Bonnie Sveen Fan, if Cal listened to Ethan more often, he would probably find himself in a lot fewer messes! Thank you for your review.
Tanith Panic, I never know what timeline I'm in or even which universe half the time! I like a bit of forceful Ethan too. Thank you for your review.
ETWentHome, thank you for your review. Ethan usually is right! Ariel just needs Cal to do the right thing... first time for everything, I suppose!
Ariel opened the door and smiled shakily at Cal. "Hi."
"Hey, little mermaid," said Cal without thinking.
Ariel laughed. "I told you not to call me that! But like that would ever stop you."
Cal stared at her. "I didn't know I'd called you that before."
"Not… recently," said Ariel, and took what was probably an involuntary step backwards.
In bed then, thought Cal.
Or if not in bed, at least in that part of his life he didn't remember when they had been to bed.
He wished he could remember. He didn't know why, but he had the feeling it had been good.
If the situation were different, he might have asked Ariel for a repeat performance…. But she was Ethan's now. Or she would be once they'd sorted everything out.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't thinking," said Ariel.
"No, it's okay," said Cal quickly. "It's not your fault I drank too much and can't remember." He sighed. "I only wish I did."
"But you can't," said Ariel. "And there's not much we can do about that, so please don't worry." She smiled hesitantly. "It might be less awkward this way?"
Cal laughed unsteadily. "Yeah, at least you know I'm not standing here thinking about it."
"Yes, that's true!" said Ariel. "That really would make things awkward. And just to reassure you, I'm not thinking about it either. Not at all. Um, w-would you like to come in? I'm nearly ready."
Cal saw her nervousness; heard her desperate and not quite successful attempts to hide it. He knew it wasn't entirely due to what he'd just called her. He sympathised and didn't blame her at all. Nerves were natural in this situation.
At least, Cal hoped so. He had a whole swarm of butterflies in his stomach.
He might be going to be a dad…
As he sat and waited for Ariel, he allowed himself to imagine it for a moment. Two tiny babies in his arms, looking up at him trustingly. Lovingly.
Cal's terror mounted. He'd always known this was something that could happen, but he'd convinced himself it was impossible because he always used precautions and most women who had one-night stands were on the pill anyway. It was only sensible. Ariel probably hadn't been, but it wasn't Cal's fault. He'd used precautions. Not that he could remember, but he always did.
They probably weren't his babies.
But if they were…
"Cal?" said Ariel. "Are you okay?"
She was looking at him with a worried expression on her face.
"Are you nervous?" she asked. She came towards him. "I'm sure it'll be okay."
"But if they're my babies…" said Cal.
"Then I'm sure we'll cope," said Ariel. "I mean, if you want to help me."
"Of course I want to, if they're mine," said Cal.
He'd thought that might make her happy, but there was sadness in her eyes. "We'll know soon."
Cal felt the stirrings of guilt. "Actually, Ariel, we need to…"
He'd spoken too softly. Her voice cut easily across his. "We'd better be going, Cal. I'm sorry: did you say something?"
"No," said Cal. "Just that we need to be going."
He could tell her in the car.
He didn't tell her in the car.
They didn't say very much at all in the car. Ariel seemed sunk in her own thoughts and although Cal tried telling her a couple of times that everything would be okay, he wasn't even sure if she'd heard.
It wasn't until they were sitting in the waiting room that she asked: "Will it hurt, Cal?"
"Will what hurt?" he said, guiltily aware he'd zoned out. He shouldn't have done that. His job was to reassure her.
"The paternity test," said Ariel. "I imagine they can be quite invasive when the baby's… still inside."
Cal knew he had to tell her now. Ethan's words were echoing in his mind. She so badly needed someone she could trust. "There are actually quite a few ways of doing it. Some are invasive; some aren't. But I'm afraid-"
"Hi, Ariel," said a warm voice. "Would you like to come in?"
Ariel got to her feet. With surprising nervousness, Cal did the same.
"This is Cal," said Ariel.
The doctor nodded and Cal had the uncomfortable impression that his name wasn't unfamiliar. "I'm Dr Barry, but most people call me Toni. It's nice to meet you, Cal. You're more than welcome to come to Ariel's appointment if she'd like that."
Ariel confirmed that she did want Cal there and they all went into the doctor's room. Toni started off by asking how Ariel was and giving her a quick examination, during which Cal determinedly looked the other way. Then they chatted about more general stuff like how Ariel was coping and the support she'd had. She mentioned that Cal had been supporting her for the last couple of days.
"And what about the doctor you mentioned who gave you his number?" said Toni. "Ethan?"
"He's out of the picture," said Ariel.
"Has something happened, Ariel?"
