A/N: Thank you for being patient as I write. Life has gotten to be a lot lately- you know a bit of that if you follow me on Tumblr. So thank you. And I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm not too rusty. Your support means the world to me. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
Warning: This chapter contains mentions of alcohol abuse.
Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.
Killian now knew why Emma had been worried. As soon as he'd left Eric's house the panic had set in. Potentially because the adrenaline powering him through the evening had worn away, leaving him a quivering, exhausted mess who really wanted that craft beer in the back of Emma's car. How was he supposed to pull his sorry body to the Nolan's house and pretend he was acceptable to enter their Disney couple realm?
Once the Uber had reached his house, been paid with a grunt and left, Killian slugged up the driveway, letting himself into the quiet, dark home. The emptiness seemed even heavier after spending the day surrounded by music, friends and laughter. The day had gone so much better than expected.
Showing up to Eric's house in the early afternoon, guitar in hand, had been nerve wrecking enough to make him want to run away. What if Ariel answered the door? Should he duck and cover? Did he deserve to get slapped again? Probably.
But instead of Ariel, it had been Eric who pulled open the door. "You came!" Eric exclaimed, opening the door wider so Killian could pass through. That made Killian feel really guilty. Because Eric was well within his right to be surprised. Killian had nearly backed out a million times in the Uber ride alone. Probably would have combat rolled out of the car had the doors not been child locked. Knowing how unsure Eric was of their friendship, how unstable Killian himself felt, that had been worse than Ariel going total WWE on him.
Killian didn't answer Eric with more than a sorry smile but Eric, better man that he was, just clapped Killian on the shoulder. Killian offered the plate of sausage rolls in his hand to Eric.
"Is this meat?" Eric asked, sniffing the plate.
Killian nodded, raising a confused eyebrow. "Sausage."
"Oh, thank goodness," Eric exclaimed. When he noticed Killian's even more confused look he grinned. "Ariel's a vegan."
Killian's heart plummeted. He had been trying to be a good guest but bringing wine had been too scary. Sausage rolls had seemed reasonable but he'd completely fucked it up. Ariel would probably hate him even more now for contributing to the slaughter of innocent animals. Why couldn't he have just bought flowers?
"Don't worry," Eric laughed. "Do you know how good these smell? Proper meat and not some pressed wheat that's name sounds too close to Satan for my liking?" Eric grabbed a sausage roll- cooked but cold and in need of an oven- and popped it into his mouth. "You're my saviour. These are actually so good I'll protect you from my wife."
Finally, Killian snorted. Eric grinned again, pleased that Killian had relaxed. "Come on, let me put these in the fridge until we're ready to eat. And don't worry, Ariel won't care. I got burgers for us for tonight. Can't expect new guests to eat vegan everything. We aren't that mean. First we need to suck you into our fold." Eric quickly ran the sausage rolls to their kitchen down the hall and then lead him into the living room where his own guitar was laid across the fluffy sofa cushions.
"You've got a lovely house," Killian told Eric as he took a seat in an overstuffed chair, opening the guitar case at his feet. And it was the truth. It was the homey house Killian had thought his own place could have become. Lived in. Bright. Personalized with the nautical aesthetic that the Watterson's seemed to love.
"Thanks. Not as big as yours, but I like it," Eric mused proudly, running his fingers across the guitar strings of the instrument in his lap to check the tune.
Killian didn't say anything about the house being too big. About him being swallowed whole. About him not sleeping in his own bed for two years because it was all just too much. About all the pictures having been taken down from the walls because they were either of Milah, Liam or the band he'd pushed away. Just mementos of everything he'd lost and now he had no memories left but the dust motes of memories floating through his worst dreams.
Maybe someday he'd fill the house with new pictures.
Of Emma.
Of days with Eric in the recording studio.
Time out on the water with the Watterson's, Emma and maybe even the Nolan's?
Of his new life.
Maybe.
Eric seemed to sense the struggle going on in Killian's mind and had a string a bit too much, the reverb of it hitting against the neck enough to pull Killian back to the present. After that they'd jumped into Chipped Tea Cup. Together they were swallowed into the world of writing, the catharsis of pouring out a broken soul onto paper. Eric slowly guiding Killian through the process without allowing him to slip into the need for alcohol that previously consumed his song writing. Killian could see how hard Eric was trying to be sensitive and strong so he put all his energy into hiding the guilt of losing the relationship with Eric for years, of destroying the happiness in his own home- not even sure anymore where Liam's pictures had been placed-, of a life nearly lost to a bottle that made his friends act differently, like he would constantly break. All because he had poor coping methods. It was like going to a Cross Fit competition after years of channelling his inner Jabba the Hutt.
