you're upset. I know you think he should have told us everything a long time ago. I know you're afraid of what's ahead of us. And I feel the same way. But I also know that you know that Joe Solomon is on our side."
He sighed and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close against him, as though he needed to assure himself that I was alive and whole.
"You're right, Cam," he whispered into my hair. "I'm sorry. I let my emotions run away with me."
"It's okay," I said, twisting my head so I could see his face. "It's completely understandable."
"But completely unacceptable. I'm a spy. I don't have that luxury anymore."
"You're also a person, Zach."
He pressed my head against his chest and rested his on top, and his voice, when he spoke, sounded so tired that for a moment I could've sworn there'd been some sort of time disruption and he was thirty years older.
"God, Cammie," he said, shaking his head in disbelief, as though he was admitting something to himself for the first time. "This is real now. Every tiny mistake could be the difference between life and death. And it's never me that gets hurt. Why is it never me?"
I didn't answer, because I knew what he wasn't saying, and it was more important than the words he spoke. What he wasn't saying was that he'd managed to convince himself that it was just an assignment before, that we were gambling with our grades and not our lives, and I had to admit I'd been doing the same thing. But pretending wasn't an option anymore. We'd been thrown out into the open now, completely unprotected. And Zach was afraid that one or both of us would get hurt or killed. And I had to admit I shared that fear.
"I just don't want to lose you," he breathed. "You're the only thing in my life that's ever been real. And I can't…I won't let them take that away from me. Not her. Not anyone. Ever."
He held me so tightly that for a moment I felt as though nothing in the world could ever touch me. That Zach would protect me from whatever was coming for us, that we'd make it through this, the two of us, alive.
"I love you, Cammie," he whispered.
And this time I realized something. I liked being with Zach, and I liked who I was when I was with him, how he brought out the best parts of me. I liked how emotional he was, behind his spy façade. I liked the way he smirked, the way he called me Gallagher Girl. I even liked the way he was always so paranoid about my safety. And then I realized that love isn't appreciating someone's good qualities. Love is seeing all of someone's faults, all of their idiosyncrasies, all of their weaknesses. And appreciating them in spite of all of that. Love is caring about someone so much that you hurt when they hurt, rejoice when they rejoice. Love is being willing to lay down your own life that someone else might live.
So this time, when Zach told me that he loved me, I was prepared. I pulled away just enough that I could look into his eyes as I spoke. And then I whispered back.
"I love you too, Zach," I said. And with every part of myself, I meant it.