"Nothing happened," said Ariel. "He's nothing. He's just a doctor who was kind to me once."
A bit more than that, thought Cal. He's the doctor who was kind to you more than once; the doctor who brought you back to me… no! Not the doctor who brought you back to me. I'm the doctor who's taking you back to him.
"If you want to talk about Ethan, I can leave the room if you like," offered Cal.
Ariel shook her head firmly but gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Cal. But I don't want to talk about Ethan. I want to talk about paternity tests."
Toni was too professional to show surprise in an obvious way, but Cal, even without knowing her, recognised the signs.
"Cal wants to be sure," said Ariel. "I can understand that. I am sure and there's no need for the test, but Cal doesn't really know me so why should he take my word for it?"
Cal wanted to take her hand and squeeze it tightly and tell her he did take her word for it, but he couldn't. He'd been lied to before. Deceived before. By someone who seemed just as genuine and convincing as Ariel. He couldn't take any chances again.
It was horrible being lied and deceived. He didn't want to feel that way again.
But that was what he was doing.
He hadn't told any lies, but he'd hidden something from her and what was that if not deception?
"I can understand why you might think that way, Cal," said Toni.
"No!" said Cal suddenly. He couldn't do this. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
Ariel looked concerned. And scared. "Cal, what's wrong?"
"There's something I haven't told you," he said. "I should have done, but I bottled out again and again, and I'm so sorry."
Ariel's eyes widened. She looked at Cal in confusion. "Cal, what do you mean?"
"I have to tell you something," said Cal.
"You can have a few minutes in my office if you'd like," said Toni.
"No, please stay," said Cal. "If Ariel doesn't mind. You'll know... if I'm right. I might not be right. I hope I'm wrong. But I've still got to tell you."
"What is it?" said Ariel. She looked frightened now.
Cal put his head in his hands. "It's about the paternity test. You can't have it till after the baby's born."
"What?" Ariel whispered the word.
"Prenatal paternity tests can be done, but not at this late stage in the pregnancy," said Cal. "I suppose I must have known that really. I don't know if I forgot or if I just wanted to. But I shouldn't have misled you or let you get your hopes up."
"But you knew?" said Ariel in a small voice.
Cal hung his head. "I was almost sure. I knew there were new, non-invasive ways of testing. But I didn't know if they'd be available at this stage in your pregnancy. I just hoped. I wanted you to have what you wanted. I didn't say anything because I was hoping it would work out." His voice shook. "The trouble with me, Ariel, is that I'm a coward. I put things off in the hope they'll turn out right. That you'll change your mind. That I'll suddenly remember everything and feel able to trust you and the test wouldn't be needed."
"Or that I'll admit there are a million other guys who could be the father?" said Ariel. "Because that's the kind of girl I am?"
"No!" said Cal, quite horrified by the thought. "Don't talk about yourself like that. Of course there wouldn't be a million. Maybe one or possibly two…"
Ariel burst into tears. "There's none, Cal! There was only you."
"Cal, I think perhaps you should leave now?" said Toni. "I'm glad you've been honest and I'm afraid you are right. We can't give the babies a paternity test at this stage. The risk is far too great. But I think Ariel needs some time to think about what you've told her."
Cal half-stood up, but then he looked at Ariel and he couldn't leave her. He sat down again and put his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I messed up again. I always do. I'm just a waste of space and I know it."
Ariel struggled at first, but half-heartedly. If it had been anything more than that, Cal would have let her go. He was thinking about it anyway. But then she stopped struggling and put her arms around him.
Cal felt himself tremble.
He'd done this before.
He'd put his arm around her a few times recently and she'd put her arms around him, but they hadn't held each other this tightly. Not with this much bodily contact. But he had held her like this before.
He'd held her in his arms and she'd held him and he'd felt just like this. As though he couldn't quite breathe and his pulse was through the roof and he felt terrified of what was coming – but at the same time, completely and utterly safe and he didn't ever want to let go.
But she's Ethan's, Cal told himself.
But he still didn't let go and neither did she.
"Oh, Cal, why can't you believe me?" sobbed Ariel. "Why can't you believe there was only you?"
"Because if you're not that kind of girl, I don't see why you'd make an exception for me," admitted Cal. "I'm nothing. I'm really nothing."
Ariel gasped and held him more tightly. "Is that really why?"
"Of course it's why," said Cal. "You don't give the impression of being that kind of girl. But there was no other explanation."
"Because you're special!" cried Ariel. "Can't you see it, Cal? Can you really not see it?"
"Um… no," said Cal, still holding her. "Not really. But… thanks."
Ariel sniffed. "You said… you said I was special too. That night."
Cal said nothing for a moment or two. He said that to a lot of girls. But sometimes it was true. "Well, you are."