But somehow, someway, the song had been written. Chipped, not broken. It seemed the lyrics were right, there really was a difference.
And then, just as the music was finished, Emma had arrived. A balm to his soul, even with the beer in the backseat of her car. Emma, his sweet Emma. They were more alike than he sometimes realized.
Killian set his guitar case down on the sofa, toed off his boots and moved into the kitchen. Hands shaking, he pulled open the fridge. Killian grabbed a bottle of juice and moved upstairs. Killian was eating fairly well now. Most days two meals. At least one veggie or fruit each time- because he was working on it, not some health prodigy. But all in all okay. The juices weren't necessary anymore. But there was something about them that he found reassuring. Maybe it was the association with Emma. That calming presence. The one that had managed to pull him out of the spiral. Even if it meant drinking yam instead of rum.
Killian's phone went off as he reached his bedroom. Moving into it he threw the phone from his back pocket onto the bed and pulled off his clothing, flopping onto the mattress in his boxers, juice bottle in hand. After opening the juice and taking a swig of the bitter liquid, he opened the phone to find a text from Emma.
I swear the Nolan's aren't vegan. No dietary restrictions at all. Save for Leo who's just a picky kid.
Killian rolled his eyes but was very relieved to hear that. Thanks for the heads up. What time should I be there?
4:00? They need to eat when Leo's ready.
Ahh. So I'm to be on my best behaviour with the child?
Like you wouldn't have been already, came Emma's quick answer. And she was right. Killian was determined to charm the Nolan's and win the heart of Leo. Killian was a rockstar and he was British. And rather dashing if he did say so himself. A triple threat of charm.
Of course, just in case he didn't impress them on charm and manners alone (because honestly, there was only so much of the anxiety and shit he could hide behind a grin and a wink) he needed plan B. Which was why, at precisely 4:00 he was standing on the door step of David and Mary Margaret Nolan's picture perfect house carrying both one of those fancy glass bottles of Italian soda and a wrapped present for Leo.
Go for the kid. An easy target. At least with him and Emma on his side, the battle would partially be won.
Killian knocked on the door with the hand that held the present and waited. He really hoped he didn't look as exhausted as his sleepless night had left him. Because even with the Charming Plan, he was nervous. Nervous because David had been one of the cops to arrest him. Had seen him at the lowest low- or one of them, Killian didn't really feel like ordering them. Knew the story of what had gone on with the detox with Emma. Probably knew Killian yelled at her about Neal. Probably knew it all. And hated him for it.
Probably believed he wasn't good enough for Emma. Which he wasn't. Killian knew that. Killian knew that after all the shit Emma had been through in her life she didn't need him. She didn't need the baggage. The pain. The weakness. The publicity. But she'd chosen to allow him into her life and Killian was too damn selfish to allow her to break clean. Killian had spent most of the night bracing for the talk with David that would end in him instructing Killian to, in no short terms, get lost.
As if he wasn't lost already in a sea of regrets and bad life decisions, barely holding on to the rope Emma had thrown to him.
It was a really good job that Killian had lots of practice in fake smiling when the door opened up and a petite black haired lady beamed up at him.
"Oh, you must be Killian! Of course you are, I've seen your picture before!" The lady pulled Killian into a hug, far stronger than he had prepared for. A blush creeped its way up Killian's cheeks at the thought of Emma's family googling him. Had she found the pictures of him in his glory days, happy, healthy and whole? Or had she found the ones of him falling off a bar stool, vomiting into a ditch, wooing a different woman each night?
"Mary Margaret!" Emma barked from behind the lady. "Calm down." The door opened a little wider to reveal Emma, rolling her eyes at her friend's actions. She put out her hand, pulling Mary Margaret away.
"Sorry," the other woman blushed. "Let me go find David and Leo."
When Mary Margaret had bustled off, Emma gave a tentative little smile. "Hi."
"Hi," Killian answered, wishing he had a hand free to scratch at his ear.
"Ignore Mary, she gets a little excited. She already loves you, only because she says, 'I'm happier now than I've been in years.'" Emma did little air quotes around Mary Margaret's words, blushing as they slipped from her lips.
"I'm glad to hear it," Killian replied before Emma could redact the words or hide. If her friends were realizing she was happy, after such a short time of knowing each other, something had to be going right. Right? "You look lovely lass."
"Thanks," Emma answered, blushing even more. She truly did look lovely, even with the reddish tinge on her face and colouring her chest. She wore a thin knit v-neck sweater in a deep green colour and dark wash skinny jeans, bright coloured socks casing her feet. Blonde hair fell down her shoulders, curling slightly. It was simple, but it was Emma.
Killian held up the items in his hands. Emma took the lemonade from his hand, admiring the fancy glass bottle and label that had absolutely no English on it. It had seemed a decent alternative to the bottle of wine he would have normally brought. But the Nolan's knew about his alcoholism so it wasn't like there was a point in hiding it.
"You didn't need to do that!" Emma admonished lightly, motioning to the present in his hand when she looked up from the soda.
Before Killian could reply there was a commotion behind Emma and a little boy came barrelling out of the side room. "Is that for me?" he exclaimed, blonde hair all over his forehead in messy disarray. The boy, in all the childish innocence, pulled up right at Killian's feet, between Emma and he, staring up at the blue package in Killian's hand. David and Mary Margaret followed the child, looking both embarrassed and completely unsurprised.
Instead of facing David and the inevitable kicking out of the house, Killian bent to the child. "Of course it is," Killian grinned at the boy. There had been a time where he'd desperately wanted one of his own. And with the boy's blonde hair it was easy to picture the child was Emma's.
Cart before the horse. Way before the horse.
Killian shook himself and offered the package to Leo. "My name's Killian and I've been told yours is Leo. I heard all about you from Emma. And I thought- if someone was that special to Emma, who's very special to me, then he definitely deserves a present the first time we meet." Leo giggled, clearly delighted and stuck out his pudgy little fingers for the present. Killian set it into his hands with an elaborate flourish that got a full laugh from the boy and a snort from Emma.
Leo took the package and went to start ripping into it. But before he could, Mary Margaret had swooped in, stilling his hand. Killian glanced up at the mother. She didn't seem upset that Killian had attempted to bribe her son into liking him. Instead she gave him a warm smile. "Leo, what do you say?"
The boy turned back to Killian, looking properly chagrined. "Thank you, Mr. Killy."
"You're very welcome, lad," Killian answered before standing, his knees protesting from the crouch. Leo turned and dashed away, the sounds of ripping paper filling the hallway. With a groan, Mary Margaret disappeared again to make sure Leo was behaving and not just throwing paper everywhere. That left just David and Emma in the hallway with him. Was this how Emma had felt the day before with Eric?
"Welcome to the chaos," David said, breaking the silence between the trio. Killian glanced at him with a nod and small smile, scared to look at him too long in case he saw the confirmation in David's eyes of what he feared.
"At least we're not putting on a false front," Emma laughed, reaching out and grasping his elbow. "Come on, I want to see what you got Leo."
Killian tried not to tense as he passed David in the hallway, half expecting the man to grab him by the neck and throw him against the wall. But nothing untoward happened as Killian followed Emma into a bright yellow play room, small chairs in one corner and a proper sized sofa along one wall. Bins of brightly coloured toys were stacked in a cubby on the opposite wall and a chalkboard lined the wall beside the sofa at the proper height for a toddler and covered in very abstract art that could probably sell for millions at MOMA.
Leo sat on the floor beside his mother, pulling the box from his wrapping. The boy audibly gasped when he revealed the box of brightly coloured floating boats for bath time that Killian had found at a boutique close to his house. Killian hadn't had any idea what to buy for Leo, this kid who was supposed to be the child of Disney parents, so he'd just looked for something he would have wanted as a child had his parents had more money for such frivolities.
"Can I have a bath tonight, Momma?" Leo asked, trying to get his short fingers into the boy to pry it open.
Instead of answering Leo, she helped him open the box and looked up at Killian with a surprised laugh. "I swear, if this actually makes Leo want to bathe, I'll love you forever." Leo giggled happily as he ran his finger along the orange hull of the first boat in the kit. "Honestly, this kid hates the bath. It's at least a two-hour struggle. I've never heard him ask for one before. You're a lifesaver."
Killian didn't know how to answer because the relief flowing through him was so strong he could barely breathe. Killian had actually made the right call. Had actually, potentially, made their lives easier with just one toy. It was almost hard to believe. Leo giggled again and Killian's cheeks split into a grin, caught up in the sound. Two down, one to go for his Nolan Charming Plan.
"See, they're not that bad," Emma whispered into his ear.
"David's still glaring at the door," Killian muttered back.
"Yeah, well, I'll talk to him. Sometimes David forgets that he's not my father." Emma shot an annoyed glance towards the doorway where David leaned, arms crossed over his chest and brow furrowed.
"I don't want to come between you. You're family."
"I don't have blood family. Just who I choose. Which means I'm choosing you too. They need to all get on this train with me. Remember what we talked about yesterday?"
I made my choices. I regret a lot of them, but I'll never, ever regret you, Swan. You and I? We have an adventure to go on here. Eric is just one part of my life, but I want a whole life with you.
Just like the other few times Emma had been totally candid with her feelings, Killian felt the whooping joy deep in his belly. The reminder that Emma truly felt something for him. The reminder. The promise.
"Okay, I remember," he answered.
Emma nodded firmly. "Good. I'll be right back." Emma pushed off the couch and marched towards the door, grabbing David's arm and towing him away. Killian chewed down on his lips. Was a scene about to be made? Would David get angry and kick him out?
"Ignore David," Mary Margaret said, looking up from Leo. Killian hadn't thought she could hear the whispered conversation he'd just had with Emma and his cheeks blushed fiercely as he realized he was wrong. Mary Margaret stood and crossed the floor to the couch, settling gracefully down beside him. "You know about Neal right?" Killian nodded. "Well David feels really guilty about that. Even though he wasn't in Emma's life at that point. David's got this Prince Charming hero complex. Thinks he needs to save Emma from everything and I think he's taking out that on you."
"I don't want to upset their relationship," Killian answered uncertainly, nearly jumping in surprise when Mary Margaret grabbed his hand.
"Nothing could tear those two apart. This is a lesson David needs to learn. Emma's actually starting to be happy again. It's not an instant fix. But the clouds are parting. David sometimes just needs to get hit in the head with a rock of truth to see things."
"Thank you," Killian replied, feeling the tense knot in his chest ease again as relief seeped through him. Things would be okay. Someday everything would be okay.
Mary Margaret patted the top of his hand before slipping to the floor again to help Leo play with his new boats. Killian leaned back against the cushions to watch. Leo was obviously a happy child, babbling to his mother as he told her some story about the fleet of ships lying in front of him. Once again Killian was struck with how much he wanted that himself. How much he wanted a little lad or lass to play with and love and cherish. Give the world to. Maybe someday, years down the road, Emma would allow him that. A part of the adventure they were promising each other to go on together.
A few minutes into watching Captain Leo, Emma returned. David followed her, looking a mix of protective and chagrined. Like Emma had read him the riot act intensely enough that she broke through some of David's protective outer layer.
"Dinner's ready," David called, going over to help his wife up then picking Leo up to place on his hip.
"Did that go alright?" Killian asked quietly as they followed the Nolan's to a dining room off the kitchen.
Emma nodded. "David may take some warming up the idea but he won't throw the potatoes at you."
"Well, I'll consider that as a victory."
"Me too," Emma laughed.
But the victories hadn't stopped there. David actually spoke to Killian at the table, thanking him for passing the pot roast and being completely mannerly. Despite the small talk between the men being a little strained, at least Killian wasn't ducking and covering. And David actually shook his hand as Killian left the house after dinner, seeming so relieved that Killian had cracked the code to Leo's bath time that he couldn't let Killian go without at least some showing of gratitude. Maybe someday they'd get to a point where they could chat about sports together and fist bump like the friendships on TV. Maybe. Killian wasn't holding his breath at this point.
Killian would just have to prove himself to David. It may take years but for Emma's sake Killian would do it. In truth, the longer Killian was around Emma, the more he realized he'd do anything for her. Go to the end of the world or time. Even if that meant grovelling for acceptance at the feet of Officer David Nolan.